“She’s better than most of us,” said Maggie. “This shit is getting real.”
“Dude,” said Jason, looking over at me. “What happened in the kitchen?”
“I don’t know,” I mourned softly. I couldn’t keep my sadness inside and I needed to vent. “Raina’s stove got turned up when she flipped her scallops and she thinks I did it.”
“What?” said Richard. “That’s messed. Wait… did you?”
“No!” I cried. “No way. Why would I do that? But you know that producer Dale? He showed Raina a video that makes it look like I did it. I mean, they get so much footage of us, there was bound to be something that made it look like I was screwing with her.”
“Why would the producer sabotage Raina and then blame it on you?” asked Jason skeptically.
“I—“ I said, then cut myself off. I knew exactly why Dale would do such a thing. But could I tell the rest of the chefs? Were they trustworthy? Those 6 other people, all driven, all talented, all after the same thing as me, we had grown into a family. People in our line of work tend to get close quickly. We can all relate to the hardships of the business. And even though we were competitors with one another on the show, with only 7 of us left it was definitely becoming “may the best person win” without all the drama.
“I mean, you guys are close… right?” said Maggie. “You’re roommates after all.”
“Yeah,” I affirmed. “It’s just… that.” I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to spoil anything for the rest of them or make them think Raina and I had been in cahoots with one another. “We’re really close and I think Dale, I don’t know, wanted to sabotage our friendship for the drama of the show. That’s all I can think of.” They’d understand more when they actually watched the show but it was the best I could do at that moment.
“Man, just weird,” said Richard. He shook his head and took another swig from his bottle.
I knew that if I had the opportunity to sit down with Raina behind the scenes, no cameras, just us, I could make her understand that it was all just a bad set up. That I was framed. She knew just as well as I did that Dale was bad news but in the heat of the moment, with her head on the Chop Block, emotions running wild, it made sense to me why she might not be able to see past Dale’s conniving. But I wanted Raina more than I wanted to win Hot Chef so I knew I was willing to do whatever it took to set her right and repair the damage that had been done. My only hope was that I’d see her again.
If she won Rebound Kitchen and I could make it to the finals, I’d definitely see her again. And I’m sure we would have a party at the end of the season. Something to get us all back together. I just wished I could figure out where she was staying now that she left the loft so I could tell her how much she meant to me. I really needed to make this right.
“Well look,” said Richard. “You’ve got to just focus on the competition now. I know what happened really sucks, but you’re still here, you’re still in it, and we’re all gunning to take you out.”
“I know,” I said, nodding slowly in agreement.
“Whatever happened,” said Maggie. “You can make it right later. It was just a misunderstanding. Provided, you know, you didn’t do it.”
“I didn’t,” I said.
“Then you’ve got nothing to worry about,” she said.
But I did worry. I felt positivity ripped apart inside. I could just imagine Raina sitting in bed at the loser’s loft, with all the other Hot Chef contestants that didn’t make it, totally steamed and angry that she lost her shot at winning because I screwed her over. And I knew Dale would slime his way in there at the shooting of Rebound Kitchen, planting more seeds, coming up with more footage that made me look like I was plotting against her all along. It sickened me to think about. I mean, Chef Cutegirl, you’ve got to believe me. It can’t end like this.
We stayed up chatting a little while longer, the conversation gradually moving away from Raina’s loss to what the future held for us within the competition. There was still Unruly Restaurant, the proposition of seeing another competitor from Rebound Kitchen, and the fact that only 2 of us from this remaining 7 would actually make it all the way to the finish. It was difficult to think about. Everybody in the room had the talent to take them to the top. But only one of us would win the cash, win the title, and win all that fame that came along with it.
I just hoped that I could win Raina back. Was I in love with her? I don’t know. Maybe. Probably. Perhaps it was just infatuation, the intoxicating draw of newness in a relationship, but she was everything I wanted in a partner and I knew she felt the same way. Maybe all this was what the producers wanted. I knew they’d caught more of our growing relationship on film than I would have liked, and I knew that it would all spill out to the show’s audience once the season started airing. Maybe they wanted us torn apart for the sake of drama, only to bring us back together at the finale.
