He watched her reaction which was far more extreme than he imagined it would be. There were moments when she looked at him as she always had, and then the moment was gone and she looked at him as though she did not know him at all. Joseph found it very disconcerting. When he saw himself as a stranger in her eyes it was as though he had lost her somehow. As if a close friend had just evaporated.
She looked so beautiful, he thought, so fresh and light, that you just wanted to take her hand and sweep her away and spend the day making her smile. He waited for exactly that, just a smile from her.
Alice suddenly felt shy touching his face. Even though she knew it was him he looked completely different. He made her feel a bit nervous and men never made her feel that way. She suddenly felt concerned that her hair was done well and that her dress was pretty. For the first time in her life Alice felt flustered by a man. She furrowed her brow. This would only make it more difficult, she thought.
Alice looked down at her own hands, pulling her gaze from his eyes. “You look so handsome! I can’t believe that you’re the same man I spent a year alone with.” She thought that, had he shaved while they were alone at the cabin, she might never have let him leave. “Good thing for Yvonne you didn’t shave that all off earlier,” Alice remarked offhandedly and walked towards the entrance.
Joseph stood quietly for a moment and then followed her to their table. She looked up at him as he pulled out her chair and she stopped, just for a moment. Alice realized again how much in love she was and she quickly looked away.
He stood there. He’d seen that look before. He’d thought it was about sex. She enjoyed a good toss, as she called it, and he had been the only man around. It had made him feel uncomfortable. The way she had looked at him just now was the same look but this time it made him feel something different.
Chapter Forty
When the waiter offered wine Alice looked up to him and asked if they had champagne. Joseph nodded in agreement.
“Tonight, dinner is on me,” she said to him and smiled. She was still overcome by the transformation.
“I don’t believe I’ve ever had a lady take me out for dinner. This being rich business really is everything it’s made out to be,” Joseph laughed. “Alice, you look quite lovely this evening.”
Alice giggled. “Funny how cashing in your gold has made you so well spoken.”
“I’m well-to-do now,” he said. “I plan to play the part.”
“Did you enjoy your day? I’d love to hear about your experience with the razor.” Alice watched the waiter pull at the cork on the wine bottle and it popped open loudly as they laughed.
“To being rich.” Joseph held up his glass in a toast.
“And happy.” Alice clinked her crystal glass against his and tasted the champagne. It was light and bubbly on her tongue and she took another swallow.
She watched him as they enjoyed their meal, still trying to adjust to the look of him. She’d always enjoyed the way his eyes would crinkle when he laughed, but now that she could see his entire face she found it completely captivating. Alice discovered it was difficult to take her eyes from him and she watched and listened while he talked about traveling home.
“If I had just a few more dollars when I opened the store I could have made it spectacular. It always seemed like there just wasn’t enough room for all the tools I wanted to carry and I could have put in a nicer repair shop, too. Maybe I could have even hired a fellow or two to do repairs for people. As it was I could only hire a few kids to sweep up,” Joseph said.
Alice finished her meal and took another drink of the champagne. “Are you sure you won’t reopen when you return? It sounds as if you enjoyed running the store.”
“It’s closed now,” he said, his expression pensive. “I won’t reopen it. It’s in the past. It was wonderful but it’s over now.”
Alice thought that he wasn’t as excited as she thought he ought to be. “It had to be work. There must have been days where you didn’t feel like getting up or opening the store.”
“Sure, I had days where I didn’t feel like crawling out of bed, cold winter mornings and such. But then I’d get in and pull up those green shades and the sun would light up the place. The store’s bell on the door would ring when that first customer of the day would come in and it was all worth it. They’d need a part for their boiler or they’d have a broken window pane and the family was waiting at home for it to be fixed. I’d watch that customer walk out and feel like I was a part of his life. I was the one who had whatever it was he needed to fix his home. I loved that.”
“You always made running your store sound so wonderful,” she said. “I really think that’s what I will do when I reach my destination. I dreamt of it once, but never imagined I could do it.”
“You can do anything you like. Think big, dream and have whatever you like, Alice!” Joseph sat back in his chair and held up his champagne glass. Alice could see the bubbles were going to his head. “What would you love to do more than anything in the world, Alice? What is the most wonderful thing you can think of?”
“Would that include having you make love to me, or not?” Alice leaned across the table and met his eyes.
“Besides that,” he shook his head.
“Anything else would pale in comparison I would think. I could be wrong I suppose. Hmm. Second choice? I know!” Alice held up her glass. “I would love to run a hardware store with you!”
Joseph’s face grew serious. “I didn’t mean it as a joke.”
“It was not a joke. If I had any two wishes, in order mind you, that’s exactly what they would be,” she said.
“You’re serious about running a store with me? Why? You can have anything and go anywhere.”
“Isn’t that funny,” Alice said. “It appears there are two things in this world my money cannot buy.”
Joseph watched her across the table. She had to be teasing him, he thought.
