“I didn’t-”
“Stop with the ‘I didn’t mean to’ bullshit.”
“Erin-”
“What do you need from me today, boss? I’d like to complete the day’s missions and retire to my room, please.”
“I don’t have missions for you. But your snarky submission is actually kinda hot.”
He reaches for me, but I edge back.
“Don’t touch me.”
Of course he doesn’t listen; he grabs my wrist and drags me down the stairs, ignoring my cries and protests. When we reach the bottom of the stairs, he closes the door to conceal them and points to the main staircase.
“Go and shower. I’ve set clothes out on your bed. Clean yourself up, dress, and come back down for breakfast.”
“No problem, boss.”
I turn away from him, trying with everything I have to walk normally, climbing the steps with slow but confident steps. I know he’s watching me; I feel his confusion. I should be broken. I should be in pieces begging for something from him…but I refuse to beg. I refuse to let him win. What would happen if I sneak into his room in the middle of the night and stab him right in his weak lung? Would he bleed out all over the bed and grant me freedom, or would he find a way to cheat death again and kill me instead? It has to be worth the risk, right? I’ll be a good girl today, and I’ll strike at night again.
The shower is terrible. It’s near-impossible to shower adequately with a cast wrapped around my good arm, but I do my best, desperately hoping the hot water will relax my aching muscles. I tie my hair up, unable to dry it, and pull on the dress Cooper left on the bed. Of course there’s no underwear. Not even in the drawers in my bedroom; I search through every one, but he’s cleared them out. Realising he’s won—and we both know it—I leave the room and head back downstairs. Cooper says nothing when I step into the kitchen; he clicks his fingers and points over his shoulder to the table. He’s set up breakfast, of fruit, muesli, and yoghurt. It’s better than the egg he gave me before leaving me in time-out for the day. Is this really only the second time I’m eating breakfast? How long have I been here?
“You don’t have to eat it all. Just eat what you want,” Cooper says, joining me at the table as he wipes his hands on a tea towel. “When you’ve finished, I want you to swim.”
I hold up my cast to remind him of the bone he broke, and he rolls his eyes at me as he takes a sip of his tea.
“I’ve got a waterproof protector you can use.”
“You could have given it to me before my shower.”
“Yes. I could have.”
Once again he seems normal, if a little aloof. He’s got to have some kind of condition, something that makes him as batshit crazy as he is.
“Have you ever been diagnosed?” I ask, tilting my head to wait for his reaction. It’ll give me the answer.
“With…?”
“Some sort of mental illness.”
He stills, staring up at me with his head bowed towards his bowl. One eyebrow cocks up and he smirks.
“You think I’m clinically insane? What have I told you about calling me crazy?”
“That you don’t like it. But I don’t like being stolen, manipulated, abused and hurt, so we’ll say we’re even for now.” I shrug, digging into the bowl of mango. “Maybe it’s a personality disorder. That wouldn’t make you clinically insane, just…different.”
“There’s nothing wrong with me.”
“Oh yeah,” I roll my eyes and reach for the yoghurt next. “Because normal everyday people behave like you do.”
“Last time I checked, you were a swimmer, not a doctor, so keep your mouth shut.”
“I’d like to call my parents.” I dig my spoon into my breakfast and raise it to my mouth.
Cooper growls. “No.”
“But you told them I chose to run. Wouldn’t a woman who wanted to be believed check in so she doesn’t raise any alarms?”
“No.”
“Because you want me all to yourself, or you’re afraid I’ll expose you?”
“Doesn’t matter if you do. They’ll never find you.”
“We both know that’s a lie, so we’ll go with both.”
“You’re not calling them.”
I nod and smile. “Okay.”
Seed number one planted. Cooper is paranoid. Whatever it is he’s got locked away in that fragile mind of his, it involves wanting to keep me close because he feels threatened. He wants to keep me here, locked away from the world, because he can’t stand the thought of being without me. How has he formed the attachment to me?
“Are you coming to swim with me?” I ask.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m going to watch.”
I pout. “You don’t want to race?”
“No.”
