by Stacy M Wray
“What the hell is your problem?” He blinks hard, surprised that I called him out.
Quickly shaking it off, he looks hard in my eyes. “Decide to finally grace this town with your presence, Adelyn?” He says my name with such disdain, and I’m not sure where any of this is coming from.
“Would you like to fill me in on why you feel the need to be such an asshole tonight? Is it only being reserved for me?” My hands are balling into little fists, I’m so mad.
Ignoring my question, he shoots back, “Why did you come here tonight?”
I have never seen this side of Trey and wonder what the years have done to him to make him so bitter. “I was invited here - the same as you. But I certainly didn’t come here to be insulted by you.” I quickly realize this banter is getting us nowhere and want to end it. “Can we go somewhere and talk like adults?”
He stares at me for a moment. I’m trying to read him like I use to be able to, but he’s blank. I see nothing. “There’s nothing to talk about,” and he turns and walks away.
I’m so startled by his response that I’m sure I look befuddled. I turn back to the wall of pictures, noticing the caption that is under the picture of Trey and me: “Most likely to be married.” Feeling the moisture form behind my eyes, I leave to find the ladies’ room before anyone notices.
After composing myself and giving myself a pep talk in front of the mirror, Trish comes in to find me. “Hey, are you okay?” she asks with so much kindness. I give her a look that tells her I’ve had a rough night and she nods, saying, “Cam filled me in a little bit. First loves can be brutal.”
She gives me a hug and in that instant I’m so happy that Cam found this gem. She’s perfect for him. I pull back and say, “Thank you. I really needed that.” I wipe the tear that escaped and she squeezes my arm.
“We’ve all been there. I can tell by the way he looks at you that he still has feelings for you.”
I look at her like she has two heads. “Are we talking about the same guy? Cuz I’m pretty sure that the one I was just talking to only harbors negative feelings.”
She laughs at this. “Put on your best smile and don’t let him know he got to you. That’s the best advice I can give you without knowing all the details.”
We start to leave the ladies’ room and I ask her, “Where did you and Cam meet? You’re so great for him.”
She gives me a wide grin. “We met in college. Now let’s get you a drink and put that smile back on your face.”
We go straight to the bar and I order a couple of tequila shots – that should do the trick. Trish, Cam and I all dance together, and I can feel Trey’s eyes on me the whole night. I simply get lost in the music and decide I’m not going to let him ruin my fun.
I’m bummed that Dylan didn’t show up after all, but after one more shot, I’m feeling much better. I’m so proud of myself that I didn’t look in Trey’s direction once…I let Trish do that and report back to me. My behavior is indicative of me being back in my high school, and I have to laugh at the irony.
After awhile I decide I had better switch to water if I want to drive home tonight. I guess I could always call a cab but will see how it goes.
We sit through all the awards of ‘who traveled the furthest,’ ‘who has the most kids,’ ‘who’s been married the longest,’ blah, blah, blah. Except for Trey, the night was pretty fun.
I hug Cam and Trish goodnight and decide to slip away quietly. I’m almost to my car when I hear footsteps behind me. “You aren’t driving home, are you?”
I turn to the owner of the agitated voice. “I’m fine. Just go back inside,” I practically snap at him. I don’t want to deal with him anymore tonight.
“I just don’t think you should be driving,” he says in a gentler tone.
“Well, if you had bothered to carry on a conversation with me instead of acting like a complete ass, then maybe you could see that I’m just fine,” I inform him, completely flustered by his behavior. I really am fine. I wouldn’t be driving if I weren’t. I reach for the door handle to get in my car.
He just stands there, apparently not knowing what to say. I’ve had enough and mutter, “Whatever…” and get in my car, start it, and back up, driving away with Trey still standing there, watching me leave. Part of me wants to turn my vehicle around and go back to him, but I know if we are ever to have a conversation, tonight is not the night. Tonight was just a precursor to let our emotions come to the surface at just the sight of one another, but we need some time to deal with them before we talk. I get that now.
