“No, wait. I want to see what it is.” I felt strangely drawn to the vine-swathed form. I started into criss-crossed mass of brambles that made it almost impossible to move under the trees. The thorny vines scratched and clawed at me with every step, pulling at my clothes and slashing across my flesh. I ignored the scratches and cuts I was receiving, disentangling myself as necessary, and kept pushing forward. As I got closer I could see that I was right, it was definitely more than just a tree stump; it looked like it might even be made of stone. But why would there be a statue this far away from the house? An old garden, maybe?
I was concentrating on the statue so hard I wasn't looking down; suddenly I ran into something about knee high and found myself falling face first into the briars. I scrambled up to see what I had fallen over. It was a grave stone. Its face had been grown over with lichen and moss but I could still make out the name easily enough: Thomas Marnien. The date under the name read 1858. I realized that I had found the grave of the child Steve had told us about, the one that had died as a baby. I wasn't in a garden, it was a private cemetery.
“Killian, are you ok?” Kane called.
“Yeah, I'm fine.” I called back. I'd almost forgotten he was even there. A trickle of sweat dropped into my eye and I swiped at it distractedly, wiping it on my shorts.
“Come out now, please?”
“Just a minute, Kane,” I snapped. He was starting to annoy me. All I could think about was the statue.
I started for the figure again; it was now only a few feet away now. I reached out and began pulling the vines away from the stone. They were surprisingly strong and stubborn. I realized that to really clear them away I would have to cut them. I did manage to pull them aside enough to figure out what the statue was.
It was a beautifully carved female angel, her eyes closed, her hands held in front of her in a mournful pose, her wings folded reverently behind her. As I backed slowly away from the statue I noticed another gravestone off to one side, larger than the one I'd fallen over. It was carved differently, the top domed and with a carving of a weeping willow over the name that I couldn't quite make out from here. I knew that this was what I was really supposed to find. I made my way over to it and knelt down, gently pulling away the vines.
“Amalie Marnien,” it read, “Wife of Captain Elijah Marnien, Lost At Sea. Born May 5, 1833, Died March 1862.”
Now I knew where Amalie was buried. I noticed the lack of an exact date on the stone and wondered what that meant.
“Killian, please, can we go now? I think I hear Adam and Steve calling us,” Kane called plaintively. I stood up without a sound and started fighting my way out.
When I emerged from the trees, Kane's already wide eyes grew even wider. “What happened in there?” he gasped.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You're all bloody,” he said.
“I am?” I looked down at my hand and saw drying blood smeared across my fingers. I realized the sweat I had been wiping out my eyes was actually blood. “I must have gotten scratched up on the briars,” I said.
“You look like you barely escaped alive. What was in there?”
“Graves,” I said and Kane gave an involuntary shudder. “Amalie's and her son that died as a baby.”
“Great, just what we needed to complete the whole haunted house set-up. We've got the creepy old house, the strange footsteps, the crying baby, and now the forgotten graveyard. What's next? Bats in the belfry? Chains clanking at night?”
“Kane, settle down. It's just a private cemetery. It's not a big deal. I thought Adam and Steve were calling.”
“I just said that to get you out of there. I was getting creeped out.”
I sighed and started back for the house, just as we really did hear someone call our names. We took off at a jog and soon rounded the corner of the house. Adam and Steve were waiting by the car. Adam looked a little calmer and less disgruntled then when I'd seen him last, at least until he got a good look at me.
“What the hell happened to you?” he asked when he took in my disheveled and bloody appearance. Steve just stared open-mouthed.
“I found Amalie's grave,” I said triumphantly.
“And tangled with a homicidal weed-whacker wielding skeleton?”
“No, just a briar patch that would have made Uncle Remus proud.”
“You found Amalie's grave?” Steve asked, my scratches momentarily forgotten, at least by him.
“Yeah, in the woods where they haven't cleared yet. There's her grave, her son that died as a baby and a big angel statue.”
“My God, you've got to be kidding. I can't believe Victoria didn't mention this when she was showing the house.”
“Maybe she forgot.” I suggested.
“It's more likely that she didn't know about it. You can deal with that tomorrow.” Adam observed. “Now let's get you home and put something on all those scratches, you look like you've survived a war…barely.”
We piled into the car, after Adam warned me to be careful and try not to get blood on the car upholstery, and headed for home.
Once there, Adam dragged me into the bathroom and, after making me strip to my boxers, proceeded to douse my entire body with hydrogen peroxide. The scratches really weren't as bad as they looked only all the dirt and blood were washed away, although they stung like crazy.
I'd just gotten redressed in clean clothes when Steve called up the stairs to me, “Killian, someone is here to see you.”
I trotted down the steps wondering who could be coming to see me; half hoping it was Micah. It wasn't. I came to a sudden stop half-way down when I saw Asher standing by the front door. We stared at each other for a moment then I turned and wordlessly started back up the stairs.
“Killian, wait,” he called out, “Please.”
I kept going but he was right behind me.
“Please, Killian. Give me a chance to explain.”
