by Jordan Marie
There’s only one person I know here and I’m hesitant to call Daria. I get the feeling she doesn’t like me much. Still, I can’t really afford to be choosey here. I walk back to the motel, feeling better about my plan. I may not remember who I was in the past, but I know that being a man who thinks things out and attacks them head on feels…right. We have about an hour before the motel opens back up and I figure at least that long before Jack wakes up and then wakes up Hope. If I hurry I can leave her a note and be gone, before she insists on taking me herself and demands to know what I’m doing.
44
Hope
I know I’m in trouble when I wake up with no Aden lying beside me and instantly feel sad. I’m falling in love with him. Which is so stupid, there are no words. He’s going to remember. It’s not a question of if, it’s just a question of when. I’m positive that I didn’t tell him Kayla’s name—at least I don’t think I did. Which means small memories are coming back, which spells my doom. I’ve tried to tell myself that this Aden is just temporary, that when he gets his memory back, the old Aden will resurface. I use that to warn myself to not let my heart get involved.
It hasn’t worked.
I reach over to grab his pillow, wanting nothing more than to breathe in his aftershave and remember the night before. It was so hard to hold back. I can’t give myself to him—not completely, not when with every other breath I seem to be lying my ass off. I’m surprised when my hand touches a note he left on the pillow.
Hope,
Gone to town for some supplies. Got Daria to take me. Be back soon.
Miss you, Aden.
I read it and a mixture of sadness, fear and happiness all collide inside of me. I’m a mess. I worry that him traveling into town will somehow jar his memory. Then I wonder if Daria will confess it all to him, because she doesn’t like the fact I haven’t told him the truth. Finally, I find myself being stupidly sad, because he said he will miss me. There’s no love, no deep emotion in the note. I mean, there shouldn’t be… but, I want there to be.
And that’s the last thing I should want.
I pull myself out of bed and go and check on Jack. He’s sleeping in this morning for some reason, but I’m not about to look a gift horse in the mouth. I quickly throw some clothes on and go through my morning routine. Then, after checking on Jack one last time, call White’s cellphone. He called me back the other day, but I was out with Jack and Aden and I let it go to voicemail. I can’t afford to let Aden be here with me when I talk to White. If I did, the house of cards I’ve built would come crashing down before I get a chance to explain. At this point, if I’m honest, I don’t know how I would explain—I just know that I want the opportunity to do so.
I dial the phone and nervously wait to see if White will pick up. By the third ring, I’m about ready to hang up when I hear his voice.
“Hey, Hope. How you doin’?”
“Hi… I didn’t know if you were going to answer or not,” I tell him lamely.
“Of course I would. I’m sorry we keep playing phone tag, sweets. It’s been crazy here.”
“I heard. Triplets, huh?”
“Hey, when I do something, I do it right.”
“Gee, and here I thought I had something to do with it,” Kayla yells in the background.
“Of course you did buttercup. You made sure my little soldiers were warm and welcomed before they prepared for battle.”
“You’re a freak. Kayla’s going to kill you one day.” As I tell him that, I hear her yelling in the background.
“Nah, she would miss me too much.”
“Probably like a toothache,” I agree.
“Very funny. Want to tell me what’s going on with you now?”
“I could just want to hear your voice,” I lie.
“You could, but I figure that’s not what is going on. So, talk to me. Is it Aden? Is he giving you trouble? Gavin called me yesterday and said no one can find him.”
“Gavin?”
“I went to school with him. He and Aden are close friends, they work together.”
“Oh. Well. I mean, Aden is fine. He is perfectly healthy. It’s not like he’s about to die or anything. If anything, he’s much nicer.”
“Hope? Sweetheart, are you okay?” White asks, and that’s when the tears start. I had no warning, they just appear—all at once and they start running, uncontrolled, down my face.
“I don’t think I am,” I whisper, brokenly.
“Talk to me, sweetheart. Talk to me.”
“I think I might, could, maybe be falling in love with him,” I cry.
“Aden?” White asks, clearly shocked.
“Yes!”
“You are in love with Aden?”
“Yes. Well not the old Aden! But the new Aden!”
“The new Aden? Hope, sweetheart, you aren’t making any sense. Did Aden hurt you?” White growls.
“Yes! He called Jack a bastard! And then... he was going to sue me.”
“I’ll kill him,” White growls and I know I’m making a mess of all is this. The problem is I can’t stop crying and I can’t seem to drag enough air into my lungs.
“He’s nice to me now. He loves Jack and I think he cares about me. He’s good to me, but when he finds out...”
“Finds out what? What will he do? Hope, sweetheart, you’re not making any sense. Slow down and talk to me.”
“He will hate me!”
“Hope, no one could hate you.”
“My mom did.”
“She was a bitch.”
“You don’t understand White. I lied to him! I told him we were married!”
“Uh, Hope… Sweetheart you aren’t making any sense.”
