by Tessa Bailey
“Lean into it, baby. Nothing wrong with that.” He gave her bottom a light slap. “Grind.”
With their gazes locked, Olive did as he instructed, dropping forward to moan into his shoulder, but she didn’t press down enough to muffle the sound, and he hoped everyone in the surrounding apartments heard it. Heard his girl taking her orgasm. From him. It was his fucking job and everyone would know he did it well, whether they heard her whimpering as they walked down their fancy hallway or spotted her in the elevator with a dazed expression on her face.
“Oh. Oh.” She threw her head back, mouth open, her hips busy, busy, moving faster. “I’m going to. I’m going to.”
“Good girl. Give your wet pussy what it needs.”
“I am. Y-you are.”
“Who, baby?”
“Rory.”
It took her another few seconds to come, and Rory had to fight to stay still while she rode up and back on his length, tucking her thighs back and rubbing her clit on his dick like she would die without the friction. Sweat formed on his upper lip, his chest, his brow. If his hands wrapped around the sheets any tighter, he was going to rip them to shreds. His balls throbbed, the same thick tempo echoing in his head. Don’t move. Don’t move. She’s going off…
Rory actually shouted when she hit her peak, it was so hot to witness. She bore down on him, trembling violently, eyes blind. “Goddammit, how can you be so beautiful?” Rory gritted out, flipping her over onto her back and standing above her on his knees, cock in hand, stroking himself at the pace a man only hit when he neared the end and wanted the agony over. She panted below him in the sheets, her belly directly below the erection he jacked off, her blonde hair spread out around her like spilled paint. “You look like a fucking angel, but I’m going to come all over you, anyway. Going to mark what’s mine.”
A look of wonder crossed Olive’s face, as if she’d only caught on that he was out of his mind obsessed with her. That wonder turned to innocence as she arched her back and shook her tits for his entertainment and Rory came with a roar, moisture leaving him in white ropes and striping her belly, her breasts, before finally dripping on the ruined thong that covered only a strip of her pussy. Coming that hard twice in one night must have been a shock to the system, because he couldn’t get his shaking body under control. It kept up as he found a towel in her bathroom and cleaned her off carefully. And it was only beginning to subside when he fell onto the bed and gathered Olive up into his arms, raining kisses on her hair, her cheeks, her mouth.
“Rory,” she said into the darkness. “Will you be here in the morning?”
“Of course I will, sunbeam,” he answered, covering her in the light sheet. “I have to prep the bar, but I won’t leave without saying goodbye, all right?”
If he’d been more alert or less drained by what they’d just done, maybe he would have noticed how she rapidly deflated in relief. And wondered why.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Olive had never been so warm and relaxed in her life.
She usually woke to a distinct sense of woe, knowing she’d have to drag herself out of bed, perform hygienic rituals and slog to class. This morning was another story entirely. She might as well have been floating on a river of golden orbs to the soundtrack of babbling water. Her limbs wouldn’t move and that was A-OK with her. Moving seemed totally overrated when Rory had her wrapped in a bear hug and her bare backside was tucked into his lap.
A smile curved her lips as she opened her eyes and stared at their reflection in her hanging mirror across the room. Their size difference and…just plain differences were on full display. He was tall, hard-bodied and covered in ink, dark hair in a messy wreath around his head. Olive was small, paler, fair, not a tattoo to be found. Rory had a possessive arm slung over her middle, his softly breathing mouth lost somewhere in her hair. The hair on his thighs tickled the backs of her legs, and somehow that was a wild turn-on.
What would they do when he woke up? Would he roll her over onto her stomach and just pressssss inside of her hot and slow? She recalled his gruff morning voice from the last time they’d spent the night together and wanted to hear it again, abrasive and urgent in her ear.