I mean, are these reality TV shows set up? Are we just pawns in the producers’ game? Would they really play with our hearts like that? I didn’t know. What I did know was that I couldn’t stop picturing how angry Raina’s face was during that final conversation and how disappointed she looked when she was eliminated. I wanted just one more chance to fix it. I wanted my chance to win Raina back. She was too important to me to just let her go like that, too important for something as stupid as a reality TV show to ruin what we had going. Damn it, yes, I was falling in love with her.
And with any luck, with some sort of cosmic aligning of the stars there on Hot Chef, given the opportunity, I was going to do something about it.
*
It really wasn’t much longer until another chef fell, leaving just 6 of us. It was me, Richard, Jason, Julio, Maggie, and Tina. I have to admit that I felt pretty elite standing with that group, full of James Beard Awards and Michelin Stars, but I definitely wished that I could swap one of them out for Raina. She should have been with us. And while we were now fairly sure we were heading into Unruly Restaurant, one of the most notable and favorite challenges of the show, I was saddened to think that Raina would be missing it. I knew she would have loved to take part in it.
After Raina was eliminated I didn’t hear a peep from her. We had all signed a contract at the beginning of the show, outlining some of the non-disclosure rules and such, and one of the rules stated that once a chef was eliminated you were not to have any contact with them until the show was over. But I couldn’t help myself. I sent Raina a number of texts, apologizing even though I wasn’t at fault, explaining to her how I felt, denying everything. Raina never responded. Either she was much more of a stickler for the rules than I was, or she just no longer wanted to have anything to do with me.
I felt lost. It was like I had gone into chef autopilot. Which, in a way, probably helped me because I wasn’t overthinking things anymore. I was just doing, just cooking. Raina was pretty much constantly on my mind and it was really starting to wear me down. I could tell the other chefs were aware something was wrong, but at this point in the competition, and even though we had all become friends, everyone was thinking primary of themselves and their path to the win.
I just wanted to be happy, you know? And I thought that I was finally getting there with Raina in my life. It’s not that I was necessarily unhappy or anything. I was so thrilled to be the head chef at Maison, it really was a dream of mine. I loved the food, I loved the people, I loved the atmosphere. And, of course, to be on Hot Chef, that is a huge deal to any serious chef in the country. I had been working at this since I was 13 and now, at 30, I had the world and my career pretty well figured out. All of it except for love. And Raina was that missing piece, I was sure of it.
A number of the other chef contestants were already married. I think Jason had actually married his high school sweetheart, if you can believe that. Maybe I’m just jaded. Or jealous. I don’t even talk to a single person I went to high school with. I’m barely in communication with anybody I went to culinary school with. I don’t know. M
aybe I have a difficult time making real friends. Maybe that’s why it’s been so difficult for me to find love. I’m this weird introvert chick who, by nature of the profession I’m in, became molded into a loud extrovert. But that girl will always be inside of me, no matter how successful I become. The girl who finds it kind of difficult to relate to others. The girl who just wants to be loved but can’t always figure out how to properly give love back.
I knew that I had to get out of my head and talk to someone. It was painful keeping this all inside and dwelling on it made it even worse. Of all the remaining chefs in the competition, I had grown closest to Maggie so I asked her if she wanted to step out and get coffee with me which she excitedly accepted. One of the great benefits of being on this show and making it far into the competition was that you knew you were beginning to make friends for life. And friends in the culinary world can really help elevate your career.
The two of us sat down, each with an overlarge mug of milky coffee drink in our hands, getting comfortable on a large fluffy couch in a hip, independent coffee house not far from the Hot Chef loft. We sat next to one another and fell deep into the cushions, Maggie putting her flip-flop adorned feet up on the table in front of us. The coffee house was loud and bustling and good for us because it was anonymous and hidden away from the cameras of the show.