“I didn’t fix the railing. I should have, but I didn’t and he told me to. He said I’d get sued. He threatened and he was so mean and we slept together and then he was even more mean and then—”
“Hope stop. Take a breath. I’m trying to keep track here, except you’re throwing around a lot of information, but not enough for it to actually make sense.”
“None of this makes sense,” I cry helplessly. “He wasn’t supposed to be nice. If he was mean and hateful I wouldn’t have cared about lying so much. But, then, poof he was nice and sweet and… he holds me and he… he’s sweet! He shouldn’t have been sweet. How can he be sweet, White? How?”
“You slept with Aden?”
“I guess. I mean I was sleeping in bed alone and then he was there and he was undressing me.”
“He forced himself on you? He broke in on you sleeping and forced himself—”
“No! I mean, well not really. I was in his bed.”
“You were sleeping in his bed?”
“I fell asleep. I took this new medicine and I had been sick. I think they interacted and I was just so tired. He demanded I change his sheets and…”
“Jesus. You’re harder to follow than my mother. Did he or did he not force himself on you.”
“No,” I cry. “He didn’t have to. I fell on his dick like a cheap whore because I hadn’t had sex in way over two years.”
“Uh… I really didn’t need to know that.”
“Also I might hate him, but he’s really hot.”
“I…”
“And when he’s using his mouth for things besides screaming at me—”
“And… let’s stop there.”
“I need to stop. I need to tell Aden the truth. He’s going to hate me and he’ll probably sue me and have me thrown in jail. Do you think your mom could take care of Jack. He likes her and he’s kind of shy around people.”
“Why would Mom need to take care of Jack?”
“Because I’ll be in the big house.”
“In the big house?”
“Prison! Aden will have me thrown there when he finds out what I’ve done!”
“What did you do?”
“I married him!”
“You’re married to Aden?”
“No!”
“I am completely fucking lost.”
“I’m not married to him.”
“Good, then—”
“But he thinks I am! You see?”
“Not even a little bit. Maybe you should start at the beginning, Hope,” he tells me and I take a blubbering breath and let the whole story out. Starting with how Aden showed up, the hateful way he treated me, sleeping with him and the horribleness that was the next morning, and I kept telling him all the way up to the fall and the hospital. I didn’t stop until I ended with how amazing last night was, but I might have left out the details there, mostly because White asked me to. If he hadn’t, I was so lost in finally confessing my lies, that I would have never stopped talking. When I finished… there was nothing but silence. I figured White was as disgusted with me as I was myself, but I should have known my cousin better than that. He is after all, a man.
“You told him he had to use Viagra?”
“I was trying to discourage him from wanting sex! I was doing him a favor.”
“Christ.”
“Hope, sweetheart, I love you but—”
“I’m in trouble,” I finish.
“I’m afraid you might be.”
“He’s going to hate me.”
“I’m… yeah,” he finally says. “He might… I can talk to him. Maybe I can—”
“I need to be the one to tell him.”
“It needs to be soon, Hope. People are already missing him. They’re going to come looking for him.”
“I’m scared, White.”
“I know. I’ll come there and be with you. Maybe he won’t take it as bad as you think. I don’t think he’ll have you arrested.”
“I’m more scared of losing him, White,” I confess quietly.
“Fuck,” he whispers back, and that pretty much sums it all up. “What can I do to help?”
“Can you tell me about his life, things he will want to know. Maybe if I can give him some of his past—his real past it will help…”
“I’m not comfortable telling you about his life. That needs to be something he gives you,” he responds.
“Is it bad? God, is he married White?”
“No… not married. Shit, Hope… You’re not going to like it and I’m just not sure I should be the one to—”
“There’s no one else.”
“Tell her, White,” this comes from Kayla in the background.
“Buttercup…”
“Tell her. I know a lot about loving a man who isn’t available to you. She needs to know everything.”
“Damn it, Kayla. I was stupid but I always loved you—”
“Tell her, White.”
I swallow when I hear White growl, because I know that means, he’s going to give in.
“Prepare yourself, Hope—but if you love him, don’t give up. Men can be idiots, but they can be worth the pain,” Kayla warns me, taking over the phone. “I’m here if you need a shoulder,” she adds and then I hear her pass the phone back to White. I can hear them murmur something, White’s voice so sweet it makes me ache.
“I’m not sure that made me feel better,” I whisper.
“This won’t either,” White says and I try to prepare myself, but as White starts telling me who Aden is and his life before…
I’m pretty sure that there was no way I could have ever been prepared enough.
45
Hope
“Do you have a room available for the night?” The lady asks, as she walks toward the counter. My heart is beating a hundred miles a minute. That’s because this is not an unusual question tonight. It’s also because I do have a room available—exactly one room. Which means when I complete this transaction the Hard Acre Motel is officially SOLD OUT.
They’ve been coming in all day like this. I thought we were just getting lucky the first couple of times it happened. Then, after the fourth booking, I began to wonder… but now?
“We have one room left. It’s a king and all our rooms are non-smoking,” I tell her crossing my fingers she says yes.