Olive closed her eyes and focused on keeping her breathing even, lest she wake up her boyfriend with horny face in full effect. Although, Rory definitely wouldn’t mind. As if his body sensed hers was awake, his erection swelled against her bottom, pressing into the split of her cheeks. Olive mouthed oh my God at her reflection in the mirror, her eyelids fluttering at the new sensations. Not only was she waking up in a man’s arms, she was waking up beside a sexy, caring, sensitive, magnetic man who she also happened to be in love with.
So in love she wondered if he could hear the rapid acceleration of her heart. The way it rebounded off her ribs like a ping pong ball in a dryer.
I should tell him.
At the very notion, her stomach turned over and the beating of her heart took on a different quality. A nervous one. Before she’d fallen asleep last night, she’d dropped from the highest high, down to an unstable precipice. She was falling deeper and deeper in love with Rory, but the fall only seemed to be making her more scared. More apprehensive over how long he’d remain in her life.
Sure, the way Rory felt about her was in every touch, every kiss and word. But he had his insecurities and the past to overcome. Her heart believed he would come back to her every night. Her head was a different story, though. He’d walked away once. He’d walked away. And if he did it again, after her feelings for him had gone past the point of return, would she survive it?
Needing some air, Olive eased out from beneath Rory’s heavy arm, one corner of her mouth edging up as he rolled onto his back, arms and chest flexing as he stretched and went still again. She could have sat there memorizing every inch of him, but she rose instead and threw on an old T-shirt, wanting to get her head on straight before Rory woke up.
Quietly as possible, Olive brushed her teeth, then padded down the short hallway into the kitchen. Upon entering the apartment last night, she’d been so distracted by Rory’s presence, she hadn’t even removed her phone from her purse. If that didn’t prove her infatuation, nothing would, since Olive hadn’t slept without her cell charging on her nightstand since she’d bought it in high school.
She found her purse where she’d dropped it on the dining room table and slid out the device, swallowing hard when she saw a text message on the screen from her mother. They hadn’t spoken in a week and only in a cursory how-are-you-settling-in type of way. Their conversations hadn’t been anything but forced in a long time, and every once in a while, Olive sensed her mother wanting to dig deeper. Maybe even apologize for how the family had been divided with everyone on one side and Olive on the other. But it never actually happened. Because of that, every time they hung up from a phone call, Olive only felt worse. Less connected to the people she used to spend every waking moment with.
After a moment of hesitation, Olive slid her thumb across the screen, unlocked the phone and went to her messages.
Hey sweetie! Just wanted to give you a heads-up, in case you watch the new episode. We needed a new toy unboxing space for the channel and your room was our only option. We’ll make sure you’ve got somewhere to sleep when you come to visit, so no worries! Maybe we’ll even have a resort adventure next time you make it down here! Just didn’t want you to be caught off guard. The new episode is so fun. Gadget Mania! Love you, Mom
The numbness started at the top of Olive’s head and spread down, into her belly, through her fingers and toes. She stared at the screen so long, the words started to blur together. Acid crept up the walls of her throat and into her dry mouth, eradicating the minty goodness her toothpaste had left behind. Most of all, there was pure sadness. Emptiness. Exactly how she’d felt the afternoon she’d walked into the house and found them making a video without her. Betrayed. Dumped.
They’d finally erased her for good.
Olive heard the bed creak do
wn the hallway and dropped the phone. Didn’t even bother picking it up. She wrung the fingers of her right hand in her left, trying to fix the numbness, but it didn’t work. Even her lungs lacked feeling. She couldn’t even be sure she was breathing.
When Rory walked into the room pulling on his T-shirt, Olive backed up automatically, her butt running into the kitchen table and jostling the vase of daisies.
“Morning, sunbeam,” Rory said in that hoarse morning voice, his head popping through the top of his shirt. “Early class, right? I can give you a ride there, but I can’t stick around this time to drive you back.” His expression told Olive he was troubled by that fact, but she couldn’t process the reason behind it. Couldn’t think of anything but the text message. How completely untethered she was now to her family. Officially carved out.
