by K. S. Adkins
“You are good,” I tell him looking down at my feet. “I wouldn’t love you if you weren’t.”
“I keep this up, there’s gonna be a day you’re gonna say loved instead of love. I know that and I’m trying real hard not to let that happen. Called Rio when you took off. You’re right he needs time but I had to hear it from him.”
“Christ Loyal,” I groan, standing up. “You know he won’t take my calls but you call and talk to him? That’s a serious fucking betrayal to me, I hope you get that.”
Taking my arm gently, he pulls me into his lap and wraps himself around me. “Your best friend wants you for his own; I ain’t looking to be at war with him over you. You love me, he backs off, it’s that simple. He gets that, that’s why he left. I don’t have the experience with women to know how this shit works, but I do know men, and if you even hint to him that there’s a future he’ll come home. You can be pissed at me, and I can deal with you two being friends because I do trust you with Rio. I don’t trust him, Rion and he don’t trust himself either.”
“Thank you for at least being honest with me,” I tell him with total sincerity. “Even if it’s ten ways from fucked up.”
“I didn’t tell you that because I wanted you to thank me. I told you ‘cause I’m feeling all sorts of shit right now and you’re the first person I’ve ever wanted to trust. I meant it when I said I didn’t want to be friends anymore. I want you to be mine, just mine. I won’t share you.”
“You won’t have to,” I tell him taking his hand. “I want you to be just mine too.”
“Good. I took care of the wood, now what?”
“It won’t be dark for another hour, how do you feel about racing?”
“How do I feel about beating you?”
“Ha! A truck versus a Taurus is one thing, me on a banshee is another. Game on, then?”
“Game on,” he says, holding out his hand to help me up.
Let the record show, he kicked my ass again.
‘A friend with weed is a friend indeed.’
~ Unknown
My plan was to get her drunk and talkative. Pouring us each another glass of wine, I bring them out to the deck where she’s curled up and staring out into the woods. With a blanket wrapped around her and her hair messy on her head, she was almost too beautiful to look at. This environment complimented her. She was equal parts city and country, both made sense to me now. Sitting next to her she looks over slowly and smiles. It’s that smile that gets me. She smiles for real, she smiles for me.
Watching her be still for once even had me relaxed. Rion has a lot of energy but she does peaceful good too. When she reaches over and grabs something off the table, I look over to see her light up. Never in a million years did I peg her as a smoker.
“Jesus, Rion,” I groan when it hits my nose. “Are you smoking weed?”
“Nope,” she says coughing, “We’re smoking weed.”
“Where did you get it?”
“Senior had a stash,” she says passing it over. “Believe me, he never smoked the bad stuff. He took this very seriously.”
Taking it, I hit it once and inhale deep. I’ve never smoked weed, but if she was getting fucked up, I was getting fucked up. “Tastes like shit,” I exhale coughing.
“Hit it again and it won’t matter,” she says gesturing me, so I do.
Passing it back over, she hits it again and lets her head drop back. “Stars are stupid,” she says quietly, “but if Senior was a star it would be that one,” she says, pointing toward the sky. “If my mom was a star she’d be the rest of them.”
Inhaling again felt good so I did it twice. “Then why are they stupid?”
“Because they make me think. Senior said the universe rotated around her though, which isn’t stupid, it’s beautiful. If he’s up there then she’s the stars all around him keeping him safe. They’re finally together again.”
“You’re beautiful,” I tell her. “More beautiful than the stars and I’ve seen a lot.”
“Sometimes I see too much, I can’t stop it. Then I meet you. Do you know what I see when I look at you, Loyal?”
“Not even a little bit,” I tell her truthfully.
“I see the father of my kids. It’s insane to think it’s possible so fast, but I do. Here I thought that window was glued shut. Not just cheap glue either, I’m talking grade A industrial. Being single and thirty I figured I’d adopt seven cats or maybe try a dating app for fun. Then you broke into my office and boom, game over, you stole my heart. Man, I’m stoned.”
