A quiet laugh escaped his lips, “And you also had to survive me, but that’s a different story. But look, that’s it. You’re a guardian, you protect, and you make people feel safe. Michelle, you were tailor-made to be an Angel. Seriously.”
Tears burned in the corners of his eyes. “You’d be the best angel. Maybe you’d finally get those tightasses to loosen up a bit. That would absolutely be a miracle. I think you’d be the best angel ever.”
She sighed at length. “If you really want me to pick Exal—”
“Ravin, we need to speak.” Loviel’s voice came from the room, cloaked in a tone that said ‘just us’.
Michelle frowned. A “hello” would have been nice, along with letting her finish her sentence. Then again, she knew how hard her being so sick was on him. She could hear it in the whispers of his thoughts. Something had not gone well in Heaven.
Ravin rose to his feet and planted a kiss on Michelle’s head. “I’ll be right back,” he reassured her. “I think Loviel is going to break up with me,” he teased gently to help ease any worries she might have.
Loviel waited outside the room for Ravin, and when he was outside, the angel closed the door with his mind. His voice was firm. “I will not allow her to become an Exalt.”
“That’s not your choice, now is it, mate?” Ravin grated out. “I’m pretty sure we decided we would let Michelle choose. You can’t take her best option off the table like that. She deserves the best shot she can possibly have.” The demon gnashed his teeth in aggravation. How dare Loviel? How could he say something like that?
Why was he so ready to ruin their best chance? As an Angel, Michelle would thrive. He knew that. They both knew that.
Lovie pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to remain calm. “If she is made an Exalt, she will not be allowed to train under Balance and there is a high likelihood that Demias will claim her into his sect.”
His tattered wings flared at the thought.
“Then why can’t you prevent that?” Ravin snarled. “Shouldn’t she be allowed to make the choice of which sect she joins? You’re her partner, or whatever, shouldn’t you have some kind of say over that?” He couldn’t begin to fathom why this was so damned difficult. He was beginning to remember why he hated angels so much, sometimes.
Why did they always have to make things so complicated?
“That isn’t how it works, Ravin,” Loviel snapped, feeling exhausted from his travel. He was ready to pass out again, not to be yelled at for things this demon didn’t understand. “If Demias gets hold of her, you better believe he will turn her into a Dog of War. If anything, he’ll do it just to piss you off. Under Cleoph, Michelle would be happy, but that isn’t an option. They will not allow her to be a Balance Angel. If she is forced to be a Sword, you will never see her again, and it will be better that way because she would kill you.”
“Then the rules are bullshit,” Ravin spat. “She shouldn’t be a Demon. Should I just pull that off the table?” he shot back, his heart full of spite. “I mean, since we can do that now, apparently.”
“What are you not understanding about what I’m saying?” Loviel’s fists clenched. “Everything that makes her Michelle would be stripped away from her.”
Ravin took an aggressive step forward. “And what the hell did you think being a demon would do?” Before he could give the angel a piece of his mind, a pop of energy caught his attention. Standing just a few feet away were Lian and Zier. With a frown, Ravin bit his tongue. Arguing in front of Lian was a bad idea. Yet, more than anything, he wanted to yell at the angel.
“Good. You boys are here.” Zier gave them a knowing look. “You can help bring the food inside.”
“Welcome back, Lovie.” Lian smiled brightly, her arms full of various foods. “We didn’t get you anything to eat because we didn’t know you’d be back.” She frowned and instantly felt bad. They should have gotten something extra, just in case. With the way Marius and Kaz ate, none of it would have gone to waste.
The two boys were out back helping her Dad with the chores. They would be in soon. Lian looked up at Zier. “I can show him the way if you guys want to start eating without me.”
Zier smiled down at Lian, “Or perhaps Marius can make something for Loviel. We did buy some supplies for cooking.” He turned his steely gaze to Ravin. “Help Lian out. Loviel and I can discuss his preferences” It was phrased politely enough, but it wasn’t a request. He wanted it done, and it would be.
