“This is very comfortable,” Joseph laid back on the down pillows.
“It is,” Alice agreed. “It feels wonderful.” She snuggled up next to him and they both were asleep within minutes.
When Joseph woke up, the curtains had been pulled and the room was dark. He heard a sound, low and soft as if someone was singing sadly. He reached out but Alice was not there beside him in the bed. He got up and into his trousers and followed the sound.
He found her on the floor in the kitchen, the puppy limp on her lap and she was crying pitifully. Joseph stopped in the doorway listening.
“Poor baby,” Alice sobbed. “Now you can go play with all those babies that go up to heaven. You watch over them, those little ones that no one wants. You grow into a big strong wolf and you give them rides and never let all those horrible people near them again. You watch over them all.” Her shoulders shook hard with her sobs.
Joseph crossed the room and got down on the floor beside her and touched her shoulder.
“I guess he was too hurt,” she said. “I really wanted him to live. He deserved to live. All the babies deserve to live.” Alice sobbed pitifully.
She let Joseph take the puppy and he put him gently in the basket. He covered him with the soft towel and got down on the floor again beside her.
“I tried to save him.” Alice looked up at him and met his eyes but her look was far away. It was almost as if she were in shock. “I only wanted to save the poor baby.”
Joseph did not make a sound.
“That’s why she sent me away, to that rancher. It was because of the baby.” Alice took his hand and put it against her cheek.
“What baby, Alice?” he asked, his voice low.
“The baby from one of the girls. Mama said we couldn’t keep babies and they had to go away. But she kept me. She told me I was lucky because it was her house and she could keep me. But no others. They had to go away.”
Joseph held her close. “What happened, Alice?”
“They sent him away. They said that’s what they did. I wanted to know where they sent him so when no one was looking, I went down to the room where the people were supposed to take him away. But he was dead. He was completely dead. He was so tiny and perfect. It broke my heart.”
Joseph held his breath.
“Mama was so mad. She told me I had gone there and I shouldn’t have. I never saw her so angry. She beat me. Then she sent me to that rancher and his doctor. They told me they had to fix me because there couldn’t be babies at the house. No babies.”
Alice collapsed into his arms and sobbed wretchedly. “I loved babies. I never saw another one at the house. After that when girls got pregnant they went away to have them and the babies never came back. All because of me, Mama said. Because I couldn’t behave.”
Joseph had never thought about what happened to the babies of prostitutes. They must have had them. He’d heard about surgeries women could have to get rid of a pregnancy. He’d just figured that’s what had happened.
“Alice,” he asked her quietly. “Isn’t there an operation they do when a woman is expecting that stops it?”
She sobbed hard and sniffled. “They can’t do them too many times. Sometimes it doesn’t work and hurt babies are born. It’s awful.”
He didn’t even want to imagine what happened to all of those babies. How many men thought about children they had sired with these women? How many thought about the women at all?
Joseph was completely overcome with shame. When Alice had come into his life he couldn’t even see her as a person. He hung his head and he held her in his lap while she cried out her years of pain.
“I’m sorry, Alice. About the puppy, about the babies, about all of it. I swear I will never let anything happen to you again.”
Alice cried harder.
Chapter Seventy-Four
Nearly an hour passed before Alice lifted her head and put her fingers to her lips.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Don’t apologize to me. I’m the one who should be saying I’m sorry. I can’t change anything, Alice. I can love you. That’s all. I’m sorry about the puppy. We can get another if you like, any puppy you would like. I love you.”
“Oh, Joseph.” She reached up and touched his cheek. “You keep doing that and I’ll be fine. I don’t need a puppy. I had this one for only a few hours and look what happened to me. Thank you, but no.”
When they got to their feet he kissed her warmly and she looked into his eyes. “Maybe this sounds silly, but could we bury him you think?”
“That’s not silly at all. How would you feel about taking him up by the cabin where he could have gone free? We’ll take a break from the work today and hike up there.”
“You would do that?” she asked.
“I’ll make some breakfast and we’ll go right up.”
He watched her push her eggs around her plate. She didn’t eat and she didn’t say a word.
“Alice,” he began. “You know you can tell me anything. Anything at all. It’s not like it was in the beginning. I was wrong. I love you and I want you to know that nothing that happened in your past would ever change that. You can talk to me.”
“I didn’t talk about things, Joseph, because I try to forget. When we were living up at the cabin and I wasn’t working anymore and I started to feel differently. You might not have been in love with me but you were always kind. You poured me that weed coffee so many mornings. You didn’t even realize how special that was to me. No man had ever done anything like that for me. I was always expected to do whatever they wanted to please them. I’m not saying all of them were horrible, it’s just the way it was. Even for the girls who were paid to act mean for the men who like that kind of thing, it was still about pleasing the men.
