Alexis helped her inside and went back to unload Brooke’s few personal possessions from the car. In the meantime, Brooke stood in the doorway of Austin’s bedroom and surveyed the emptiness. He hadn’t been kidding. Every trace of his presence had been erased from the condo.
Was he avoiding her? Or a ghost who wouldn’t let go?
Alexis made a pass through the kitchen, muttering to herself. “You have the basics,” she said. “But I’ll send over meals, at least for a few days. The doctor says you’re to do nothing but rest and get light exercise.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Brooke smiled. “I would hug you, but I don’t think I can.”
Alexis smirked. “I’ll take a rain check. Seriously, Brookie. Promise me you’ll text any time, night or day. I won’t sleep a wink worrying about you.”
“I swear. I’ll be a model patient.”
“Okay. I’ve got to get to the club. I’ll send over lunch, and I’ll check on you midafternoon.”
* * *
The day dragged by. Brooke had never been much of a TV fan. She wasn’t in the mood for a movie, either.
Instead, she listened to music, talked to the baby, worked on her sketches and pondered her immediate life choices. The past three months had changed her. She was done letting other people control her fate. She and her child were a unit. A family. It was up to Brooke to create a home and a future for her son or daughter.
Saturday ambled along as slowly as the day before. Some tiny part of her hoped to see Austin, but it was a futile wish. He had missed a day of work for his father-in-law’s funeral and another day of work for the almost wedding and the hospital kerfuffle. He would need today to catch up, especially in light of the glorious weather.
By the time Sunday rolled around, Brooke was feeling much better physically. The jagged fissure in her heart was another matter. Every time she walked past Austin’s door, the empty room mocked her.
For all her brave notions of independence, she hadn’t quite figured out her next step when it came to housing. Should she stay? Should she go? Would Austin ever want to come back to the condo?
With every hour that passed, more questions arose.
Around three in the afternoon, the sunshine was so bright and so beautiful, she couldn’t resist any longer. Grabbing a blanket from the closet, she made her way to the small, private backyard, spread her cover on the ground and stretched out on her back.
Getting down was harder than she’d anticipated. Her damaged ribs protested vociferously. But once she was settled, she closed her eyes and sighed. She had slathered her face and arms with sunscreen, so she had no qualms about soaking up the warm rays.
With her hands tucked behind her head and her legs crossed at the ankles, she concentrated on relaxing her entire body, muscle by muscle. Peace came slowly but surely.
No one had ever died from a broken heart.
Loving Austin was a gift. A bright, wonderful gift. As much as it hurt to contemplate letting him go, knowing him had brought her immeasurable joy.
Still, knowing that didn’t stop the flood of aching regret and the stab of agony over everything she had lost.
* * *
When she awoke, the angle of the sun told her she had slept for a long time. It was no wonder. Her body was still playing catch-up.
Instead of rolling to her feet—a move that would most certainly involve a sharp jolt of pain—she stayed very still and amused herself by cataloging the myriad sounds in her new neighborhood.
Despite the calendar, someone nearby was mowing their lawn. Dogs, more than one, barked. Staking a claim. Marking territory.
Childish laughter was harder to catch in the distance, but it was there.
As she wrinkled her brow and concentrated on the odd plinking sound nearby, a shadow fell across her body.
She shielded her eyes. “Alexis?” No one else had a key.
No one but Austin.
He crouched beside her. “No. It’s me.”
If she tried to sit up, it would hurt. He would try to help, and he would touch her, and she would fall apart.
So she didn’t move. “What are you doing here?”
“I live here,” he said.
“Do you? I wasn’t sure.”
“You’re angry,” he said.
“No. Not angry. Confused maybe. And sad.” She shielded her eyes. The sun was low on the horizon. “What time is it?”
“Almost five.”
“No wonder I’m hungry.”
She tried to speak matter-of-factly, but her heart was racing. No matter his reasons for coming, this conversation was going to be tough.
Austin sat down on his butt, propped up one knee and slung an arm over it. “Aren’t you cold?”
“I wasn’t earlier. I guess it’s cooling off now.”
“Can I help you up?”
She shook her head. “I can do it myself. Please don’t touch me.”
He flinched. Perhaps the words had come out too harshly. That wasn’t her problem. She was in self-preservation mode.
Taking a deep breath, she rolled to her side, scrambled to her knees and cursed as pain grabbed her middle and squeezed. Then at last, she was on her feet. “We should go inside,” she said. “It’s going to get dark.”
Without waiting to see if he would follow her, she clung to the stair rail and hobbled up the steps one at a time, as if she were an old lady.
Inside the house, she made her way to the den. One of the recliners had become her nest of choice. It was relatively easy to get in and out of, and once she was settled, it didn’t put pressure on her ribs.
She stood behind the chair, using it as a shield. “Is this going to take long?”
“Stop doing that,” he said, the words laced with irritation.
“Doing what?”
“Acting weird.”
Her eyebrows shot to her hairline. “I’m acting weird? Give me a break, Austin. I’m not the one who disappeared into thin air.”
