by Zoe Glez
“Thanks,” I whisper back, lost in his beautiful eyes.
“Thanks again for last night,” he says and I instantly know he’s as lost as I am.
“No problem,” I say with a smile. He smiles back.
“What the hell was THAT?” Kev practically screams. Our trance is immediately lost and we look at my brother like a kid who just got caught with his hand on the cookie jar.
“What’s up with you, Torres, you’ve gone mad or something?” Mickey asks Kevin with complete and utter coolness. Got to give him a thumbs up, my man sure knows how to recover.
“Don’t bullshit me, Vega. You and my sister were totally giving each other googly eyes.”
“I can’t help it if your sister is gorgeous,” Mickey says at the same time as I say, “No way!”
“Wait...what did you just say?” I ask Mickey. The confusion and awe written all over my face is completely visible to everyone in the room.
He chuckles at my reaction “I said, I think you’re gorgeous,” he softly says to me with a shrug. I can’t help but blush at his words.
“This is my first and last warning, Miguel. Stay the hell away from my baby sister.” Kevin scowls at Mickey. If he keeps it up he’s going to get premature wrinkles.
“You should listen to him, Mickey. Besides I’m pretty sure Laylah over here has her hands tied up with some guy already,” Mary butts in, giving her very unwanted opinion. Is she threatened by me or something? That’s the only explanation I have.
“What the hell?” I say just as Mickey starts in, “And I guess you’re saying that I should focus my time on someone like you?”
“Well, no. But, since you mentioned it, sure, why not?” Bitch Mary says sheepishly.
“Are you for fucking real right now?” Mickey shakes his head. “I’m sorry, but I can’t deal with this shit right know.” He stands quickly and makes a b-line for the door.
“Mickey…” I say just as he closes the door. A part of me wants to go after him, but I know I can’t. So, I sit here, stuck to my spot on the floor, hoping that I’m doing the right thing in all of this.
“What the hell was that?” Mary ask, her mouth gaping open like a fish.
“I was just asking myself the very same thing,” Kev eyes me suspiciously.
“Beats me. He’s your best friend, you should know what’s wrong with him,” I say to him, shrugging as I get back to my task. On the inside, I’m dying. I’m terrified that these decisions I’ve made will cause me to lose my world. That’s what Miguel Vega is to me, my world.
Two hours later, I’m completely beat. The main house is fully decorated, thanks to me. Ever since Mickey left, my brother and Mary, joined by Chino, have been lying on the couch watching T.V. Did anyone bother to ask if I needed help, or lift a finger to do anything aside from changing the channel? No.
About an hour ago I asked where Ari was, thinking maybe she would have helped me, but apparently she, Carla and Angel went out a while ago with my mom and dad.
Two hours had passed with no sign of Mickey. Frustrated by this little problem, I decide to head to the backyard and text him. I pass through the kitchen where Mama and Lola are. I think they may have tried talking to me, but I’m not sure. Honestly, I’m too distracted to acknowledge them at the moment. Once outside, I take out my phone and text Mickey.
Me: Sorry! =( 4:55 p.m.
I hate sending texts. The apprehension of not knowing whether the person is going to answer you back or not, or how long are they going to take to answer if they decide to do so, is nauseating. That’s how I feel right now, nauseated. I really need to sit down and talk to him again about rethinking the situation we’re in. After today, I don’t think that it’s worth it to hold back. Sure, my dad will be pissed. Sure, Kevin will see red and perhaps cut ties with Mickey. But, I’m brought back to the constant thought, is it worth it?
My notification ringtone goes off and my heart skips a beat.
Dimps: What are you sorry for, baby? You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just that your cousin is so…infuriating! I know she isn’t aware of what’s going on, but she disrespected you, my heaven. I wanted to punch her snub face. 5:00 p.m.
I can’t help but smile at this. He was protecting me, like he always does.