Seeing the opportunity for what it is, I hit it again and pass it back to her. Even with her talking in circles I was able to follow. When she said kids though, my chest filled up with emotion. Never thought kids were in the cards for me until she said it.
“I ain’t so sure what love is supposed to be like. But when I look at you, I think it’s how being with you makes me feel. If love was a feeling she’d be called Rion.” I offer, wondering if it makes sense to her like it does to me. “Not a second passed I didn’t think about you in that hospital. I stayed there to get right for you.”
Taking another hit she leans over and takes my hand. “I want to be a wife and mom. Soccer games, mini vans, okay well not a minivan, but maybe a kick ass SUV? I want to spend my weekends here with my family like Senior did with me. Do you see it too?” she asks, with hope in her eyes. “A future together? Me, fat and emotional? Maybe more weed on occasion? I could get used to this stuff, I know a guy we should call him. I should have brought pizza rolls…”
Squeezing her hand I tell her the truth. “Christ, Rion how can you see that far ahead with me? Not gonna lie, I love it here. But I don’t give a fuck about where I am, long as you’re with me.”
“Loyal?”
“What?”
“Would you let me make love to you tonight?”
“Yeah.”
“Right here? Under the stars?”
“Fuck yeah.”
“Loyal?”
“What, Rion?”
“Ask me.”
Taking a deep breath and feeling it rush through me, I turn to face her and reach my hand out again. I may be stoned but I feel so fucking good right now, I’d chop my arm off if she asked. “Will you make love to me, Rion? Right now, under the stars?”
“All you had to do was ask.”
Taking my hand, she stands up and guides me back into the Adirondack chair. When she straddles me, I grip her tiny hips. When she smiles and leans in to kiss me, I growl deep in my throat. I needed my woman and I needed her right now. How I ever made it this long without this is beyond me, but I wasn’t wasting another fucking minute. We had a lot of time to make up for, starting now.
This woman loves me. She wants a future with me, a family. Right then I wanted to buy her an SUV and fill it with screaming kids. If we made this work, I promised myself she’d never want for anything.
I knew if I let her, Rion would give me everything in return.
‘His heart was like a sensitive plant, that opens for a moment in the sunshine, but curls up and shrinks into itself at the slightest touch of the finger, or the lightest breath of wind.’
~Anne Bronte
There are these moments where he completely floors me. He’ll say something simple, but it’s profound because Loyal doesn’t say things to bullshit you. He has so much vulnerability and a tenderness about him that calls to me. I’m assuming he’s unaware of it because often when he speaks I can see it confuses him while it delights me.
I may be blazed out of my mind, but I could feel desire in every limb of my body. There’s a fire in my veins and my skin is tingling with awareness. I’m so overwhelmed by this feeling I want to scream with it. Straddling him, I want him to scream with it too. Rubbing my hands over his head, I massage his scalp while he tightens his grip on my hips. Maybe it’s the weed giving me the courage, maybe it’s simply desperation but whatever it is I can’t fight wanting him anymore.
Licking my lips
to rid myself of cotton mouth, I seal my mouth to his and just like that, I’m on overdrive. With my legs braced under the arms of the chair, it gives me the perfect leverage to rock back and forth. When his mouth breaks from mine, I take a deep breath and swallow his taste. His mouth attaches to my neck with force and my hips begin rocking over his clothed dick in a fury. Releasing his head to take his shirt off, I practically shred it with my impatience.
In return, he rips my sweatshirt off and covers my tits with his big hands. Squeezing them, I let my head fall back and sensations guide me. Running my hands over his chest blindly, I bring my head back to stare at him properly. It’s not too dark yet and his silhouette was breathtaking when he was focused on me. Tracing a scar over his left pec causes him to shiver.
“What happened?” I ask, shocked at the need filling my voice. In all my life I’ve never sounded like this.
