by M. Ullrich
“Getting me naked and in bed—was that part of your plan when you showed up at my door yesterday morning?” Eva’s playful words lost their lightheartedness when she realized Casey’s features were pinched.
Casey rolled off Eva and put distance between their bodies, distance that alarmed Eva in an instant. “Do you think this was too soon? I mean, you come back after six years, and two days later we’re in bed. Are we crazy?”
“No,” Eva said immediately. “We’re not strangers. Are we?”
“Of course not.” Casey turned her head to the side, and Eva’s breath caught at her simple beauty. A single tear ran down the side of her face. “I’m scared to mess this up.”
“Listen to me.” Eva faced Casey and ran her fingertips along her cheek. “You have been in my heart every day since I was twelve. Just thinking about having moments like this one was a guilty fantasy for so long, and then those thoughts turned into lifesavers for me. We’re not moving too fast. I think we’re six years too slow.”
Casey kissed Eva languidly before interlocking their legs. “Imagine what our sleepovers would’ve been like.” She wiggled her eyebrows, and Eva giggled. Casey nuzzled Eva’s neck and sighed. “I could lie like this forever.”
“Me too.” Eva kissed the top of Casey’s head and buried her nose into her soft hair. Forget about forever, she thought. One night like this is more than I ever thought I’d have.
They rose and readied themselves together, playfully pinching and touching all the while, never once straying too far from each other. Eva had never experienced such a wonderful, happy, clearheaded morning. Casey was giddy to have breakfast with her parents, and while Eva didn’t share her level of excitement, she did find it adorable.
“I’m nervous,” Eva said in a harsh whisper. She tugged at her fitted V-neck sweater and followed Casey across the lawn.
“About what?”
“Seeing your parents again. It’s just so weird, you know?”
“I know.” Casey turned to Eva just before she opened the door. “Everything will be fine. It’s not like this is the first time you’re meeting them, although you are the first girl I’ve brought home.”
This new information was interesting to Eva. “I thought you dated someone for two years.”
“I did, but I never brought her home to meet my parents.”
“Why not?”
“I was never ready. Which, coincidentally, was the reason why she ended things.” Casey shrugged. “We were never on the same page. Tara was much more serious about our relationship than I was.”
“I’d be serious after two years too.”
“It’s only been two days, and I’m already more serious about this relationship.”
Eva smiled brightly. A motion from behind the small square windows in Casey’s door caught her eye. “I’d like to talk more about this relationship, but I think we’re being watched,” Eva said, amused.
“Ready?” Casey opened the door without waiting for Eva’s reply.
Eva was about to tease Casey, but the moment she stepped into the house, Patricia McClellan swept her into a tight embrace. She gasped not just out of surprise but also at the fierceness of the hold. Jim stood beside his daughter and smiled at Eva.
“Hi, Mrs. McClellan,” Eva said shyly. “Mr. McClellan.” She nodded to Jim. Eva wasn’t completely sure, but she thought she saw tears in Casey’s eyes.
“It’s so nice to have you back.” Patricia stepped back and wiped at her wet cheeks. Eva had expected an emotional reunion, but seeing Casey’s mother cry still surprised her. “When I saw you the other day, I just couldn’t believe it.”
“She almost sent me over there at two in the morning to see if it was really you,” Jim said, stepping forward. “I’m so happy to see you, Eva.” He pulled her into a robust hug. “And please call us Jim and Patricia, we’re all adults now.”
“You guys are going to suffocate her.” Casey laughed. She grabbed Eva’s hand the moment Jim released her and pulled her back to her side. “What’s for breakfast? I’m starving.”
“Work up an appetite last night, did you?” Eva’s eyes went wide at Patricia’s question. She felt the heat of a blush creep up her cheeks. “I bet that house needs a lot of work.”
Eva sighed in relief. “Yeah, lots of cleaning in order to start fresh.”
“Well,” Patricia said, tying an apron around her waist, “I was going to make each of your favorites.”
