My brain was the internet, and I had one thousand tabs open all the time.
Time passed. I was stronger than the days following the loss. My family was my saving grace, a light in the dark tunnel I sometimes longed to escape into.
Romeo was like a screw drilled into a wall, into the stud behind the wall. An anchor, sturdy and immoveable. He held me up on days I couldn’t stand.
And those first few days after, when both of us were pretty wobbly… he held me even then, as the family closed ranks around us both. Thank God for them all.
I didn’t know why I lost Evie. No one did. The doctors gave us generic statistics and probable cause… I barely listened. What did it really matter anyway? She was gone. The answer wouldn’t bring her back.
But I had a reason. A reason to keep moving, a reason to go on.
No. Not a reason. Reasons.
Romeo. Braeden. Ivy. Trent. Drew. Nova. My shelter. The animals. Romeo. (He’s on the list twice cause he’s the most important.)
The loss of our daughter was immeasurable, yet I still had more than my fair share. Somedays it was hard to feel grateful, but other… other days, I woke in my bedroom and opened my eyes and still felt the same wonder and surprise that this was my life.
That was something.
Romeo was everything.
It might seem strange, but as much of everything as he was to me before… he was more so now.
I felt closer to him than ever, but oddly, further apart.
I didn’t understand, and mostly, I didn’t think about it. I didn’t want to. It was too hard, and there was already enough of that. Instead, I focused on the closeness. The way my heart sometimes beat solely for him.
I focused on his blue eyes and captivating smile.
On the life we shared, the family we had, and I tried not to fixate on what we’d lost. Most days, I was successful. Some days, I was not.
The sister animal shelter we were able to open after the hugely successful fundraiser put together by Valerie and myself was my refuge. Just as the one Michelle still ran across town had been when I was in college.
I loved it there. It was my pet project, my passion, and not a day went by that I ever once regretted foregoing veterinary medicine to stay here and run this shelter. It fulfilled me in so many ways. It made my heart full even on days it felt tattered and echoed with hollows.
This facility was larger than the one I used to practically live in, almost double in size. The building was located off the main road, down a winding side street, and boasted grass all around. The exterior was stone, the rough, uncut kind, the type that looked as if it were pulled straight from the earth. The muted brown and gray shades provided a warm feeling of welcome, which I loved because no shelter should feel cold and clinical.
This was home, albeit hopefully a temporary one, to the animals who stayed here. To the employees who so lovingly and willingly gave their time and care.
The windows were of normal shape and size at the front, trimmed out in white with wooden shutters. Not long after Evie went to heaven, I added flowerboxes to the front windows.
Well, I didn’t add them. Me and tools didn’t go to well together. Romeo hung them, and he did so that warm summer day without a shirt.
Three animals were adopted that day.
I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the flowers I was planting that drew in the people… It was his shirtless, glistening skin. And the fact he waved and winked to every lady who walked up the pathway as he worked.
My husband, forever the charmer. But hey, it was for a good cause.
Anyway, in addition to the flowerboxes, I added potted plants at the front doors and made the place even more homey. Fall brought burnished gold and orange leaves that littered the grass and front walkway. The flowers were no longer cheerful and bright, but gone and waiting for the cold seasons to pass. Instead, there were pumpkins by the front doors, compliments of Ivy and Nova from the day we visited the pumpkin patch.
Side note: if you take Drew to a pumpkin patch, he’s gonna want to drive the tractor that pulls the hayride. And when the man who’s supposed to be driving recognizes Drew as the Drew who drives for the NRR, he’s going to let him have the driver’s seat. Tractors are not racecars… Someone needs to tell Drew. Well, wait, we all told him… at high volumes as he plowed through the corn fields with our wagon full of hay attached. If we had our pumpkins already, they would have been pie. Needless to say, Drew didn’t drive us back to the barn.
Just inside the wide front doors was the open, welcoming reception area. Its tiled floors actually looked like real wood—all the pretty without the maintenance. The walls were painted a neutral shade of almond, and the windows were framed out with dark wood trim.
In the center of the room was the front desk. The front was done in stone the same colors as outside. It rose up to meet wide, granite counters, with the highest section being in the center, then a lower section on each side. Behind the desk, the wall was painted a shade of eggplant, the shelter’s logo in the center in white.
On either side of the large reception desk and built into the purple wall were two doors. Each hallway led back to the animal quarters and back storage room and pantry.
The animals had all-tile “rooms” with solid floors (I despised the cage-type floors because little paws always got stuck in them) and glass doors that allowed them to see out clearly. The rooms were stacked on top of each other, which utilized vertical space.
Not every single room was like that, though. The larger dogs got tiled suites as well but with wrought-iron doors and all of them ground floor.
The wash and pantry rooms were basic but clean. The laundry facilities were all equipped with brand-new washers and dryers—a donation from Valerie and Tony.
Behind the shelter, outside, was a large fenced-in green space where the dogs could run and play. There were benches for the staff, and then off to the left was a separate fenced-off area, which was actually Braeden and Ivy’s contribution last summer.