“What's to explain?” I spat out in a dangerously controlled voice as I whirled around to look down at him from the top of the stairs. “You moved on, now get out of my life and let me do the same.”
“I don't want to get out of your life.”
“Well too fucking bad, because I don't want you in my life anymore.” I spun around and tried to shut the door to my room before he could follow me but he slipped his foot in the door just as I slammed it.
“Killian, at least let me tell you what happened. You owe me that at least.”
“I don't owe you anything. Can't you see that? We're over. I should have seen it a long time ago, then it wouldn't have hurt like hell to see you kissing Caleb the other day.”
“That's just it. I wasn't kissing Caleb, he was kissing me.”
“Yeah, and you looked positively horrified.”
“Just open the door and let me talk, for God's sake! What are we, little kids?”
With a growl, I let go of the door and stalked across the room to stand at the window, my back to Asher. I heard him come across the room to stand behind me.
“Look, Killian, things between us haven't been good in a long time. We both know that. We were over months ago, we just couldn't admit it. When we broke up, I thought it was definitely over. Then I started missing you. We'd been together for so long I didn't know what to do without you. I was really confused. And to make matters worse you suddenly started trying to get back together. I didn't know what to do. I didn't think there was much point in us trying to get back together when none of the things that we broke up for had been resolved. It seemed better to just move on.
“I wasn't interested in Caleb romantically, he was just a friend. That's all I ever thought of him as. I wanted to help him out, that's all. And then…I don't know…it started to change. That was the first time we ever kissed, the day you saw us. We were talking and then all of a sudden he kissed me. I was surprised, I really was. I didn't plan it, it just happened. And then you were there and…”
“And I interrupted.”
&
nbsp; “I went after you but you tore out of there like a bat out of hell. And then you wouldn't accept any of my phone calls. What was I supposed to do? I'm sorry I barged in on you like this but couldn't leave things like that. You were my best friend for so long.”
“Were. Past tense.”
“I miss you, Killian. I want to be friends again.”
I sighed heavily and finally turned to face him, letting him see the tear tracks on my face.
“I can't do that, Asher. Not now, maybe not ever. It hurts too much.”
“I don't want to lose you, Killian. I feel like there's been a hole inside me ever since we broke up. Maybe we weren't meant to be a couple, but I can't stand to not have you in my life at all.”
I sat down on the edge of Kane's bed. “I'm starting to heal, starting to move on. Who knows what the future hold? I sure as hell don't. Maybe we will be friends again someday, I don't know. Right now I can't see it. I just want…I want to be left alone. I want time to heal without having you around to poke at the wound.”
“Ok,” he said, sounding utterly miserable, “I guess I can see that. I'm sorry it happened like this, Killian.”
“Me too. I hope you and Caleb are happy together.”
“We're not really together, you know. I don't want to rush into anything else right now.”
“Whatever,” I said listlessly. It's not like I really cared about hearing his plans for his love life at the moment.
“I hope you find someone, too, Kill. You deserve to be happy.”
I looked up at him, and saw the pain I felt reflected in his eyes. “Just not with you,” I said sadly and turned away. I heard the door close on his way out.
Chapter 26
I snapped out a deep sleep immediately into wakefulness. I laid still for a minute trying to figure out what had awakened me. It was quiet as a tomb in the dark bedroom. I turned my head to look at the clock. It was about 2 AM. I had gone to bed feeling awful not too long after Asher left. I didn't feel physically ill, just miserable. I didn't like the way we'd left things but didn't know what to do about it. Even with all the things going on in my head-Amalie, the graves, Asher-I'd still fallen asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow. But now here I was, wide awake for no apparent reason.
Suddenly I felt a subtle shift on the bed, as if someone or something was in bed with me. I sat up with a jolt and found myself face to face with Seth. I stifled a scream and sat panting at him.
“Wakey-wakey,” he said in a low sing song voice.
“God, Seth,” I hissed between clenched teeth, “What the hell are you doing? Trying to scare me to death?”
“Sorry, didn't mean to scare you.”
“I see more of you dead than I ever saw you alive,” I grumbled. “What is it with me seeing ghosts all the time now? I feel that kid on Sixth Sense.” I dropped my voice to a whisper, “I see dead people.”
“You're grumpy when you wake up, you know that?”
“I'm grumpy when I get woken up a two o'clock in the morning by a dead person for no apparent reason!”
“Ok, ok, calm down! You'll wake Kane up.”
“You'd just disappear like you always do.”
He shrugged. “It's better that way, trust me. So, you've made up your mind? About Asher and Micah I mean.”
“I guess so. Did you wake me up to talk about that?”
“And other things. What do you mean you guess so? I think you'd better be sure. You might not get a second chance if you decide later down the road this isn't what you really wanted.”
“I like Micah.”
“And he likes you. That's not what I asked. Are you sure this is what you want?”
I thought for a minute and then nodded slowly. “Yes. At least I'm sure I want to give Micah and me a try. Asher and I have had our try and it didn't work. Maybe we just weren't ready or maybe we weren't meant to be, but either way it didn't happen. If we are meant to be together then I believe that eventually we will be.”
