by Aileen Fish
“Then you know nothing of what occurred during the marriage?” Henry studied Luvington as he awaited a response.
“Only that she was unhappy.” Julian took a sip of his brandy. “She said as much when she showed up on my doorstep.”
“An understatement, I am sure. Claudia is terrified of marriage. When I attempted to propose, she stopped me by declaring she would never marry again.”
“Do you love her?” Julian leaned forward in his chair.
Henry swirled the amber liquor in his glass. “I would not wish to marry her otherwise.”
“Then give her time. Take marriage off the table for now and work to earn her trust.”
Henry tipped his snifter to his lips, draining the contents, then set it on the table beside him. “She asked me to take her as a lover, a mistress.”
“I see no problem. Such practices are commonplace between widows and gentlemen.”
“Do you keep a mistress?” Henry could not deny the truth in Julian’s words. Nor could he ignore the implications of such liaisons.
“Of course not. I love my wife.” Julian grinned. “That is not to say you should not. Perhaps playing into Claudia’s hand would benefit you. It would likely bring the two of you closer and give you the time you need to earn her trust.”
Henry stood and paced to the window. “I swore years ago never to keep a mistress. Too much pain comes of such arrangements.”
“Do you have a wife stashed somewhere that I am not privy to?”
Henry looked at him. “How absurd.”
“Then who is it you fear hurting?”
Henry’s mind spun and he reached for an answer that would make sense. Such an arrangement could harm him, but he already was suffering, so the argument did not signify. Claudia could be harmed, her reputation, her heart, but she too suffered already. “What if she were to become with child? Surely, that is too big a chance to ignore”
“What does it matter when you intend to marry her? Such an outcome could aid you in your efforts. Nonetheless, there are ways of preventing conception.” Julian returned his snifter to the table. “What message shall I take back to my wife?”
Henry rubbed his forehead. “Tell her to ignore the rumors and that I am in good spirits.”
Julian nodded then moved to the door.
“Luvington.” Henry waited for him to turn back. “Thank you for the advice.”
“Do not thank me yet.” Julian winked then strolled from the room.
Chapter 14
Henry spent the afternoon musing over Julian’s words. He loved Claudia. There was no doubt in his mind he wanted her, needed her. The fact remained, he could not keep a mistress. Perhaps Julian was correct and Claudia could come to trust him in time. He did not doubt Akford had wounded her and she needed to heal. If Henry walked away now, he would lose her. His heart squeezed at the idea of life without her.
He must fight for her, for them.
He made his way to the entry and accepted his hat and gloves from his butler before stepping out of the townhouse. Darkness had descended on the city, casting everything in shadows, and leaving the sidewalks empty of pedestrians. He walked through the cobblestone streets of Mayfair, toward Claudia’s Grosvenor Square residence. The creak of carriage wheels sent his pulse into a flurry. It would not do to feed the gossips mills. He tucked himself into the shadows while the carriage rattled by.
Perhaps he should have waited to call on her until the morrow, but he had already allowed too much time to pass. He emerged from his hiding spot and continued along his way. Her house sat just around the corner. His pulse accelerated as he approached her door and lifted the knocker. Pray, let her be home. The door opened to reveal her butler.
“My lord.” The butler stepped aside.
Henry moved into the entry hall and the butler quickly closed the door behind him. The servant’s expression gave nothing away. If he found Henry’s visit in poor taste, he did a good job of hiding his displeasure.
Henry met the old man’s eyes. “I have come to call on Lady Akford.”
“Very good. I will announce you at once.”
A footman stepped forward to take Henry’s hat and gloves. He handed them to the servant, then followed the butler to the upstairs parlor. His throat tightened more with every step he took. He was not at all sure what he would say to Claudia. Not at all confident he could sway her. She may very well toss him out on his ear.
“Lord Shillington to see you, my lady,” the butler announced before he stepped aside.
Claudia looked up. “Thank you. That will be all.”
Henry moved into the room, his gaze searching her for any clue as to what she thought. She sat on a wingback chair, a book resting on her lap. Her gaze met his, but her face remained stoic. He offered a bow.
“Am I to assume you have changed your mind in regards to my proposal?” She rose and took a few tentative steps toward him.
“I cannot give up on us, Claudia.”
She smiled and closed the distance between them. “Oh, Henry. I have longed to hear you say those words.”
Before he could stop himself, he took her in his arms and lowered his mouth to hers. Her arms came around his neck. He deepened the kiss, relishing in the sensations she caused. Their tongues met, sending a jolt of passion through him. He kissed her as though he might never have the opportunity again.
She gripped his lapel in one hand and tangled the fingers of her other hand in his hair. Time seemed to stand still as she pressed against him, meeting his hunger with her own. His chest swelled. God, he loved her. How had he ever believed he could let her go?
He poured every ounce of his love into their kiss. If she refused his offer, he wanted the memory to carry with him. She ran her fingers down his back, leaving a trail of tingling flesh in their wake. Another moment, and he would lose all control, forgetting himself completely.
