by Liz Isaacson
It didn’t matter. She couldn’t travel back in time and change those decisions. They weren’t even the one she wanted to erase.
The preacher got up and he had a jovial voice to match his happy-happy face. April couldn’t help but smile watching him and listening to him. “What a beautiful day to be alive,” he said, spreading his arms wide. “Yes, there are some of us that are suffering on this beautiful day. Some ailments are physical, some mental, some emotional. None of us can escape trials and tribulations. For some, today is an easy day. For others, it was hard just to come here. No matter which camp you fall into, the Lord is there for you.”
April drank in his words, believed every one. She leaned forward, hoping to catch every syllable.
“My friends, my brothers and sisters, it will all work out. Be optimistic. Be positive. Be happy, even if today feels like the darkest day of your life. Trust in God, and have faith that He knows what He’s doing. It will all work itself out.”
April seized onto his words and tethered them to her heart. Today wasn’t the darkest day of her life. That would be the day she found out she was pregnant. She remembered the feeling of elation. She was sure she’d never felt it before, and standing in a bathroom with a pregnancy test seemed like a strange time to experience it.
But she had. She looked up from the double pink lines and searched her face, which looked so different, so vulnerable, so happy.
An hour later, those same eyes were puffy and red, and they’d cried more tears than April thought humanly possible. The complete opposite of elation—devastation—coursed through her. Liam had not shared her joy. He didn’t want the baby, didn’t want her.
She’d thought it the exact thing they needed to take their relationship to the next level. He’d used it as an excuse to remove her from his life. It had taken her three months to understand that he’d never planned to marry her. That knowledge didn’t make the feelings of abandonment any less real, but sitting in the chapel with the preacher’s words ringing in her ears, that pain and hurt lessened.
She closed her eyes and whispered, “Thank you.”
Ted’s arm around her tightened, and she added another silent prayer of gratitude for his presence at her side.
Chapter Nine
Ted’s chest stormed during the service. While he normally relished the hour the preacher took to remind him of God’s love for him, April put off so much anxiety that Ted couldn’t wait to get her out of there.
Pastor Peters quoted one of Ted’s favorite scriptures about the Lord taking care of the lilies of the field, and added, “The Lord did not put us here to abandon us.”
Ted felt the truth of his words all the way through him, and tears streamed down April’s face. He leaned forward and said, “Hey, you wanna get out of here?”
She nodded, and Ted wasted no time standing and striding out of the chapel. The sunshine beyond the doors hit him square in the face, and he breathed in the goodness of God’s creations around him.
April didn’t pause, her long legs moving her away from the church quickly. She didn’t stop in the parking lot though, but continued down a gentle embankment to a walking trail that bordered a stream that edged the main park in town.
Ted let her go, following at a safe distance. He heard no signs of distress from her and she eventually slowed, stopping altogether at a bend in the path. She looked between two trees before turning to Ted.
“Is that an island in the park?”
He glanced in the direction she’d been looking. “Yeah. There’s a bridge that goes out to it. It’s a popular place for picnics.”
A ghost of a smile passed across her face.
“At the risk of getting punched…are you okay?”
The smile bloomed, growing in intensity and beauty as she let it form on her face. “I’m okay, yes. That was a really powerful sermon, and it touched my heart.” She ran her hands up and down her arms as if cold, but the Utah afternoon had to be close to a hundred degrees.
“You want to head back to my cabin and get some ice cream?”
“You have ice cream at your cabin?”
“I never allow myself to run out.” He tucked his hands in his pockets. “And we better hurry if you want to avoid the crowds getting out of church.” He studied the sun like he could determine the time from its position. “Pastor Peters knows better than to go longer than an hour in the summer.”
On the way back to the parking lot and his truck, she asked, “What kind of ice cream do you have?”
“What kind do you like?”
“Orange sherbet?”
“I hate to break it to you, but sherbet isn’t ice cream.”
“I’ll take that as a no.”
Ted enjoyed the flirting, glad he was able to somehow pull it off. He enjoyed the afternoon with April, and his evening with his Pomeranians.
The next month passed in pure enjoyment for Ted. He spent mornings with his horses, and Yellowstone was coming along nicely in his training. April helped Megan around the homestead in the mornings, and she didn’t come out to the ranch until sometime in the afternoon. Ted gave her tasks like cleaning equipment and feeding animals. Though Brush Creek was a horse ranch, Landon kept chickens and goats on the property too.
April turned out to be a natural with the smaller animals, though horses still disturbed her. Ted had offered to give her horseback riding lessons, but she’d vehemently denied him. He’d chuckled, his mind wandering to kissing her. He’d been thinking about that a lot lately.
He woke up thinking about kissing her, ate lunch wondering when she’d show up out in the barn that afternoon, snuggled with his poms at night while April paraded through his mind. Her belly grew over the weeks, and Ted found her sexy and strong. She went to church with him every week, and they left early with her weeping every single time.