“We’ll take it! I’m so glad we saw your billboard on the interstate. You know you’re the only motel or hotel listed for Clancy and Merner?”
“We are?” I ask, even though I know that. I checked into that before I moved here. Still, I’m kind of in shock from what she said just before that.
“You are. We were getting so tired and your sign was like a godsend.”
“Our sign?”
“Yeah, that huge billboard two exits back. We were in a panic. There’s a big antique sale this weekend in Merner and we stupidly didn’t check in advance for places to stay.”
“Well, I’m so glad you gave us a chance,” I tell her and then give her the price for our room. After I’ve booked her room, I hand her the key. “I really do hope you enjoy your stay. Check out time is noon.”
“Oh my goodness it’s a key! I love it! It’s so quaint.”
“We strive for a vintage feel here,” I tell her, not bothering to mention that those card sliders were hella-expensive.
“It’s amazing and the outside is so pretty! We travel through this area often. We’ll definitely be returning.”
“I’m so glad. You have a good night and if you need anything dial zero from the phone in your room,” I tell her, wondering if she will find the rotary dial phones quaint too.
“We will. Good night!”
I sit and look at my ledger. The ledger that now shows that every room in the motel is booked. I have no idea what sign she’s talking about. Is it possible she got our motel confused with something else? I have myself mostly convinced of that, after all, it can be the only explanation.
And then… the phone starts ringing.
People driving the interstate see our billboard and are trying to see if we have vacancies. After five calls, I’m almost crying. After three more calls asking for rooms for tomorrow, I do cry. When I flip on the neon sign that says NO in front of the vacancy out front, I cry a little harder.
“Babe I got Jack to bed, do you need me to give you a break?” Aden asks, coming into the main lobby.
I stand there and look at him. I don’t know why or how I know, but somehow I do.
“We’re booked solid,” I whisper. He stops. For a brief moment shock flashes across his face, and then those perfect lips of his, they are mostly hidden by his beard—which is sad, but the beard is sexy so that’s not sad at all—spread into a smile and his eyes sparkle.
“We are?” he asks.
“I’ve had to turn away customers,” I whisper again, and tears are still sliding from my eyes, but I ignore the wetness and concentrate on Aden.
“That’s good.”
“I even had to clean out your room and rent that one too.”
“That’s really, really good,” he grins.
“Half of the guests are booked for tomorrow night too,” I whisper—again.
“That’s really great.”
“I’ve had several more call in to book for tomorrow,” I whisper –yet again—but because I don’t think I can talk above a whisper right now.
“That’s amazing,” he says.
“A lady mentioned she saw our billboard,” I tell him, and yes, my voice is still whisper soft.
“She did?” he asks, and his face changes a little… he looks pleased, definitely pleased, but something else too. Something I can’t define, but it looks like…nervousness.
“Do you know what she’s talking about?”
“Hope—”
“You do, don’t you, Aden? You know what the woman was talking about?”
“Hope, I—”
“You rented a billboard, didn’t you?”
He looks like he’s about to deny it and then with a sigh, answers. “Yeah, I went into town two days ago and had it done. Paid extra to have it ready by the weekend, because there’s a big—”
“Antique sale,” I finish for him.
“Yeah. I figured that might get us some customers,” he answers as
if what he did wasn’t huge… monumental. Seriously, why does he have to be…nice?
“How? We didn’t have the money and the bank refused to extend me any more credit. How did you do this?”
“I had a ring I found in my stuff in the hotel. It wasn’t doing us any good lying in a box,” he shrugs.
“You sold your ring, to boost our motel for the week?” I ask, not understanding how he could be so selfless.
“Well, no.” he answers, and I blink. “It was a really nice ring, babe.”
“So for the month? Half a year?” I ask, feeling guilty, but almost hopeful too. If we can manage to book like this a little longer I can pay him back with interest.
“A year.”
“You rented a billboard for a year?” I ask completely in shock.
“No. I rented two billboards for a year,” he answers.
Tonight was the night I was talking with Aden and confessing everything. I had pulled pictures from the internet, I had listed out the facts and how this started as an accident that just snowballed. I was scared—to death. I knew that White wasn’t wrong. I was running out of time. I was also pretty sure I was falling in love with Aden and that was something that was bad—really bad—because there was no scenario in which this was going to work out with a happily ever after.
Aden was going to hate me—maybe worse.
And because I knew that was going to happen, and because I knew it was right around the corner, I selfishly wanted as much time as I could with Aden. I needed as much time with him as I could have. I had to have something to see me through the lost and lonely nights without him.
Now…with everything he had done to save this motel and the pains that he took to surprise me with it—or maybe not even tell me at all—I found I was an even more horrible and selfish person than I was before.
Because I wanted one more night with Aden. One more night to hold him, to love him, and to say goodbye to him.
That’s the only excuse I have. It’s not much, but it’s—for once—completely truthful.
“Hope?” he asks as I walk around him, go to the door and lock it. I turn around to face him and then I jump off the edge of the cliff.