“Afraid I’ll beat you again?”
Cooper growls and storms to his feet, slamming his fists to the table to bend over and glare at me.
“What are you playing at, Erin?”
Fluttering my lashes innocently, I smile. “Nothing.”
“Get up.”
Fear shoots through me, but I ignore it. I remain brave because I won't let him beat me. He may kill me. He may be so desperate to keep me that he’ll kill me before he lets anyone else have me…but it means I can take him down, too.
“I’m up.”
“Out to the gym.”
“But I’m not done with breakf-”
“Now!”
I jump, stumbling out from behind the table and through the open French doors into the garden. I hear Cooper following me, his harsh breaths and mounting frustration. What did I say? I search my mind for the answer to what got him so riled up as we cross the lawn towards the glass building. Cooper reaches the door before me and pulls it open, gesturing for me to go inside and not waste a second doing it.
“You really want to race?” he asks, stopping me as he turns around and we’re almost face to face.
“Why not?”
My voice is a whisper as Cooper reaches the hem of his t-shirt and tugs it over his head. He throws it behind me and, like every time he undresses in front of me, I’m stunned. There may be a few crossed wires in his head, but on the outside he’s perfect. Godly. There is something so beautiful about his body—the way he moves and stands and holds himself—that begs for the inside to be explored. I need time. I need to get away from him, just for a while. I won't leave him and hurt him, but I will figure him out and find a way to force him to trust me enough to let me go.
What am I saying?
“Stop it, Cooper,” I say, stepping back so I’m pressed against the glass.
“Why?” he asks, reaching for his belt and beginning to unbuckle it. “You think I’m not used to this reaction?”
“Don’t be an arse.”
He laughs, flipping the leather out and pulling the belt a little tighter to dislodge the pin.
“Arse.” I frown when he mimics me, pulling off a British accent I’m ashamed to love. “That’s the best you can do? You don’t want to call me a thieving cunt? A worthless piece of shit? An abusive monster? Perhaps a crazy beast?”
“That’s not what I mean. Don’t use the outside to distract from the inside.”
“Ah…but it’s my best trick.”
“I don’t want it. Swim naked for all I care.”
“So you’re not interested in the inside or the outside.”
“What are you talking about?”
The belt slides out of the loops with an airy whoosh and hits the tiled floor with a clunk when Cooper throws it. The button on his jeans pops in slow motion, the zip slips down with an ominous purr; his eyes darken to a grey storm, ensnaring me instantly.
“See, you’ve forgotten the argument. I just wanted to watch you swim, caterpillar.”
“I’ll swim,” I say, reaching for the bottom of my dress with my good hand. “I’ll swim. Just…”
“Just what?” He smirks. �
�Don’t make you want me?”
I shake my head. That’s exactly what I’m saying.
“You have no idea of the things in my mind, Erin. Don’t try and figure me out…I’ve been trying for years.”
“You don’t know yourself?”
He doesn’t answer me. Instead, he emphasises whatever he’s trying to say by pushing his jeans to the floor. I watch him step out of them and kick them to the side. Just his boxers remain, a small line of dark hair leading from his navel into them. It’s like a treasure trail and I fixate on it, wanting to follow it to where the X marks the spot. He’s hard beneath tight cotton, straining against it and fighting to break free. He rolls his shoulders and stretches his neck, drawing my attention to the frame I know he works desperately to maintain. When he takes a deep breath, I look at his chest, at the tight pectorals, tighter abs, and a waist I want to wrap my legs around. No! I can’t want this. I can’t. I can’t want him. He’s crazy.
“Please don’t,” I say as Cooper hooks his thumbs into the waistband of his boxers. “I want the inside. I want what’s in your mind.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “You can’t have the inside. That’s toxic.”
“To who?”
“Everyone.”
In the time it takes me to blink and exhale, Cooper reaches out, grabs my wrist and pulls me towards him. He sidesteps and I tumble into the water, sending a splash out, and a surge of water to enter my mouth as I try to breathe and find my bearings. When I break through the surface and battle with my hair to see, Cooper is sitting at the side of the pool laughing. He’s also naked, rock hard, and fisting his cock.
