by craziebabe45
Where I belong to
When I'm not around you
- Colbie Caillat "I Never Told You"
* * *
Chapter 18: November One and A Half Years Earlier
A scraping sound followed by shuffling feet across the carpeted floors made Lexi shift from her otherwise comfortable position. She yawned exaggeratedly refusing to open her sleep deprived eyes to the blinding sunlight. Her hand slowly rose above her head and she stretched languidly across the couch. Her back arched pushing the checkered quilt off of her upper-half leaving her frail form exposed with only a flimsy white tank top as a meager cover-up. She shivered convulsively at the near freezing weather and scrambled to cover the rest of her body with the warm material. Yanking the covers up to her chin, she snuggled deeper into the plush cushions. Another yawn escaped her as she wrestled with her own inner turmoil: to study or not to study.
A sharp pain shot across her temples reminding her of the amount of alcohol she had absorbed last night. Memories of shot after shot flooded her conscious, and she knew her answer to that dilemma. There would be no chance she would be studying today. A groan escaped her lips and she shuddered against the pain pulsing throughout her body. Her stomach twisted with nausea and she was certain that she would be sick at any moment. Swallowing down the rising bile in her throat, she groaned even louder this time. A giggle punctuated the early morning air causing Lexi to cringe further into her comfortable niche.
"You gonna get up, you lazy bum?" Rachelle, Lexi's roommate, questioned in her thick New England accent from across the kitchen.
Lexi grumbled angrily into the pillow adding a few choice curse words. "Don't talk so loud Ray," she mumbled pressing her palms to her forehead.
"It's pretty late, and you know we have that huge Civ Pro reading for tomorrow," she drawled slamming the microwave door shut as if for Lexi's benefit. Another giggle resounded throughout the space confirming that sentiment. "I wouldn't want to see my genius roomie getting behind in her class work."
If she had had the energy, Lexi would have flicked her off. Under the circumstances, she just griped louder into the pillow and pulled the covers completely over her head. She let her eyes open and painfully adjust to the feeble amount of light apparent through the blanket. Her mind sifted through the disjointed memories from the previous night focusing in on the high points. Vodka gummis, hot Armani Guy, dancing, leaving with Chyna – Jack. She gasped quietly in the chilly morning air as her brain wrapped around the foreign concept. Had that been a dream?
It felt completely surreal to think that he had been in New York, in her dorm, in her arms. He had come for her. He had confessed his desire – love – for her. He had lain next to her all night.
She shook her head in disbelief ignoring the warning signals going off throughout her body at the sudden movements. No, she had dreamed that. She drank way too much last night, and out of desperation had conjured up the one person she was always thinking about. She was almost certain she had passed out and Jack had taken over her subconscious...as he typically did.
He wasn't here after all. If he had been real, he would be lying here next to her with his arms securing her in place against his chest. He would be kissing her shoulder and up her neck as the pleasantries woke her from more than just sleep. He'd mumble sweet nothings into her ear and stroke her long unruly hair out of her face in order to get a better look at her dark warm chocolate eyes. She would melt at the sight of his cerulean irises confessing his affection for her and knowing that they didn't actually need words.
No. Jack was just a dream. A sweet dream, but a dream nonetheless.
With that gloomy thought coupled with her ever increasing hangover, Lexi pulled the covers from across her eyes. Her pupils dilated as they adjusted to the extreme change in light exposure. She sat up still holding the covers tight to her chest in an attempt to retain some heat within her body. After a minute, Lexi shifted her gaze to Rachelle who was studiously seated at the kitchen table with her Civil Procedure book open before her.
"Ray...uh...can I ask you something?" Lexi began awkwardly.
Rachelle flipped the page not even appearing to hear Lexi's comment. Lexi waited feeling more uncomfortable by the second as she waited for a response. Just when she opened her mouth to speak up again, Rachelle responded noncommittally, "Huh?"
"Can I ask you something?" Lexi repeated.