“Knife,” was his response and before I could push further, his thumb found my clit and an orgasm stole the words from my mouth. “Ride it out,” he growls in my ear and that’s exactly what I did. Slowly coming down from it, I kiss him again this time exploring him fully. “I did that,” he says running his nails down my back. “Unfuckingreal.”
Smiling at the look of awe on his face, I clumsily disengage myself from the chair to stand in front of him. The expression on his face is fierce. I want to say he is beautiful but he isn’t. He is deadly, he is intense and for me that made him beautiful. Looks fade. The core of him though, was all warrior. Christ, but alpha males are hot as hell and I am so glad this one was mine.
Reaching forward and undoing the button, then the zipper followed by a shimmy, I finally have him naked and fully erect. Standing there staring, I realize I didn’t know where to start. It isn’t possible to do it all at once, but god knows I want to. Kneeling down between his knees, I can feel the hair on his legs brush my sides and even that sensation causes me to moan. “The fuck was in that joint?” he asks, gripping the arms of the chair.
“I have no idea,” I whisper just staring at his straining dick. “Whatever it was has me wanting to attack you. Brace yourself, I won’t be held responsible for what happens next. ”
“You gonna suck my dick, Rion?” the way he says my name shreds me. He’s the only person in my life that doesn’t call me Junior. He says Rion like he owned the name, invented it and copy wrote it.
“Oh uh,” I whisper because I can’t find my voice. “I’m assuming the right answer here is yes.”
When his answer is to raise his hips, I take the hint and wrap one hand at his thick base and use the other for leverage. Opening my mouth wide, I work him in and out, slowly at first then faster when he starts moaning. Adding suction made him wild and when his hands make their way into my hair, he starts fucking my mouth with purpose. If I didn’t know him, I’d say he is angry, but this isn’t anger, this is desperation. He wants this as badly as I do. Though he tries to be gentle, it’s not in his makeup and I am okay with that.
Releasing him, I sit back on my ankles and look him over. His face is red, his knuckles were white and his dick was covered in my spit desperate to get back to me. “Ready for me?” I ask, putting a leg on each side the chair.
“Give it to me,” he groans, “or I’m gonna take it.”
Sinking down, I decided to give it to him. Inch by inch he stretches me, it feels so good that when his nails dig into my ass, I pinch his nipples hard enough to pull him forward. Bouncing slowly, he takes the hint and destroys my nipples with his teeth and lips in return.
“Harder,” he growls into my tits. Grinding on him, his hands come up my back to my shoulders and he applies pressure forcing me to keep my rhythm. My legs are burning with the effort but I knew I could do this forever if I had to. No lie, the weed was helping. “Feel good?” he asks, thrusting up to meet me.
“Like I’m going to burst,” I moan biting his ear. “How do you feel?”
“I’m on fire,” he says, closing his eyes. “Wanna burn forever.”
With no sounds to be heard except that of our pleasure, it’s his moans that take me higher. Lifting myself up, I slam back down and repeat it because I was going to come again. “Watch,” he orders me when I raise myself up again. Bringing my weight back down I see his dick disappear then he raises me himself. The next several minutes are of him lifting me up with just his arms and using my body in the best possible way. His strength staggers me as he maneuvers me as if I weigh nothing. “Come now,” he growls and because he demanded it, I did.
“Again,” he says, gripping me tighter. As for me, I have no words. All I have is feeling. I made a mental note to smoke weed more often because, damn… Wrapping his arms around my middle he takes my mouth and in return, I wrap my arms around his neck. Leaning forward he slowly raises us up, then stands taking me over to the rail and perching me on the ledge. “Won’t let go,” he assures me.
“I know,” I whisper back. And I did know. When I was with him, I was safe.
Sliding in and out, I watch silently as he concentrates on his movement. He’s as shocked by what’s happening as I am. I’ve always enjoyed sex but this wasn’t sex. Something was building, trying to break free. To be honest, I didn’t know what this was, but it was life altering. “Loyal,” I whisper, “I’ve never felt like this before.”
“I don’t think anybody’s ever felt like this before,” he groans. “I don’t wanna come.”