“Y-you know…yeah. I’m, um…I can take the bus both ways.” She crouched down on stiff legs and picked up her phone, leaving it face down on the table. “You should get to the bar.”
As soon as the suggestion was out of Olive’s mouth, she breathed easier. The part of her that wanted nothing more than to spend time with Rory was not in control. Nowhere to be found. And her heart was too bruised to work or stop her. She just wanted away. Away from anything else that could cause damage—and Rory had already caused some. Hadn’t he?
Yes. Oh God, she couldn’t open herself up to get set aside again.
She’d had her head in the clouds. She’d been naïve to think this was forever.
Forever? Seriously?
They’d only known each other for a few weeks and he’d broken up with her once already. It was only a matter of time before it happened again. She didn’t want the emptiness anymore. The sense of loss inflicted by her parents was terrible, but she’d put herself on the road to living with it. Functioning despite the hurt. Adding the potential loss of Rory was unwise. It would kill her if it happened.
“Olive.” Rory’s dark eyebrows drew together. He took a step in her direction, but she jerked back again—splashing water from the vase onto the table—and her obvious alarm seemed to skyrocket his own. “Jesus, baby. What’s wrong?”
She exhaled slowly. “Nothing.”
“Like hell.” His concerned gaze ran the length of her, his tan skin turning chalky. “Is it…worse today? The soreness?”
“No, it’s nothing like that. It’s nothing at all.” Having regained a small semblance of her equilibrium, Olive moved behind the table, pinched a napkin out of the holder and mopped up the water she’d spilled. “I just have to get ready for class.”
“Good.” His eyes stalked her every movement. “I’ll wait.”
“Rory…”
“What?” He shook his head. “Something’s up. You’re scaring the hell out of me.”
“Me?” Olive scoffed, hating her tone. “I should be scared.”
“What does that mean?”
This wasn’t going to work. She couldn’t tell him the truth. Couldn’t tell him about the news from her family. How it had gutted her. Made her realize how foolish she was being to trust him again. He would convince her otherwise. He’d make promises and kiss her and she would be a goner. Even now, his energy across the room was tugging the low muscles in her belly, the complicated ones around her heart. Every part of this man affected every part of her. She just had to make him go. God, just go, before you make me hurt worse.
Last night at the carnival, she’d landed on the theory that Rory was drawn to her because she’d needed saving. Maybe he would lose interest the longer she went standing on her own two feet, neglecting to step in front of buses or almost drown. He could get bored. She wouldn’t be fulfilling that need to save someone, left over from his bad home life. The abuse his mother had suffered when he was in prison.
To Olive’s desperate brain, it all made sense. He wouldn’t want her for long. He would leave. He would cut her off, just like her family had done. It would hurt. Too much to survive.
“Rory, I think…I just think…” Olive’s eyes landed on the textbook lying open on the table. “I think it’s better if I just focus on school right now. I-I shouldn’t have ditched my friends last night. They’re the people I should be spending time with. People who value the same things as me. School. Getting my education. I can’t…this won’t work.”
If possible, Rory’s face paled further. “You’re giving me the smart girl look.”
Even though she didn’t have a clue what that meant, Olive didn’t like it. How was she looking at him? She couldn’t even remember what she’d just said. “I’m sorry, Rory,” she said on a trembling exhale. “I can’t.”
“Can’t be with me,” he rasped, his eyes taking on a far-off quality. “Dammit, sunbeam. My gut is telling me to shake you, kiss you, find out why you’re scared of me all of a sudden. Is it…it’s because of what I told you, right? My arrest—”
“No. That’s not it.”
The denial burst out of Olive, but he talked right over her, seemingly beyond listening.
“I promised myself if you cut me off, I would man up and respect it. Leave you alone,” he said, the words sounding raw as cut glass. “My bones tell me to do the opposite, though, baby. I’m standing here and you’re in pain for some reason and I don’t know what the fuck to do.”