“Please don’t,” Eva said. “You really don’t have to go through all that trouble just for me.”
Patricia smiled knowingly. “But I had a feeling you’d say that, so I thought I’d make some French toast. I even picked up a loaf of the good challah bread from the bakery. You girls fix yourselves some coffee, and I’ll meet you in the dining room with your plates.”
Casey grabbed two mugs from the cabinets and poured two cups of coffee. Eva watched Casey spoon sugar into her mug and was struck by the oddity of Casey no longer knowing how she took her coffee. Her order had changed drastically over the years from the sickeningly sweet concoction she drank in high school. After one sip, no matter how sweet, Eva decided any cup of coffee prepared by Casey would be delicious no matter what.
“I thought your mom was talking about us having sex,” Eva blurted the moment they were alone in the dining room.
“I saw the panic on your face. It was adorable and sexy.”
“How is my embarrassment sexy?”
“Not your embarrassment, just your blush. It made me think of the way your face reddens when I touch you.” Casey snuck her hands up the front of Eva’s sweater, but Eva swatted them away.
“Stop it!” Eva scolded her. “They could walk in at any moment.” Casey put on a dramatic pout, and Eva was sure her lower lip had never looked more enticing. “I’m never going to survive breakfast.”
“They’ll go easy on you.”
“It’s not them I’m worried about.”
“I’ll keep my hands to myself,” Casey said with a wink.
“But all I’ll be thinking about is what you’re capable of when you’re not keeping your hands to yourself.” Eva looked down into her amused green eyes. “And you’re capable of a lot with those tiny hands.”
Casey stood on her toes and gave Eva a quick peck on the lips. “Sit down and drink your coffee before I drag you up to my room.”
“Here we go,” Patricia said as she walked into the room carrying a platter stacked high with slices of thick French toast. Jim was right behind her with a tray of every topping Eva could imagine. “I made a whole loaf, so don’t hold back.”
Eva went about preparing her meal, combining different ingredients on individual slices of French toast to ensure she could taste a little bit of everything. She dripped syrup on the table when Casey pressed her knee into hers. Eva knew Casey’s parents couldn’t see what was happening beneath the wooden table, but it still felt inappropriate.
Did Casey’s parents know about the change in their relationship? If they didn’t, how would they feel about it? Patricia smiled warmly as she ate and made small talk. Would she still be so happy if she knew her daughter was pursuing a relationship with someone like Eva? Someone who lacked a future and would never be as accomplished or successful as Casey? Someone who had caused Casey such pain?
Jim was the first to turn the conversation onto Eva. “What are your plans now that you’re back home?”
Eva swallowed and wiped at her mouth. “There’s still a few matters I need to settle, like finding whether Luke had a will or anything, but other than that I’m just taking it slow with settling back in.”
“She’s going to look for a job soon and take some online classes,” Casey added unnecessarily. Eva’s first instinct was to be mad at her for oversharing, but Casey’s grin was filled with so much pride, Eva’s irritation slipped away. Instead, she reached under the table to squeeze Casey’s thigh.
“I am, and I’m planning to remodel the house a bit once I get
a steady paying job. It’d look much nicer with a fresh coat of paint and some furniture from this century.” Everyone around the table laughed.
“If you need any help at all, come get me. Now that I’m semi-retired, I have some free time and would love to get involved in projects.”
“Please, take him,” Patricia said with pleading eyes. “He’s so bored sometimes I swear he breaks things just to fix them.”
“The bathroom faucet had been leaking for a week.”
“I never saw a drip.”
Eva felt that old familiar comfort of family wash over her. “I want to thank you both for everything you did for me back then. I always felt guilty for leaving without a proper good-bye or thank you.” Her chin started to quiver and she swallowed hard. “Thank you so much.”
“Eva, sweetheart, we wanted to be there for you, and we still are,” Patricia said with tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. Jim held her hand on the tabletop, and their kind eyes calmed Eva’s rising emotions.