"You just did, and you can't borrow my book. I'll need to read this at least four or five more times before tomorrow," she added snappily.
Lexi gritted her teeth, and tried to remind herself that she was at a top five school for a reason. These people were supposed to be bitchy. "I didn't want to borrow your book," Lexi said, "I just had a question about last night."
Rachelle glanced up from whatever she was writing furiously into her notepad and snorted. Literally, snorted. Lexi gaped at her in horror.
"Did you uh...let someone in last night?" Lexi asked.
"Are you thick?" Rachelle retorted snapping her pen down on the pad with a little too much force.
"Excuse me?" Lexi asked dumbfounded cringing away from the loud smacking noise the pen made against the surface.
"I would never let anyone inside," Rachelle stated matter-of-factly, always the epitome of responsibility.
Lexi breathed out a sigh of relief even though it felt more like a sigh of despair. She had been hoping that she was wrong. She wanted so desperately to have Jack here that she was actually badgering her most anal roommate about possibly letting a strange man into their dorm room. How much had she had to drink the night before? She shook her head, regretting the action instantly, and stood to go brew a cup of coffee. Rachelle was some sort of super-human freak that didn't need the stuff, even though she went to bed after everyone and woke up first in the household.
As she prepared the pot, Lexi found her bottle of Tylenol tucked behind three cans of tuna and a crushed package of macaroni and cheese. Dumping out two extra strength pills in her hand, she stuck her mouth under the running faucet, took a too-large gulp, and swallowed them down whole. She hopped up on the cool counter top letting her legs dangle and leaned her aching head back against the wooden cabinets as the coffee pot worked its magic.
After Lexi had filled her mug to the brim with the steaming liquid, she stumbled into her bedroom to get together toiletries for the shower she so desperately needed. Digging through her pockets from last night, Lexi located her cell phone. A text from Chyna stated something about them needing to talk and expressing her feelings about the amazing night. Lexi shrugged off the needing to talk bit and veered towards the shower. The shower was refreshing and seemed to alleviate most of the aches that were permeating her body and completely dispelled any feelings of nausea. Lexi finished off her mug of now lukewarm coffee as fast as she could, changed into some sweats, and ventured back into her living room.
By that time, Lexi's other roommates, Claire and Elizabeth, had returned and were discussing the reading that Rachelle was currently skimming over for the umpteenth time. Lexi tilted her head to the side and ran her fingers through her hair allowing the waves to separate from each other. She moseyed towards the coffee pot and poured herself another glass.
"Did you hear us, Lexi?" Claire asked behind her.
Lexi turned around and surveyed the scene before her. She was the first to admit that she didn't exactly fit in with the other students at NYU. People came in from all over the country to go here, but they at least all had one thing in common: a sense of competition. Her roommates definitely had that feeling, and Lexi simply didn't share it with them. That was why when they were all together in one place; it was very unlikely that they would actually be talking to her. She hadn't heard a single word they had been saying for that exact reason, and told them as much.
Elizabeth upturned her nose at Lexi and mumbled something under her breath. Claire jabbed her in the ribs before responding. "We were just wondering how last night went," she ventured barely suppr
essing a giggle
Lexi stared at her with her mouth wide open. In the months that they had been living together, she had never been asked about her night. The only topics of conversation they focused on at all had to do with school. Something was up. "Same as usual I suppose."
"I saw your friend. What's her name Asia?" Elizabeth asked knowing full well that wasn't her name. Lexi rolled her eyes at her not enjoying their little game and wondering where this was leading.
"Chyna, actually," Lexi responded wishing she hadn't had so much to drink the night before. If she was going to have to deal with whatever game they were playing, then she needed to be a bit more conscious.
"Oh right, Chyna," Elizabeth said. "What kind of name is that anyway?" she mumbled just loud enough for Lexi to hear.
Lexi gritted her teeth and hoped the torture of petty social interaction would end soon. "Yea she went out with me last night."