“Why did you do that?”
He shrugs, catching my attention as he strokes his thumb over the swollen head.
“Because it’s funny making you shut your mouth.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Care to explain? Is my voice really so bad?”
I need to keep him talking, but I edge closer to him. We both know I’m a whore, and that’s exactly how I’ll plant seed number two. Cooper Jennings is always in control, but I know he’s dying to lose it, and I’m going to make him lose it to me.
“No. Your voice is beautiful, actually. It makes my heart stop and skip to a different rhythm whenever you talk. That’s why I need you to shut up.”
“You’re sick, you know? There’s something so very wrong about a man who likes to hurt women.”
“Not women. You. And you like it.”
“You can’t keep using that as a cover-up for the fact that you like to inflict pain.”
“I don’t.” I swallow hard as he strokes himself, just once, and I see the clear bead escape. I lick my lips. “I act on impulse. I don’t plan on hurting you, but your tight little cunt squeezes me like a vice when I do and I know you love it. So I do it again. And again. And again.”
“But you plan on killing me.” Another step. I’m so close I can smell him, and the chlorine, and my bruised core clenches to remind me who owns me. “How does a man who acts on impulse plan a murder?”
Cooper laughs, then hisses through clenched teeth when he realises how close I am. “I don’t plan on killing you. I just told you I would, because I take action quicker than I take a breath and once I’ve shot you between the eyes for running from me, there’s no undoing it.”
Why does that suddenly make so much sense?
“Cooper, I’m going to touch you.” Now I know why he needs warning, I approach him carefully, offering my hand. “Don’t touch me.”
“It’s funny that you think I have control over it.”
“Take it.”
One final push through the water and I’m between his strong legs, ignoring the tight hold he has on me when he clenches them against my ribs. He takes his hand away and I replace it with mine, relishing in the heat and thick length against my palm. He says nothing as I stroke him, tipping his head back and resting his hands on the floor behind him. Once again, hate rears its ugly head; I hate that Cooper was right. Sex, pleasure, and even the pain associated with it is a sure-fire way to shut someone’s mouth and force their mind to calm down. With my hand around his cock, Cooper shuts the fuck up…finally. He still flexes his fingers into a fist and tightens his legs around me, to let me know he possesses more strength than I ever could—so I need to be careful. But he lets me take him. He lets me touch him…
I dip my head and close my mouth around the head of his cock, hollowing my cheeks and waiting for his reaction. He fists my hair and I wince; when I open my eyes and look up into his, I see him glaring down at me.
“I said I act on impulse. I don’t appreciate being on the receiving end of an impulsive act.”
I say nothing. I want to smirk, but I don’t. He needs to know how serious I am about him letting me take him. This man has raped me. This man has opened me up in ways I didn’t know were barricaded. He has helped me, and ruined me. During my short time in captivity, Cooper Jennings has changed me, and I know there’s no going back.
He owes me this.
I keep my eyes on his as I draw him deeper into my mouth, until he hits the back of my throat and makes me gag. Griffin never let me suck him off. I have no idea what I’m doing. I see in the storm cloud that is Cooper’s lustful glare, that he knows I’m a novice. He plans to teach me how to give him a blowjob, keeping control and sacrificing it simultaneously.
“Nice and slow,” he says, slipping his hand into my hair to set a rhythm. “Suck me like I’m your favourite flavour lollipop.”
He is my favourite flavour lollipop, and my mouth waters at the thought of feasting on him. He’s warm and smooth and…Fuck.
Cooper surprises me with a hard thrust into my mouth, instantly bruising the back of my throat. His thighs clench and his stomach tightens as a deviant smile spreads across his lips.
“Impulse.” He shrugs in explanation. “The best blowjobs give no hint at what’s to come.”
He winks at me and I roll my eyes. He continues thrusting into me, fisting my hair, keeping me held captive. Always with the entrapment. With a long hard suck that makes him shudder, I take him out of my mouth and hold him in a tight grip.
