by Menon, David
‘Simon!’ Mitch exclaimed. He put his arms round him in a bear hug. ‘How are you?’
‘I’m fine, just fine’ said Simon who wondered why his path had to cross with Mitch right at this time when he was feeling such a hopeless failure. ‘You look … well you look really well’.
‘Thank you’ said Mitch. ‘I am well. I’m just up here visiting my sister Dawn for a couple of days. How come you’ve still got a full head of hair? That’s not fair. I’m starting to lose mine a bit as you can see’.
‘It doesn’t matter’ said Simon, smiling. ‘Are you still in the RAF?’
‘The RAF?’ Mitch questioned as if puzzled by the question. ‘No. I left the forces years ago. Flying those fighter jets is a young man’s game and I didn’t want a desk job at the MoD which is where they’d have sent me if I’d stayed’.
‘So what are you doing now?’
‘I retrained as a commercial pilot and joined Virgin. I’m a Captain now on the Airbus fleet. I do Hong Kong, LA, that sort of thing’.
Simon smiled nervously ‘That sort of thing. It seems like a different world to me’.
‘But you’ve travelled’.
‘Not much lately’.
‘Are you still with the low fares travel agent on St. Peters Street?’
‘No’ said Simon. ‘They made me redundant a year ago. They got rid of all the branch managers and now each of the section leaders takes it in turn to work up as manager’.
‘Sign of the times, eh?’
‘I haven’t been able to find a job since other than a temporary one for a few weeks’.
‘I’m really sorry to hear that’ said Mitch.
‘Is Debbie with you?’
‘Debbie?’
‘Yeah, your wife Debbie?’
‘Simon, Debbie and I split up a long time ago’.
‘Oh, I’m sorry to hear that’.
‘It wasn’t long after I met you when you and our Dawn were sharing that house’.
‘And you came to visit her and stayed for a few days’ Simon recalled. ‘I remember’.
‘Dawn told me you’d moved away and she’d lost touch with you which is probably why you don’t know what’s been happening with me’.
‘What?’ asked Simon, confused. ‘Why did she tell you that I’d moved away? Look, Dawn dropped me when she got married to Adrian years ago. After the third message I left for her wasn’t returned I gave up. I haven’t seen or heard from her in all that time but I didn’t move away. She moved herself away from me if you see what I mean’.
‘Well I do but I don’t know why she’d do that or why she told me you’d moved away’ said Mitch who was as puzzled as Simon was as to why his sister would lie about him. ‘Look, you know the pub up by the cathedral? They do good food there. Why don’t you join me for lunch?’
‘I can’t afford to go out for lunch, Mitch’.
‘Jesus, are things that bad?’
‘Worse’.
‘Well look, I’ll treat you for old time’s sake’.
‘I can’t let you do that, Mitch’.
‘Of course you can’ Mitch enthused. ‘I want to do it and besides, I’m celebrating’.
‘Celebrating?’
‘Yeah, I’m getting married again’.
Oh for God’s sake, thought Simon. Did he really have to sit through Mitch telling him how it all fell apart with Debbie but he’d got a new girl now who was making him so happy he was going to marry her?
‘Oh’ he said. ‘Congratulations’.
‘Thanks’ said Mitch. ‘I’ve got a couple of things to do first so I’ll see you up at the pub in half an hour?’
‘Great. See you there’.
‘You do want to come to lunch with me, don’t you?’
‘What? Yeah, yeah of course I do’
‘You didn’t look too keen?’
‘Mitch, I’m just going through a hard time at the moment, that’s all’.
‘Well then I accept it as my mission to cheer you up’ said Mitch. ‘After all, I could always put a smile on your face. Remember?’
Simon walked round and round the city centre trying to pluck up the courage to run as fast as he could. Why had Mitch walked back into his life now?