“It doesn't always work like that, you know. You both have to be willing and timing is important.”
“Why do you always have to make things so hard to understand? Do you talk in riddles on purpose or do you just get a kick out of it?”
He smiled. “Let's just say those are the rules. I say as much as I can.”
“There are rules?”
“For me.”
“Like what?”
“I can't talk about it.”
“For God's sake!”
“Something like that.”
I fumed silently for a few seconds. “Is that all?”
“No, there is one other matter.”
“What?”
“It has to do with what happened today.”
“With Asher? Look, I know I was a jerk. I'll talk to him soon and apologize, ok? Maybe we can work something out as just friends. I think I'd like that. I don't know what was wrong with me today. I just didn't expect to see him here. I hadn't thought about us being friends and I was still hurt. I know it's stupid and selfish.”
“Killian, this is all great. I'm glad you've figured all this out for yourself, but that's not what I was talking about.”
“It wasn't? Then what- Oh, you meant Amalie.”
“Yes.”
“What about her?”
“Be careful, Killian. She's not like me.”
I felt a chill go through my body. “What do you mean?”
“It's complicated. I can't go into it really, which makes it very hard to explain. Just be careful. You'll be better off now that Judy is involved.”
“Judy is involved? I mean, I know I suggested Steve call her but I didn't know he already had.”
“Yes, he called her tonight. Let her takes things from here.”
“I didn't intend to do anything different.”
“Ok, good.”
“Seth what is this about? Why do you come talk to me? Why can I see Amalie? I don't understand.”
He sighed. “I know you don't understand. I'm sorry. I just can't explain it. You just can. You're special.”
“I don't feel special. I feel like I'm going crazy.”
“You're not. Talk to Judy. She's been through this.”
“Why are you here?”
“To talk to you.”
“Why?”
“I…chose to.”
“Why?”
“Isn't it obvious? I loved you. I still love you. I feel…I feel like I was cheated out of what we could have had. I'll never know now what it would have been like to hold you in my arms and be held in yours. I'll never know what it would have felt like to really kiss you and have you kiss me back. I'll never know what it feels like to be loved by the person you are in love with. You can't know what that's like. I've accepted that, but I want you to be happy. I've been allowed to be a part of your life, but only to a certain extent, and even then, only as long as you allow it. If you want me gone, I'm gone. I'd like to be here for you, if you'll let me.”
“This is really weird,” I said and fell backwards onto my pillow.
“I'm just making things harder for you. I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone.”
“No, Seth wait,” I said, sitting back up. “I don't mean that I want you to leave. It's just…you have to admit, having a dead guy as your best friend and confidant is a little strange.”
“Yeah, I guess it is.”
We sat there silently for several seconds. Finally I sighed and laid back. “So, how does this work?”
“How does what work?”
“How does this whole relationship work? Do you come when I call you or only when you feel like it? Are you like a genie? Can you tell me things?”
“I can't come when you call me. All I can tell you is that I'll be here when you need me. I'm not like a genie. I can't grant you wishes. And what do you mean, can I tell you things? What kinds of things?”
“Like…that stuff about Judy. I didn't know Steve had called her but now I do. There's no way I could
have known that unless you told me or he told me tomorrow.”
“It depends. I can tell you certain things, things that can't hurt anyone. And I can't tell you certain things, things that you have to figure out for yourself.”
“Is that the rules?”
“Yes, the important ones anyway.”
“Is that how Judy knows things?”
“That's how she knows some things. Judy also has other gifts. And besides all that, she's just a very smart, very observant lady. Don't ever underestimate her. She's a powerful ally.”
“You make it sound like a war.”
He gave me a funny look, but all he said was, “I should go now. You need to sleep.”
“Now you're worried about my sleep? You weren't worried about that when you woke me up.”
“There you go getting snotty again.”
“Excuse me if I'm not at my best in the middle of the night.”
“Ok, ok, I get the point. I'm leaving. I'll be back.”
“Why doesn't that comfort me?”
There was no answer and when I sat up he was gone. As I lay back down it occurred to me that the hardest thing to get used to in this arrangement would be his sudden comings and goings.
When I woke up the next morning, I wasn't at all sure the whole bizarre exchange with Seth hadn't been a dream. I sat on the edge of my bed and thought about what he had said. I still didn't understand so much of it. I was still sitting on the bed in my boxers when a knock came at the door. Kane was gone, he'd been gone when I got up, so it was just me. I assumed it was Adam or Steve so I just called out for whoever it was to come on in.
The door opened and Micah stuck his head in. “Hey, is it ok if I come in?” he asked.
I yelped and scrambled to pull a sheet over myself as Micah started laughing. He came the rest of the way into the room, shutting the door behind himself, even thought I hadn't granted him that permission. “I've seen guys in boxers before, Killian,” he said lightly.
“Yeah, but not me. And I just woke up. My hair…”
He laughed again. “Your hair is fine. I kinda like it. You've got that whole mussed up look going on.”
I stuck my tongue out at him. “You're here awful early, aren't you?”
“Have you checked the clock lately?”
All Things Lost Page 30