When I get home the house is dark except for a light above the sink in the kitchen - just like old times. I smile to myself, realizing what a comfort that is to me.
I walk quietly to my bedroom, careful not to wake my parents. Not even caring about going through my nightly ritual before going to bed, I slip in between the sheets and reflect on my night. Now that I’m home and removed from the situation, I let the emotions surface that I was trying to repress all night and end up crying myself to sleep.
chapter eight
TREY
I leave the high school and head home, totally pissed at myself for my reaction to Adelyn. Nothing like screaming out to her that I haven’t gotten over her after all of these years. Any normal person would have been cordial and mature. I was neither.
Pulling into the driveway of my parents’ farm, I park the car beside my brother’s and go into the house.
I enter the kitchen and grab a bottle of water out of the refrigerator. Slamming the door shut, I curse under my breath as I think about the exchanges I had with Addie.
“Well, I was going to ask how it went, but from the sounds of it I don’t think I need to,” Luke says to me, having a seat at the table. “You might want to quiet it down before you wake Mom and Dad.”
I walk over to the table and sit across from him. “Sorry, man. Didn’t realize I was so loud.” He raises an eyebrow at me, letting me know he’s waiting for more. “No, it didn’t go well,” I add, sighing heavily with regret.
“Does that mean Addie was or wasn’t there?” he asks.
“Oh, she was there alright. I just basically treated her like shit,” I admitted, shaking my head.
“What do you mean? Why would you do that?” He has a perplexed look on his face. How am I supposed to explain this? I don’t even understand it myself.
“I don’t know, man. As soon as I saw her, all the pent-up anger I had from all those years ago came flooding back, and I was a dick to her. I don’t know if I can let go of it.”
Luke gets a flat expression on his face and thinks about what he wants to say. “You need to talk to her, Trey. Did she bring anyone with her?”
I shake my head. “No, she came alone and she wasn’t wearing a ring.” I can’t help but turn my lips up at this thought, but also wondering why she wasn’t married after all this time. I know why I’m not – she ruined it for me when it came to me trying to find someone to settle down with. I compare everyone to her and it screws with my head. I’ve pretty much been a casual sex kind of guy with no relationships really to speak of ever since, but it doesn’t make me happy.
“Well, that’s good, right? Maybe there’s still a chance for you guys,” he tells me, his voice laced with hope.
The sour look returns to my face as I concede, “I think I blew it. She was so pissed when she left, and I have no idea how long she’s staying. Maybe I’d just better accept things from the past and try to move on.”
“I’m just going to put it out there that I think you’re making a big mistake if you let her slip through your fingers, Trey, but it’s your life,” he tells me, getting up from the table. “I’m hittin’ the sack, it’s late.” He pats me on the shoulder as he leaves the kitchen.
“Yeah, okay. See you in the morning.” I sit there for a moment, thinking about Luke’s words, then grab my water and turn out the kitchen light before heading to my old room.
I plop down on my bed, placing m
y water on the nightstand. Seeing Addie really did a number on me. I’ve dreamt of that moment for so long and can’t believe how I reacted. She was even more beautiful than I could have ever conjured up in my mind. It didn’t go unnoticed that she was wearing my favorite color, and I’m wondering if it could have been intentional.
The way she was looking at me the first time my eyes landed on her tonight nearly brought me to my knees. I will never get over the way she always looked at me. If there is one person who can effectively communicate without words, it’s my Addie. This brings up the memory I have of her over and over, the night we consummated our love, and I will never forget the way she looked at me that night and many nights after.
It was early summer before our junior year in high school, and we had already professed our love to each other - we were inseparable. Even though my chores at the farm kept me busy, as well as my construction job, the summer evenings were all ours, and we did everything we could to join up at the end of our day. That’s what summer was supposed to be for, right? Carefree, long, lazy days, except we had carefree, long, lazy nights. Her parents had extended her curfew to one a.m. and we used up every minute.