“You were gentle and open and you were thrilled when I found that gold. You looked over your shoulder and I saw your eyes crinkle the way they do when you smile and it was wonderful.” She cleared their plates. “Thank you for taking off today. Even just a couple of hours would be wonderful.”
Joseph promised himself that any morning he was up before her he would be ready with a cup of coffee for her.
They dressed quietly and Joseph went down to leave a list for Jack and the men. There were things they could easily do in his absence. He and Alice took the basket and they headed up the trail.
Chapter Seventy-Five
The woodland was much more traveled now and the main path was wider but once they turned off into the woods it grew quiet and they saw no one. In one place Joseph pointed out a small group of goats on the hillside. Alice had rarely seen him pay very much attention to the landscape, but now he seemed to notice everything. He showed her where a massive bull moose stood amid the trees and a small outcropping of tiny flowers amongst the rocks at the edge of the stream. When they reached the clearing for the cabin it looked to them as if it had not changed.
“It seems like we got up here quickly,” Alice said. She looked up at him from beneath the Amish hat. It looked just perfect on her today.
“The trail’s better.” Joseph pulled away the hidden peg and opened the door. Everything inside was as they left it.
“Wasn’t someone up here for a while?” Alice asked as she stepped inside.
“If there was, he must have been sleeping in the chicken coop. No one’s been in here.” He took the shovel from the tools they had left inside.
They walked back towards the warm springs to a little clearing they had found once where Alice had loved the way the sunlight would stream through the trees.
The moment seemed just perfect as rays of sunlight streaked down onto the smooth spot in the forest.
Joseph pushed the shovel hard into the packed earth and soon had dug a small grave. Alice gathered several handfuls of granite stones that glittered in the sunlight and Joseph took the wrapped puppy from the basket and set him down gently in the tiny grave.
Alice turned away while he covered the litt
le body and afterwards set the stones in a circle around the mound.
“Goodbye, baby,” she cried quietly.
Joseph took the shovel and the basket and they walked back to the cabin silently.
Once inside he took Alice in his arms and she leaned into him.
“It feels so safe here. So quiet and perfect,” she said.
Joseph reached down and lifted her chin and she looked up into his eyes.
“Make love to me, Joseph,” she said. “Here, the way it should have been all along. Like your wife, like the woman you love.”
He lifted her easily in his arms and set her gently on the bed and disrobed without shame. He unbuttoned her dress slowly and slipped it from her shoulders. She sat in the center of the bed breathing softly, her breasts bared.
Joseph slipped her clothing from her hips and knelt beside her, then leaned in to kiss her.
Alice ran her hands up over his shoulders and around his neck and pulled him to her.
He kissed her face gently. He could taste her dried tears on her soft cheeks.
When his lips touched her breast she moaned softly.
Joseph wanted to make love to her like no one ever had and should have.
She moaned softly as he kissed her between her breasts.
“Do you know you are perfect?” she whispered. “Your touch is always perfect.”
He kissed her belly softly and she arched her back and grabbed his shoulders.
“I want you to be part of me. I’m so empty without you.” Her voice was smooth and low. She pulled him to face her.
When he entered her he filled her again and her pain receded. All of the memories of her past grew dim and melted away. When he made love to her there was only this moment, and it was filled with his love.
He moved slowly at first, firmly into her and she grasped and clung to his shoulders. He moved more quickly and with steady determination and she called out his name.
He fought to control his passion until she cried out loudly and arched her back, pulling him into her, crying out for him again and again. He could contain himself no longer and joined her in her pleasure.
“This should have happened long ago,” he said lying beside her, twisting a tendril of her hair around his finger. “What was I thinking?”
“You thought you had made a promise to Yvonne. I wanted you terribly, but I understood. You’re not like other men. Another man would have used me, told me anything they thought I wanted to hear and then left me to fend for myself. You kept your vow to Yvonne and still got me out alive. I’ll never fault you for that. Of course I only imagined what making love to you would be like. Had I known, it may have all gone differently.”
“I would never have left you up here alone. Never. No matter if we were lovers or not.”
“Thank you for today,” she said. “This was perfect. I’m sorry I got so upset over the puppy. I guess after all those years I tried to not feel anything it just came out.”
“You don’t need to keep it inside. You can tell me,” he said.
“Not today. I just want to lie here with you and be satisfied. That’s all.”
Chapter Seventy-Six
When Joseph heard her breathing deeply and slowly beside him he sat up on the edge of the bed. He had no idea how much sleep she had gotten the night before.
He walked around inside the cabin quietly, taking several items from the shelves. Spices mostly. Alice had collected stones and dried flowers in the past and he set them all in the basket to take back down the mountain. She’d found beauty in everything and he thought they might both enjoy them in their new home. The cabin was there for them, and would remain a special place, but now the house over the store would be their permanent home.
Joseph stepped outside quietly and walked along the creek in his bare feet. The water was crisp and clear, gurgling along and, in the distance through a break in the trees, he saw a field of wildflowers. He would make sure to point it out to her, he thought, before they went back down the trail.
