8 Mile & Rion

by K. S. Adkins

  ~Big Sean

  She didn’t go to his apartment she went to the garage. Grabbing my keys, I start my truck attempting to back out when Jill stands in front of my grill preventing me from leaving. Christ, what I wouldn’t give to run the bitch over. Honking at her didn’t work, swearing didn’t work either. Standing there with blood all over her face and clothes, I actually felt a little sorry for the whore. Not enough to help her out, but her face was pretty jacked up. Rio wasn’t kidding when he said Rion could throw a punch.

  Getting out and slamming my door shut, I cross my arms over my chest to show her I still hate her. Because of this bitch, Rion has a head start and I don’t know where she fucking went. Because of this bitch, I lied to cover my own ass and look where that got me. “Now what?” I ask her.

  “You love her, don’t you?” she asks with a nasally tone.

  “You’re standing out here with a busted face to ask me about shit that don’t concern you?”

  “I’m standing out here with a busted nose to tell you not to make the same mistake twice, Loyal.”

  “Fuck you, whore.”

  “We both messed up,” she says. “I lied to you about the baby and you punished me for it for years. Maybe I wanted to punish you in return, who knows. But she actually loves you. Damned if I get it, since you’ve never even been nice to me. I’m not proud of the way I treated you, but you shouldn’t be proud of the way you treated me either.”

  “I gave you everything and you used me for more,” I growl. “What the fuck else do you want from me, Jill? An apology?”

  “No, I know better than to wish for things I’m not going to get. I did use you and I am sorry but, you used me too.”

  “The fuck I did!” Remembering my therapy sessions and the progress I made, I had to make the effort if I wanted to get rid of this anger. Second chances, Rion said everyone deserved one, even whores. “Dammit Jill,” I groan pulling at my shirt. “I’m sorry for the way I treated you, fuck.”

  “That was almost genuine, Loyal. She made a left on the second street up there,” she says, attempting to walk away. Fuck, she can’t walk around alone out here it ain’t safe. Especially in her condition, she was asking for it. Rion would never forgive me if I knowingly put someone, even a whore, in harm’s way.

  “Take my truck,” I tell her. “Get home safe. Do what you want with it once you’re home. Sell it, burn it, whatever.”

  “I like her, Loyal,” she says quietly. “Granted she’s crazy, but I think she’s good for you.”

  Climbing back in my truck, I leave her with my parting shot before flooring it. “I don’t care what you think, Jill. Never have.”

  Its two hours before I find her. Like all things Rion, the last place I looked should have been my first. Rio said she went there when she’s upset, this sure as hell qualifies. Walking in, I see her in a one-sided booth alone in the back. Grabbing a beer and sitting across from her she doesn’t even look up. I wait for her to chew me out, but she doesn’t. Ripping the label off my bottle, I try to form the words but I can’t think up a good enough speech to keep her around.

  I opt for simple instead. “I’m sorry.”

  “I know,” she mumbles never meeting my eyes. “I’m sorry too.”

  “You ain’t got nothing to be sorry for,” I tell her. “This is on me.”

  “I’m sorry that I wasn’t enough for you,” she says throwing back a shot. “The day you came scowling into the office I wanted you even then. You told me I was temporary but I pushed anyway. You told me you couldn’t love me and part of me thought I could change your mind. So I’m sorry, for pushing you and for wanting you to feel the love I feel. I had no right to do that and in that, I’m no better than Jill. Bending you to my will isn’t love and it isn’t my style either.”

  “I chose you, Rion,” I remind her. “You said you chose me too. This is the hard shit I was talking about. Don’t fucking quit on me.”

  “Quit on you? When did you ever even try? Oh that’s right, you didn’t have to. I did all the work for both of us. You told me you weren’t taken. Is it so easy to lie to me? To yourself? I gave you all of me, Loyal. You threw that in my face. When she asked you if you loved me the look on your face said it all. You don’t love me now and you never will. I feel sorry for you, though. I would have spent my life making you happy if you’d have just let me.”

