Yup, that was just the tip of the relationship iceberg. At least from a heterosexual male point of view. And that’s exactly why Matt intended to bob and weave his way around the No-win Zone for as long as he could hold on to his wonderfully happy single-guy life.
“Annie Long,” his nemesis said brightly, as if she hadn’t kept him waiting for five full minutes.
“Glad you could pull yourself away from your morning gab session with Collin to answer the phone.”
“Yeah, thanks for waiting,” she said right back. “We only had a few sips left of our triple-mocha lattes. It would have been a real shame to let them get cold.”
“Cut the crap, Annie,” Matt said. “I’m in pain. And I’m definitely not in any mood for your twisted brand of humor this morning.”
“Poor baby. Hungover, are we?”
Matt didn’t miss the facetious tone in her voice.
“Worse,” he said. “And I swear I’ll fire you, Annie, if you make one smart remark. Laughing isn’t an option, either.” When she didn’t have a comeback, Matt took a deep breath and said, “I won’t be in the office today. I pulled a groin muscle.”
The instant peal of laughter told him exactly what Annie thought about his threat to fire her. “Matt pulled a groin muscle,” he heard her call out to Collin between cackles. “Twenty bucks says it was that dental hygienist you told me about who likes to tie him up with her dental floss.”
“Put me on speakerphone,” Matt yelled. Damn Collin. His diarrhea of the mouth was going to get him punched out someday. And Matt was going to be first in line.
When the laughter died down long enough for Annie to switch him to the speaker, Matt said, “I hope you took that twenty-dollar bet from Miss Delusional As Usual, Collin. Not that either of you seem to care that I’m in excruciating pain, but I injured myself last night playing racquetball.”
“Sure, Matt. We believe you,” Annie said, but her giggle told him that she didn’t.
“We do believe you and we are sorry, Matt. Honest,” Collin said. “Are you okay? Is there anything we can do?” Collin’s genuine show of concern appeased Matt for the moment. He tried maneuvering into a more comfortable position on the bed. Finally, he gave up. His head flopped back against the pillow with an exasperated sigh.
“There are several things you can do,” he said. “Collin, I want you to get the notes on the new daredevil game we’ve been working on in order. And Annie, you need to attend the monthly production meeting in my place at four o’clock this afternoon.”
Annie gasped.
Collin sent a terrified look in her direction.
“Excuse me?” Annie said. “You’ve obviously confused me with someone who doesn’t have the afternoon off. You gave me the afternoon off two weeks ago, Matt. I’m picking Dave up at the airport at four o’clock this afternoon.”
“Well, I’m sorry,” Matt said. “But two weeks ago I wasn’t lying flat on my back with ice between my legs.”
“What about Collin?” Annie was not going to let Matt take back her time off without putting up a fight. “Why can’t Collin attend the meeting in your place?”
Matt’s dramatic sigh echoed through the speaker. “Because Collin can’t handle the pressure of being in the same room with the CEO. He’ll start acting . . .” There was a long pause before he said, “giddy.”
Collin sent Annie a sheepish look. “He means I turn into a flaming, babbling queen under pressure, Annie. Matt’s just trying to be tactful.”
“Collin’s right, Annie. I was trying to be tactful,” Matt said. “But now that we’ve crossed that hurdle, I think even you will agree we can’t risk Collin getting nervous and describing lying in a coffin filled with poisonous snakes as a rather slithery experience with a dash of imminent death.”
“Ha. Ha. Ha,” Collin said, but his smile reminded Annie how close the two of them really were.
“I’ve already called J.B. and told him about my accident,” Matt said, referring to J.B. Duncan, founder and CEO of Paragon. “J.B. knows you’ll be sitting in for me, Annie. And he doesn’t expect a full design document. Just get the notes in some kind of order. Type them up. Make seven copies as usual. And focus on the main objective. We want to get J.B. and the other department heads excited about the game. Any questions?”
Annie still wasn’t giving up. Yet. “Any idea how I’m going to keep everyone awake while I’m making this boring presentation, Matt? Collin and I have both been telling you for weeks the daredevil idea is overdone. You were the one who insisted you could sell snow to an Eskimo, if I remember your analogy correctly.”
“Do either of you have a better game idea?” Matt challenged. “If you do, then pitch it with my blessing.”
You know we don’t have a better idea.
Annie didn’t even bother to comment.
“But I have to say I’m a little confused,” Matt added. “I thought you’d jump at the chance to attend a monthly production meeting, Annie. You sure give me enough hell about always keeping you and Collin in the background.”
Annie blushed at the truth. “And normally I would jump at the chance,” she said in her own defense. “But today—”
Matt cut her off. “Let’s make this simple, okay? You attend the meeting. Collin can meet loverboy at the airport. And the guy will be waiting for you with bated breath when you get home. End of story.”
Matt hung up before Annie could argue.
“Arrogant ass,” she mumbled. She had no sooner pushed the button to eliminate the annoying buzz of the dead phone line when someone from their office doorway called her name.
