Alex felt him lay her down on her side and squinted to see that she was back in the small bedroom.
“Alex, baby?” Jeff spoke quietly at her ear. “There’s been an emergency, and everyone has been called out. We have to go. Stay here, and we’ll get back as soon as we can, or we’ll get Alistair to take you home.”
“We haven’t got time to take care of you, sweetheart,” Devon apologized.
“I’ll be fine. Go,” she managed through stiff lips.
Through the haze of pain and emotional anguish Alex grasped the faint thought that this was an opportunity for her, an opportunity that she should not waste.
“I’ll keep an eye on her,” a deep male voice said patiently from the hall, “and get her home once I clear the Club.”
Devon and Jeff cast one last frustrated glance at Alex, pressed kisses to her forehead, then turned and raced out of the Club.
Chapter Fourteen
Alex lay on the bed, covered in the soft blanket Devon had draped over her, her face to the wall, trying to slow her breathing and try and focus. She listened as the flurry of activity gradually waned from her hearing, and she sensed she was alone and unobserved. She rolled over and sat up wincing at the soreness of her body, cautiously watching the door. Satisfied there was no one nearby, Alex swung her legs to the floor and suffered through the pressure on her sore bottom until she got her bearings. She then moved as quickly as possible to the attached bathroom. She passed her red dress. The little beaded bag and shoes were where Jeff had left them after he had undressed her in readying her for the scene.
Alex tried not to look in the mirror as she washed the tears and sweat from her face and ran her fingers through her hair, but caught glimpses of her staring and shadowed eyes. It hit her suddenly, the feeling of nausea she’d been holding back all night, and she wretched miserably over the toilet, also bemoaning the time she was losing. She flushed the dregs of her belly away and turned again to the sink, rinsing her mouth and splashing her face. She sat down and tried to pee, the urine burning her vaginal entrance. She cleansed herself with the baby wipes set out in the bathroom and carefully touched her vagina. No blood, just soreness.
Holding her breath, she opened her purse and exhaled in relief when she found her driver’s licence, her bankcard, and a twenty-dollar bill inside the small wallet. Jeff, with his usual attention to her needs, had unwittingly aided her escape. Resolutely, she turned and pulled the hated dress over her head, carefully smoothing it down over her body as far as it would pull. No aftercare for her, so she pushed the pain to the back of her mind, locking it away. Next, she reached for her shoes and grimaced as the stilettos created the usual discomfort when she slipped her feet inside them.
Squaring her shoulders as best she could against the dull pain in her back, Alex stepped back into the bedroom and toward the door. She stopped, reaching up to her neck, and with a grimace as her heart shrank, undid the clasp of her collar. Alex looked at the white gold chain and the gems designed to hang in the hollow of her throat through blurred eyes. She carefully placed it on the pillow of the narrow bed and backed to the door.
Alex passed through the doorway and went right, toward the back of the house, toward the alley, away from the men she had previously come to believe were her soul mates and her destiny. She felt dead inside, but she knew this was a temporary illusion, that if they caught up to her, what had transpired tonight would be repeated until she became worse than dead inside. She couldn’t resist them.
Better she make her own way again in the world as the empty shell she felt she was right now than become an embittered, resentful, and further humiliated woman, one who would continue to disappoint her men, unable to meet their needs. They would come to despise her and no longer need her. She could not bear to think of the final humiliation when they put her aside in a parody of doing the right thing in order to find someone who could satisfy them.
Alex spied a black coat hanging just inside the back door, thankfully unmanned tonight as all the men had been drawn off to the site of the emergency. She had heard female voices earlier but had not seen anyone else involved in a scene, shuddering involuntarily as she realized she had been the main attraction tonight, fighting down the bile as it rose once again in her throat. The other women had probably gone home in groups, likely chattering about what they had seen tonight, comparing notes and speculating.
