Time Will Tell

by M. Ullrich

  How had she managed to fuck everything up again? Eva was given a rare second chance but wasted it, just like she wasted everything. She wanted to blame Casey for giving up and walking away without trying, but the more Eva mulled over Casey’s painful words, the more sense they made. They were both completely different. Maybe none of this would’ve happened if they hadn’t skipped their first date. Eva laughed hollowly. One date wouldn’t have changed a thing. Eva knew both she and Casey were guilty for jumping into an old fantasy without one rational thought in mind. Having lost so much in life already, Eva kicked herself for letting the list grow.

  She stood on shaky legs and washed her face, mouth, and the sink before heading to the kitchen. She sat at the table with her dry toast and black tea, thinking about Casey and how life never seemed to treat either of them fairly. If Eva could have a redo, a chance to start over, she’d gladly take it and change Casey’s life for the better. The beautiful, outgoing Casey she knew in high school would’ve become a successful, flourishing woman if not for her. No, if Eva could do it all again, she wouldn’t care if her life still suffered. Casey would never suffer again.

  Eva pushed her plate aside and grabbed one of the books from the basement she’d stacked on the table. She flipped through it distractedly, finding several marked pages. She read hundreds of highlighted words and looked at the cover again. Quantum Physics for Beginners. Eva looked through the rest of the pile to find all the books had highlighted pages and notes in the margins. After a while, she noticed the start of a step-by-step formula. She ran back down to the basement to see where it’d continue.

  Every book had these notes.

  She went to the desk for a pen and notepad, and in the bottom drawer of the desk, she found a lockbox and the only fiction book in the entire house. She held the beat up paperback and read the title aloud.

  “The Time Machine by H. G. Wells.” Eva sat heavily in the desk chair and looked around. “No fucking way.” She started laughing uncontrollably. Her uncle was not only an abusive bastard, but a complete nutjob as well. Time travel was a great idea. Who wouldn’t love to be able to control the past and revisit happy times? But Luke was obviously obsessed with it.

  She picked up the lockbox, surprised by its weight, and opened it. She found two copper bracelets and a revolver inside. She closed the box gingerly and placed it back in the drawer for safekeeping. Eva had no idea of how to dispose of an unwanted firearm, but she’d figure it out eventually. Just knowing it was there made her uneasy.

  Eva jumped when she heard her cell phone. She could assume either Casey or Max was calling, and she wasn’t ready to speak to either of them. Casey deserved an apology Eva hadn’t prepared yet, and Max was a connection to a life she needed to make a decision about. Eva decided to lose herself to another person’s craziness instead of focusing on her own.

  She grabbed the binders and spread them out across the worktable before ripping down articles from the corkboard. Eva began to piece together her uncle’s life work as well as bits of real science to back his theories. She worked into the night, fueling herself with coffee and sugary snacks until her hands were shaking. The final piece of the puzzle was figuring out whether Luke had attempted to construct a time machine.

  She looked at the corkboard that held only remnants of newspaper clippings, and tried to focus on what was beneath the clippings. Now she finally knew what the schematics were for. Eva gingerly pulled the aged paper down, careful not to lose any important measurements or data, and laid it on the floor. From above she was able to make everything out. Two circles were drawn in the center of the paper. According to the data and illustration, Eva had seen this device before in the lockbox along with the gun.

  She ignored the pistol and raised the two copper rings to the light. Something so simplistic couldn’t possibly transport anyone through time. Maybe if she drank enough and played with them, she’d feel like she was tripping through another dimension. Eva continued to search through Luke’s binders for instructions, finally finding his homemade user’s guide in the very last binder on the bottom shelf.

  Along with his detailed instructions, he’d included warnings of failed attempts. The boldest note, written in red magic marker, described the nausea and vertigo after each trip and indicated that the more you went back and forth, the quicker your body deteriorated. No wonder the medical examiner had been dumbfounded by their autopsy findings. The next line had a star beside it. *one can only travel back in time and never forward, simply because the future doesn’t exist yet, but the past’s imprint is with us all.

