by M. Ullrich
Eva looked everywhere but at Casey. Finally, after a moment of fidgeting, she licked her lips. “Do you think more people would like me if I looked like this?” Eva’s voice was so small and resigned, Casey’s heart twisted.
“Like a lounge singer?”
“More like a girl, more normal. Maybe if I changed, people would start leaving me alone.”
Casey shook her head. “Don’t ever change for other people.” She turned her hand to intertwine her fingers with Eva’s. “I think you’re perfect.”
“But you’re leaving,” Eva said. She pulled her hand back and took a deep breath. “What you think won’t matter if you’re not here.” She started to change back into her pants and T-shirt.
“It’ll be hard for both of us,” Casey said. “But I’ll come home a lot, and when I do, I hope to see the same beautiful, brilliant girl I’m best friends with now. Please don’t change.” She knew going away to college would affect Eva, but Casey was nearly sure she had everything figured out for a promising future together.
Eva turned around, the dress she had worn back on its hanger. She looked doubtful, saddened for a moment before smiling at Casey. “Nine months isn’t that long.”
“It’s not, and what happens after that will be nothing but good things,” Casey said. She watched Eva pull on one of her Converse sneakers. “I’m going to run and pay for my dress while you finish up.”
“You picked one?” Eva looked up with wide eyes.
“I did. You were hiding in here long enough.”
“Let me see.”
“No,” Casey said, holding up her hand. “Now you’ll have to wait until prom.”
“Was it one I picked?”
“I’m not telling.” Casey bit at her lower lip before slipping out of the dressing room and heading to the register.
She handed over her mother’s charge card and waited for the shop clerk to zip up the long garment bag. Thoughts of Eva in that lucky red dress danced in Casey’s mind. Errant spasms still throbbed between her legs and Casey pressed her thighs together. A small laugh escaped her lips. One day, she knew Eva would figure out Casey was attracted to her, no matter what she was wearing.
* * *
The night of the prom came a little too quickly for Eva’s liking. Prom night meant Casey going out with Jason Lemongelli, the boy who had been pining after her all school year. He was perfect: clean-cut good looks, a jock, and the most popular guy in their graduating class. He was also one of the few popular upperclassmen who left Eva alone. She suspected it was because he figured he’d score points with Casey. His plan must’ve worked, because after only a few lunches together and a movie date, he was the one accompanying her to Senior Prom.
“Oh my goodness,” her mother said. “You look absolutely beautiful.”
“Thank you, Mom.” Casey touched her updo shyly before looking in Eva’s direction.
Eva was speechless. She was even expressionless. Casey wore her hair up, exposing her shoulders and neckline, her straight bangs adding elegance to the basic hairstyle. The gown she had chosen was the first black dress Eva had picked for her. The garment was sleeveless and tea length with a cluster of shimmering jewels around the waist that spread and tapered out toward the bust and bottom hem. The gown alone was eye-catching, but the woman wearing it was breathtaking.
“Wow…” Eva could feel her mouth hanging open.
“Do you like it?”
Eva looked on in continued awe. She didn’t know how to answer that. She wanted to tell Casey that she loved the dress, that she looked like a princess, and how it seemed impossible before, but she looked more beautiful than ever. Eva couldn’t say that. What would Casey think if she did? No, she’d keep it simple and honest. “I picked a winner.” Casey’s smile faltered for a barely perceptible second, but Eva noticed it and wondered what she had said wrong.
“Come on, Casey.” Patricia tugged at Casey’s hand and ushered her into the living room. “What time is Jason getting here? It’s getting late.”
“Don’t worry, Mom. I told him not to rush.” Casey spoke to her mother, but her eyes remained on Eva.
“Well, let’s get some pictures of you two.” Casey’s father came from the kitchen with his camera in hand.
“Great idea, Jim.” Patricia clapped gleefully.
“You don’t want me in any pictures,” Eva said with a self-deprecating laugh. Casey looked like a movie star.