He finally got to the pub a few minutes late. There was a kind of corridor between the restaurant on one side and the bar on the other. He went into the restaurant and Mitch was sitting at a table in the far corner. He was drinking a pint of bitter and reading the Telegraph. There was a time when Simon would’ve sold his soul to the devil for him. Mitch had been going through difficulties in his marriage to Debbie and they’d decided to spend some time apart which is why he’d come to stay with his sister Dawn. But Mitch had ended up spending a lot more time with Simon than he did with his sister. Simon and Mitch had slotted in with each other as if they’d been friends for years. So much so that other people were noticing and the whispers had started. Simon kept his true feelings to himself, except when he blurted it all out to Dawn and told her that he’d fallen madly for Mitch.
But then one day Simon got up to find that Mitch had gone. The spare room had been left tidy but empty. It was on the day when Simon and Dawn were throwing a party in their shared rented house. Simon was devastated. He’d so wanted Mitch to be there but he never saw or heard from him again.
‘Ah, you made it’ said Mitch as he looked up and saw Simon. He folded up his newspaper and placed it on the table. ‘What can I get you?’
‘I’ll have a pint too, please’ said Simon. ‘But look, are you sure this is okay? I really don’t have the money to pay my way here’.
‘Simon, relax. I earn a bloody good salary and I’m more than okay financially. So please, let me indulge an old friend who looks like he needs some TLC’.
Over lunch Simon relaxed and he and Mitch shared the kind of times they always used to. They talked and talked, laughed a lot, and for Simon it was as if the ten years they’d been apart just disappeared. Every now and then a shiver would go down Simon’s spine when he remembered that it was only lunch and they’d soon have to go back to their respective lives.
‘So’ said Simon. ‘Tell me about your new bride?’
‘His name is Paul’.
Simon almost choked on the wine they’d changed to for accompanying their food. ‘What did you say?’
‘Well you knew that Debbie and I were having problems’ said Mitch. ‘That’s why I was staying with you and our Dawn that time when the two of you were sharing that house. I was coming to terms with the fact that I was gay, Simon. I always had been but I’d never acknowledged it. Then I met you’.
Simon’s mouth had gone dry. ‘Sorry?’
‘I fell in love with you Simon’ Mitch revealed. ‘You made everything about me and my life make sense for the first time and I wanted so much to tell you’.
Simon felt a surge of blood rush to his head. ‘So why didn’t you tell me?’
‘I was going to’ said Mitch. ‘But I asked our Dawn to sound you out and she came back and told me you weren’t interested’.
‘She never asked me anything’ Simon insisted, tearfully. ‘I asked her if you were gay and she told me you were definitely not gay’.
‘Please don’t get upset, Simon’ said Mitch.
‘But your sister deliberately kept us apart and I’m having a really hard time dealing with that. It’s just a bit much after everything else just lately, you know, just a bit much’
Mitch felt awful. ‘I don’t know why she did that’ he said. ‘But I really wish she hadn’t’.
‘I’d never had the kind of feelings for any other man that I had for you’ said Simon. ‘We could’ve been together all these years if Dawn hadn’t lied to both of us’.
‘I know’ said Mitch. ‘And it’s killing me too. It took me months to get over not being able to be with you’.
Simon was on the verge of tears. ‘This is just not fair’.
‘Simon, you made life make sense to me. You made me understan
d finally just who I was. You gave me the greatest gift. You made me feel complete’.
Simon could feel his heartbreak turning into outright rage. ‘And Dawn did know that the reason you were having problems with Debbie was because you were gay but hadn’t come to terms with it?’
‘She knew it all’ Mitch confirmed. ‘She knew that I left so suddenly because I’d fallen in love with you but, accordingly to her, you didn’t feel the same’.
Simon felt his throat constrict. ‘This is really breaking my fucking heart’.
‘I had to get away’ Mitch confessed. He was almost crying himself now. ‘I couldn’t be with you anymore if you didn’t want me the way I wanted you’.
Simon wanted to scream with frustration at what had been taken away from him. ‘But I did, Mitch, I did want you in the same way and I’ve never stopped wanting you. Jesus fucking Christ! Why was your sister so fucking nasty?’