He still hadn’t taken her out to the island, and the town’s apricot festival passed with Ted heading down to the parade with the other single cowboys while April hid out in the basement. He’d eaten jalapeño poppers with homemade apricot jam, laid on his back under the stars during the concert at Oxbow Park, and donated a bunch of money to Walker and Tess Thompson’s Widows and Widowers Fund.
He and Walker had come to Brush Creek at the same time, and Ted had always supported his cause. He did what he could around town, and this year, he’d also donated heavily to the church’s fundraiser to repair the bell tower. They held a bake sale, and Ted had brought home three of the most expensive cakes he’d ever buy.
And April was coming over on this Labor Day to share the one he’d put in the freezer a few weeks ago. He showered quickly after his work on the ranch and set about dusting and straightening up.
“You guys have to be nice tonight,” he told his dogs. “Last time April came over, you jumped on her.” He gave Stormy a stern look. “She doesn’t like that. So stay down.”
Knocking sounded on the door and Ted opened the dishwasher and tossed in the three pairs of socks he’d just picked up off the living room floor. He barely had the appliance closed when April poked her head in the front door.
Stormy barked and Lolly gave Ted a bored look and wandered over to the food bowls, which he’d filled before his shower.
“Stormy.” He rebuked the dog as he strode toward it. He swept her off the floor and leaned into April’s personal bubble. “Hey there, April-May.” He grinned at her, and it could’ve been his imagination, but she seemed to melt a little in his presence.
His heart leapt to the back of his throat, where he tried to clear the lump that had spontaneously formed. He just ended up sounding like he was choking.
The moment between them lengthened, with her gazing up at him and him staring down at her. His last words hung in the air. April-May. April-May. April-May.
He thought of the chocolate peanut butter cake waiting on his kitchen counter, but everything paled at the thought of kissing April.
He leaned down, only a few inches separating them now, and
dropped Stormy to the floor. Every muscle in his body seized, and he whispered, “Is this okay?”
“Yes,” April said in an equally breathy voice, and Ted’s smile was immediate. He closed the distance between them and kissed her. Finally.
The tension drained out of him with every passing second that she kissed him back. All of Ted’s fantasies over the past month had included his fingers threaded in her dark hair, the warmth of her body pressed up against his, the sweet taste of her lips on his tongue.
The real kiss was everything he’d dreamt about—and more.
Chapter Ten
April held onto Ted’s strong shoulders and lost herself to the heat of his touch. He kissed her like a professional, and she didn’t believe that he hadn’t dated or had a girlfriend in five years.
She stroked her fingers down his face, finally touching the full beard she’d been staring at for five weeks. She smiled, breaking the connection between them. He groaned and kissed her again, clearly unwilling to end the moment too soon.
His dog must not have liked the intrusion, because the little black and white animal barked and nosed April’s leg. She yelped and jumped away from the cold touch, effectively breaking the kiss.
Her skin buzzed, the introduction of his touch now infecting her bloodstream. She’d never get the taste of him—chocolate; he surely had snuck some cake already—out of her system. Never be able to breathe in the scent of wood and air freshener without thinking of him.
She laughed nervously, almost stepping on the other dog.
“Stormy.” Ted sounded the littlest bit cross with the dog, but his booming laughter filled the cabin in the next moment. “I guess she’s jealous.” Ted slipped his hand around April’s waist and pulled her close again, her belly between them. Pure heat and adoration flowed from his expression.
“I think you invited me over here for cake,” April said, pushing fruitlessly against his chest.
“I did, yes.” But he didn’t back up, didn’t look away. “I like you, April-May.” He released her then, turned, and took the several steps into the kitchen. She stayed near the front door, her heart and brain battling.
She liked Ted too.
She was also five and a half months pregnant.
Over the past several weeks, she hadn’t allowed herself to think past the next day. When that day ended, she’d let in another twenty-four hours. Then she didn’t have to think about what her future held, if she could get a job after the baby came, if she was even going to keep the baby.
Her time with Ted had been a bright ray of sunshine in her life. She loved spending time with Megan. Even folding laundry and meal planning was better with Megan, who had an infectious personality and a way of making April feel like she was valuable.
Attending church had helped with that too. She felt closer and closer to a resolution of her past wrongs with every Sunday that passed, and she was working hard to make sure she consulted with God before she did anything.
Including kissing Ted, which made the regret infiltrating her system all the more confusing. She’d felt good about Ted. He was full of life, and love, and laughter. All the things April needed in her life.
“Hey.” Ted appeared in front of her, his dark-as-night eyes searching hers. “You okay? I put the little devils in the bedroom.” He gave her a grin and held up a plate that held the largest piece of chocolate cake April had ever seen.
“I was just thinking,” she said, reaching for the cake.
He handed her a fork. “About what?”
She lifted one shoulder in a shrug but couldn’t think of a reason not to tell him. “What to do about the baby.”
Ted took his cake into the living room and settled onto the couch with a sigh. “Still haven’t decided?”
She tucked her feet under her body and picked up a forkful of cake. “The baby started kicking.” She put the cake into her mouth, the rich taste of chocolate, and peanut butter, and sugar exploding against her taste buds. “I’m getting attached to it.”