Maggie was a pretty Asian girl with darker skin, black hair that she had lazily put up in a bun, and a raggedy looking fitted t-shirt and jeans. That was her style. Kinda grunge. She was a sweet and happy woman, killer in the kitchen, and one of my favorites for winning the entire thing. I mean, if it wasn’t going to be me or Raina winning, I sure as hell hoped that it would be Maggie.
“I’m so glad we could get out of the house,” said Maggie, taking a sip of her coffee. “Actually, skip that, I’m glad we could get away from the cameras.”
“I hardly even notice them anymore,” I said. “It’s weird. It’s, like, there’s so much privacy invasion, it’s so constant, that you just sort of forget about it after a while.”
“Not me,” she said. “It drives me nuts. One of the cameramen busted in on me changing once and I think he did it on purpose just to try to see me naked.”
“Well that’s messed up,” I said.
“Totally.”
“But I can’t blame him,” I said with a wry grin.
“Emily!” protested Maggie, laughing with me. “Back off. I’m not a lesbian.”
“Shoot,” I said in an even tone, pretending I was disappointed. Like I said, Maggie was indeed pretty but I only had eyes for Raina.
“So what do you think?” asked Maggie with a conspiring grin. “Unruly Restaurant? It’s gotta be next, right?”
“Right,” I said. “There’s no way they can hold it back any longer. But it’s so weird,” I said.
“I know!” affirmed Maggie. “They usually do it when there are 8 chefs left. But we’re only 6. There’s gotta be something going on.”
“Some sort of twist,” I said. “I can’t wait, though.”
“Dude!” said Maggie. “It’s literarily my favorite part of watching Hot Chef. I can’t wait.”
“I just wish Raina could have competed,” I said with a bit of sadness.
“Yeah,” said Maggie. “It really sucks she got eliminated. And for something so… you know, specious.”
“Specious?” I said.
“Um, you know… like, deceptive,” she said. “I don’t believe she messed up. I think she was sabotaged.”
“I didn’t do it!” I protested, feeling somewhat defensive.
“Oh no!” said Maggie. “No way. I don’t believe you did, Em. I think something else is going on. It’s screwy.”
“Phew,” I sighed. “Thank you. I love Raina,” I said. “I would never do something like that to her. I really wanted to see her in the finals.”
“I think she’d kick ass in the finals,” said Maggie. “But I guess it’ll just be you and me.” She grinned.
“I mean, there’s always Rebound Kitchen” I said. “Raina could make it back.”
“Yeah, I wish we knew how that was going!” said Maggie. “God, I wonder who it’ll be.”
“Hey,” I said, my voice softening, suddenly beginning to feel embarrassed. “Can we, like, talk?”
“Isn’t that what we’re doing?” said Maggie, chuckling gently. When she saw my face, she stopped laughing. “Yeah Emily, of course. What can I help you with?”
“I just have a lot on my mind,” I said. “And I need to get it out. I feel like you and I have become better friends than, you know, any of the other chefs left in the house.”
“Right,” said Maggie. “Dude, lay it on me.”
“I want to be honest with you about all this Raina stuff…” I said, trailing off, taking a deep breath.
“Oh my God,” said Maggie. “You did it, didn’t you?”
“Damn it! No!” I said, giving Maggie a light smack on the shoulder. She looked relieved. “No, I didn’t do it.”
“Okay,” she said. “Just checking.” Maggie gave me an accepting smile.
“I just need someone to tell all this to,” I said. “I need another opinion.”
“Emily,” said Maggie with brightness in her eyes. She gently placed her hand on my knee. “I’m here.”
“Okay,” I said, nodding slowly, trying to work up the courage to begin my story. “So, first, you should know, Raina and I… we became, you know, more than roommates.”
“Ah,” said Maggie, her face glowing, a light bulb going off above her head. “God, that makes so much sense!” She laughed to herself as she thought about it. “Emily!” she then said, giving my thigh a pinch. “I can’t believe I didn’t see it! It’s so obvious now.”