We would sometimes go out for dinner when we weren’t having dinner at each other’s house, always frequent the ice cream shop, and see lots of movies. But we would always end up in our secluded spot, hidden by the lush thickness of trees that overlooked a meadow that exhibited an array of yellow, purple and white wildflowers. We always prayed no one else would discover this spot; we took ownership.
We loved to lie down in the bed of my pickup, look up at the stars, and discuss what we saw in our future. Of course, a lot of hot and heavy make-out sessions accompanied those times together. I had never gone so long without having sex before, but I would wait on Addie forever. I knew that was the one thing that I would never risk - her having anything but the most amazing memory of her first time. I thought it should be that way for every girl. Thank God, I never had to worry about taking anyone’s virginity except for Addie’s.
I will never forget that night for as long as I live. We were sitting at the edge of my pickup, legs dangling off it. There was a wonderful breeze, bringing with it all the scents of summer that a breeze can carry – the leftover fragrance of lawns being mown, the sweetness of the blooms hanging from the trees, even the smell of wood being burned, perhaps from families sitting around a small fire pit, winding down their busy day.
We were discussing the fact that we were so happy to be juniors now, and Addie was perhaps warning me that this year was going to be so important when it came to her studies, the hardest year yet. She blew me out of the water when it came to being a good student. It really got us to thinking about our futures a little more seriously, and how important it was for us to end up together, no matter what we wanted to do.
I took her face in my hands and looked into her beautiful, brown eyes. “I promise we’ll be together. Even if your schooling keeps us apart for a bit, we will make it work. I’ll love you forever, Addie, don’t you think for a second that I won’t.” Before she could respond, I gave her the most heartfelt kiss I had ever given her, and believe me - I had given her thousands of kisses by that point. I couldn’t even describe the emotions that were passed through that kiss, but I knew we both felt it from the depths of our essence.
When the kiss finally broke, Addie’s breaths were short and quick, and she looked right into my eyes, down into my soul and said in almost a whisper, “I want you to make love to me, Trey. I’ve never felt such an overwhelming desire to be so connected to you than I do right now.” Before the words ever left her mouth, I knew that night was going to be the night – I read it in her eyes.
“Are you absolutely sure, Addie?” I practically gulped. The smile that spread across her face said it all.
“I love you so much, Trey. I’m ready to show you.” She began unbuttoning the blouse she was wearing, now with hunger in her eyes. Quickly shedding it, she started to unclasp her bra but I stopped her.
“Wait, let me do that.” I bent down and began kissing her neck, wrapping my arms around her and undid the clasp. Still kissing her along her jawline, I slowly removed her bra down her arms and tossed it aside. I leaned back to look at her in the moonlight and took her breasts in my hands, locking eyes with hers. She closed hers briefly, letting me know she was lost in the moment.
When she opened them again, they spoke to me louder than any words that might fall off her plump, pink lips. I was desperately trying to memorize everything in that moment before our bodies collided, bringing my every dream, thought, notion I’d ever had about what was about to happen to the forefront of my mind. They were all going to pale in comparison…that I was certain.
I stopped and scooted up in the bed of the truck to grab some blankets out of a utility box that I kept back there. Realizing what I was doing, Addie crawled up to help, and I couldn’t quit staring at how her breasts swayed back and forth as she did this, it was so unbelievably sexy. What made it so sexy was that level of comfort she had with me, like it was the most natural thing to be doing. I knew in that moment that our lovemaking would be just as natural, but unlike anything I had ever experienced before.
I slipped out of my shirt and tossed it aside. My nerves were starting to get the better of me. I wanted this to be perfect for her – nothing in this moment was more important.
Addie immediately had her hands on my chest. I never grew tired of having her soft, delicate hands anywhere on my body. She moved them to the top of my shorts and undid the button, slowly pulling down the zipper. “Take these off, Trey,” she told me in a gravelly voice.