She tried to study him dispassionately, as a stranger would. His face was haggard, as if he had aged ten years in a handful of days. He looked thinner. Paler. There was an air of suffering about him.
He was wearing an ancient leather aviator’s jacket and jeans. The soft, long-sleeved Henley shirt underneath was a caramel color that complemented his dark brown eyes.
Everything about him was intensely masculine. The casual clothes, slightly unkempt blond hair and ruggedly handsome stance made him the poster boy for lone wolf. Brooke got the message loud and clear.
She was trembling inside, but she dared not let it show. Not for anything in the world would she let him think his desertion had crippled her. She could stand on her own.
She would stand on her own. She had no other choice.
Seventeen
Austin wasn’t sure what he had been expecting, but it wasn’t this. Brooke looked at him as if they were strangers. She didn’t appear to be angry. If anything, all of her usual animation had been erased.
He was accustomed to her laughter and her quick wit and her zest for life. This woman was a shadow.
“How are you feeling?” he asked gruffly. It had infuriated him to find out that Brooke was alone...that neither Alexis nor Audra was by her side.
“I’m fine,” Brooke said. “Sore, of course, but that will pass. This little cast isn’t too much of a bother since it’s on my left wrist. I won’t have to wear it very long.”
“And the baby?”
“One hundred percent perfect.”
“Good.”
His chest ached. His throat hurt. His head throbbed.
Brooke was so beautiful, he wanted to grab her up and hold her until the terrible ice inside him melted. But the fear was greater than the wanting.
She bit her bottom lip, a sure sign she was nervo
us or upset or both. “Where do we go from here, Austin?”
He hadn’t expected the blunt question.
“Stay as long as you like,” he muttered.
“So you’re going to support the baby and me out of the goodness of your heart?”
The snippy sarcasm raked his raw mood. “I’m trying to be the good guy in this situation.”
“News flash. You failed.”
He reared back, affronted. “What do you want from me, damn it?”
“An explanation would be nice. I never tried to trap you into anything, Austin. I’m not sure why you felt the need to hide out.”
“It’s complicated.”
“Try me.” Brooke glared at him, her gray gaze stormy. Her cheekbones were too pronounced. Her turquoise knit top and cream sweater swallowed her small, delicate frame. Even though she wore thin black leggings, there was no visible sign of a baby bump yet.
“Do we have any coffee?” he asked.
Brooke frowned. “That’s all you’re going to say?”
He put a hand to the top of his head, where a jackhammer burrowed into his skull. “Let me have some caffeine,” he pleaded. “And I’ll make us a couple of sandwiches. After that, I’ll answer all your questions.”
It was a magnanimous offer and one he might later regret. But he needed sustenance.
He followed Brooke to the kitchen, careful to keep his distance. Despite her injured ribs, she moved gracefully, putting coffee on to brew, getting out cups and saucers, directing him to what he needed for cobbling together thick roast beef sandwiches with slices of freshly cut Swiss cheese.
At last, they sat down at the table together.
He fell on the sandwich with a groan of appreciation.
Brooke ate hers with more finesse, though she eyed him with a frown. “When was the last time you had a real meal?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “Breakfast with you Wednesday morning, maybe? I’ve had a few packs of peanut butter crackers along the way. It’s been busy at the club. Haven’t felt much like eating.”
Without another word she stood and fixed him a second sandwich.
Three cups of coffee later, he felt marginally more human.
When the plates were empty, there was nothing left but the silence.
He stood and paced again.
Brooke remained seated. He had already noticed that standing and sitting aggravated her ribs. It was a wonder she hadn’t punctured a lung when she fell.
Dizziness assailed him, and he sat down hard. The image of Brooke tumbling down those damn stairs was one he couldn’t shake. It haunted his dreams.
Her expression softened, as if she could see his inner turmoil. “Talk to me, Austin.”
He dropped his head in his hands and groaned. “I lied to you from the beginning,” he said.
She blinked at him. “I don’t understand.”
“You made the assumption that I was still in love with Jenny. That fiction suited my purposes, so I let you believe it. Even though I knew the lie caused you pain. So there. Now you know what kind of man I am.”
Brooke’s bottom lip trembled. “The day I met you was the first time you had taken off your wedding ring.”
“That much was true. But I continued wearing the ring as long as I did because it kept women like you from getting ideas.”
“Oh.”
“I loved Jenny. Of course I did. But that wasn’t why I wore my wedding ring for six long years. I wasn’t still wallowing in my grief or clinging to her memory, not by that point. All I wanted was to be left alone. The ring was a useful deterrent.”
He laid out the facts baldly, painting himself in the worst possible light. Brooke needed to know the whole truth.
“But you had taken it off that night when I met you.”
He nodded. “Audra wouldn’t let up. She said I was turning into a soulless jackass, and she insisted I return to the land of the living.”
“I see.”
“I knew you thought I was still in love with Jenny, Brooke. And I let you believe it. Aren’t you going to ask me why?”
Her eyes were huge, her face pale. “Why, Austin?”