The years might have added wrinkles to their faces and a few more strands of gray hair, but the McClellans still had youthful spirits in their smile and their eyes. Their faces still conveyed the same warm and accepting love toward Eva.
Casey’s hand on the back of her neck startled Eva.
“Are you okay?” Casey said. Her eyes were filled with concern, but her smirk contradicted that worry. “You zoned out for a minute there.”
“I’m great. I was just thinking about how happy I am.”
Casey leaned forward to whisper, “I thought you were thinking about my hands.” Casey sat back with feigned innocence and smiled at her parents. “I have to use the bathroom.” She excused herself, leaving Eva stunned and alone with her parents.
She never expected Casey to be such a tease.
“I’ll start cleaning up,” Jim said and kissed Patricia’s temple.
Once he left the room, Patricia spoke again. “I haven’t seen Casey this happy since the night before you left.”
“I haven’t been this happy since then either.” Eva thought about her words and realized the error in her statement. “I actually can’t ever remember being this happy.”
“I’m glad you two found your way back to each other.” Patricia reached across the table and waited for Eva to take her hand. Patricia held it firmly and looked in Eva’s eyes with such intensity, the hair on the back of Eva’s neck stood on end. “Casey had a very hard go of it when you left. I’m sure she told you that. I need you to promise me that you’ll do what’s best for her. That means no more disappearing. I don’t think she’d make it through again.”
Eva knew Casey had suffered, but to what extent? “I can’t apologize enough, Mrs. McClellan.”
“She scared me those first couple of years. Her depression kept her home every day, and then she became obsessive. She’d follow the news, local and nationwide, and check obituaries online. Eventually we forced her to see a therapist, and that helped. Once she was strong enough to start school, we finally saw a glimmer of the Casey we knew back then.”
Eva pulled her hand away and sat back into her chair. She shook her head, trying to get her scattered thoughts in line before speaking, but all she could manage was one barely audible word. “Years?”
“She didn’t tell you?”
Eva shook her head.
“Oh dear, she probably didn’t want you to feel guilty. It’d be best for her to tell you the story.”
“Please tell me.”
Patricia looked at the doorway before speaking. “Casey didn’t start college until three years after graduation. She just wasn’t capable of it. But she’s there now and doing so well.” Patricia’s smile was forced, but it didn’t lack sincerity.
Eva closed her eyes and thought of every time she’d alluded to Casey’s psychology degree and her schooling over the weekend, and how noncommittal Casey was about the topic. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t apologize,” Patricia said. “Just be there for her now the way she always wanted to be there for you. And whatever you do, don’t tell her I told you.”
Eva let out a small laugh and nodded.
“Hey, Mom.” Casey bounced into the room. “I’m going to steal Eva for a second.” She grabbed Eva’s hand and tugged her out of the chair, leading her up to her room. Once they were in her old bedroom, Casey finally turned to Eva. “Why do you look like you saw a ghost?” she said while holding Eva’s face in her hands. “Are you okay?”
Eva considered every way she could answer or not answer Casey’s question. She couldn’t lie to her. “I was just talking to your mom.”
“Oh God, did she ask you a million questions? I told her not to do that.”
“She told me about you,” Eva said firmly. She saw Casey’s retreat in her eyes a moment before she pulled her hands away. Eva’s cheeks felt cold without Casey’s touch.
“So, we’re not going to make out?” Casey’s poor joke did little to ease the tension of the moment.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“And risk scaring you away? No.” Casey shook her head forcefully. “You were finally back, and that mattered. What I went through doesn’t.”
“It matters to me.” Eva wanted to scream. “I did that to you.”
“It’s not—”
“Don’t you dare say it’s not my fault.” Eva turned away from Casey to look out her bedroom window. A sparrow danced across a swaying tree branch. “Are you going to school for psychology?”
“Yes, but I don’t think I’ll pursue my doctorate.”
Eva closed her eyes and thought, What have I done?
