And Mika is there.
It is just us. Next to each other with our feet in the sea.
“I’ve missed you,” I say.
“I miss you too,” she says.
“I got into Temple University,” I tell her.
“I know,” she says. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Japan is too far. It’ll kill Mom.”
“No, it won’t. She’ll be OK. You’ll be OK.”
“Do you think I should go?” I ask.
“Do you think you should go?”
“I miss you, Mika,” I say again.
“That isn’t a reason not to go to Japan,” she says. “Not a reason to not live.”
“But Mom, and Dad, and Koji. What if something happens and I’m not here?”
“You staying here won’t stop bad things from happening. And you can always come home. It’s just a plane ride away.”
“A plane ride across an ocean.”
“I wish I could come with you.”
“I wish you could too.” I put my head on her shoulder. “I’m scared, Mika.” Because this is what I want.
“I know,” she says. “But you’ll be OK. I promise.”
“What about you? I can’t leave you here. I can’t leave you behind.”
Mika smiles, and it is the saddest smile I’ve ever seen. “I’ll always be here,” she says, and she puts her hand on my heart. “You know that.”
“But I need you, Mika.”
“You’ll be OK,” she says, and it is with just as much of a fierce determination as when she said it that day in the ocean. “You can’t be scared for ever.” She takes both of my hands in hers.
“Where … where will you go?” I ask.
“Don’t worry about me, Reiko. I’m the big sister, after all.”
“I love you, Mika.”
“I love you, Rei-Rei.”
She lets go of my hand, and she fades away until all I can see is the infinite blue sky.
Finally, finally I say the words that I haven’t said, the words I need to say.
“Goodbye, Mika.”
EPILOGUE
It’s the same sea in Japan. And the same sky. And the same stars. And the same moon.
Japanese sounds familiar and strange. Sometimes it makes me feel like I’m listening to the words underwater, but then I always make my way to the surface.
In amongst all the blinking, blinding Tokyo lights, I can still see the stars shining down on me. And I can hear them singing. You are beautiful, they sing. But I know I am more than that.
I am whole.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
The initial idea for this book came from a conversation with my wonderful agent, Claire Wilson. I was telling her about the (now hilarious, then heartbreaking) time I got dumped after a dance right after I’d been crowned homecoming queen. She thought there was a book idea in there somewhere, and, as per usual, she was right.
This book grew and evolved from that initial idea. I spent a large amount of my childhood in Palm Springs, and so it seemed like the perfect setting. It’s always been an important, almost magical place, to me. In some ways, this book is my love letter to the desert.
Reiko is in no way a portrayal of me (she’s way cooler and more complicated than I ever was) and while I didn’t experience most of what she does in the book, I do vividly remember that strange and potent time in your late teens when you are discovering who you want to be, or who you can be. Like with Wing Jones, my hope for this book is that readers will come away from it knowing they are stronger than they thought they were.
This book would not exist without the help and support of a lot of incredible people:
The first thank you goes to my agent, Claire. Thank you for being a fierce and brilliant champion, for your steel spine, sharp mind, and kind heart. Signing with you was without a doubt the best decision of my career, and it has changed my life in the best possible way. Here’s to many more books and adventures!
Huge thanks to everyone else at the RCW Literary Agency, especially Sam Copeland and Miriam Tobin. Thank you as well to Emily Hayward-Whitlock and Sarah Lewis at The Artists Partnership for your continued support.
Thank you to the whole team at Walker Books, but especially my editor, Annalie Grainger, and my publicist, Rosi Crawley.
Annalie, thank you for reading this book at least a million times and for never giving up on me and Reiko. I’m so lucky to have an editor who is as brilliant as she is kind.
Rosi, I couldn’t ask for a better publicist! Thank you for your endless enthusiasm, energy, support and general good cheer. You really are a magical unicorn disguised as a human.
Thank you also to Mara Bergman for looking after me and my book babies with such care while Annalie was on leave looking after her new human baby.
And thank you to my copyeditor, Clare Baalham, for her eagle eye and enthusiasm for the book.
Thank you to Margaret Hope for designing such a stunning cover for Only Love Can Break Your Heart.
And thank you to Patrick Ness for coming up with the excellent title and for all the solid author advice.
A standing ovation thank you to all the booksellers and librarians and bloggers who supported Wing Jones. You make the book world and my world go round.
I’m for ever grateful for the generosity of Katherine Rundell and Laini Taylor for giving me the book blurbs of my dreams for my debut novel, Wing Jones. Thank you for your kind words, and for inspiring me as a reader and a writer.