  Eva stepped away from the paperwork and tried to control her breathing. If all these notes were true, if what Luke had been doing all this time actually worked, Eva held the answer to all of her problems in the palm of her hand.

  “Holy shit,” she said, wiping her face roughly. She needed sleep. That’s it. Eva needed to rest and clear her mind of all these crazy fantasies. She was exhausted, overcaffeinated, and sad. A truly lethal combination for a dreamer’s heart.

  Eva padded her way up the stairs and fell into bed. She’d forget all about time travel by the time she woke up. She had to if she wanted to prove Casey wrong. Eva closed her eyes and whispered to herself, “I am nothing like him.”

  If the time machine worked, how would she travel? Eva wondered if she’d actually have the chance to relive the moment, or if she’d be a third-party observer. Would she be a voyeur to everything she had lived through, or would she be able to could go back and decline Max’s invitation to an after-party? She could’ve catered to Casey more during the night or stayed away from another drink when they got home and controlled her temper. What if she went back a little further? Eva would be able to re-experience and cherish the skin-on-skin moments she’d shared with Casey. She’d appreciate their final night together properly, even if she knew she could avoid fucking the relationship up one day later. Eva knew she’d go back to the day Casey stood on her doorstep. Instead of wearing a stupid look on her face, she’d scoop Casey up, hold her tightly, and begin apologizing for all of her wrongdoings right then.

  But with such possibilities, Eva could see it all. Eva could go back and remember what it felt like to lie in bed with Casey on school nights, not caring about the responsibilities that lay on the other side of the sunrise. She could go back to the carnival, she could go back to Casey’s prom night and stay away from the bottle. Hell, she could go back and make sure Casey never lost the bracelet she loved so much in seventh grade.

  Eva could go back and never run away. She could stay, and Casey could go on to live the life she deserved. Together, they could live the lives they deserved. Eva’s eyes flew open.

  “Fuck it,” she said as she jumped up and ran for the basement.

  She followed Luke’s instructions step by step. She slid the copper bracelets over her hands and up to the middle of her forearms. They had to be flush against the skin to ensure proper conductivity. Her clothing was tight enough, and Luke’s research said it would travel with her, so she wouldn’t arrive anywhere naked. Check and check. The connection worked a lot like a key—the small raised end of the right bracelet fit into the notch on the left, creating a full circuit of energy and electricity. Somehow, some way, combined with the thought of a place and time, she would be transported within fifteen minutes and one hundred feet of that exact moment.

  Eva was pretty sure she was about to die.

  A deep breath in and out, several times, and a focused thought. Eva wondered where she’d want to end up, what place in time would be the best to land first. Immediately, her mind went back to her ninth birthday. Her parents had taken her for ice cream when all she wanted was to stay home and play with the parakeet they got her as a gift. Skittles was her first pet, and little Eva was very concerned Skittles would forget about her while she was gone. She closed her eyes and pressed the bracelets together with the memory of Skittles on her mind.

  Eva wasn’t expecting the time machine to work. Sh
e had accepted the most she’d gain from this experience was new jewelry. When Eva felt nothing more than a rush of warmth and a burst of goose bumps across her skin, she was embarrassed to admit she was disappointed. Time travel, the ability to go back and right all of her wrongs, was a frivolous daydream. Eva grew dizzy and nauseous, her embarrassment turning to anxiety when she realized she’d have to face the consequences of her latest actions. She disconnected the bracelets and opened her eyes.

  She was surrounded by pitch black, and she heard a distant chirping. She stepped forward toward the wall in search of the light switches, but she didn’t find a wall or a switch, and a table blocked her way. A table she didn’t put there. She hit her knee and bit back a pained squeal. Eva was surrounded by familiar scents, and she turned to find large windows at her back. Moonlight streamed in, and trees danced in the breeze outside.