  As the server drops her off two more shots, I watch her throw them both back and get pissed. She’s going to be on the damn floor if she doesn’t stop. “Knock off the liquor,” I order her. “It ain’t gonna make this better.”

  “Maybe not, but if I do enough of them maybe I’ll forget ever meeting you.”

  “You don’t mean that.”

  “Wanna bet?” she says glaring at me. She’s dead fucking serious and that’s when I panic. “I don’t make bets I’ll lose my ass on. Hello, bookie in the house! You don’t bet against the house ‘cause you will fucking lose. That’s basic physics. You should leave now; I’m gearing up to do math problems next. No one wants to be here for that.”

  Switching tactics was all I had left. I saw it for myself she can’t lie for shit when she’s smashed and I fucking pray this works. “I ain’t perfect, and neither are you, princess. I ain’t the only fucking up here. One minute you’re done with me then you’re giving me chances, asking me to choose you. Which is it? I told you I chose you, you chose me too or you waiting on him to show back up?”

  I see her eyes fill up and her lip quiver, but I can’t turn back now. Leaning forward I rest my elbows on the table and dig deeper. “You’re pissed you can’t fix me and tell me what to do. I ain’t him, princess. I ain’t your boy Rio. You heard from him yet? Guessing no. He left you and if you don’t knock it the fuck off, I’ll leave you too. A man can only take so much bullshit. I want you, but if you don’t lower that bar you got raised to the fucking sky, ain’t no man ever gonna compare and ain’t no man foolish enough to try.”

  She was speechless and that wasn’t the outcome I was hoping for. I wanted her to stand up and fight for me, for us because she knew I was worth it. Putting her head in her hand she just stares me down. No blinking, just eye to eye. Underneath my shirt I had sweat pouring down my back but she didn’t need to know that. Closing her eyes she turns her head away and reaches for her bag next to her so she could bolt. I would carry her out kicking and screaming before I let her walk away from me again, but she doesn’t know that.

  “Can’t take the truth princess?” Ignoring me, she throws money on the table in hopes of bolting. “Make a move toward that door and I’ll make it so you can’t walk straight for a week.” I warn her.

  “You get up from that chair and make a move toward her you won’t walk period.” Turning toward the voice I see Tank ready to kill me with his wife ready to hide the body. “Let’s go, Junior. Shayla, take her out to my truck now.”

  “Leave the way you came my man, this don’t concern you.”

  “Junior concerns me,” he says stepping forward. “This is the second time I’ve seen you mistreat her, won’t be a third.”

  Two things came to mind quickly. First, I may have met my equal with this guy and second, if she left, I’d never see her again. Squaring off with Tank, I also tell his wife, “Don’t lock the doors, I’ll be there getting her back in three minutes.”

  “You lay a hand on my husband, she’ll kill you,” she says sweetly while looking over at Rion. “Think about that while she walks away from you this time.”

  Rion gives me a look that I can’t read. But I understood her words just fine.

  “What’s funny is that I was known to bet on the long shot, until I met you. This bullshit with you hurts worse than losing Senior. Death is pretty final right? Loving you was too, until about oh, two hours ago. Congratulations Loyal, you win. I’m officially broken.” Then she turns and I watch as Shayla escorts her out. The second she clears the door, my ass hits the chair hard.

  Fuck.

  ‘Ev
en though you’re fed up, you gotta keep your head up.’

  ~Tupac

  Sitting in Tank’s pickup, I can feel Shayla watching me. She’s a quiet presence and I realize how, at that moment, it’s exactly what I need. Yes, I am smashed, but it doesn’t help me to forget him, in fact it did the opposite. Hopping in and sitting beside me, the silence is crushing. I feel the need to defend him when I shouldn’t. Then my nerves kick in because if those two end up brawling on my behalf, I’d feel guilty about that for the rest of my life.

  I had text Tank asking them for a ride home if they were still in town. I had planned to crash at Senior’s because my place was fucking ruined with ticking clocks and pictures of myself everywhere. As far as I was concerned, I was never going back in there again. “They won’t come to blows if that’s what’s stressing you out right now,” Shayla says, rubbing my back. “We overheard everything and Tank won’t put his hands on him.”