‘I’ve got no idea’ said Mitch who was feeling pretty raw. He loved his intended Paul but Simon was a candle in his heart that would never go out. ‘Why didn’t you just make a move on me?’
‘Because I didn’t want to offend you’ cried Simon desperately. ‘I didn’t want to risk the great times we were having. Mitch, I can’t believe we could’ve spent all this time together and been happy’.
‘You’re right’ said Mitch. ’It’s come as a bit of a shock to me too’.
‘She destroyed everything we could’ve had’.
‘Didn’t you ever meet anyone else?’
‘No’ said Simon. ‘I’m not one of those people who gets their broken heart mended, Mitch. Life doesn’t do happy endings for me’.
‘Oh Christ, Simon, I’m so, so sorry’.
‘It isn’t your fault’ said Simon. ‘But it sounds like life put your heart back together again?’
‘Paul? Well yeah, we’ve been together for about eight years now and I have to say we are very happy’.
Simon just couldn’t get over this. ‘I don’t know what to say, Mitch’.
‘Simon, I really wish it hadn’t turned out this way. I really mean that’.
‘Yeah, well it has’ said Simon who took a deep breath and knew what he had to do.
‘Let me take you home’ said Mitch.
‘I haven’t got a home. I’m living in a b and b. I lost my job, I got into money troubles and had to go bankrupt. If I declare myself homeless they’ll put me in a hostel with drug addicts and alcoholics. But don’t worry about me when you’re tucking into your wedding cake and no doubt jetting off on some romantic honeymoon’.
‘I can understand why you feel bitter’.
‘Bitter? Oh bitter doesn’t even begin to cover it’.
‘Simon, if I’d have known how you felt it might’ve been us getting married’.
‘Oh please just don’t say anymore! I really can’t stand anymore of what might’ve been’.
‘But all this trouble you’re in. Is there anything I can do?’
‘Like what?’
‘I don’t know’ said Mitch, helplessly. ‘Give you some money?’
‘I’m not taking your money as some sort of consolation prize, Mitch, and besides, even if your cash got me out of trouble then I’d still be left with a heart that’s beyond broken’.
‘Simon, I can’t end it with Paul’ Mitch pleaded. ‘Despite how conflicted I feel now about you and me I can’t break his heart’.
‘But life is happy enough to break mine’ said Simon. ‘Whenever the universe needs a heart to break I’m always number one on the list. I suppose it’s consistent’.
‘We’ve built a life together, Simon’ said Mitch.
‘I’m sure you have’.
‘Simon, I’m worried about you’.
‘Well don’t be’ said Simon who’d calmed down a little and was trying to be as dignified as he could. ‘I’m not your responsibility’. He stood up and made to leave.
‘Simon … ?’
‘ … I’m sorry, Mitch but I’ve got to go’ Simon pleaded. ‘Our moment was taken away from us but at least you’ve had the chance to make it all better. I hope you enjoy your wedding day and I really do hope Paul makes you as happy as I would’ve done’.
‘Simon, please?’
‘What is there left to say? You’re happy and I’m not but that’s just life. Now I really can’t stand this any longer so please just let me go’.
Simon and Mitch’s sister Dawn had been friends for several years before they shared a house together. Simon had sold his place but hadn’t been able to find another one. Dawn had split up from her then boyfriend and needed to make a new start. It was an arrangement that they’d intended to last only six months or so but they ended up getting on so well and having so much fun that before they knew it they’d been sharing the house for almost two years. Then Dawn met Adrian to whom she got married and Simon bought the house that he’d recently been evicted from.
Although they’d grown close during that time Simon was always aware that Dawn was the kind of person who liked to get one up on even her friends. She always liked to be the one to be envied. Looking back there were several signs he should’ve read about her. She was little Miss can’t do wrong. She was never in the wrong even when she quite clearly was. Most of Simon’s other friends had never liked Dawn. They were nice enough to her face but behind her back they all warned Simon that one day she’d let him down over something. And she had. She’d let him down big time. She’d let him down in just about the most heartbreaking way she could. With one act of deception she’d helped bring him to this state of misery and pain. Well she wasn’t going to get away with it. It just wasn’t fair.