No, that wasn’t fair. Almost all of the women partnered with the men attending the Club tonight had been friendly and included her when they had met her casually. Like recognizes like, she thought, and they stick together. Except for Melissa, whom Alex could not bring herself to connect with, feeling something was off with the red-haired beauty despite how Melissa seemed to put herself out to connect with Alex. And after all, it was Melissa’s Dom who had been the other in the scene tonight, so Melissa must like her, enough to share, at any rate. Melissa had been good enough to bring Alex in on the idea and forewarn her.
God, what was she thinking? Normalizing it now. Trying to accept being shared, put on display, all for her men. Her men, who had never given any indication that their possessiveness would allow them to share her, to her eternal gratitude. Clearly she had already begun to bore them, to not fulfill them, not be enough for them. How else could she interpret what they had done? She had tried to offer her anxiety and resistance but in the end went along with what they needed. And failed. Christ, she thought she’d die of it, but instead, here she was fleeing, giving them space and the opportunity to replace her sooner than later.
The coat was a generic trench, and she shrugged into it, finding that it fit passably well, covering the dress and reaching to her calves. Alex could now add theft to her failings. She belted it loosely around her middle and quietly opened the door, sliding along the wall and hopefully out of range of the security camera she knew had to be there to capture the comings and goings. God, there was probably a video of her casting call tonight, she thought bitterly. Alex was grateful to gain some anonymity as she made her way out into the alley, reaching the cross street with no incident. A cab was cruising in the opposite direction and responded with alacrity to her flag. She clambered into the backseat, ignoring the pain, slamming the door behind her, and resolutely facing forward, away from her past.
“Where to, lady?” This from the grizzled-looking driver, bored and uninterested in her unprepossessing appearance.
Alex suppressed a sudden need to laugh, feeling shocky and overwhelmed. He should have witnessed her presentation an hour earlier. Now that would have jarred his sanguine reaction. Alex took hold of her emotions and directed him to nearest ATM. He motored on without comment, pulling up at a local bank. Alex asked him to wait, stepping quickly to the machine, and fumbled her card into the slot. Oh, God, her PIN. What was it? She tried to breathe through the sudden panic, despairing of keeping herself under control for even a few minutes at a time. She was so weak, so useless, and so needy.
Inspiration struck as Alex remembered her foster mother’s calming smile and entered that woman’s birth date, holding her breath as she waited for the cash. The ATM spit out the maximum amount allowed for the day, and Alex muttered a reminder to herself to try and hit another ATM right after midnight in order to capitalize on getting as much as she possibly could. The first thing Devon and Jeff would do after finding her gone would be to look at her bank records as part of a missing-persons investigation. She had no doubt they would look for her, at least for a short time, because it was the honourable thing, the expected protocol, the procedural thing to do in front of their Club associates and friends. And they would be angry, too, if she could allow herself to think of that. Her punishments would be severe if they caught her as she hadn’t followed their code, a code she hadn’t known about until recently. They had shown a side tonight when they had taken her together that helped stiffen her resolution to bolt. She couldn’t take any more sexual activity without the love and warmth that had always accompanied their behaviour befo
re.
The hysteria bubbled up again as Alex teetered back to the cab on the damn shoes. The discomfort served to both settle and remind her of how her men had controlled her life and how she had allowed it, no, craved it. They had been overwhelming, but it had been what she had needed, alone in the world, drifting, with no experience of relationships. She had needed to be controlled without then being aware of her submissive nature. The sex had been phenomenal, the very attunement of Devon and Jeff supreme and intense. And now she was on her own again and somehow had to deal.
Alex directed the cab to the nearest Walmart, open twenty-four hours. She knew her way around the chain store, having shopped there all her life before meeting Devon and Jeff, who eschewed shopping for her there in favour of trendy boutiques and sex shops. She thought she probably looked like a whore when out with them on the town, though she had never felt anything other than being admired and cherished, but then her world had revolved around them. At home she was usually naked or attired in sexy lingerie. Walmart was going to be a grounding experience for her.