“Get over here.” Casey beckoned her with quick hand motion. “I want pictures of us.”
They posed for several pictures, and even in her plain polo and cut-off jean shorts, Eva began relaxing in front of the camera. Feeling included meant the world to Eva.
“Stand behind me and pose like you’re my date,” Casey suggested.
“What?” Eva giggled uncomfortably. Casey stood with her back against Eva, and pulled Eva’s arms around her. Just like any other prom couple.
“You should’ve been my date,” Casey said softly.
“And just like I told you when you asked me for the fiftieth time, you don’t want me as your date.” Eva took in Casey’s profile and the slope of her neck. “You’re stunning,” Eva whispered. Casey turned to her with a brilliant smile. The moment was broken by a knock at the door.
“That must be Jason,” Jim said, setting his camera down.
Eva wanted to lose herself in the happiness she’d felt just seconds before. Instead, her eyes were drawn to the guy standing in the doorway. In a tuxedo and shiny shoes, Jason was the epitome of teenage girl fantasies. Jason looked especially broad in his formal jacket, and his normally shaggy blond hair was trimmed and styled perfectly. His megawatt smile nearly blinded everyone in the room. He wasn’t Eva’s fantasy.
Patricia started to pose Casey again. “You two look perfect together. Just a couple pictures before you and Jason leave.”
Eve sank into the living room, wanting to become as invisible as possible. She closed her eyes after Jason had wrapped his arm around Casey so effortlessly, like he had no reason to hesitate. Like he felt entitled to touch her. That twisted Eva’s insides. She took in consecutive deep breaths, trying her best to calm herself, but she felt no calmer when Patricia called to her.
“Eva, one more shot with you in it.”
“No, there’s really no need for me to get in on this.”
“Please?” Casey used her softest voice, and Eva couldn’t deny her request.
Eva stepped forward and straightened her long, wavy hair as she approached the striking couple. This must’ve been how the ugly duckling felt during family portraits, she thought.
“Why waste a picture?” Eva heard Jason’s whisper. She wasn’t sure if that’s what he had intended, but even Casey’s quiet admonishment failed to soothe the burn of the insult.
“On second thought, I’ll just head home.” Eva took a detour to the front door. She pulled it open but paused before she stepped into the humid evening air. She looked back at Casey, swallowed her pride, and said, “I hope you have a wonderful evening.”
Eva slammed the door and ran until she flew through her own front door. She was breathing rapidly and fighting hard against her tears. Her throat burned with unleashed sobs. Eva waited one minute, and then two, listening carefully for any telltale sounds of Luke being home, lurking in the basement. Thankfully, it appeared she was alone.
She made her way to the kitchen and opened the liquor cabinet, the only cabinet in the home that was always stocked. She picked up the first full bottle and ran out to the backyard. A weathered rope swing hung from a large tree branch, the exact swing she’d sat on when she arrived at Luke’s home when she was twelve. Saddened by the death of her parents, Eva had spent the better part of her first evening swaying back and forth, until a young blond girl caught her attention out of the corner of her eye.
Eva looked over to Casey’s backyard now and sighed at the memory of simpler times. She laughed mirthlessly. There had been no simpler times since Luke picked her up
from the police station and told her her parents had been murdered in a “mugging gone wrong.” That’s what he had called it. Eva sat heavily on the plank of wood held by two ropes. She twisted off the top of the whiskey bottle and smelled its contents. She cringed. But the point of drinking wasn’t the taste. It was to erase all the thoughts that led you to believe you’d never live in simpler times ever again. Eva took her first drink.
Chapter Five
Eva had forgotten how many stars could fill the night sky, and how they always seemed to be dancing. Earth’s ceiling was one hell of a crowded dance floor, or that’s how it appeared to Eva. She lay in the overgrown lawn, one fist filled with plucked blades of grass, the half-filled bottle of whiskey in the other. She was careful not to drink too quickly. That’d just make her sick. Eva sipped or took a gulp from time to time. She drank steadily enough to numb her, to help her forget and make her unaware of time passing. She should thank her uncle for showing her how to ride a drunken wave for hours without passing out. Not that Luke had actually taught her that. Eva threw her handful of grass up in the air and let it rain on her.