He vaguely remembered her address even though they hadn’t been in contact for years. He spent half of what remained of his weekly budget, such as it was, on the bus fare getting to the part of town where she lived which just happened to be the most exclusive suburb. Houses round there go for at least half a million and that’s at the bottom end of the market.
‘Oh? Hello?’
‘Hello Dawn’ said Simon as calmly as he could. ‘It’s been a long time’. She looked uncomfortable. ‘How’ve you been?’
‘Fine’ she answered. ‘Just fine’.
‘It’s a shame we lost touch’.
‘It sometimes happens. Life moves on’.
‘Well I was thinking of you so I thought I’d drop by’.
‘Well it’s a … it’s a good surprise. I heard on the grapevine you’ve been in financial difficulties?’
‘To put it mildly’ said Simon. ‘Look, are you going to ask me in?’
‘Oh yeah, sorry, of course, come in and I’ll put the kettle on’.
Simon followed Dawn into her well appointed kitchen. She’d married well. Her husband was a top commercial lawyer with a nationwide reputation. She obviously led a good life. She probably had nothing to worry about. Simon had enjoyed her company once and he’d invested a lot in their friendship.
‘I was thinking about when we shared that house together’ said Simon as cheerfully as he could considering the anger he felt towards her. The right time would come for him to fire his gun.
‘Happy days, eh?’
‘Oh we had some good times there alright’ Simon agreed. ‘Remember that party we had?’
‘Do I ever? It was the luckiest night of my life. That was the night I met my Adrian’.
‘Oh yes of course it was’.
‘It’s our tenth anniversary next week’ said Dawn, beaming. ‘We’re still as happy as that night we met’.
‘Well congratulations’.
‘Thank you’.
‘Your brother Mitch was supposed to have stayed for the party but he suddenly upped and left that morning. Can you remember why?’
‘Well it was ten years ago, Simon’.
‘Did he and his wife Debbie stay together?’
‘Oh yes, they’re really happy’.
Simon paused and then said ‘How could I ever have called such a blatant
and manipulative liar like you a friend of mine?’
‘Sorry?’
‘Oh I get it all now. Our friendship was based on your need to feel superior. You had to be the happy one whilst I had to stay miserable’.
‘Do you normally walk into someone’s home after ten years and start insulting them?’
‘Only when they turned the luckiest night of their life into the unluckiest night of mine’.
‘You really will have to explain’.
‘Oh don’t be so bloody cute. I stood in the kitchen at the end of that night we had the party with only a bottle of wine for company while you were making out with Adrian in the living room. And now I know that I could’ve been doing the same with the love of my life but you put a stop to it with your lies. I bumped into your brother Mitch today. He told me the truth. I expect he’ll be back soon. I know he’s staying with you’.
‘Look, Simon, I’ll make you that tea but then I really need to get on’ said Dawn avoiding his comments.
‘Oh no you don’t!’ said Simon as he lunged forward and grabbed Dawn’s arm making her turn round and face him. The red mists were almost blinding him as he walloped her across the face with the back of his hand. ‘You lying bitch!’
Dawn tried to compose herself before saying ‘Get out of my house’
Simon slapped her across the face again. He’d never been a violent man but it was all he could think of as he looked at her. ‘Why did you do it?’
‘I don’t have to answer to you’ Dawn sneered, trying not to look scared but feeling terrified. She rubbed the side of her face that he’d now struck twice. She could see the fury in his eyes but she could also see the pitiful hurt and pain. What could she say? She had lied. And to get out of it she’d probably have to lie some more.
‘Yes you fucking well do! I could’ve been happy with your brother. He was everything to me and you knew that but instead you chose to lie to us both and keep us apart. All these years I’ve spent being lonely when I need not have been. Now I want to know why you did that to me, why you did that to your own brother for God’s sake?’