“I know, right?” I said. “Anyway, things were moving along… just… really well. But Dale was sort of getting in the way. He has a thing for Raina.”
“How do you know?”
“He’s made it quite obvious,” I said. “He’s come on to her, he’s tried to… touch her,” I said, looking away.
“Gross,” said Maggie.
“Right,” I affirmed. “Anyway, Raina blew him off, told him she wasn’t interested in men, and that seemed to pretty much inspire Dale to have a vendetta against us. I think he orchestrated Raina’s mistake.”
“Ugh,” groaned Maggie. “That really sucks.”
“Yeah,” I said. “And he showed Raina some video footage he had that made it look like I did it. I mean, c’mon, of course I was near her stove, of course I was fiddling with knobs because I was also cooking. But I think Raina was so upset with overcooking her scallops, something that is so unlike her, that she just couldn’t see past Dale’s deception.”
“Wow Emily,” mused Maggie. “I mean, this is some heavy stuff. I can’t believe there’s this kind of drama on Hot Chef!”
“Believe it,” I said. “I’m living it and it sucks.”
“So what are you going to do?” she asked.
“I really don’t know,” I said. “Raina won’t respond to my texts, I haven’t talked to her since she got eliminated. The whole thing is just… fucked. That’s really what it is. It’s fucked.”
“Maybe she’ll win her way back on Rebound,” consoled Maggie. “She deserves to be here. She’s talented. I bet she could get another shot.”
“Maybe,” I said. “I sure hope. I just… don’t want what we had to end like this. I need another shot, too.”
“I’m glad you told me all this,” said Maggie with goodness. “I’m on your side, Emily.” Maggie threaded her fingers into mine and she squeezed my hand.
“Thank you,” I said, weakly smiling. “I appreciate it.”
“You’ll get Raina back,” said Maggie. “I just know it.”
It felt really good to commiserate with Maggie. I needed it. You don’t realize how much you need someone to talk to until you suddenly feel like you have nobody. And even though for just a little while it appeared that I had nobody, I kn
ew then that it wasn’t the case. I had Maggie on my team. In fact, I’m sure any of the other chefs I was in competition with would have given me the same treatment. They were an accepting bunch.
And I was ready to accept whatever came next.
*
The production crew had ushered us to a big open space in the Kinzie Industrial Corridor, an area not too far from where our loft was in Fulton Market. We stood around as we waited for what we knew was coming. The excitement was growing. The space we were in was overlarge, empty, a clean slate situated west of Chicago’s Loop. It was the perfect location for a quick build out and an easy place to invite a hundred guests to.
Maggie was almost shaking in giddiness as Pema and Tim ambled in through a rustic industrial sliding door, the wheels at the bottom of it creaking as Tim closed it behind them. We were surrounded by cameras, all of them rolling, and every one of us had a wide smile on. Both Pema and Tim grinned as well.
“Greetings chefs,” said Pema once both she and Tim stood before us. “Look around you. We’re in an amazing empty space here on Chicago’s near west side. You could do anything with this space. It’s an empty canvas for you to paint on.”
“Chefs,” said Tim. “This season we have a bit of a surprise for you and we think you’re going to love it.”
“With that being said,” said Pema. “Do you know what Hot Chef challenge awaits you this week?”
“Unruly Restaurant!” all 6 of us chanted through excited smiles. Both Pema and Tim laughed at our enthusiasm.
“That’s right!” said Pema. “But as Tim said, we have a special surprise in store for you this season. You might be confused that there are only 6 of you here for Unruly Restaurant when in previous seasons there have been 8 chefs.”
“And you may also notice,” continued Tim. “That of the 6 of you remaining there are 3 men and 3 women.”
“Oh boy!” Maggie said, almost squealing, causing both Pema and Tim to laugh at her.
“I think Maggie already knows what’s going on,” mused Pema. “Maggie, would you like to take a guess?”
Chef Cutegirl: A Sweet Lesbian Romance Page 9