  “I can’t say the same for Loyal,” I whisper. “He’s got a temper.”

  “The things he said to you weren’t said in truth. They were meant to get a reaction, Junior.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “His pupils were dilated and his breathing was erratic. You threw down the gauntlet and Loyal panicked. Reverse psychology only works when you know how to do it. Obviously, he doesn’t.”

  “Ah, so you have a therapist too, huh?”

  “No,” she laughs. “I am a therapist; it’s where I first met Thomas.”

  “You were his therapist? You said you met at a restaurant.”

  “We did, and no, I wasn’t his therapist. I saw him at my office and played hard to get, but not for long, though. He’s very convincing when he sees something he wants.”

  “Why is getting through to him so damn hard? He was married, Shay. Hours ago the woman came to my apartment. She’s smoking hot and nuts to boot. She’s part of the reason he doesn’t trust people. Only come to find out, they weren’t really married but he thought they were. All the time he was with me, he did so thinking he was married to her. He lied to me. Oh and let’s not forget he was cheating on his fake wife! I’m a home wacker!”

  “Do you wonder why he lied?”

  “Of course I wonder,” I groan squeezing my eyes closed. “From the first time he said her name, I wondered. I wondered why I was such a glutton for punishment. I wondered why I fucking bought it hooker, coke lines and sink holes!”

  “Okay, so you might be a little drunk so let’s deviate. Are you able to forgive him, Junior?”

  “That’s all I do is forgive. Forgiving is for grown-ups and I’m taking the night off.”

  “When you love someone forgiveness is as important as the love itself. Love isn’t without fault. He was right, though. Neither of you are perfect, but that doesn’t mean by forgiving you have to forget. You need to learn from it, you both do. Focus on what he does right versus what he does wrong.”

  “I love him, Shay,” I whisper. “I hurt with it. Is it wrong that I want to fix him?”

  “No,” she says softly, “but some wounds need time to heal. You can help him with the healing, but you can’t fix it for him. He has to do that.”

  “Can I go home and pass out with my clothes on now?”

  Before she could answer, Loyal and Tank walked out of the bar together. Neither was bleeding which I took as a good sign and when Loyal stood before me looking lost then offered me his hand, I didn’t hesitate in taking it.

  Glutton for punishment should be on my name plaque on my god damn desk.

  ‘It's not who you are in your life, it's who you have by your side that matters...’

  ~ Ritu Ghatourey

  Completely raw, I sat there with my head in my hands. If Tank was looking for an opportunity to kick me while I was down, this was it. When no blows came I figured he saw me for the pathetic mess that I was and took pity. Pulling a chair out, he joins me at the table, but doesn’t speak. His silence was worse than waiting for him to strike. Rion is outside, she is drunk and she is hurting because of me.

  I really thought she’d fight back. That she’d tell me I was a fucking idiot but still loved me anyway. “Eleventh grade,” he says after sipping on his beer, “this chick I nailed told me she was pregnant after I refused to nail her again. Junior overheard her joking with her girlfriends about it and was nearly expelled for the hurting she gave that bitch on my behalf. My point is, she don’t like to be lied to. You made her feel like a fool and I can’t think of a woman who’d be down with that. You should have been honest with her, you weren’t. The shit you said tonight though, I got where you were headed, but you hit a wall…hard, with your face.”

  “No shit.”

  “We all knew Rio loved her. Only one who didn’t know was Junior. Senior made him promise to stay away from her, he did. Her losing Rio for a guy that just threw him back in her face had to sting. Junior doesn’t have family, she has something tighter than family. She has Rio and she has me, now Shayla too. If she said she loved you, she meant she loved you. Junior needs two things, loyalty and honesty. You give her those?”

  “No.”

  “And yet she loves you anyway. That’s a good woman, Loyal.”

  “Until a few hours ago, I thought I was married,” I confess. “Sent her the papers wanting a divorce, but she shows up causing trouble like always and outs me in front of Rion.”

  “Ouch,” he says, leaning back in his chair. “Were you planning on telling her?”