He fought through the bliss sweeping him away and pulled his mouth from hers. “We must talk.”
She looked at him through passion-clouded eyes. “I do not understand. You came back for me. What is there to discuss?”
He took her hand in his and led her to the sofa, seating himself next to her. “I love you too much to walk away, but I cannot be your bedmate. Leastwise, not at this time.”
She angled herself toward him, confusion overtaking the passion that had danced in her eyes moments before. “What are you getting at?”
He massaged her hand. “I desire to know you better before our relationship progresses to that point.” He hoped it would advance toward marriage, but he would not share that wish. Julian had been correct in saying she needed time. He would give her all the time in the world so long as she would agree to his terms.
“Then why have you come? What game do you play at?” She jerked her hand back. “Was I unclear when I told you I will not marry?”
He inhaled a deep breath. “I understand your position. Now please, hear me out.” His heart beat a crescendo in his chest. He would not be able to bear it if she turned him out. Pray, let her see reason.
“Very well. You have my attention.”
He fought the urge to trail his fingers across her inviting flesh, and pulled his attention from her kiss-swollen lips to look into her eyes. “I have my reasons for not wanting a mistress, as you have yours for not wishing to remarry. I think I have a solution that will be agreeable for us both.”
She nodded. “Go on.”
“I would like to continue our courtship. Get to know each other better and allow things to progress naturally.” He reached for her hand once again and smiled when she did not pull it back.
“What exactly do you mean when you say, naturally?”
“I promise not to pressure you for marriage, and in return, you cease your talk of a liaison. We spend time together and allow things to progress between us as they will.” He held his breath, fearful of what her next words might be.
“Until what? We arrive at an impasse and go our separat
e ways again?”
“Not at all. It is my hope our relationship will grow and strengthen, that we will come to trust each other and forge something lasting.”
She turned her head. “I will not change my stance on matrimony.”
“I could take you to bed this instant, but the act would leave us both hollow. I am proposing we not plan or schedule the future. That is all.” He pulled her into his arms. “I am asking you to give us a chance, Claudia.”
“I find your suggestion agreeable.” She curled into him, resting her head on his chest.
He gave her a little squeeze. “You have made me a happy man.”
She released a little sigh. “Likewise.”
***
Claudia found comfort in his embrace. The thump-thump of his heartbeat soothed her as she settled into his arms. His warmth spread into her body and his strong arms encased her. She could not recall the last time someone had held her in such a way.
Henry captured one of her curls between his fingers and fiddled with it. She relished the moment as a strange feeling swept through her. Not one of passion, but something else entirely. She felt safe and cherished. A fracture formed in her defenses, and for the first time in years, she allowed herself to relax in the company of a man.
“I should go.” He nuzzled his chin against the top of her head.
“I would rather you stayed.”
“It is late,” he protested, but did not attempt to move.
She snuggled closer, unwilling to separate just yet from the cocoon he created around her. “It is not so very late.”
“Hmmm.” He stroked her back with his strong fingers.
She could stay snuggled up with him this way for the rest of her days. Sadness tugged at her heart. She knew he would have to marry eventually and his bride would not be her. Their relationship could not last indefinitely, regardless of what he said. Unless she convinced him to keep her as his mistress. She worried her lower lip. Their end would be painful, but she could do nothing to prevent it. She would not worry over it now. Instead, she would enjoy him for as long as she could.
Her eyelids grew heavy as she rested against him, drawing small circles on his chest with her fingertips. She closed her eyes, giving herself over to whatever fate had in store for her.
“Claudia.” Someone shook her shoulder. “Claudia, love.”
She awakened a bit disoriented. She pushed herself into a sitting position and turned to look at Henry. She must have dozed off. “How long was I sleeping?”
“A few hours. I could not bring myself to disturb you until now.”
She grinned and rubbed her drowsy eyes. “I am sorry. I did not intend to fall asleep on you.”
“Do not apologize. There is no other way I would have wished to spend the night, but dawn will be upon us soon. I must go, lest someone sees me leaving.”
“I suppose you are right. All the same, I do not want to let you go.”
He drew her to her feet before wrapping her in his strong embrace. “I will be back to call on you this afternoon.”
“That is such a very long time. I shall miss you every moment we are apart.”
“Go get more sleep. Before you know it, I will have returned.”
“Henry.” She looked up at him.
“Yes, love?”
“Will you call on me every afternoon?”
“You can count on it.”
“And at night.” She smiled coyly. “Will you sneak over and hold me as you did this night?”
“Try to stop me.” He dropped a kiss on her forehead.
Chapter 15
Claudia strolled beside Henry, her parasol and bonnet shading her face. Much to her delight, he had brought her to Hyde Park this afternoon. She did exceedingly enjoy being out of doors when the weather permitted it. Today was a lovely day. Puffs of stark white clouds drifted across the crisp blue sky. Everywhere she looked, fashionable lords and ladies were enjoying the day. Some strolled as she did while others rode in carriages.