It was a dog pool. An in-ground, walk-in pool for the dogs to swim and exercise in during the warm summer months. Eventually, I hoped to have it enclosed so it could remain open all year round.
Yeah, I know. A pool. Pools are sort of my nemesis. All water, really. Braeden practically choked on his pancakes when I told him that’s what I wanted to build with his donation money.
But this wasn’t about me. It was about the dogs. And some of the older pets we had here really benefited from the nonimpact exercise.
I didn’t oversee pool time; the other people who worked here did.
I was proud of this place. It was my home away from home. I spent a lot of time here and so did some of the animals.
It was already after closing, the doors were locked up, and the animals were secured for the night. When I closed, I always stayed about an hour after the place was shut down. I liked to clean up, straighten the pantry, and finish up the last bit of laundry. It was peaceful here at night, and sometimes I enjoyed the busy work.
Especially when Romeo was away for preseason.
He would be home in the morning, though, and just thinking about it made my stomach flutter. I didn’t think I would ever not anticipate Romeo’s presence.
It was another reason I was closing up tonight and making sure everything was done. I wasn’t coming in tomorrow or the next day. This was it for Romeo and Braeden, the last bit of time off they would have before the season was officially underway. After this, it would be almost constant traveling, with little time off between games. If I could be home, I was going to be; nothing else was as important to me. Besides, the staff here was more than capable of running things.
I flipped off the back lights, making sure the night lights were all illuminated, and walked out toward the front.
Molly was still here, at one of the small desks at the side of the room. My eyes went right to her sitting there with her chin in her palm and a cup of what looked like tea at her elbow. She was one
of two full-time employees we had here (besides me); the rest were volunteers from Alpha U and around town.
Molly was tall, nearly six feet. She had a slim build, and her blond hair was styled in this adorable pixie cut. I kind of envied it because she probably didn’t even have to brush it when she got out of bed. The rumpled, messy look went with that cut.
I mentioned cutting my hair like that to Ivy once. She told me I was insane because my hair was gorgeous and gave me a really long lecture about hair care and hair texture, blah, blah… I never mentioned it again.
I mean, it didn’t matter, because I didn’t always brush my hair when I got up anyway. I smiled a little to myself at the thought. A wistful type of feeling breezed through me. I combed my hair a lot more these days than I wanted to.
‘Cause, you know. Reasons.
“Molly! I thought you would have left by now,” I said, coming around the large counter.
She jerked a little and pressed a hand to her chest. “Rimmel! I didn’t hear you come out of the back.”
I was slightly amused. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
She blew out a breath and grinned. “I need to stop watching scary movies at night.”
“Probably not a bad idea.” I agreed. “Whatever you’re finishing up, just do it tomorrow. No need to stay this late.”
She cleared her throat and glanced down. A flash of something passed behind her expression, and my stomach tightened.
“I’m actually all finished. I was just waiting on you.”
“On me?” I puzzled.
“Yeah, until your brother gets here.”
It was a thing. A total embarrassing but necessary thing. When I closed or worked late, Romeo or Braeden met me to escort me to my car. Well, if Romeo was in town, he just drove me. If Romeo and B weren’t here, then Trent or Drew came. If none of the boys were in town, I didn’t close.
After everything the people in our family had gone through, me not being alone at night at work wasn’t such a crazy request from Romeo. In fact, I kinda preferred it this way, too.
“You don’t have to do that!” I said quickly. “Go home. Watch a movie that isn’t scary.”
Molly laughed. “I know I don’t, but it’s dark out and late…” She glanced toward the front doors. Funny she never worried about that when she left without an escort.
“Is something wrong?” I asked, pushing at the glasses on my nose. My hair was up in a wild bun—I was pretty sure there was a lost pencil in there from when I was doing inventory a couple hours ago—and my sweat pants had dog fur on them.
“Besides the fact that I have an overactive imagination from the movies?” Molly replied.
She was stalling.
I glanced down at her desk, where she’d been focused when I’d walked out. Looked like she had her iPad in front of her. A sour taste coated the back of my tongue.
“What are you reading?” I asked, stepping closer, trying to see the screen.
“Nothing,” she said, moving her arms and cup of tea to cover it.
I was about to call her out on her craptastic lie when I heard a key in the front double doors. Both of us looked up to see Trent slipping inside and shutting the door behind him.
“Hey, sis,” he called out, twirling the keys around his finger.
I loved when he called me that. It was kinda new for him, and every time he said it, warmth bloomed in my chest. I loved having a big family. It was something I didn’t have growing up. Something I never really thought I would have. I definitely never imagined I’d have a bunch of self-appointed brothers who were bossy and maddening.
There was a time when Trent stayed in the background of our family, and then he started to slip away. It hurt, even though we weren’t as close as I would have liked. But then everything changed, he and Drew finally admitted their feelings for each other, and Trent wholly embraced our family. He wasn’t in the background anymore. We were closer now than ever before.
“Hey!” I called back, smiling.
“Sorry I’m late.” He grimaced. “Got held up.”