She turned around. “I’m Annie Long.”
A deliveryman walked across the room and handed her a vase filled with a dozen long-stemmed red roses and a Tyvek envelope with her name typed on the front. Annie was so surprised, it took her a second to realize the guy was patiently waiting for a tip. By the time she rummaged through her purse and handed him a couple of dollars, Collin had his nose buried in the velvet-soft scarlet petals.
“See?” Collin said with a wide grin. “Dave is obviously just as excited about him coming home as you are. So you have nothing to worry about. I’ll pick Dave up at the airport and take him back to your place for one of my famous martinis.” He paused for a second. “In fact, attending the meeting might be a blessing in disguise, Annie. By the time you get home, Dave will have had a chance to wind down from his trip.”
Always making excuses for Matt, Annie thought as she took her own turn inhaling the scent of the fragrant bouquet. But all thoughts of Matt Abbington were erased from her mind when she said, “Don’t you just love a romantic man?”
Collin grinned. “Every chance I get.” He pointed to the envelope. “Well? Aren’t you going to open it?”
Annie tore open the envelope. When she held up a videotape, Collin got a hopeful twinkle in his eye. “Hurry, let’s watch it. Maybe it’s X-rated.”
“You wish,” Annie said, but she didn’t waste any time walking across the room.
One entire wall of their office housed every type of state-of-the-art electronic equipment known to modern man, used daily for the development of their game ideas. Within seconds, her adorable Dave came to life on the forty-six-inch flat plasma screen.
Annie and Collin both squealed like schoolgirls.
Dave was standing against a railing, with a spectacular view of the Golden Gate Bridge and the blue waters of the San Francisco Bay as his backdrop. He was dressed casually, and a gentle wind blew his sandy blond hair slightly back off his handsome forehead.
“Hey there, Annie,” Dave said.
Collin whispered, “The man is gorgeous.”
Annie shushed him, her eyes glued to the screen.
Dave smiled slightly. “The roses are just a small token of my appreciation for the wonderful six months we’ve spent together.”
“My hero,” Annie said with a sigh.
But then Dave added, “I hope you won’t hate me, Annie, but I�
�m not coming back to Atlanta. I’ve been offered the opportunity of a lifetime here in San Francisco and I can’t pass it up. A long-distance relationship wouldn’t have worked for either of us.”
The camera was still running when Dave pushed off from the railing. But just before the screen went blank, a distinctly female voice came through loud and clear: “She’ll understand, sweetie. How do I turn this thing off?”
Collin’s hand flew to his mouth in total shock.
It took two full minutes before Annie could say a word. “Oh. My. God” came out as a whisper. But her voice recovered fully when she screamed, “That bastard just dumped me on a video. And his new girlfriend made the fucking tape!”
Collin ran across the room and slammed their office door. He hurried back in her direction in a total state of panic. “Now, Annie, we hate the F-word, remember?” He put an arm around her shoulder, trying to console her. “We think that word is lewd, crude, and totally offensive.”
Annie pushed him away. “Well, excuse me for forgetting my language manners. But sometimes the F-word is the only appropriate word for the situation.”
“You’re right,” Collin said, wringing his hands. “Getting dumped on a videotape that the new girlfriend made is definitely one of those situations. You have every right to be angry.”
“Oh, I’m not angry,” Annie said, pacing back and forth like a woman possessed. “I. Am. Wayyyy. Beyond. Angry. I’m stomp-a-mud-hole-in-Dave’s-ass livid, is what I am.”
“And a mud hole is exactly what Dave deserves in his ass,” Collin said, following right along behind her with every step she took.
He actually bumped into Annie when she whirled around to face him. She pushed him out of the way, stomped to her desk, and picked up the phone. Collin reached her before she finished punching in the number for information. He finally wrestled the phone out of her hand and placed it back in the cradle.
“Annie, please. You don’t want to do anything rash. Especially not while you’re still so upset.”
“Like what?” Annie clenched both fists at her sides. “Like flying out to San Francisco, maybe? So I can personally dangle the worthless son of a bitch upside down by his heels and drop him off his opportunity-of-a-
lifetime Golden Gate Bridge?”
“Exactly like that.” Collin grabbed her hand and held on tight. “I know this hurts, Annie. You feel betrayed. You feel used. You probably even feel yourself slipping into a deep, dark, dangerous state of depression.”
Annie jerked her hand away. “I’m not suicidal, Collin. I’m homicidal, dammit.”
She glared at him for a second longer. And then she collapsed onto her chair and burst into tears.
“It’s okay,” Collin kept saying, standing above her, patting her back supportively as she cried.
Annie only sobbed harder.
“I just can’t believe I’ve been so stupid,” she said, crying into her hands.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Maybe we should move in together when I get back stupid. I’m miserable when I’m away from you stupid. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me stupid. I’ll be back as soon as possible stupid.