"Did that guy go out with you last night too?" Claire asked giggling into Elizabeth's shoulder.
Lexi froze and stared at the three. Elizabeth's freckled face was nearly masked with the blush that took over her face whenever she found something humorous. Claire's thin blonde hair had been shaken free of its loose ponytail. Rachelle even let a small smile grace her features at the two girl's ridiculous behavior. God, were they twelve years old? Even though these things were put on Lexi's list of all-time rare behavior for her roommates, what made her body react was the fact that they had mentioned a guy. Yet, how could they know that she had met a guy last night? And was that even what they were talking about?
"Oh just look at her face," Elizabeth said through her giggles.
"She didn't want us to find out. That's why she made him leave so early," Claire announced smacking Elizabeth with her hand playfully. Though, it looked like this scene had been rehearsed.
"Did you see him though?" Elizabeth asked fanning herself.
"Yeah why would she want to hide him?" Claire asked letting the emphasis rest on the final word. "Even Rayray thought he was gorgeous. Didn't you Ray?" Claire questioned shoving Rachelle's notepad out from under her pen.
Rachelle looked up finally dropping her half-smile as she glared at her roommates. "What does it even matter what I think? I have work to do. Why not harass her somewhere that doesn't involve me?" she asked cattily.
"Um…guys, what are you talking about?" Lexi finally asked confusion written across her features.
Claire focused in on her assessing the situation. "That guy I let in the apartment last night. He was dreamy and couldn't stop blabbering about you."
"What guy?" Lexi gasped steadying herself on the counter top. Her vision had gone blurry at Claire's words. Had Jack actually been there last night? Her throat felt dry and she reached blindly for her coffee mug. Unable to locate it, she touched her hand to her throat and choked back a cough.
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "No need to be so dramatic."
"Anyway, he left you a note after you kicked him out," Claire said producing a tiny piece of white paper. "We weren't sure if you wanted it."
Lexi moved forward robotically and snatched the paper from out of her fingertips. "Don't ever touch my stuff again," she snarled narrowing her eyes menacingly.
Claire and Elizabeth looked as if they'd never seen Lexi before. Their mouths hung open in shock. Even Rachelle had stopped to stare at her newfound malice. Lexi ignored them all in her anxious desire to read the note, find out if it actually was from Jack, and why he had left so early if it was the case.
She shut the door behind her and fell into her desk chair. She could feel her pulse in her stomach as she held the insubstantial piece of paper in her palm. She ignored her gut feeling that nothing good could possibly come from this and tore open the paper. Her heart fluttered at the text before her. It held one word – one lonely word. The handwriting was unmistakably Jack's, but still he had left her with nothing else but:
Sorry.
She stared numbly at the five letters scratched onto the blaringly white scrap. What was he sorry about? Her stomach sank further. Had she said or done something wrong? She'd been blitzed out of her mind last night and couldn't remember a single thing. Only a minute ago she had been certain she had conjured him up in a dream, and now he was leaving her with apologies. She buried her face in her hands a fresh wave of heartache taking over where hangover left off. A tear trickled down her face and she quickly swiped it out of the way in anger.
No.
She wasn't going to go there again. She had shed enough tears previously and now she needed to get over this. Jack had always and would always have a hold on her heart, but she needed to be smart about it. He was in New York and had found her. That had to count for something. Tossing the paper on her cluttered desk, Lexi rose and located her cell phone once more. After tapping out a quick reply to Chyna that they'd have to talk later, she found the number she was looking for and dialed the line.
"Hey Lex," Jack huskily said through the other line.
She felt her body turn to jello at the sound of his sweet voice. How had she forgotten how amazing his voice sounded in her ears? She sighed contentedly, and then stopped herself. She needed to be frank with him and not just get suckered in all over again. "Why the fuck did you leave that note?"
He sputtered, "I…uh…"
"Why did you even come see me if you were just going to leave with nothing but a note?" she interrogated him.