“What the-”
“Lie back and stop touching me, or you can say goodbye to my mouth.”
He raises a brow. I raise one in return. I’m not giving in. He needs to let go…it’s the only way I’ll get him to let go of me for good.
“Smart bitch,” he breathes, taking a deep breath before laying back on the tiles. “Smart, smart bitch.”
“Shut up and let me take you, Cooper. Your caterpillar would like a little freedom and I think she’s earned it.”
“Ask me again when you’ve made me come.”
He doubts me, but I’ll prove him wrong and show him the stars all at once. Quick firm strokes have him groaning on every exhale and sucking in sharp breaths. He digs his heels into the wall of the pool, and I grip his toned thighs as I draw him back in.
“Jesus, Erin.”
I smile inwardly, taking every grunt and groan from Cooper as a reward.
He gives me no warning when he’s going to come, but I’ve watched enough porn and fantasised over bringing a man to orgasm. I’ve thought about how a man would react to a little pain, and Cooper responds with a growl when I dig my fingernails into his thighs—just enough to make him pulse against my tongue and tighten his hold on my hair. I’ve wondered how a man would react to a probing touch, and Cooper’s reaction is to buck into me when my hand reaches between his legs. I’ve always wanted to know what happens when a woman bears her teeth with a cock in her mouth…Cooper comes. With a painful grip on me and a loud growl, Cooper comes in my mouth and forces me to swallow down his hot seed.
“I fucking hate you,” he says, tearing my mouth from his cock and staring down at me as he sits up.
“I feel the same way when you fuck me.”
Shaking his head, he smirks and slinks into the water between me and the wa
ll. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t touch me; he just dips lower until he’s submerged from the chin down, and he stares at me. He’s trying to figure out my motivation, why I gave him a blowjob and made him come when I could have—and should have—bitten his dick off.
“You realise your mind is as fucked as mine, don’t you?”
“I’m sure that’s your plan,” I reply, pushing off on my back and floating on the top of the pool.
“Was it always your plan to go into business with the man you had an affair with?”
I freeze, my legs tumbling beneath me and my feet pressing to the bottom of the pool. When I look at Cooper, he’s smiling in triumph while my heart thunders in my chest and my skin prickles with embarrassment.
“What?”
“You think I didn’t know? Why would I not?”
“Why would you?”
He slides back until he reaches the wall, pushing himself up and out of the pool in one move before bending to reach for me. I don’t move. How much does he know about me?
“Get out, get dry, and I’ll let you in…just a little bit.”
“It wasn’t an affair,” I say.
“That’s always the explanation. Get out, Erin.”
“Can I get myself out?”
He thinks for a second, but eventually steps back and reaches for a towel, wrapping it around his waist and pointing to the bench next to him. I use the steps, taking one at a time while I worry about moving closer to him. My cast is ruined, strips of bandage hanging loose, droplets of grey-tinged water dripping from me as I walk towards my towel. I flinch when Cooper wraps it around me, but he says nothing, so neither do I.
“There are slippers over there. I don’t want you dripping all over the floor, or slipping again and blaming me for another broken bone.” He looks down at my arm, bent protectively into my chest.
“Where are we going?”
“That depends. Can you hate me any more than you do now?”
I shrug. “Try me.”
With a huff, he grabs my elbow, stands me in front of a pair of white slippers on the floor, and waits for me to step into them before leading me out of the gym. We walk across the garden in silence and it feels like a much longer journey than the one we took here. Cooper turns the thermostat up when we step back into the kitchen, but he doesn’t let go. He has attachment issues. I don’t need to be a doctor to know that’s why he keeps me prisoner, why he bypassed the meeting and charming thing most humans do when they’re attracted to someone. He took me because he couldn’t bear the thought of my rejection—of me reminding him I’m engaged and defending why that was enough to stay away from him. Cooper doesn’t live like normal people; he doesn’t wait for what he wants, doesn’t spend time working for it, earning it, and gradually building his way up to success. He takes. I may be the first person he’s kidnapped, but I know I’m not the first thing he’s demanded possession of. I think back to his daughter.
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