I leaned back, lifted my hips up and yanked my shorts off. Before I could do anything else, she looked at my briefs and said, “Those too.” I quickly disposed of them, now completely naked. She reached for me and I thought I would lose it, having waited for this moment for what seemed like forever. I had to stop her, admitting, “This is going to be over before it begins if we don’t slow down a minute.” She laughed softly, and I began kissing her gently, but it quickly escalated. My hands traveled down her torso to the top of her shorts, undoing the button and the zipper, discarding them along with her panties. We lay on our sides facing each other, completely naked, my hardness pushing into her stomach. Our hands went everywhere as we kissed each other with wild abandon.
She was the first to break our kiss and said, “I’m going nuts here, Trey. I need you to touch me.” I remember smirking at her and letting my hand travel between her thighs. She immediately began to moan. I had mastered the art of making her climax after all those months together. It didn’t take long and when I knew she was ready for me, I reached for my shorts to grab the condom that I had been carrying since we started making out with each other.
She took it from me and said shyly, “Teach me how to do this.” I talked her through it, loving the way her hands felt on me. When she was finished she looked into my eyes, silently telling me she wanted this more than anything.
I gently lay her back down, getting between her legs and situating myself at her entrance. She flinched a little as soon as she felt me. “Don’t worry, I’m going to be as gentle as possible. But you know this is going to hurt the first time, right?” She nodded her head, never taking her eyes off me.
I slowly entered her, pausing briefly to let her accommodate to my size. I knew I had to break through her barrier, and I had a hard time with that mentally, knowing it would hurt her. I could tell when it happened by the wince on her face. Her breath hitched a little and I stopped. “You good, Snowflake?” Her eyes never left mine and she nodded.
I made myself go nice and slow when I really wanted to let loose since I had done nothing but think of this moment since the day I met her. I kept the momentum going until I felt her relax, knowing we were past the hard part.
“This feels amazing, Trey. I can’t even begin to describe it. Yeah, it hurts a little, but it’s nothing compared to the pleasure.” My gir
l always did know the right things to say to me. That’s all I needed to hear. Her tightness around me was the best thing I have ever felt in my life. My love for this girl was off the charts, and I got so caught up in the moment that I swore I felt tears forming behind my eyes.
“Baby, you feel so good. I don’t ever want this to end.” I began pumping into her in a slow, steady rhythm. I had to be so careful not to end this too quickly since my girl deserved better than that.
As we moved together, I felt myself building to the point where I couldn’t stop. “I don’t want to come until you do, Addie, but I can’t hold off any longer,” I told her through my grunts.
She held my gaze and said, “It’s okay, Trey. Just let go. I want you to.”
That’s all it took. I don’t think I had ever come so hard in my life, but the guilt of her not having her orgasm took over and I felt like I let her down. She knew immediately what I was thinking, and said in her sweet voice, “Trey, that was amazing. I could never have asked for more. I read where that usually doesn’t happen for a girl’s first time anyway, so don’t worry about it, okay?”
I took her in my arms and held onto her for dear life. “I love you so much, Addie,” I tell her with my face buried in the crook of her neck.
“I love you back.” We held each other for what seemed like hours, just lying under the stars. I vowed to myself that night that I would love her forever.
I shake myself from the memory, wondering why we couldn’t make it last. Not holding on to her is the biggest regret of my life. I look down and see my tented pants, groaning. That’s the last thing I need but I guess that just comes naturally when I think about Addie.
Seeing her tonight has turned everything upside down, and it’s confusing the hell out of me. I wish I knew how long she was staying. My work is in good hands for now, so I plan on staying here for a bit. But I have to be honest with myself, knowing I have a lot a anger and resentment inside me about what happened with us. I still can’t wrap my head around how she could discard our relationship so easily. I know we had distance between us, but I always thought we would survive that.