Reaching down and tugging on his balls, I whisper, “Oh I think you do.”
Pumping into me he roars for me to squeeze harder, so I do. “Gonna fill you up,” he says, gripping my ass tight.
“Do it,” I beg him, “do it now, I can’t fucking stand it anymore it’s too much!”
“My pussy,” he says, watching me thrash around.
“Please,” I beg him wanting him to come so I could too.
“You gonna come again?”
“Waiting for you,” I tell him on a whimper.
“Ain’t gotta wait,” he says, spanking me rather hard, “come, woman.”
We came together in a roar from him and a scream from me. He filled me up like he said he would and I could feel it on a journey through my body. It was like a slow motion tour, making stops in my bones and organs with a final stop in my bloodstream. The aftershocks lasted minutes, but the mark he left on me would last forever. Jesus, where did Senior get his weed?
Note to self: take it home with us.
‘Snacks. Get me snacks.’
~Rion
After raiding the refrigerator, we both fell on the couch completely zapped of energy. Taking her feet into my lap, I rub the heels and watch as her eyes close. Spending my days like this would make me insanely happy. I’ve never needed much, if I was fed and had a place to crash I considered that a win. With her though, I decided the way I lived before her wasn’t living at all.
This was.
The harder I rubbed, the happier she looked. If there was anything sexier than a well pleased woman, I didn’t know what it was. Reaching for me she pulls me next to her on the oversized couch. When she runs her fingers along my sides my own eyes close but I fought it. I wouldn’t risk falling asleep with her close by. What happened tonight was the beginning of something I could bet on and having a nightmare wasn’t an option.
“Sleep,” she says softly. “You’re tired.”
“Don’t sell this place,” I tell her. “You got history here. This place is you. Keep it.”
“Yeah?”
“He’d want you to keep making memories here.”
“What about you?” she asks, leaning into my neck. “Would you be willing to make memories here with me?”
“I didn’t have memories ‘til you,” I tell her. “I’ll take all the memories you’ll give me.”
“Then I won’t sell it,” she says with a smile in her voice. “Making memories with you sounds better anyway.”
“You gonna take me fishing tomorrow?”
“I can’t wait to take you fis
hing tomorrow,” she says on a sigh. “Hey Loyal?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.” Swallowing hard I wanted to say it so fucking bad and I was pissed that I couldn’t. She didn’t bitch that I didn’t say it back, instead she held me even tighter. “You love me too,” she says quietly. “You might not know it yet, but I do. I feel it. When the time is right you’ll tell me and I’ll wait until you do.”
Fighting back the emotion I watch her as she drifts off to sleep. Once her breathing evens out, I remove myself from the couch and grab a beer from the fridge. Sitting out on the deck I look up at the stars embracing the darkness. The cool air doesn’t faze me, I was used to it. The woman in there on that couch though, she’s got me all fucked up. I say the words, she’ll hold me to them. I say the words, then everything I do has to have her in mind.
I say the words, it means I trust her with my heart. I used to wonder if I even had a heart, but I can feel it beating, feel it reaching out to hear and it terrifies me. I say the words, she could literally fucking crush me.
“Can’t sleep?” she asks, sitting next to me and taking a drink of my beer.
“Don’t need much sleep.”
“Ah,” she says, handing it back. “I was never much of a sleeper myself until Senior got sick. Now I feel like I can’t sleep enough.”
“You took care of him by yourself?”
“Rio helped some,” she says, “but he was my dad. I wanted to take care of him like he did me. He went so fast though, I thought I had time to prepare but you can never prepare for losing someone you love. One minute he was making jokes and the next, he was just gone. I struggle to remember the in-between.”
“Am I far off in thinking you’re just like your old man?”
Giving a small laugh she pulls her knees up to her chest and rests her head on them facing me. “Not at all. I’m the female version of him. If he did it, I had to do it. I had him for thirty years, I’m lucky. How about you? You didn’t have them long but were you close with your parents?”