The park was near bursting with the crush of society’s elite. Many of their peers nodded at them as they crossed paths. Several stopped them to chat for a moment before moving along. Claudia inhaled a deep breath of the fragrant air, her spirits high. Not long ago she would have believed this scenario impossible.
“I thought we might feed the ducks.” Henry nodded toward the river.
“A lovely idea, but what are we to feed them?” She removed her hand from his arm as they came to a stop at the water’s edge.
“I have it in hand.” He smiled before waving one of the footmen who’d accompanied them forward.
The liveried man approached and handed Henry a bundle wrapped in brown paper. She could only assume it contained stale bread.
Henry turned back to her before opening the bundle to reveal she had assumed correctly. He held it out to her and she picked up a chunk, then broke off a small piece, and cast it into the river. He followed suit, and in little time, a flock of ducks moved closer, greedily swallowing up the bread.
One brave duck came out of the water and waddled near to her. “Look, Henry, this little one is almost close enough to touch.” She tossed it another piece.
“I think he likes you.” He smiled at her before casting another piece of bread into the Serpentine.
She laughed. “He likes my bread. Once it is gone, he will make haste to return to the water.”
“In that case, you had better take the rest of the bread.” He held the remaining bread out to her.
His generosity warmed her heart. Akford would have never made a similar gesture. He would have berated her for feeding the creatures in the first place. A chill tickled her spine and she shoved the thought away. She would not allow memories of him to ruin her time with Henry. “Thank you.” She accepted the bread and returned to feeding her feathered friend.
After tossing the last piece, to what transformed from one lone duck to several competing for her treat, she dusted her hands together and faced Henry. “Greedy little creatures, are they not?”
“We shall have to return with more for them on the morrow.” He chuckled and proffered his arm.
Before she could take hold, a large splash followed by a shrill scream split the air around them. Her heart froze as she searched their surroundings. She caught sight of a small child floundering in the water. Before she could think about her actions, she ran toward the boy planning to dive in after him. At the bank of the Serpentine, she slid to a stop with her heart in her throat and stared as Henry jumped in and swam with all haste toward the boy. Claudia placed her hand on her chest as she watched the scene unfold. Pray, let him reach the child before it was too late. He reached out, pulled the child to him, and towed the child ashore.
He hoisted the boy onto the grass before climbing from the water. She rushed to his side and dropped to her knees next to the small boy. “You are well now.” She glanced up at Henry for a moment, then returned her attention to the child. “Once you get on dry clothes it will be as if this never happened.”
The boy’s mother scooped him up. “I told you to stay away from the river. My poor baby, you could have drowned.” She peppered kisses on the top of his head and cheeks before turning to Henry. “You have my deepest gratitude. Thank you, my lord.”
Henry tousled the boy’s hair. “Any gentleman would have done the same.”
Claudia knew better, most of the ton’s men would have stood back, too afraid to make a spectacle or ruin their garments. Not Henry, he had sprung into action without a care for himself. As the woman carried her child away, Claudia took Henry’s arm. “You must get out of those wet clothes.”
He scooped up his hat. “I do apologize for wrecking the rest of our afternoon. For now, I will have to return you home and take my leave.”
Her heart swelled with pride at his bravery. “Never apologize for helping others in need. We will have other afternoons and we still have tonight.”
“Yes, we do have that.” He patted h
er hand.
Her stomach fluttered in anticipation as he handed her into the curricle. She could not stop herself from noting how very different he was from Akford. He did not seem to possess an ounce of orneriness. For a moment, she imagined what it would be like to marry him and raise children with him.
She immediately dismissed the fantasy. There would be no marriage. She was simply enjoying what time they had. She could not afford to be taken in by a few kind acts. It would serve her well to remember that appearances were often deceiving. She would not be so foolish as to drop her guard.
The curricle came to a stop in front of her townhouse. Henry jumped out, then reached up to help her down. When her feet met the ground, he lifted her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss atop her gloved hand. “Until tonight.”
She smiled.
***
Henry lounged on Claudia’s sofa, the whimsical music she played on the pianoforte resonated in his soul. He could not name the song, but the melody evoked emotions of love and loss. He closed his eyes and let the music sweep him away.
When the music ceased he opened his eyes. “What was that song about?”
“I do not rightly know. Mother composed it and taught it to me.” Claudia tapped out a few more notes. “Do you play?”
“Indeed, though I fear my skills do not compare to yours.” He walked over to her.
She made room for him on the bench and he sat down. His thigh rested against hers in a most improper way, but he dared not put distance between them. He relished these evening visits and the intimacy they shared. He could only hope she would come to need his presence as much as he did hers. “I will play if you consent to sing.”
“Very well.” Her eyes sparkled brighter than any jewel he had ever laid eyes on. “I am told I have a passably pleasing voice.”
He played the first stanza of an Irish song. “Do you know it?”
She nodded. “Robin Adair.”
He continued playing. Either the minx jested or she had been lied to her whole life through. She sang with even more skill than she played. Her voice wrapped around him warming his blood.