"I was pretty drunk," he offered.
"Oh you were drunk?" she asked not keeping the condescending tone from her voice.
"Yeah look I had been meaning to come by and talk to you, but I hadn't been able to work up the nerve. Can we just meet up and talk?" he pleaded.
"How long have you been in New York?" she asked her eyes narrowing.
"Come on just meet me and I'll tell you everything," he promised his voice taking on an almost desperate tone.
"Just answer the question Jack," she commanded forcing herself not to break under his sweet talk.
"A couple months," he mumbled.
"What?" she squealed. "A couple months and this is the first I've heard from you?" She couldn't help but feel hurt. He had known all along that she had been around. And there she had been moping about him and feeling like she was seeing him on every street corner. For all she knew, he could have been on any street corner. He could have been any of those guys that had looked like him.
"I wasn't sure if you were…" he trailed off.
"If I was what?" she asked her anger flaring.
"Single."
"Oh," she muttered before she had a chance to stop herself.
"So can you please just meet with me so we can discuss this? I can tell you've entered full-on freak out mode and I can't help if I'm not there."
"Then, why did you leave?" she spat at him. Lexi was pretty sure that whatever had happened last night, he had to have realized that she wasn't taken? She shook her head furious with herself. No there was no way for him to know that. Even if they had done anything last night, past precedent proved that it had never mattered whether or not she had been single. She wasn't even sure why it mattered to him right now, but she didn't ask that.
"I had an interview," he muttered dejectedly.
"For a job?" she asked in surprise.
"Yes for a job, Lexi. I wouldn't have left your side for anything else," he informed her.
Lexi fell silent after that comment contemplating her next move. Of course, she wanted to go see him and find out what had happened, but she knew what kind of distraction Jack offered. Her first semester grades would be all she had when she was looking for internships for the summer and she needed to stay focused. Rachelle wasn't the only one who had to study in their household. Then again her roommates antics about Jack just reminded her of how good looking he was. If even Rachelle had commented on his appearance, Lexi knew he had looked damn good last night…and she couldn't remember it.
She shook her head from side to side weighing her opt
ion. Biting down on her bottom lip, she realized there was really only one option. "Where did you want to meet?"
Lexi assumed he wanted to meet at a coffee shop, but was pleasantly surprised that he steered clear. They already had memories stored away in a coffee shop hundreds of miles away. There was no need to start creating new ones in New York. She stared up at the stairs in front of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. She had walked by here on numerous occasions, but had never been afforded the luxury of having enough free time to venture inside. Not that she had ever been a connoisseur of fine art, but she could still appreciate the beauty that lay within the castled walls.
In fact, she had always been intimidated by the outwards splendor that radiated from the building. Chyna had been to a number of benefits and operas at the location, but timing had never been right for Lexi to join her. Now she was stuck staring upwards at the massive construction wondering what she was even doing here. Sitting in her room and listening to Jack's soothing voice made her think that this was the right thing to do. But now outside of her comfortable residence, she couldn't quite be sure. She was more likely to be of the opposite state-of-mind when it came to Jack. Though he brought her such pleasure, she knew well enough now to expect heartache by the end of it.
Just as her thoughts strayed farther down that detrimental path, she felt a light tap on her shoulder from behind. She jerked around caught off-guard by the sudden interruption. "Jack," she said her voice lowering seductively as she caught sight of him.
Her roommates had been right. He looked damn sexy. The afternoon sun gleamed in his eyes reflecting back to the world as a bright ocean blue with just a hint of gold circling the pupil. His shaggy hair, which typically fell into his eyes, had been combed and perfected to rest across his forehead. A worn pair of jeans, that she recognized, hung loose on his narrow hips. A grey long-sleeve t-shirt fit snug across his broad shoulders. Her eyes couldn't help but smolder at the sight of his cut arms and chest which showed countless hours of work. She had never seen him look so built before in her life.