Alex paid the cabbie and tipped him well, not wanting any negative memory of her to remain with him and be passed on to his colleagues and perhaps pinpoint her drop-off spot. She made it through the sliding doors and grasped the handle of the nearest cart, leaning against it with relief as she headed straight to the shoe department. She found a comfortable pair of sneakers immediately and stuffed her stilettos into the box, continuing her shopping excursion on a pair of feet that weren’t hurting, unlike the rest of her body. Nothing like shopping to get a girl’s mind off her troubles, she thought with a giggle that erupted from her lips like lava. Alex looked around to see if others had noticed, but the other shoppers seemed intent on their own retail therapy. Still, she fought the hysteria back.
Alex found a large gray backpack, tossing it into her cart as she moved to the clothing section. She chose a six-pack of cotton underwear and two sports bras, followed by several T-shirts, two pairs of sweatpants, some tube socks, and finally, a pink hoodie, a color she hated and resisted wearing. Punishing herself for a change. Another department provided some deodorant, a bar of soap, a few sample-sized shampoos and conditioners, a nail file, toothbrush, and paste, a pair of scissors, and dark brown hair color. Alex was loathe to spend any more of her cash but picked up a bottle of multivitamins and one of Tylenol, knowing that her level of stress could lead to a relapse of the flu. She grabbed a large pair of cheap sunglasses from the rotating display near the center aisle. It took everything she had to focus on what she needed to buy, but she admitted to herself that she had thought of running as soon as she realized what Devon and Jeff wanted from her at the Club.
The cashier was tired and bored, another casualty of the night shift, and paid little attention to her as she checked out behind a woman pushing a huge cart of groceries. Alex snagged an energy drink from the cooler and a bag of chips, the groceries reminding her that she had not really eaten since breakfast, and even that had been a paltry intake given her anxiety. She had no appetite but knew she was running on empty and would crash at a not-so-distant point in the future. Satisfied that in paying cash she was leaving no paper trail, Alex turned back into the store, seeking a change room. She asked the clerk, who finally arrived to the sound of the buzzer, if she could leave the bulk of her purchases on the counter while she changed into some of the other clothing. The woman raised her eyebrows, and Alex stumbled through an explanation about being out for the evening and finding the plans had changed, thus requiring different clothing.
She was ushered into a cubicle and as quickly as possible fumbled her way into underwear and socks, followed by T-shirt and sweats, topped by the hoodie. The ache in her body from the flogging and paddling had subsided to a degree, but when she chanced to look in the mirror, the marks and welts on her back and buttocks were only too discernible. Her breasts showed different signs of attention, and she second-guessed the sports bra, but in the end sucked it up and pulled the T-shirt over it. She would pop a couple of pain relievers once she got outside.
The red dress was wadded up and shoved into a pocket of the trench coat, and then Alex draped that over her shoulders. She told the clerk to throw out the red shoes. The clerk watched her gather up the bags without comment, and Alex made her way to the front of the store, all the while expecting an accusation of shoplifting to erupt behind her. Making her way without incident outside, she spied a trashcan and dragged the red dress out of her pocket. She stuffed it into the foul-smelling can, consigning it to a landfill somewhere. At that moment Alex realized she had forgotten to purchase a few items, tampons in particular, as her period was due within a few days, but could not face another trip inside the store. She would have to find another place to shop down the road. She placed the remainder of her purchases inside the backpack and headed out with purpose, if only her resolve could carry her.
Alex walked for a few blocks along the dimly lit night streets, vaguely recognizing the safety issue but reveling in the fresh air and freedom. Alex knew that when there was no sign of her at the Club or at home, Devon and Jeff would search her room to try and find her whereabouts. They wouldn’t find anything to help them though, because she had nowhere to go. They would likely be angry and upset that the parting wasn’t planned and executed, but that would pass. Why she felt the need to keep reassuring herself about their reaction, she didn’t know, but there it was.