Me: Still, that doesn’t explain why you walked away and didn’t return or message me. 5:02 p.m.
Dimps: It’s just…too stressful. I just had to get out of there before I ruined everything. By the time I was ready to go back, it was time for class. I just decided to come straight here. One more class and I’m all yours ;) 5:05 p.m.
Me: I forgot you had class. I’m guessing you heard what my brother said? :/. 5:07 p.m.
Dimps: Yeah. 5:09 p.m.
Me: Don’t let it get to you. You’re not that guy anymore, he should know better. 5:11 p.m.
Dimps: I love you, Lai <3. 5:13 p.m.
Me: I love you too, baby <3 <3 <3. 5:15 p.m.
Dimps: I have to go now and get ready for my next class, but, promise me, we will find a way to talk later. 5:18 p.m.
Me: Cross my heart, baby…it’s a promise ;) 5:20 p.m.
Dimps: :D love ya’, my heaven. 5:22 p.m.
I exhale deeply and just stare at my phone for who knows how long. Even through text message I can’t help but feel giddy and girly.
“Seems like someone’s in love,” Uncle Junior says in a sing-song voice, coming out of nowhere and scaring the hell out of me.
“Where did you come from?” I ask, settling my nerves. I look at him as he sits next to me on the bench.
“Mi niña, the fact that you didn’t deny it and that you didn’t notice me sitting just over there proves what I just said,” he says with a wink.
“It’s that obvious, huh?” I give him a weak smile.
“Yeah, you both are pretty obvious. You and Mickey make one hell of a couple, even when you’re trying your hardest to pretend that you’re not.” My mouth drops open and I can’t help the look of surprise that must be showing on my face. Junior chuckles at my reaction. “Laylah, I’m not stupid. The moment I witnessed you both in the same room, I knew you were together.”
“Oh. My. God,” I say, releasing the breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
“Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. Don’t worry about the others, they’re too drunk to notice,” he says, throwing me a wink. I just continue to stare at him. “Stop looking at me like that, mi niña, and tell me, how long has it been?”
I finally shake myself out of my trance and smile at him. “Almost two years. We’ve been living together for a year now. Oh! And Mama, Lola, Uncle Luke, and Ari also know.”
“Of course they do,” he says as he takes a swig of his beer. “So, you’ve been living together here?” I nod. “What about school?” he asks giving me a quizzical look.
I can’t help the guilty expression that takes hold of my face. I bite on my bottom lip, considering how to answer him. I finally exhale. “When I came here a few years ago it was because I had quit school. One thing led to another and I fell hopelessly in love with a Vega.”
He chuckles and says, “Go on.”
And so I did. I told him about how we reconnected after all those years. How we started spending more and more time together and how our beautiful friendship blossomed into the love we now share. I told him how he makes me feel, which I realized there weren’t enough words to describe this feeling. He is my world, my everything.
“I don’t know, viejo…I can’t help but feel like I’m disappointing my parents for the decisions I made a few years ago. Then, if I tell them, they are going to think it was because of him and it wasn’t. I didn’t even know he was here. After everything they told me about him, he was the last thing on my mind.
“After getting to really know him, I kept asking myself, ‘How could this wonderful guy be the monster my entire family has been making him out to be?’. He isn’t that person. He is amazing. I don’t know if he ever was that person. I do kno
w that he’s about to finish college, he has dreams he aspires to, he works extremely hard to capture these dreams and change the way people see him. He loves me, treats me as if I’m his entire world, and would do anything for Lola and Mama.”
“Ay, mi niña, you’ve got it bad for him. When you speak of him, your eyes shine brightly with pride and love. As for everything else, I can see that he’s changed. To be honest, I never believed the shit people have said about him. He is Lola’s son, after all.” Stretching his arm around my shoulder, he closes the gap between us, pulling me into a side hug.
“That he is,” I say with a giggle. He’s right. There is no way that any son of Lola’s would of have done the things people say he has done.