  Eva looked around for clues, and she recognized everything she struggled to make out in the darkness. She gasped for breath to quell the nausea and her rising panic. Following her instinct, Eva found a light switch on a far wall and flipped it, illuminating her childhood living room. Her head was spinning and her legs started to shake, sending her to her knees.

  Every item, every piece of furniture and meaningless decoration was exactly where she remembered it. Eva placed her hands beside her knees to feel the carpet fibers between her fingers, testing her reality. She wavered slightly when she stood and started to make her way around. Skittles danced in her cage, seemingly perturbed by the unexpected visitor. Eva looked over the full bookcase that stood beside the fireplace, her mother’s love of reading making her smile.

  Eva noticed the small pink spot at the center of a couch cushion and recalled the day she’d marked the furniture while coloring. Her parents were mad at first, but their anger quickly turned to understanding when Eva shot them her best apologetic smile. A family portrait hanging on the far wall caught her attention.

  They posed on the beach, a cheesy portrait most Jersey Shore families had. The sun surrounded them as the wind blew Eva and her mother’s matching dark hair into uncontrollable wisps around their faces. Her father was clean-shaven and radiant with a large smile, his right hand on Eva’s shoulder. She was six when the picture was taken, right when both of her front teeth had gone missing. Young Eva smiled happily, regardless of the large gap. The photographer had captured the moment and the spirit of the Caldwells perfectly.

  Eva swallowed hard against the building sadness and anger in her throat. She thought she’d be used to missing them by now, but the pain of unexpectedly losing your parents never goes away. Eva mourned for the child in the picture, her former self, and wished she never had to know such grief.

  The sound of voices approaching the front door and keys jingling tore Eva from her thoughts. She ran to turn off the lights but stopped short as the doorknob turned. Eva ducked into the coat closet nearest to the front door. She took a deep breath and held it when the front door creaked open. Eva recognized the sound of her mother’s laughter. Rosalie Caldwell never held back when she found something funny.

  “No, babe, there’s nothing wrong with a grown man asking for gummy bears on his ice cream. What’s wrong is putting them on coffee ice cream.” Eva bit her trembling lower lip. She wasn’t prepared to hear her parents’ voices again. “I thought you turned off the lights.”

  “I did, and I don’t eat them together. I push them aside for later.” She fought against a sob and a sniffle.

  Eva looked around her dark surroundings and ran her fingertips along a wool coat. Without much light, she already knew her mother’s favorite red coat hung beside her. Her mother’s wintertime staple complemented her magnificently. Eva held the collar to her nose and smelled her mother’s perfume. She couldn’t recall the name of it, but she’d never forget the scent. She reached into the pocket and pulled out a business card. Even though she couldn’t read it in the dark, Eva decided to take it as a token.

  Voices came closer and Eva held still. Eva didn’t recognize one voice at first, but it became unmistakably…her. A chill ran up Eva’s spine.

  “Why don’t you just buy gummy bears, Dad?” Eva could hear the exasperation in her own voice.

  “Because when you’re an adult, you have to make responsible choices.” Eva rolled her eyes at her father’s vague response, much like she probably did as a nine-year-old. Although now she knew the truth of the statement. “I think it’s time for you to go wash up before bed. Brush your teeth and make sure all the ice cream is off your hands and face. Your mother and I will be up to tuck you in.” Eva heard herself grumble and run off. She was not a large child, but boy did her feet pound the stairs loudly.

  “I can’t believe she’s nine already,” Rosalie said. “Before we know it, she’ll be in middle school and then high school.”

  “I can’t even think about it. You think she’s sassy now? I can only imagine what she’ll be like as a teenager.” Eva felt her heart break with loss all over again. She forced the bracelets together again, wanting to leave before she could no longer hold in her cries.