He found the mine, now even more overgrown than he had left it and completely undisturbed. He was certain he would never have found it on his own that first time. He’d dug until his hands were raw and his back ached. It wasn’t until she had come up to the cabin that he had found much gold at all. He peered at a tiny twinkle on the ground and bent down to retrieve a tiny sparkling particle.
“A few more and you might have enough for a filling,” Alice said as she walked towards him. Her hair was down and her feet bare. She wore the black hat and a pensive look on her face.
He stepped up to her and kissed her without a word and took her hand, leading her into the woods.
When they reached the opening through the trees he pointed out over the landscape.
“Oh, Joseph!” she gasped.
Before them fields of wildflowers spread out beneath rays of golden sun. Vivid yellows and bright blues. Deep reds and meadows of purple in every imaginable shade.
“Beautiful,” she said.
“It’s good to be home,” Joseph said.
They stood in silence for a very long time before walking back to the cabin. They put on their shoes and Joseph picked up the basket and closed and pegged the door behind him. Then they walked hand in hand towards town.
Alice stopped when the sea appeared beneath them, the bustling hamlet rising before the new docks and dark sandy beaches. She could see their store, now freshly painted a bright white amid the other shops. She noticed for the first time that a tiny steeple rose in the distance and she watched the thin trails of smoke from a dozen chimneys.
Joseph stood alongside her sharing her thoughts.
“We are a part of this you know,” she said. “Not just the gold rush and the stampede and all the madness. Now we’re something more. Our little store will make us part of a future. I think someday someone will look back on this time and talk about what it all meant to this area, to the Klondike.”
He furrowed his brow thoughtfully. “That makes me feel proud,” Joseph said.
“Good,” Alice smiled up at him. “I think we should be proud.”
Chapter Seventy-Seven
Alice was thrilled to find that Joseph had brought back all of her trinkets from the cabin and she arranged them neatly on tiny shelves.
In just a few weeks the store was filled with merchandise. Every shelf looked fresh and neatly arranged through the crystal clear window panes. Joseph had carved a huge sign in the workshop and Southers’ Hardware now hung over the front of the store. It was also painted in tall, black letters against the fresh white on the side of the building.
One day the couple had decided to clear away a pile of wood beside the house and Jack had arrived early to help them. When they pulled the heap away they discovered a large bulkhead doorway made from two heavy wooden doors held closed with a rusted wire.
They cleared away the weeds and pried open the heavy doors, Alice shivering at the eerie creak of the rusted hinges. She paced nervously around the back yard insisting that they be careful when they ventured inside.
They tiptoed down the stairs a few feet and returned to the yard. She followed them around the house as they pried away thick boards that had hidden several window wells. They took the time to clear the windows, allowing light into the basement and again ventured down the stairs.
Alice waited impatiently, looking down the dark stairs nervously.
“What’s down there?” she finally called out.
She heard rustling and scraping and Joseph called for her to step back. The men emerged carrying a huge barrel and several wooden crates which they set down on the lawn. They also emerged with two beautifully made wooden rocking chairs.
The three squatted beside the crates sorting out the contents.
“These are checker sets,” Joseph said. “They’re all beautifully made.”
“Here are several boards. Joseph, they are quite unusual.” Alice unwrapped the boards carefully, setting them on the lawn.<
br />
“The old guy who built this store had them out on the big front porch,” Jack said. “He had old guys that came by every day to play him. After a while he got too old to run the store anymore, but he was out there playing every day.”
“How delightful!” Alice laughed.
“That would sure be a good way to get a few of the locals to come around and feel comfortable in the store. I had jars of hard candy in my place back east to get the local children in when I opened. It brought in lots of business. We’ll clean them up and put them out on opening day,” Joseph said.
Eventually Alice got up the nerve to venture into the basement and discovered that it had a staircase that had been closed off to the house. Joseph pried open the paneling from inside the kitchen and found the door completely intact.
“I wonder why he closed it off,” she said to Joseph.
“It was probably Neilson.”
“It’s very cool down there. It would be perfect for storing some vegetables and canned goods. More reason to think about getting the garden cleaned up in the spring.”
They worked on the store every waking minute and, when Joseph’s orders and shipments arrived, the couple hurried to put everything in its place. It was clear to Alice that Joseph not only had plenty of experience in his business but had planned everything down to the smallest detail, including where each item would go as soon as it arrived. She was astounded with how inviting the place looked the last days before opening.
The aisles were wide and open, although it seemed the store had everything imaginable. He carried hardware and tools and household items. Rakes and brooms filled tall barrels which would be moved out to the porch each day. Around the edge of the barrels hung scoops and ladles and dustpans.
From the tall rafters in the shop swung washboards and tubs and pots and pails. There were watering cans and coffee pots and suspended scales for weighing nails.
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