“Do you remember when we watched Cast Away together?” Eva turned around at Casey’s odd question. “And we were both so angry at Helen Hunt’s character in the end. Like, the man you loved so much is still alive, but your life was settled, so you let him walk away.”
“What?”
“I’m Helen Hunt’s redo.” Casey laughed just as she started to cry. “At first I was sad, and then I refused to give up hope. So I searched for you the only way I knew how—by making sure you weren’t dead.”
Eva grimaced at the morbidity of Casey’s plan.
“If I knew you were alive, then I knew you were still out there. My relationship with Tara never got serious because I was waiting for the woman I loved to show up at my door after being lost at sea for years.” Casey voice cracked. “And here you are.”
“Will you—” Eva swallowed the lump in her throat. “Will you come here so I can hug you?” Casey nearly rushed into Eva’s arms. They cried together until the tears no longer fell. Casey was the first to pull away.
“I’m so happy you’re back,” she said.
Eva kissed Casey slowly, losing herself in the suppleness of her lips. “Me too. You loved me?”
“Enough to wait for you to come back from the island. And I still do.”
Eva relaxed into Casey’s touch and imagined, just for the moment, that this kind of love could wash away the guilt she felt grow darker in her heart.
Chapter Thirteen
Eva kissed Casey for the ninth time since walking her to her car that afternoon. After their cathartic tears and extended quality time with Casey’s parents, Eva was reluctant to let Casey go. But life had to go on.
“I wish I didn’t have to go,” Casey said.
“Me too, but you’re not too far. Maybe we’ll meet halfway for dinner this week, and then you’ll be back here Friday.” Eva rubbed Casey’s arms to help ward off the late October chill and the sad good-bye shivers.
“Like a date?” Eva wanted to squeeze her and never let her go.
“Yes, a date.” Eva framed Casey’s face with her hands. “And I’ll be able to show you off.” She bit her lip.
“Wednesdays are my short days. We’ll figure something out.” Casey held on to Eva’s wrists and closed her eyes. Eva wondered if she was imagining their date or relishing her touch. Either way, Eva didn’t move.
They stood silent for a long while. Casey didn’t climb into her car, and Eva never encouraged her to. Casey leaned back on her car and pulled Eva with her. They kissed again.
“I guess it’s safe to say your parents know about us,” Eva said before looking over her shoulder to Casey’s house. Eva gasped as Casey put her cold hands beneath Eva’s sweater and pressed against the bare skin of her lower back.
“My mother knew this was going to happen the moment she told me you were back. And then the other night when I got home from seeing you, she saw the way I struggled with anger and happiness. She helped me work through it and realize having you now is more important than anything else.”
“I should thank her, because you looked like you were ready to kill me the other night.”
“How do I look now?”
“Like you’re about to pull me into your backseat.” Casey’s fingertips dipped into the front of her jeans. Eva’s hips bucked involuntarily. She looked at Casey’s car and said, “There’s more room back there than the Focus had.”
“If I don’t get in my car right now, I will have you pinned in my backseat.” Casey’s nails scratched at Eva’s taut skin.
Eva’s whimper turned into a whine. “Go, get out of here,” she said, stepping back. “Study and ace everything so you’re not distracted when I see you Wednesday.” Casey climbed into the driver’s seat and fastened her seat belt. She rolled down the window and beckoned for Eva to lean in.
Eva had never been kissed the way Casey kissed her. So much fire flowed from Casey, Eva burned from the inside out, but the passion was tempered with a tenderness that buckled her knees and brought tears to her eyes. Eva had never been kissed with so much love. She licked her lips and savored Casey’s taste.
“I love you,” she whispered against Casey’s lips and felt her smile into the words.
“I love you too.”
“Call me as soon as you get there, and drive safe.” Eva tapped on the roof of Casey’s car and watched solemnly as she drove away.
Eva slowly walked back to her own front door. Each step lacked enthusiasm. The thought of days without Casey bogged Eva down, but she had plenty to keep her busy—job searching, a home to take care of, and a basement to break into.