Ravin knew that much. He didn’t say anything, and took some of the food they had brought. With Lian in tow, he headed off.
The Fallen Angel moved beside Loviel. “I believe we should have a chat.”
“I am reaching the conclusion you do not wish to speak about food.” Loviel pulled his wings in close, feeling like a child who had done something wrong. Had Zier overheard their conversation? Perhaps he had been a little harsh.
Zier gave Loviel a gentle pat on the back. “You’re a smart kid.” His nose scrunched up for a moment, and his eyes went dark. It was gone in a flash, leaving Loviel wondering if he’d imagined it. “This has absolutely nothing to do with food.”
Feeling tired and ready to find rest, Loviel let his wings sag. He was finding it harder to hide his irritability. A fresh pulse of anger thrummed through him, increasing his shakiness. Ravin was getting on his nerves and now he had Zier giving him looks. “Then what is it? Are you going to yell at me too?”
“No, I am not,” Zier informed Loviel, “though I can if you need me to. It wouldn’t be hard. You’re acting like a shit right now.”
Loviel felt a sharp stab in his chest. Why would he have ever thought the Fallen Angel would be on his side? Of course not. His lip trembled as tears threatened again.
“What do you want, Zier?” Loviel didn’t look up. His voice sounded hollow, even to his own ears.
“At a minimum, I want you two knuckleheads to keep yourselves civil when you’re together,” Zier started. “The negative energy isn’t doing anyone any good, least of all Michelle. If you two have to have shouting matches, do them away from the house, and at the very least, away from Lian. I’m not going to be polite if she sees the two of you going at it.” After almost a year, he’d done quite a bit to help her with her fears, but it hadn’t been enough to alleviate all of them.
“Out of all of these people,” Zier gestured around to indicate every single person, “I understand what you’re going through. More than any of them could. You’re weak, and you’re going to keep getting weaker until she’s cured, or she’s gone. The feathers will grow back, and your energy will return, but right now, you need to take it easy. Fighting is only going to make it worse.”
Loviel was shaking. He felt like a kicked puppy left out in a rainstorm. Looking up at Zier, he felt a bit of comfort. At least he understood why Zier had insulted him. Finally, he nodded in agreement. “I just thought of all people, Ravin would get why I couldn’t let Michelle be an Angel. Demias would ruin her. I’m not trying to be the bad guy.” His throat constricted as he spoke. “I’m not trying to be full of anger… I’m just…” He rubbed his eyes and shook his head. “Exhausted.”
“It’s easy to be angry when you’re tired all the time,” Zier soothed. “It just comes, and you want to lash out because you can’t take it anymore, and no one else seems to get it. There’s too much on your plate, and everyone expects you to be the exact same person you naturally are while you’re just struggling to keep your head above water.”
Zier let out a gentle breath. “You both have every right to be frustrated and angry. This is a frustrating situation. But, when you get angry, it takes time from her, draining Michelle as well as you. You’re linked until the moment she’s gone. What affects one, affects the other. Just… try to give Ravin some space. You need it, he needs it… You two had a pretty good thing going until this got bad. If you’re not careful, you’ll both lose whatever it was. Then that leaves you guys in one of two places: kicking yourself for let
ting tragedy tear you apart, or spending the rest of your life blaming him for what happened. Neither one is desireable. Hell, it’s worse if you’ve got both of those mixed together.”
The Fallen Angel’s eyes went distant for a few moments as he contemplated his next words. “You… just… need to spend time with her.” There was something in his tone: quiet and hurt. “She needs you. She needs Ravin. You’ll regret not spending all the time you can with her before you can’t anymore.”
Loviel nodded in understanding. Zier was right. Whatever happened, he would not be able to spend time with Michelle. Whatever relationship they had wouldn’t last much longer. He bowed his head with respect, then turned and walked back to the house. He stepped inside and went to the couch where Michelle rested. She looked up at him tiredly and smiled as he sank beside her. Weakly, she turned and gave him a hug.
“You look almost as bad as I do,” Michelle commented quietly, though there was a hint of playfulness in her dull blue gaze.