This book was edited over almost two years – at home, in libraries, and at multiple writing retreats. One was in a charming English cottage, where Anna James, Mel Salisbury, Sara Barnard, and Cat Doyle all helped me figure out who Reiko really is, made me laugh till I cried, and also gave me a whole new appreciation for Eddie Redmayne. The other retreat was in a magical French castle, where Alwyn Hamilton, Ryan Graudin, Laure Eve, and Laini Taylor offered wise counsel, excellent company, much needed encouragement, and copious amounts of French cheese. Thank you all for making my life feel a bit like a fairy tale.
I’m incredibly grateful to Cynthia Hardy Maasry for being an early reader and helping with specific details of Reiko’s heritage. Also thank you to Caesar Maasry for his enthusiasm, and baby Victoria for just being adorable.
I am so lucky to be part of such a joyful and supportive writing community. I honestly know the best people. Special thanks to Samantha Shannon, Laure Eve, Alwyn Hamilton, Anna James, Kiran Millwood Hargrave, Mel Salisbury, Sara Barnard, Anna McKerrow and Katherine Woodfine. Thank you too to the super babes on the other side of the Atlantic: Ashley Woodfolk, Nic Stone, Angie Thomas, Zoraida Córdova, and Dhonielle Clayton. And to the original YALC working group for the giggles and the good times: Paul, Rosi, Liz, Kat, Stephie, Harriet, Nina, and KWoo.
To Krystal Sutherland, who has been chasing the writing dream with me. We did it, and we are going to keep doing it. Proud of you, and proud of us.
Thank you to Jessica Blair Herman and Allen Leech, who came to not one but two of my book launches on different continents and are incredibly supportive of my career as an author. I owe you guys Escuela tacos.
Thank you to Jennifer Ball for being there for all things bookish and for everything else. I’m so glad to have you in my life.
To Cat Doyle – who has become like an actual sister to me – thank you for all the calls and chats and cheerleading.
To my girls who have all held my hand and gotten me through various heartbreaks over the years: Courtney, Cat, Jessica, Chloe, Jeni, Dyna, Fay, and Janou. I don’t know what I’d do without all of you in my life.
Huge thank you to my amazing and far-flung family. To all my Webber, Hopper, and Tsang aunts, uncles, and cousins – thank you for all your support and enthusiasm. Special thank you to my Mimi and Pop-Pop, and my Grandma Kay and Grandpa Bob, for giving me a love and appreciation for the desert. And a shout-out to Stephanie Tsang and Ben Puckett for their continuous support, and welcome to the world Cooper Pu
ckett-Tsang!
Thank you to my wonderful in-laws, Louisa and Paulus Tsang, and my amazing parents, Rob and Virginia Webber, for always being there for me.
This book is dedicated to my brother, Jack, and my sister, Jane. I’m so lucky to be your sister, and I’d do anything for you. Thank you for being so awesome, and for making me laugh so much.
And to my husband, Kevin… I’m a better writer, and a better person, because of you. Thank you for all of your help with this book. Thank you for everything. I love our life together. I love you. Here’s to our next adventure.
KATHERINE WEBBER is a young-adult and children’s author. Her debut YA novel was the critically acclaimed Wing Jones.
Katherine loves books and travel. (At last count, she’d been to 48 countries and six continents!) She was born in Southern California and spent much of her childhood in the Palm Springs desert and it is still one of her favorite places in the world. She has since lived in Hong Kong, Hawaii, and Atlanta. She currently lives in London with her husband, Kevin Tsang, with whom she co-writes the young illustrated fiction series Sam Wu Is Not Afraid.
Katherine studied comparative literature at UC Davis, and Chinese literature and language at the Chinese University of Hong Kong. She has worked at an international translation company, a technology start-up, and a reading charity. She spends far too much time on Twitter, so she invites you to come and say hello: @kwebberwrites.
“Vivid, evocative.” The Guardian
With a grandmother from China and another from Ghana, fifteen-year-old Wing Jones is often caught between worlds. When tragedy strikes, she discovers an extraordinary talent she never knew she had. Wing’s running could bring her family everything it needs. It could also keep Wing from the one thing she truly wants.
“I loved Wing Jones. It makes you want to pull on your shoes and start running.” Katherine Rundell
Also by Katherine Webber
Wing Jones
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or, if real, used fictitiously. All statements, activities, stunts, descriptions, information and material of any other kind contained herein are included for entertainment purposes only and should not be relied on for accuracy or replicated as they may result in injury.
First published in Great Britain 2018 by Walker Books Ltd
87 Vauxhall Walk, London SE11 5HJ
Text © 2018 Katherine Webber
Original photo of figure © 2018 Gallery Stock
The right of Katherine Webber to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, transmitted or stored in an information retrieval system in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, taping and recording, without prior written permission from the publisher.
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data:
a catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 978-1-4063-6905-2
www.walker.co.uk
Only Love Can Break Your Heart Page 24