He scraped his hands through his hair. “Because you scared me more than anything that had happened to me in forever. You gave me a glimpse of light and warmth and happiness, and I wanted it. God, Brooke, I wanted it.”
“But...”
“I was terrified,” he said simply. “I don’t know if I can make you understand. I don’t know if anyone can understand unless they go through it. Watching a loved one die like Jenny died is worse than being sick yourself. She waded through hell. The truth is, I would literally have cut off one of my limbs, Brooke, to have spared her even a day of the agony. But I couldn’t. She had to walk that road alone, and the best I could do was walk beside her.”
“Walking beside someone is a lot. It’s everything.”
“It didn’t seem that way. I’ve never felt so helpless in my life. So when I met you with your sunshiny spirit and your sweet smile and your utter joy for life, I wanted to let you into my heart and into my soul, but I was too damned scared.”
“Scared of what?” she asked softly.
“Scared to care. I never want to feel that pain again.”
Her heart sank. “But then I got pregnant and you had to come up with plan B.”
“Exactly. Even then, I hedged my bets. I told myself I could sleep with you and provide for the baby, but that was my line in the sand.”
“Then why marry me?”
He jumped to his feet, pacing again. Restless. Overwhelmed with a million conflicting emotions. “I don’t know.”
Brooke stood up slowly, wincing. “I think you do know, Austin.” Her smile was wistful. As if her endless fount of hope had dried up.
“I wanted our child to be legitimate,” he said.
“No one cares about that kind of thing anymore.”
“They do in Royal.”
“Maybe. But that’s not why you agreed to my proposal, is it?”
“It was one reason.” The other reason was harder to admit. Almost impossible, in fact.
He shoved his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching for her. “Are you sure the baby is okay?”
“Yes. Quit changing the subject.” Brooke leaned back against the fridge, gingerly shifting her weight from one foot to the other. “Tell me how it felt when you saw me fall.”
He gaped at her. No! Reliving that moment made him light-headed. “I was worried,” he said. “It all happened so fast. I was afraid you were seriously injured. That you might never wake up. That you could have a miscarriage.”
Big gray eyes stared at him, eyes that seemed to see deep inside to every screwed-up corner of his psyche. “Did you blame yourself, Austin?”
He started to shake. Ah. There it was. The truth. Again, he saw her tumbling down those damn stairs. He should have been close, holding her arm. “You didn’t wait for me,” he croaked.
“Exactly. And Jenny was a grown woman who could have made an appointment and gone to the doctor for her cough long before she actually did.” She released a shuddering breath. “I’m sorry I scared you. Truly, I am. But you’re not in control of the world, Austin. You never were.”
“You were unconscious,” he said, reliving that horrific moment four days ago when he had lost his shit completely. “It was raining and you were wearing that beautiful silky wedding dress, and all I could do was crouch over you and pray you didn’t lose the baby.”
“Losing the baby would have solved your problem.”
Fury rose in him, choked him, sickened him. “By God, don’t you say that. Don’t you dare say that!”
She wrapped her arms around her slender waist, fearless and unflinchingly brave in the face of his wrath.
“Why not,
Austin? It’s true.”
The chasm was there at his feet again. No matter how much he backpedaled, he couldn’t escape it. Brooke kept pushing him and pushing him. As though she thought he was brave enough to jump across. He wasn’t brave. He was blind with fear.
She held out her hand, her smile tremulous. “Tell me why you were so upset when I fell. Tell me why you weren’t at the hospital when I woke up. Tell me why you rented this beautiful condo for us and then moved out so I’m forced to sleep here all alone at night. Tell me, Austin. Why?”
He couldn’t say it. If he did, fate would smack him down again...would bring him to his knees and punish him for daring to believe he might find happiness one more time in his life.
But he owed Brooke something for what he had put her through. She at least deserved the truth. Even if Austin had not turned out to be the man she thought he was.
Before he could speak, Brooke came to him and laid her head on his shoulder. She slid her arms around his waist. “You’ve given me so much, Austin. I wanted to break free of my parents’ influence and stand on my own two feet. You helped me get there. I’ll always be grateful to you for supporting me.”
“You did that,” he said. “You’re brave and determined and so strong.” He held her tightly, but with infinite gentleness. Her warmth broke through the last of his painful walls. “I love you, Brooke Goodman,” he whispered. “Body and soul. Jenny was my first love, the love of my youth. You’re my forever love, the mother of my child, the woman who will, please God, grow old with me.”
“I love you, too, stupid cowboy. Don’t ever leave me again.”
Her voice broke on the last word, and she cried. The tears were cathartic for both of them. They clung to each other—forever, it seemed.
At last, Brooke pulled back and looked up at him, her eyelashes damp and spiky, her eyes red rimmed. “I’m not jealous of Jenny. I’m really not. I’m glad she had you when it mattered most.”
Austin shook his head slowly, rescuing one last teardrop with his fingertip. “You are an extraordinary woman. But hear this, my sweet. I’m going to spend the next fifty years making up for the fact that your family hasn’t appreciated you. I’m going to shower you with love and affection, and it’s entirely possible that I may spoil you rotten.”
Million Dollar Baby Page 16