  She fell to her knees the moment she arrived back in the basement of her present-day home. Sobs racked her body, stripping her throat raw with their unrelenting force. Eva didn’t have her parents’ guidance in high school, their arms around her as she struggled with her own identity, and they never got to see their little girl grow up. Eva was overwhelmed with freshly uncovered emotions she had buried years ago: loss, grief, and self-pity. But now she had the means to go back and write a new ending for herself. Now she understood how time travel worked.

  Eva dug the heels of her palms into the concrete floor as she wondered, what the hell do I do next?

  Chapter Nineteen

  Casey watched the moving clouds outside her bedroom window. She tried using her imagination to see animals or something, but all she could see were white blobs. What you see is what you get, she thought as she turned onto her back. Everything in life should be taken at face value: clouds, people, places, and things. Casey saw how foolish she was for expecting more, for believing in more than what meets the eye, especially when it came to Eva.

  But the chance at a real, successful relationship with Eva was as impossible as it appeared to be. Impossible. What you see is what you get. She sighed at the ceiling. It would have been a challenge, but Casey still wished Eva would have faced that challenge with her. Casey still believed they were worth the effort.

  “Are you okay in there?” Lizzy said from the other side of Casey’s bedroom door. “I haven’t see you in days.”

  “That’s because I’ve been avoiding you,” Casey said under her breath.

  “What was that?”

  “I said I’m fine.”

  “Did you go to class today?”

  Casey had returned to her apartment late after leaving Eva’s, deciding to avoid her mother for the night. She spent all of Sunday locked in her room crying, cursing, and calling Eva. Casey hadn’t expected her to answer the phone, but she had hoped that Eva’d want to talk once she had sobered up. That was never Eva’s style, though. Eva would brood and work through things quietly and alone, which only served to frustrate Casey. So when Monday morning rolled around, Casey had no desire to go to class.

  Lizzy knocked on her door. “I’ll take your silence as a no.” Casey could hear her roommate shuffling outside her door. “I’m really worried about you.”

  Casey closed her eyes. She felt guilty for causing Lizzy concern. She’d been such a great friend to Casey, someone who made her college life feel normal and bearable when she was just getting on her feet. She got up and opened her bedroom door. Lizzy looked her up and down. “You can come in,” Casey said, heading back to bed. “But I’m warning you, I haven’t showered since Saturday.”

  “I’ve smelled worse.” Lizzy sat on the small bench of Casey’s mirrored vanity. “What’s going on with you?”

  “Eva and I had a fight, and now she won’t talk to me,” Casey said
simplistically in spite of the true complexity of her situation.

  “What did you fight about?”

  “Remember what you said the other day? About me and Eva being different people?” Casey waited for Lizzy to nod. “You were right.”

  “I’m sorry, Casey, but you know you shouldn’t listen to me. What do I know about relationships? The last guy I dated broke up with me over Twitter.”

  Casey smiled. “If only you were gay, I think we’d be good together.”

  “Are you saying you like me?”

  “No,” Casey said with a laugh. “I appreciate your honesty and how straightforward you are with who you are. That’s what I need in a relationship. And your short curly hair is cute.”

  “And you told me not to cut it.” Lizzy ran her fingers through her dark, chin-length curls. “Tell me what happened Saturday night. You were so excited about spending the weekend with your girl.”

  Casey grunted, unsure where to start. “Friday I showed up at her house and cooked dinner, only to have her show up hours late with no call or text. I tried to get in touch with her, but she didn’t answer me. When she got home, she apologized and was so sweet. I was ready to walk out and then she said all of this stuff about really working things out. I fell for it.”

  She felt herself start to choke up again, which seemed so foolish after crying so much the day before. “Ever have someone touch you so perfectly, so gently that you’re sure they’d never cause you harm?” Lizzy shook her head. “I have, and I feel like an idiot for believing it.”

  “You believed her because you love her, and that doesn’t make you an idiot.”