Tiredly, Loviel gave a laugh. “We make quite the team, you know.” Carefully, he brushed a lock of hair from her face. “You were going to say you wanted to be an Exalt, before I came in. Is that what you really want?”
“No.” She shrugged her shoulders but smiled. “At this point, I’m just trying to get you guys to stop bugging me about it.” Since Ravin was in the other room, she was glad to have another warm pillow to use. Though they had different body types, Loviel was just as comfortable to lay on.
“Well,” Loviel pressed his lips to her forehead. “I won’t bug you about it anymore. I can’t say the same for Ravin, but I will be here to just be here for you. There is no pressure from me. I know you’re tired and having to make hard choices is no fun when you don't feel good.”
Michelle decided that truer words had never been spoken. Weakly, she pulled her blanket over her shoulders and settled in to watch the movie that was playing. It was her absolute favorite, but for the life of her, she couldn’t remember what was happening.
“Thank you,” she murmured into his chest. “At this point, neither option sounds appealing. No matter what I do, it feels like I’m going to upset someone.”
Loviel looked down into her eyes. “Look, it is your life, Michelle. You pick whichever you want and if neither of them appeal to you, we can lay here and just enjoy each other for the rest of your time. Neither Ravin nor I have the right to bully you into an eternity that you don't want for yourself.”
The girl closed her eyes and yawned softly. “That does take some of the pressure off. Thanks, Lovie.”
“You’re welcome, Mischa,” he said quietly and watched as she drifted away to sleep. Though tired and ragged, she seemed to be at peace. Loviel was finished with being the bad guy and thinking about his own interests; Zier was right, he didn’t want to waste what time she had left forcing her to be unhappy. He was going to do exactly as Ravin had requested, and let her make the decision for herself. Or not. Her fate was in her hands. She had the options before her and he wouldn’t try and make her mind up for her—even if it hurt him in the long run.
Chapter 27
Darkness wove its way through Ravin’s mind. Deep down, he wanted to hurt someone. The chaotic nature scratched at the surface, compelling him to do something, anything to cause harm. It was just part of who he was. It was something he suppressed. He hated it, but it was always there, gnawing at him.
Now it was more powerful than ever.
Loviel was telling Michelle not to select one or the other. Not to hurry up and make the choice. Loviel was so full of shit. How could he ever do that? Did he not realize how much time they had left? Did he not see the ever dwindling sands in the hourglass? If she just made a decision, then they could finally breathe, finally move on with their lives.
Michelle could have a future. She could have more years than she knew what to do with. But now, Loviel had left her with days. All because he suddenly got cold feet. It was like he was perfectly fine with her dying.
Yet, he wouldn’t leave her alone. Ravin hadn’t been able to have a single moment alone with his girlfriend in nearly week. Loviel hardly even let her go to the bathroom without being there.
How was he supposed to find any kind of solace in what little time they had left, if he couldn’t have privacy? Loviel even slept in Michelle’s room. It was his fault, and yet he acted like he hadn’t doomed Michelle. Ravin knew that his soul was inadequate financing for Michelle. That option was gone, too. There was nothing left to do… except wait.
All because of Loviel.
The urges made him want to punch Loviel in the face. It was so strong that most days he would have to clench his fists so hard until his knuckles turned white.
There was only one thing that kept him from acting out, and it always worked. It was Michelle, herself. She was still there. She was still fighting. Some part of her was holding out. For that little bit, he would stay and be calm. He would keep himself from lashing out for her. He loved her, that was absolutely certain. He would do anything it took to save her.
When he looked down at her, he felt his heart swell. She wasn’t the same, but she was. Michelle just looked so fragile. The spirit was still there, feisty as ever, but her body was delicate like a porcelain doll’s.
“How are you feeling?” Ravin murmured in a quiet voice, as he took in as much of her as he possibly could.