“Have you ever talked to him about this?” my uncle asks.
“No, but now that I think about it, I should, shouldn’t I?” I ask, looking up at him for reassurance.
“Yeah, you should, mi niña. It’s better than speculating and it helps keep this safe and unbroken,” he says, pointing to my heart.
“When did you get so philosophical?” I smirk at him.
“Ahhh…see, one of the many secrets of the bottle.” He smirks, taking another swig of his beer.
“Hey, tío…you know, don’t you? About what’s happening to her?” I give him a sad smile.
He exhales, his gaze becoming far away. “Yeah, mi niña. I know.” He then pulls me closer to him and kisses the top of my head. I suddenly find myself gazing into space, lost in my own thoughts about everything and nothing at all.
Chapter Six
“Y
ou seem to be over thinking something,” a deep voice says behind me, scaring the living shit out of me. Though my heart is beating a mile a minute, I don’t show it. I know this voice like I know the back of my hand, it’s not a voice I should ever be scared of. Instead I look up at him and smile, patting to the space next to me, indicating for him to join me. He grabs a beer and quickly makes his way toward me.
Ever since my talk with Junior a week ago, I’ve done nothing but think. Perhaps this is it, this is my chance to clear my mind and tell him everything that’s been going on in my mind. At the same time, I struggle with his reaction and finding the right time. However, the longer I wait, the harder it’s going to be.
It’s the second week of December and I’ve barely been living. I’ve been so lost in my own damn world that I don’t even realize what’s going on around me. Conversations have been lively, but I barely hear them. I have, however, noticed how much everyone has changed. They are all moving forward in their lives, growing up, growing more successful, doing everything they want to do, and I feel like I’m standing still, stuck in a loop with nowhere to go. I just can’t help but feel lost. It’s Sunday and I find myself with a six pack of Heineken lying on the grass in the huge backyard, watching the stars.
After what seems like an eternity of silence, I finally speak up. “Where’s your boyfriend tonight?” I ask, turning my head over to where he’s already looking at me.
He chuckles and says, “He’s actually out on a date.”
“On a Sunday?” I ask, confusion plastered all over my face. Leave it to my idiot brother to take a girl out on a date on a Sunday. Who does that?
He exhales slowly and says, “Yeah…”. With a half smirk, he continues, “I believe his actual words were, ‘I’m taking out a honey today and presenting her to a nice Venezuelan bread stick’,” he imitates my brother’s voice and actually does a good job.
“Ewww! Oh my God, dimps, that’s disgusting. That is my brother you’re talking about.” I tell him, trying to undo the mental damage he has just caused.
“So, it’s back to dimps, huh? Glad to know I’m not the reason for your current state and sorry for the hurt and damage I have recently caused in here,” he says, pointing to the middle of my forehead. “Want me to kiss it and make it better?”
I laugh at this, laugh as I have never laughed before. Tears are streaming down my face and my lungs actually hurt. Being with him makes me happy and full, allowing me to forget my worries. “Seriously, my love, what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours? You haven’t been yourself lately and tonight I find you here in the dark, alone, with a six pack of beer. We both know you’re not much of a drinker.”
I sigh. “Do you remember when we first got together?
He smiles and looks at me, taking me in completely. His gaze drifts along my body until finally reaching my eyes. His hazel eyes bore into mine, connecting us on another level. “Of course I do, it was the best goddamn day of my life.”
Mine, too. I had just dropped out of college, business school just wasn’t for me. It felt more like my dad’s dream instead of mine, plus there were also other things going on that just became too much. So, I just up and left. I had called Mama, hoping she could help me break the news to my parents. Mama just told me to pack up my things and come back to Florida to stay with her until I figured things out.
As soon as I walked in the door, I saw him. Him. The boy that had invaded my dreams since I was a kid. Miguel Vega.