A yellow cab slowed at her wave, the driver carefully studying then stopping to admit her. She directed him to the bus station, a large, busy place where she thought she could do what she needed to further change her appearance. The fare was higher than she had imagined, but she gladly paid and tipped, too, though with less generosity. She fought the giggles again. Alex the spy. Alex the underground agent. Over the top. She hurt.
The bus depot didn’t disappoint, allowing her to slip into the ranks of the other travellers, many looking similar to her in dress. She was fully aware of the security cameras that abounded, however, so she slipped the trench coat off and kept her hood up to change her appearance. Alex found the restrooms and locked herself into the handicap stall, hoping that she would have enough privacy to address her next major change. She pulled her long hair back into a rough ponytail then hacked it through at the base with her scissors. She did much of it by feel then flushed the strands down the toilet. Alex wanted to weep over her actions. Her long hair was in memory of her mother. Pulling her hood up and leaving the trench coat in the stall, Alex exited the toilet and peered at herself in the mirror, fussing with washing her hands until the area emptied out. Quickly she pushed her hood back and combed the front of her hair into long bangs, then cut them across, throwing the hair into the wastebasket beside the sink. An almost juvenile look peered back at her, but the shining blonde cap still belonged to Alex. She stepped back into the stall and fumbled for the hair color, the new foam that was guaranteed to take only ten minutes. The trench coat protected her new duds and the plastic gloves, her hands. The smell wasn’t too offensive, but she realized that the women and girls passing in and of the restroom could hardly miss it. She wished she had taken the time to find some of that spray-in color, but then pink or orange would be pretty remarkable and draw attention.
At last she felt it was quiet enough to emerge and dunk her head in the sink. As she shampooed the color through the short lengths two teenagers came in, giggling at the unorthodox place to be coloring one’s hair. Alex accepted several paper towels from one of them and chatted, attempting to laugh with them, striving to hide her strain. She knew that she had one more move to make, and that one might pass her into a different life, if she could only hang on. She had accomplished so much tonight, drawing on reserves she didn’t know she had, though her brainpower had never been in question, just her current drive. She had allowed her men to control her life because she trusted them to take care of her. Trusted them to accept her one inflexible boundary where they were concerned. They’d broken it tonight. Sh
e had nearly broken in the process. Maybe had broken, if the state of her heart was anything to go by.
Alex pulled the hood up over the still-damp strands of hair and stared into the mirror. With the dark tendrils framing her face and the pink of the hoodie, so unusual a color for her, she looked considerably different, and at that moment she thought she could pull it off. Gathering up her backpack, leaving the black coat behind in the stall, Alex slipped through a number of other travellers and found the ATM she had observed when she came in. She’d nearly forgotten but seeing the huge ceiling clock over the ticket cages had told her the time was nearly half past midnight, so she withdrew the maximum amount possible and stuffed it into her backpack, trying to be casual as she did so. She then left the bus terminal, heading for the train station several blocks distant. If she could just get a ticket to somewhere with her remaining cash, she would disembark the train and start over, if alone and empty.
The ticket seller handed Alex a ticket for Estonia, the most distant destination from the city that most of her leftover cash could purchase, and Alex was able to board within twenty minutes. Her legs were trembling, her breath short, and her brain now spinning as she took the final steps up into the train car, seeking a seat to crumple into and await the end of the journey. She didn’t look back.
Chapter Fifteen
Alex wearily pushed the final piece of cookware onto the shelf and dried her hands on the damp towel.
“Pretty tired today, Alex,” Andrew the cook commented. “You need a ride home?”
“No thanks, Andrew,” she replied. “I like the fresh air, and it straightens the kinks out. Besides, it isn’t far.”
“You could make better money and probably ease that back strain if you took that waitress job out front, you know. You’ve been a real good worker, and the boss can’t figure why you won’t try it out.”
Young, Allyson - Away (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) Page 12