This time, it was Olive’s turn to not listen. Her heart plummeted at the misery in his voice, but her mind snagged on only one part of his ravaged explanation. I promised myself if you cut me off, I would man up and respect it. Leave you alone.
“Did you ever think this was going to work out?” Hot tears crowded against the backs of her eyelids. “Or were you just waiting for a signal to walk away again?”
Rory’s gaze sharpened. “Is that what this is about?” He made a rough sound. “If I could go back in time, I would run after you. It kills me that I didn’t.”
Olive could feel herself weakening. She had to press her hip into the table until it hurt to keep her feet from moving. Carrying her in his direction, where she knew he’d pick her up, hold her, take away the ache in her chest. “That’s not what this is about.” She barely managed to whisper the lie. “I have to get ready for school. I have to do what’s best for me. Please, just…”
Her throat closed up, refusing to let her say go.
Rory filled in the blanks with a desolate expression. “I’ll go,” he said, rubbing the heel of his hand against the middle of his ribcage. “If you think me leaving is what’s best for you, I have no choice.” Before she could prepare, he came around the table and moved in close, so close she could feel the kiss of his breath on her lips, the heat of his body caressing her skin. “I’ll go, but you listen to me, Olive Cunningham. Go live your life. I hope you believe me when I say I hope you have the best fucking life, baby. I want everything for you.” In her periphery, she could see his fists clench at his sides, as if he wanted to reach for her but wouldn’t. “While you’re out living that life, remember I’ll be out there somewhere. Living for you. And if you want me back for one day—one minute—I’m yours. And I’ll do it over and over again, no matter how many times you decide this is wrong afterward. I’ll wait around to worship you, sunbeam. Any time you want me. Do you understand?” He leaned in and she whimpered, preparing for a kiss, reeling from the vow he’d just made. “I’ll love you with this black soul until God tears it out of me.”
Even as her heart soared, a voice doubted in the back of her mind. No. No, she couldn’t know for sure if he loved her. He might just think he did.
Rory started to back away slowly.
I love you, too. Oh God, I love you so much.
Her mind screamed the words at his back as he pivoted and walked out the door.
The silence that descended was so loud, she could hear the dull pitch of the ocean, layered beneath her own wheezing breaths. Common sense warred with the crazy, authentic, untamed love inside of Olive, keeping her rooted to the spot.
He’s gone. He’s gone, so I can’t get hurt.
It was a losing battle. And in that moment, shaken, lonely, heartbroken and still in shock from what her family had done, she was too weak to fight.
*
It was late Friday afternoon when Olive realized she’d been sitting in the student library for…three hours. Really? She’d come in to check out a book and that book still sat in front of her on the polished mahogany table. Unopened. She’d been doing this a lot since Tuesday morning. Zoning out. Forgetting why she’d walked into rooms…or why she’d left the apartment. It was probably better that way, her brain blurring reality and making her surroundings feel like lethargic dreams in which she wasn’t actually participating.
Olive opened the book sitting in front of her and closed it again, burying her fingers in her hair, inhaling deeply and trying to block out the stunted sound of her heartbeat. It seemed to follow her every place she went, blaming her for its cracks.
How was it possible Rory had walked out of her apartment three days ago? It could have happened an hour ago, the horrible finality of the moment was so fresh and sharp. And yet, it also felt like it happened nine months ago. She no longer had any frame of reference for time, except school. Get up, get dressed, get on the bus, pretend to listen in class, go home and stare blankly at convoluted notes.
Olive’s gaze drifted over to the screen of her phone, noticing the date—and not for the first time. This evening was Rory’s mother’s birthday party. She’d told him she would go and now it was only hours away. What was he feeling? Had he backed out? God, she hoped not.
Olive was in the process of pushing back from the table, intending to replace the book on the shelf and make her way to the bus stop, but Leanne plopped down at the table with a smack of her gum, earning them an evil look from the librarian.