“Feeling a bit better today.” Michelle smiled and stretched. “Maybe I can go walk to the garden later. It might be nice to enjoy the sun.” It was getting monotonous, sitting inside watching the same four movies. She knew she was supposed to rest and conserve her strength or whatever, but sitting around doing nothing was getting old. Even if everything hurt, doing nothing was almost more painful.
Loviel sat up and looked out the window. “It is a beautiful day outside.”
Ravin resisted the urge to shoot a look at Loviel. “It’s absolutely beautiful.” He rose to his feet. “You should get some sun, and the fresh air can’t hurt.” The demon offered a hand to Michelle to help her up to her feet.
With his help, Michelle stood and leaned against Ravin for support. It had been some time since she had used her legs for more than moving from bed to the couch, from the couch to the bathroom, then back to bed. Most the time, she was even carried back up the stairs. Being able to walk outside and enjoy the lovely summer day would be nice.
If only she could go swimming. The idea of floating and splashing about sounded fun. The only thing she had done that was as close to swimming recently was when she took a bath. It had been a bit awkward since neither Ravin nor Loviel would let their eyes off of her.
Apparently, bubble baths were a spectator sport.
When she was steady, Michelle started outside at a slow waddle. Both of the boys were close, scrutinizing her every step. Sure, it hurt to walk, but at this point she didn’t care. It was getting better. Now that she was taking medicine regularly, her condition was improving. Though, from the way everyone acted, she was going to die in her sleep.
The moment she walked outside, she felt a hundred times better. The sunlight kissed her skin, the air was fresh, and the birds were singing. It was just like in the movies. Michelle took in a deep breath that filled her lungs until her ribs complained.
Without accepting help, Michelle made her way down the porch stairs and to the garden. It was slow, going one stair at a time, but she didn’t mind.
“Lian said she’s been helping Mom grow cherry tomatoes,” Michelle said as she reached the bottom of the steps. “I’m going to steal one, if any are ripe.”
“Just be careful,” Ravin urged her, and immediately felt like a fretting mother. It was hard not to. A strong wind could end her life. How was he supposed to trust a tomato? From out of the side of his eye, he looked over at Loviel. Oh, it would be so easy to just punch his face right then and there.
“Yeah, yeah,” Michelle dismissed his worry as she made her way down the path to the garden. Maybe if she could fi
nd a quiet patch of sun, she’d lay down and enjoy it. Then again, the quiet part might be hard. The sun-warmed stone felt nice against her feet. The air was clear and clean, and there was zero per-cent humidity, just how she liked it. Happy to have a change of environment, Michelle smiled contently.
Loviel walked a distance away, giving Michelle a bit of room. He could feel she wanted to have some space to enjoy the day. That was understandable. She had been cooped up for days with constant attention from everyone.
He kept his mind open, but walked the other direction away from her. Maybe it would do Ravin good to be able to be her sole guardian for a few minutes. Loviel could feel the tension radiating off of the demon. So, he admired the small patch of watermelons.
Ravin took his time, watching Michelle go on her way. She was doing well on her own, all things considered. Then, he turned his attention to Loviel again. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” he asked at long last. The question had been burning inside of him for days.
“I am not going to fight with you, Ravin,” Loviel said evenly, not looking away from the fruit he was admiring. It wasn’t worth wasting the energy.
“I mean it,” Ravin pressed. “What the hell were you thinking when you told her not to choose? If I’d’ve known you wanted her to die, I would have gotten her away from you at the very start.”
Loviel finally looked up and shook his head. “I told her she was free to make up her mind in her own time, whether that meant picking or not.” He stood and looked over to where Michelle was leaning on the tiny fence that guarded the little tomatoes. She was reaching over and grabbing an especially red one. He smiled as he could feel flutters of happiness roll off of her.
“So you’re resigning her to death,” Ravin snapped. “You’re just like the rest of them, you insufferable fucking jackass.”
“I will forgive you, Ravin, for your words. I know you are very stressed.” Loviel sighed. “I will not change my stance, however. If you wish to pester her about choosing, go right ahead, but I will not partake. I will not impose my will upon her.”
Syndrome of Mortality Page 24