Long after dinner was over they climbed the stairs together, giggling like children.
“If you cannot stand up straight then I cannot direct you to your room,” Alice said, trying to guide him down the hall.
“I am standing perfectly straight,” he said. “The walls here have mysteriously tilted.”
They got to their rooms and Alice fumbled with the key to his door while he pulled on her arm and tried to sing. She managed to get the door open, gently shoved him inside and then directed him to the bed.
“Where are you going?” Joseph asked as she walked away.
“I’m going to my room,” she said. “I thought you couldn’t bear to wake up next to me any longer.”
“I didn’t say I couldn’t bear it. I said…” he paused to think. “Oh…”
“That’s right, something about me being too exciting. Joseph Southers I wish that were the case. If it was then I could finally have my first wish. We’re leaving in the morning and I’ll not let you break my heart any longer tonight.” Alice left and closed the door behind her.
“Break your heart?” he called out.
“Break my heart,” she whispered to herself and unlocked her own door.
Chapter Forty-One
It had not occurred to either Alice or Joseph to purchase any luggage and the next morning they were hurriedly buying several pieces in order to pack before their eleven o’clock train.
Joseph rubbed his forehead gingerly and told Alice several times to choose whatever she liked for both of them while they stood in the leather shop.
“Let’s go pack, Mister Well-to-do,” she said and he followed her back to the hotel.
Alice packed her own bags first and then his while he sat up in the bed with a cup of black coffee. She went through the backpacks carefully, taking care to be sure his title to the claim and all of the banking paperwork was secure in her handbag.
“I’m keeping all of the bank papers until we reach Pennsylvania,” she told him.
Once they had gone through everything they both look
ed at the back packs upon the bed.
“Leave it all,” he said. “I have no need for any of it.”
“I want the hat. The rest I’ll leave.”
“It’s yours. We’re starting over. I’m ready to put it all behind me.”
That was what was different about them, Alice thought. She was not at all ready.
Joseph pulled his watch from his pocket. “We need to leave.”
Alice took the moccasins from the bed and tucked them into her baggage.
They found a carriage and rode in silence to the train station. Alice looked out the window thinking that one day maybe she would live somewhere that would feel like home. She wondered how long it would be until that day.
The train station was quiet on that warm Sunday morning and once they boarded and were directed to their berths Joseph suggested they have breakfast.
The dining car was comfortably outfitted with plush seating and crisp white tablecloths. Alice remembered her trip from Montana. The train she had ridden in then was not nearly as elegant. They chose from a varied menu and Alice pulled open the drape beside them.
The window was large and the view was spectacular as they moved into the interior of the Pacific Northwest. It seemed to Alice as though everything around them was one or another shade of green. The colors ranged from a near black-green deep on the mountain sides to a refreshing bright green on the new growth of the deciduous trees.
“It’s like a beautiful painting at our tableside. I didn’t notice, are there windows in our berths?
“I think so,” he said. He watched how her face lit up at the discovery of the window. It seemed as though the simplest things would thrill her sometimes. He thought again of their conversation the night before.
“Were you serious last night?”
“You mean when you became entirely inebriated and I finally had my way with you?” Alice smiled.
“That didn’t happen,” he said.
“I’m sorry, that must have been my entirely too vivid imagination. Maybe you mean earlier when you were breaking my heart.”
“I’m talking about what you said about the store. Is that true?”
“That if I had two wishes that would be the second?” Alice nodded to the waiter who set their breakfast before them.
“That it would be something you would like.”
“Love. I thought it was a conversation about love,” she said.
“Alice, I’m serious. I don’t want to talk about how much you need a man. I asked you about working in the store. I already know about the rest.”
“What?” Alice set down her fork. “What are you talking about?”
“You’re always at me, teasing me about how you need a man. I understand that it’s like that for you, that you need that kind of thing. But what I meant was -”
“Wait, just wait.” Alice interrupted. “Are you telling me that you think I tease you about having sex with me because I need a man and you are simply convenient?”
“You have from the beginning. I thought we had talked about this.”
“That I only want you because I need a man?” Alice sat back in her chair trying to remember the day she had tried to explain her feelings to him. He had said that their being together could never be, but he had it completely wrong.
“Excuse me.” Alice stood up and hurried towards the berth. When she entered the sleeper car she closed the door behind her.
He didn’t know it was him, that it was only him. No wonder he thought she was loose and wild. When she told him she hadn’t been with any man he must have thought that she was complaining about doing without sex. Alice took a deep breath.
He didn’t even know, she thought. He had no idea she was in love with him. Alice pulled open the drapes and watched the countryside rushing by.
If she told him what she really felt he would feel terrible and would he really change his mind about her after all this time? If he was to fall in love with her… it was too late, she thought. If Joseph Southers was to fall in love with her it would have happened long ago. Love was like that, she thought. It hit hard.