  “I was afraid she’d leave if I did.”

  “So no,” he says shaking his head. “Listen, Junior ain’t like other women, but she’s still a woman. I’m sure you heard the second chances spiel but it’s not bullshit, it’s who Senior raised her to be. Not many men can raise a daughter alone like Senior did. He was a rare breed, old school. The thing about chances is our girl only has so many. She’s human and she’s hurt. Get her home and come clean, squeaky clean or you will lose her. She’s done, my man, unless you can give her a reason not to be.”

  Standing up we walk out together and when I see her sitting in his truck with her head down, my heart cracks. I don’t want her to hurt, I want her to smile. Tank was right, squeaky clean. Approaching her she picks her head up and it’s the lost look in her eyes that guts me. Reaching out my hand, I notice it’s shaking, but when she doesn’t hesitate in taking it, I knew this was my last chance.

  Buckling her up, we drive in silence until I open Senior’s door and usher her inside. No way she is going back to her place and if I had planned better, we wouldn’t be staying here either. Dropping her bag, she heads to the freezer and starts chugging from the bottle she pulled from it.

  Taking it away from her, she reaches for it again, but I move her hands away easily. “This bottle ain’t gonna fix what I did wrong,” I tell her, putting it behind me on the table. “Only I can.”

  She stares at me so hard I can feel myself starting to sweat again. “I lied to you for a lot of reasons,” I tell her quietly. “Mostly I lied so you wouldn’t leave me. We weren’t good for each other, Rion. I used her, she used me and I only married her ‘cause I thought she was pregnant. Even after that, I only fucked her a few times and that was over seventeen years. I hated her that much. I fucked her to punish her.”

  “You did not just tell me that,” she says, covering her face with her hands.

  “Yeah I did, because I want to come clean. If she was toxic, I was worse. I wanted someone to take my misery out on and she was available. I ain’t been no better with you either. With you I see a future, but I wanted my past to stay buried. Only that shit didn’t stay buried and that’s my fault. Fact is, she wasn’t always such a whore. The years of me hurting her made her mean and I can’t blame her. Until you, I didn’t know how to be nice. I had no reason to try.”

  “Had you told me, I would have understood, Loyal.”

  “I didn’t know that then. I do now.”

  “All I wanted was for you to be honest with me. I would
have listened to your stories, kept your secrets. I’m always the one extending my trust only for you to mock me with it. If this is our future it’s not looking too bright. If we can’t trust each other, where does that leave us?”

  Sticking out my hand I offer her all I’ve got which ain’t much but it’s all I had. What I thought could be love before but was too scared to see, I knew for sure was love all along and finally opened my eyes to it. “Name’s Loyal Hart. You waited this long for someone to love you, let it be me.”

  “Did you just quote Ray LaMontagne?”

  “Dammit Rion, I’m trying---”

  “Say it,” she says, putting her tiny hands on my chest and looking up at me. “Only because you can’t imagine not saying it.”

  “I love you,” I whisper while my throat clogs with emotion. Fuck, it felt good to finally say that. “I love you, Rion. I’ll tell you I love you every day for the rest of our lives until you trust it. I’ll say it until you tell me to shut up. Even then, I’ll write it down, tattoo it on my body and play songs about it. You won’t ever remember a time where I didn’t love you, because woman, I’ve loved you from the start.”

  “That’s what I’m talking about.” Then taking a deep breath and wiping her tears away with the back of her left hand, she extends her right to take mine. “My name is Rion Reynolds and I love you too.”

  Pulling her into my arms, I take her mouth and pour my love for her into it. “I won’t fuck this up,” I tell her.

  “Yes you will,” she says smiling, “but, I will too and we’ll figure it out together.”

  “No more lies,” I vow to her. “You deserve the truth and that’s what you’ll get from me even if you don’t like it.”

  “The same rule applies to you too,” she says, hugging me. “I don’t like being blindsided.”

  “Just putting it out there since we’re being truthful, you should consider talking about your anger with the therapist.”

  “I’m sorry, say that again. I’m buzzed but I thought you just implied I had anger issues.”