“Everything okay?” I asked, more suspicion rising inside me.
He nodded.
“Well, I’m out,” Molly said, standing to shrug into a light jacket and pick up her bag, tea, and iPad. “Have a good couple days off, Rimmel. Enjoy your husband.”
Trent was farther into the room now, closer to the desk. As she neared him, I saw her eyes lock on his face. “Lot clear?” she asked low.
That sour taste on my tongue exploded in my mouth.
“Molly,” I said, and she turned. “Can I see what you were reading?” I stepped up and motioned for her iPad.
“It’s embarrassing. Just a silly romance novel.”
“You should never be embarrassed to read. It doesn’t matter what it is.”
Molly opened her mouth to likely make an excuse, but I took the iPad out of her arms and tapped the screen. As soon as it lit up, my back teeth slammed together.
“This is a new one,” I remarked, unable to keep the annoyance out of my tone.
Trent moved to my side and looked down. “Fucking press,” he muttered and moved to take the iPad. “Don’t read that trash, Rim.”
THE DIVORCE IS ON!
Romeo is on top on the field, but where is Rimmel?
Sources say the strain of losing a baby and her inability to conceive again
has put this once royal couple on a fast track to the big D.
My fingers tightened on the screen. My vision blurred a little, and a sick feeling wormed its way through my middle.
The gossip was never ending. The rumors never stopped swirling. The press was obsessed with us. They made the #BuzzBoss look like Barney. That was something I never imagined could happen.
Even now, three months after Evie… they wouldn’t stop. I was beginning to think they never would.
Trent made a sound and ripped the device out of my grip. The screen went dark, and he thrust it at Molly. “Why the hell are you even reading that garbage? You know that shit ain’t welcome here.”
Molly looked guilty, her eyes sliding to me, then away. “I know it’s not true,” she offered.
Does she really? Or does some part of her believe some sliver of it?
“Outside is clear,” Trent said, not as kind as he could have. “Thanks for waiting ‘til I got here.”
Did he call her and tell her to wait?
She nodded and glanced back at me. “Rimmel—”
I held up my hand. “No worries. Like I said, any reading is good reading.”
Trent made a rude sound.
Molly left, making sure to glance out before slipping out into the well-lit parking lot.
“They were here, weren’t they?” I asked.
“Fucking paps,” Trent swore. “Took me a while to get them the hell off the property.”
And that’s why he was late and Molly stayed. Nothing like a new divorce headline to bring the vultures into the lot so they could flash their bright bulbs and hurl questions that bordered on insults at me.
“Thank you for doing that,” I said sincerely. My chest felt constricted and my stomach vacant.
“You know I like giving those bastards hell.” He flashed a quick smile.
Trent had become quite a shield the last couple weeks. It embarrassed me I needed one, but the truth was I could only handle so much of the press before I became overwhelmed.
They weren’t nice to me. Sometimes they weren’t that nice to Trent and Drew either, so the fact that Trent took them on during times he didn’t really have to in order to keep them away from me said a lot about what kind of man he was.
I grabbed Romeo’s Alpha U hoodie and my bag from behind the counter. As I was pulling the well-loved garment over my head, I paused the briefest of seconds to close my eyes and exhale.
Sometimes all the alone time a girl got to center herself was inside her husband’s hoodie.
When I was finished, I glanced back at Trent and
offered a smile before digging the keys to my SUV out of my bag.
He appeared before me and gently took the keys, tossing them back in my bag. “I’ll drive you home tonight. You can come back to get your car tomorrow.”
“Think they’re waiting on the main road?” I asked, shoulders slumping a little.
“Probably. But that’s okay. I’ve picked up some tips on driving fast from Drew.”
I snorted. “Like you needed tips.”
Trent slung his arm across my shoulders and led us toward the exit. I sighed and leaned into him a little more than I should have. It had been a long day. Actually, not really. Just the last few minutes had been.
His arm tightened around me, but he didn’t say anything. Trent was a really good listener. He heard a lot more than most people, even when they didn’t say a word.
His Mustang was at the curb instead of in a parking spot. He ushered me into the passenger seat, shut the door, and moved around the front toward the driver’s side.
Don’t let it get to you, I told myself. Replace the thoughts with something else.
It was a mantra I’d come to rely on in the months after losing Evie. The press was white hot, and after a few run-ins that left me shaken and burned, I pretty much stayed behind the walls of our compound, never so grateful we had the wall to keep them out.
Even though they were still obsessed, the media wasn’t quite as rabid, which up until tonight gave me hope they were finally moving on.
I guess I’d been fooling myself. With the start of the NFL season and Romeo back out on the field, we were still a hot topic. The media loved their headlines, and Romeo and I starred in them quite often. I didn’t go online much anymore, and I didn’t watch those gossip shows on TV. Mostly, I avoided it all. I liked it that way.
Sometimes it slipped in.
Like tonight.
My mantra worked pretty well for me most days. Right now? Not so much. It was hard to replace the thoughts of what I’d read with something else when the something else mirrored the headline.
#Bae (The Hashtag Series Book 8) Page 3