If he really didn’t know, he could move on, and so could she. He should never know how she really felt, and he never would. They would really go their separate ways and that would be the end of it. Alice decided it was how it should be. It was time to give it all up, she thought. In a few days he would be getting off the train anyway.
When she returned to the dining car her eyes were dry and she smiled sweetly. “I forgot my bag,” she said and sat across from him.
Joseph eyed her suspiciously. She was certainly beautiful, but she made no sense and he was sure she was lying.
Chapter Forty-Two
Joseph sat at the table in the dining car waiting for her. It was their last day on the train together and he desperately wanted to spend it with her. He was apprehensive about reaching Pennsylvania. He hoped she could help him prepare for seeing Yvonne again. Alice was very much a woman, beautiful, intelligent and often unfathomable. He really wanted her advice.
Through most of the trip she had kept to herself. He’d go to her berth and she’d sit at the little table and watch the landscape rushing by. She’d left the train with him a few times for brief stopovers or to change trains but she seemed distant. At first he thought she was struggling to plan her own future, but she never spoke of where she was going anymore. Joseph also grew concerned about leaving her on the train alone.
She had been alone when he had met her and seemed fine, or so he had thought, until she talked about her childhood. Joseph figured that there likely were stories she had never told him, or maybe anyone. He thought she should have someone she could talk to about it but, since she couldn’t tell anyone about her past, he thought it would never happen. He looked up to see if she was coming at all.
Thirty more minutes passed. Then, just as he decided to go fetch her, she appeared. Again he found himself admiring her beauty. Certainly some man would want to care for her. She had an infectious laugh when she was happy and her smile was captivating. Whoever he would be, Joseph thought, he’d be a very lucky man.
“I’m sorry I’m so late. I didn’t feel very well this morning. I had a bit of trouble sleeping. Alice did not mention that she was plagued with dreams of him making love to her.
“Would you rather not eat?”
“No, I think I had better. I didn’t eat much yesterday. How are you Joseph? You look a bit worried.” Alice touched his hand and swallowed hard. His hand was soft now, like a wealthy man. She missed some of his callouses.
“I am worried, I suppose.”
“About going home? Did you wire Yvonne and let her know you’re coming?”
“I did,” Joseph said. “I sent another at the last stop. I’ll get off in Harrisburg, then take a local train closer to home. Her father will pick me up at the station there, eager to see my bank book no doubt.”
“He cannot possibly be disappointed. I expect it will easily put his to shame.”
“I hadn’t thought about it that way,”
Alice could see him sit taller in his chair.
She tried to pose her questions carefully. “I don’t know anything about Yvonne’s father and I can appreciate how a man might want his daughter to be well cared for, but that was a terrible trip you took. It was risky and dangerous and you were just as likely to come back empty handed. It seems like an awful lot to ask of someone. Why wasn’t it enough that you loved her? I guess I don’t understand.”
“She’s beautiful and he wants the best for her,” Joseph said. He looked at Alice and realized that, in a different way, she was at least as beautiful as Yvonne. He wondered who would care for her.
“Don’t you let him push you around, do you hear me? You’re a rich man now. He has no argument. You went through some very difficult things for this. Yvonne will have everything she ever wanted.” Alice took a deep breath.
“What about you?” he asked.
“Me? What about
me?”
“I worry about you. Where will you go? What if something happens to you? What if you need someone to look out for you?”
“I have all the money in the world, remember? Maybe I’ll hire some burly fellow to watch over me and wait on me day and night.”
“At night too?” he asked.
“Joseph, stop it,” she said angrily.
“I thought that was my line,” Joseph tried to smile.
“I’ll miss you so terribly,” she said and cleared her throat. “Let’s eat something before I faint.”
Their food was served and Alice addressed every concern Joseph had about Yvonne’s’ father. Her own worries seemed worse. They were concerns about Yvonne. Alice’s opinion of Joseph was very much swayed by the fact that she was in love with him. But if Yvonne was in love with him why did she let him leave? Did she not know how dangerous the trip was? And what about simply missing him? Alice knew it was going to break her heart to watch him walk away. Why didn’t Yvonne feel that way? None of it made sense. She knew that Joseph was more apprehensive than she had ever seen him, even more so than when he faced a dangerous gorge or a snarling wolf. She did everything she could to ease his worries.
“I could go with you for moral support, but I doubt Yvonne or her father would appreciate that,” Alice said.
“I don’t think they would understand.”
“I don’t think anyone understands anything,” Alice said quietly.
The headlines across the country announced the Klondike gold rush in bold print nearly every day now. Joseph and Alice kept their tales of good fortune to themselves. They had talked about it before leaving the Yukon and both agreed that it would be smarter and safer. Alice now wondered what would happen when Joseph showed his bank book to his future father-in-law. She was sure that both of their lives were in for many more changes. Joseph had decided to wait before selling the mine, just in case what he had did not satisfy Yvonne and her father.
Ill Repute Page 16