The thought choked her, and she could barely swallow. She forced the bite of cake down and dared to glance at Ted. A tremor of fear shook her fingers, and she shrugged again. “I try not to think about it.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why don’t you want to think about your baby?” He put his half-eaten cake on the end table, picked up his coffee mug, and gazed at her evenly.
Frustration at his nosy questions roared through her. She rarely appreciated Ted’s interference in her life, but afterward, when she reflected on the conversations, she realized how therapeutic talking to him could be.
“Because, Ted,” she said, her tone full of acidity. “Then I have to think about my whole future. What will I do if I keep the baby? I can’t live with Megan and Landon forever. I don’t have a job here. I don’t have any education. So then I think, well, I just need to give the baby up for adoption. And then….” Her hand drifted to her belly, and the peculiar sensation of movement inside her fluttered to life against her palm.
Ted’s large hand covered hers, and her gaze flew to his. “I don’t like thinking about the future,” she said, all the fear she felt evident in her tone. “It’s too wide open, you know?”
“I know.” He nodded, the motion slow and precise. “But you’re not alone.”
“Yeah, the Lord will provide a way, I know.” She tried to give him a brave smile, but it wobbled on her face. “I’m trying to have faith that everything will work out, but I can’t see it. So it’s easier not to think about it.”
He pulled his hand back, leaving April feeling cold and alone once more. “Maybe you’re looking in the wrong places,” he said.
“I’m not looking at all,” she said. “And it’s working for me right now.”
“If you say so.” Ted picked up his fork and finished his cake, his eyes never hooking onto hers again.
Fall came to Utah a little later than it did to Jackson Hole, but it still came. The fields turned golden. The grasses brown and dry. The leaves switched to red, and yellow, and orange. April loved every moment of the cooler weather, the spectacular sunsets, the evening thunderstorms in this patch of the mountains.
Ted took the horses out to the pasture again, but she didn’t go with him. Her belly was too big to make riding a horse comfortable, and she didn’t want her water to break while she was a three-hour ride from civilization.
He didn’t make it back in time for church, and April went by herself. She liked the feelings of peace that existed at the church, thought the preacher had a soothing soul and a powerful voice.
She still left early, and she still hadn’t made any attempt to make any friends in town. She didn’t need friends. She had Megan, the chickens she’d come to be fond of, and Ted. She’d even warmed up to his dogs and had ordered Halloween costumes for each of them.
As she scattered feed for the hens and roosters, she let her thoughts wander. The church was putting on a chili dinner the night of the thirty-first, and pets were welcome. The way Ted fawned over his fluffy dogs—he even took them down to the dog spa in town to get them bathed and poofed—April had thought the Minnie Mouse costumes she’d bought would be a big hit.
“You got a package,” Megan said when April entered the kitchen. She indicated the box on the dining room table. “Can you grab Colby? I think I hear him fussing.” Megan went back to the popping oil on the stove, where she was frying chicken.
“Sure.” April eyed the package and went down the hall to the nursery. She generally worked with the twins, as baby Colby brought a keen sense of anxiety to her. Megan had seemed to know, but apparently fried chicken was more important at the moment.
“Hey.” April smiled at the crying baby, and he quieted. Though he was almost three months old, April still supported the boy’s head as she lifted him from the crib. “No crying now, sweetheart.” She hummed as she held the baby close, took in a deep breath of his soft, powdery skin. His hair felt like goose down, a
nd she stroked his head until he calmed all the way.
She blinked, and flashes of her future zipped behind her eyes. She could have a baby like this. Soothe him when he needed it. Love him, hold him, smile at him until he smiled back.
Indecision, her faithful friend all these months, filled her. She was so tired of the constant back and forth, and with the weight of the infant in her arms, the idea of keeping the baby was definitely winning.
“Let’s go see your mama, all right?” She stepped back into the hall, Landon’s low voice meeting her ears. Another male voice sounded too, and April’s heart leapt. She worked with Ted every afternoon, held his hand every day, kissed him every evening.
She hadn’t mentioned the relationship to Megan, though surely the matron of the ranch knew about it. She hadn’t told her mother, though she called every weekend to check in. Her mother was just as nosy as Ted, asked just as many annoying questions.
April walked down the hall, the baby cradled in her arms. Sure enough, Ted lingered in the kitchen, a cucumber spear dripping with ranch dressing in his hand. His eyes landed on her, and his inquisitive eyes saw everything.
Her holding the baby.
How she felt about holding the baby.
Color rushed into his face, and he stuffed the vegetable into his mouth.
“I can take over there,” April said, swaying on the edge of the living room. “You want him, Megan?”
“Sure.” She stepped over and made an exchange of tongs for a baby. She glanced at Colby, and then April, and then Ted. “You’re welcome to stay for dinner, Ted.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said automatically.
One of the twins cheered, and Ted laughed as he scooped Ruby into his arms. “Tell me about the nest you found.”
“It was an old nest,” the little girl said. “April thinks it was probably for a robin.”