Spring break was a few weeks away and Mama surprised us with a week vacation at Puerto Rico. Because of my current situation, I really didn’t have anything planned. I was happy I finally had the chance to meet the place she and my uncles grew up and talked so much about. But, something told me that there were ulterior motives for this trip and I was right because it was in that trip that everything started to change.
We arrived early that day at the airport, one of Mama’s relatives was already there waiting for us. From there, he took us to the beautiful town of San Sebastian were Mama had lived most of her life. The first two days were awesome, even though I kept avoiding Mickey. We went out to see some of the near cities and ate near the coast on both occasions. I still noticed that each time we went out he kept looking for a way to talk to me, but I just kept finding ways to avoid him. Even when I knew that I had to eventually talk to him, I couldn’t keep running from him. On the third day, I found myself in the same situation I am tonight.
I lay outside of the house, near the hills, on the grass waiting for the sun to set. The view here is amazing. The house has a little path on the side that leads to the forest which happens to be surrounded by mountains. From where I’m lying, you can see it all. It’s complete and utter perfection. The atmosphere is so relaxing and at night the sky is lit up with brilliantly visible stars and a clear moon.
“I would’ve thought that this game of avoidance would have ended weeks ago. But, it seems I’m wrong about you, once again,” he says coming toward me.
“What are you even talking about?” I ask, feigning innocence. I know he’s right. I can’t keep avoiding him, especially since we live in the same house.
“Cut the crap, Laylah, you know what I’m talking about,” he says completely irritated. I get it. I would have been irritated too if I were him.
“You’re blocking my view,” I say taking a drag from the cigarette I have in my hand.
He sighs and lies on the grass beside me. He then looks at me and asks, “Since when do you smoke?”
I chuckle at this. “Since I’ve been living in my very own hell. It soothe’s me sometimes, calms my nerves. And don’t you dare give me that whole crap of this being the path to my grave. God knows, Mama already gets on me about it, constantly,” I move my head to my right to look at him, where he is already looking at me.
“On the contrary, do you happen to have an extra one?” he asks, holding my gaze.
I shake my head. “No, this is my last one. Here…we can share it.” I hand him the cigarette, which he happily takes. “I’m quitting after this one,” I whisper to him a couple of seconds later.
“Good…me too,” he whispers back.
After a few painful minutes of silence, he finally says, “Maybe we should help each other. You know, with this whole quitting smoking thing.” At the same time, I say, “I’m sorry, you’re right. I have been avoiding yo
u.”
“You think?” he sarcastically says. I can’t help but laugh. “Why?” he asks, gazing at me.
“Are you kidding? I practically poured my heart out to you and I barely know you,” I say to him, exasperated with myself.
“What are you talking about?” he asks, imitating my tone. “First of all, you do know me. Secondly, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m in awe of you. It took so much courage and bravery to embrace the problem, talk about it, and try to change it.”
“What the hell does that even mean?” I ask him. Just when he’s about to answer, I raise my hand to stop him from saying something that will confuse the hell out of me. “Don’t— just, don’t answer that,” I finally tell him sitting up Indian style, the cigarette long gone.
“Laylah—” he starts to say as he joins me, but I stop him from continuing his sentence.
“Miguel, I don’t know you.”
“Mickey,” he corrects, “and you do know me.”
“I don’t. All I know is that you’ve been my brother’s best friend since, like, forever. For a very long time I thought the two of you were in a relationship, which actually helped me get over the stupid crush I’ve always had on you,” I tell him, letting the last part slip out. I pray to some greater power that he didn’t hear that very last part.
I had no such luck.
“You have a crush on me?” he asks, a mix of excitement and what sounds like hope in his voice.
“Had, Mickey. I said had,” I tell him, feigning being bored with the conversation when in reality my heart is about to pop out.
“Could you please stop bullshitting me? I know you feel something for me. I can’t be the only one that feels this connection between us.”
“Are you freaking serious? You barely know me!” I practically yell at him as I start to get up.