“Like you taught me anything,” she slurred to herself. Eva turned on her side to face the covered windows of the basement. She extended her hand and lifted her thumb. “You taught me how to hate you.” Eva extended her index and middle finger next. “And how to hate my life and myself.” She aimed her hand gun at the small windows and pulled the imaginary trigger. “Bang, bang.” Eva fell into a fit of giggles.
When her laughter subsided, Eva stared at the windows. She had never been down in the basement, where Luke spent most of his time. Like Lucifer in hell, she mused. The door was always locked. Although she had thought to pick the lock before, it wasn’t worth the risk of getting caught. But what did he do down there?
Undisguisable noises often rang out from behind the thick wooden door, and flashes of light illuminated the blacked-out windows on many occasions, but Eva couldn’t tell much from that. She had worried Luke kept kidnapped women down there, but she never heard voices or screams. She even thought he was creating the perfect torture device to strap her into, but that idea already made her laugh. Just living there was the greatest form of torture.
She took another large gulp of whiskey followed immediately by another. Eva considered this the perfect time to purposely end her night. She lay back down, closed her eyes, and let her thoughts of the basement and her uncle run wild. Eva recalled the way he’d ramble, late at night while she hid in her room during the rare moments she spent at home. One night she awoke to his triumphant shout that he was greater than any man. That he had created something larger than mankind.
“Eva?” a sweet voice called from the distance. The sound of it fused with the warmth brought on by the whiskey and let it sink deeper into her heavy bones. “Eva, why are you lying on the ground? Have you been here all night?” The closer the voice got, the more recognizable it became.
“Casey?” Eva said, but she didn’t bother opening her eyes or lifting her head. She was comfortable just the way she was. “What’re you doing home so early?”
“It’s after eleven.” Casey was standing over Eva.
Eva opened her eyes but closed one, hoping that’d help her focus on one of the Caseys she saw. She licked her dry lips and said, “Time flies when you’re having fun, I guess.”
Casey tapped her toe against the liquor bottle still in Eva’s hand. “What kind of fun are you having?”
“How was prom?” Eva sat up and shivered against the chill of the night air against her damp back. Her hair hung heavily with dew.
“Good.”
“How was Jason?” Eva nearly choked on the name.
“What are you doing?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“This,” Casey said. She grabbed the bottle from Eva’s grip and held it less than an inch from her face. “This isn’t like you. Eva, you’re better than this.” Casey threw the bottle into the corner of the yard, where overgrown ivy cushioned the sound of its impact.
“That’s really far away.”
“Tell me why you’re doing this.”
“I don’t even think I’ve stood in that corner. It’s like uncharted territory.” Eva looked up to Casey in awe.
“What is your problem?”
“I don’t have a problem, you have a problem,” Eva said, continuing to look up at Casey. “A height problem!” She fell into a fit of giggles that caused her to collapse onto her side. The spotlight that hung over the back door of Eva’s house sparkled on the jewels surrounding Casey’s abdomen. The reflections danced along on every surface around them. “You look like a really pretty, really tall princess,” Eva said.
“Is this how you’re going to deal with things when I’m gone?”
“When you’re gone?” Any lingering amusement in her voice had vanished. “What do you care? You won’t be here.” Eva began to yell. “That’s the whole point, though, isn’t it? Get as far away from this mess as possible, so you can live the life I’m keeping you from. Convenient, isn’t it?” Eva stared blankly at Casey, barely registering the way her friend’s jaw flexed.
Casey turned and left without a word, leaving Eva to search for slumber in the center of the patchy lawn.
* * *
Eva understood sunshine was an integral part of human life, but she was willing to do anything to get it to go away when she woke up the next morning. She had no recollection of the night before or why she had chosen to sleep in the grass, but that was the least of her worries as she watched the world spin around her. Eva grabbed the sides of her head and willed her brain to keep from scrambling. When she opened her eyes again, the yard seemed to be steady. Eva reached into her pocket for her phone and was shocked to see it was after eleven in the morning.
“What happened?” she mumbled to herself. Eva remembered taking pictures, seeing Jason, running home, and grabbing a bottle of whiskey. She felt around for the bottle, and when she couldn’t find it, a foggy memory came forward. She sat up and looked into the far corner of her yard. The sunshine bounced off of the thick glass container. “How…”
Casey. Eva swallowed harshly. She had a faint recollection of yelling. She remembered Casey’s hurt look, or had she been disappointed? Eva wasn’t sure, but she knew she was the cause. She swallowed again at the telltale burn in the base of her throat.
Eva dragged herself into her house and up to the bathroom to clean up. After a long, hot shower, she locked herself in her room and collapsed onto her bed. She needed to think of an apology, and she was desperate to distract herself from the pounding headache that throbbed between her eyes. She checked her phone again, hoping Casey had reached out, but she didn’t have any notifications. They never went this long without talking. A simple apology wouldn’t fix this. Eva had a weekend, two days to think of a way to apologize to Casey and pray she’d earn her best friend’s forgiveness. She lay on her bed and stared at the ceiling. Origami animals hung and twirled from thin pieces of string. Maybe she’d offer a token of apology.
Grateful Luke was still away, Eva had time to recover and focus without hiding in fear. She spent the better part of her weekend scavenging her house for any paper lying around, folding it over and over until the creases were permanent and her fingertips reddened. Eva didn’t mind the paper cuts. They were painful reminders of her stupid mistake. She’d looked out the window toward Casey’s house more times than she could count. She wondered what Casey was doing, if she was thinking of her, and if she was with someone who didn’t weigh her down. A hollow feeling had moved into Eva’s chest. The darkness that normally danced around the edges of her life had eclipsed her. Eva realized her world had little hope without Casey.
Eva had typed out a message of apology several times but always deleted it before she hit send. Eva was sleepy on Sunday night, and just before she felt herself start to doze, she picked up her phone once more.
“I miss you,” she said to Casey�
��s photo on the screen. The light strained her eyes, but Eva didn’t look away from the image. Casey’s dazzling smile was exactly what Eva wanted to see before bed. “I love you,” she mumbled before she fell asleep.
Eva was a jumble of nerves on Monday morning. Casey’s car was gone. She must’ve left for school earlier than usual, avoiding Eva’s morning ride. Eva used the thirty-minute walk to school as a way to clear her head and prepare her words. She knew she was wrong, and she should’ve never let her fear of Casey leaving turn into misdirected anger. Hopefully, Casey would take those words to heart.
Her first Casey sighting came within minutes of the school day. They passed each other in the hallway, and Casey never even looked at her. That had never happened before. Eva and Casey naturally gravitated to one another. Eva ducked into the bathroom to catch her breath. She replayed the moment in her head and was aching at how happy Casey looked. Maybe she was okay with this separation. Eva’s stomach started to quiver as the bell rang.
She spent her classes in a blur. Eva went through the motions with little participation. Up next was her seventh period art class, the one class she shared with Casey twice a week. But Casey wasn’t there. Their usual table by the window was empty. Eva wondered whether Casey had left for the day or if she had decided to skip, but then she heard a familiar bellow of laughter from the back of the room. Casey was sitting with someone else and having a wonderful time.
Eva asked her teacher for a pass to see the nurse. Her nausea was unbearable. She caught Casey’s eye as she left the room, and the intensity of her stare nearly knocked Eva from her unsteady feet. She couldn’t go on like this.
Eva needed to speak to Casey as soon as possible, because she wasn’t sure how much more of this slow torture she could take. She practically ran home, relieved to see Casey’s yellow car parked in its usual place. Eva stared at it as she stood at Casey’s front door.