“You aren’t stupid,” Collin said, still delivering reassuring pats to her back. “Your prince just turned out to be not so F-wording charming, that’s all.”
“And your two-hundred-dollar gourmet meal?” Annie sniffed few times. “Who’s going to eat that crap? Because you were right, Mr. Galloping Gay Gourmet. I’ll take Domino’s pizza and Chinese take-out any day of the week over high-priced rotten fish eggs.”
“Not to worry,” Collin assured her. “I’ll gallop over and eat the rotten fish eggs and the other crap myself. And I’ll also personally reimburse every penny of your money.”
Annie’s head came up. “And the eighty-five-dollar black teddy you forced me into buying at Neiman Marcus? Do you also plan to wiggle your buff little tush into a thong-style teddy?”
Collin raised an eyebrow. He put a finger to his chin as if he were seriously contemplating the idea.
“And drop the comedy act. It isn’t working.” Annie sat up and made a swipe at both eyes with her fingertips. But this time she didn’t push Collin away when he bent down to give her a long, supportive hug. “A video,” Annie said. “The no-balls coward actually dumped me on a video.”
She left her chair, walked back across the room, picked up the remote, and hit rewind. When she hit play, Dave smiled and said, “The roses are just a small token of my appreciation for the wonderful six months we’ve spent together.” And then Annie hit pause, freezing Dave right where he stood.
“You cowardly bastard,” she yelled at the screen. “What did I ever see in you?”
Collin walked up behind her. “Men,” he snorted. “Too bad they don’t come with a remote control so you can fast-forward past the heartache.”
“You can say that again,” Annie said.
Wait a minute, Annie thought. Then she had an oh shit! moment so powerful she dropped the remote.
“Annie? Are you okay?”
Annie looked past Collin with a glazed-over stare. Why couldn’t a woman have a man she could control with the aim of a remote or the simple tap of a mouse? A man who would never disappoint her. A man who would always be there to listen and offer support during any situation. A man who would always assure her that she was beautiful, smart, and desirable. A video-type Joe. Someone who would help her bruised ego recover after receiving one of life’s little slam-you-to-the-ground lessons like this one.
“You’re starting to look pale, Annie. God, don’t you dare pass out on me.”
Collin held his arms out prepared to catch her, but Annie grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled him so close they were literally nose to nose. “Did you or did you not hear Matt say that if either of us had a better game idea, we could pitch it with his blessing?”
Collin pried her fingers from his silk shirt and smoothed away her imaginary fingerprints. “Yes. But that was a rhetorical statement and you know it.”
“Too bad. I’ll plead temporary insanity.” Annie hurried back to her desk.
“What does that mean?” Collin asked timidly. “Or do I want to know?”
Annie’s laugh sounded borderline hysterical even to herself. “It means when I attend that production meeting this afternoon, it will not be an outline of poisonous snakes in a coffin that I place in front of our CEO.”
“You’re kidding, of course.” Collin walked over to stand by her desk. Annie didn’t miss the fact that he was fretfully chewing his bottom lip.
“No, I’m not kidding. I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life.”
“You’re scaring me, Annie.”
“Take a number. I’m scaring myself.” Annie placed her hands above her keyboard. She paused for a moment. And then she typed two words.
When the words came up on her computer screen, Collin asked on cue, “What’s Joe Video?”
“He’s going to be the perfect man. On DVD,” Annie said proudly. “And there won’t be any reason to fast-
forward past the heartache. Joe Video is going to be the answer to a woman’s prayers. He’ll be her best friend. Her personal cheerleader. He’ll even be her own private shrink when she needs to vent about anything or anyone screwing up her life.”
“I believe Matt refers to those venting sessions as ‘ass-numbing’ chats,” Collin said.
“And that’s because Matt can be an obnoxious macho moron like most men.”
Collin thought about it, then nodded in agreement.
“Oh, oh,” Annie said, shaking both hands with excitement. “He’ll be interactive, of course. And never clueless. Joe Video will always have the perfect response for any given situation.”
“You mean responses like, ‘No, sweetie, you don’t look fat in those jeans,’ and ‘Don’t be silly, gorgeous, you couldn’t have a bad hair day if you tried’?”
“Yes. Exactly like those. Except
I don’t want the script to be corny. The script needs to be natural, loving, and supportive. And he won’t be computer-generated, either. An actor will have to play the role. I want him to be completely realistic.”
“Oh. A realistic fantasy man.” Collin put his finger to his chin again. “Which would make him an oxymoron, I believe, instead of a macho moron.”
Annie sent him a go-to-hell look. “Stop making fun of this idea. Joe Video is going to set the video game industry on its mother-loving ear.”
Collin took a deep breath and made the sign of the cross slowly over his chest.
“Oh stop it,” Annie said. “You aren’t even Catholic.”
“Well, it certainly can’t hurt,” Collin wailed. “Matt’s definitely going to kill us. And then he’ll fire us both.”
Annie blinked in surprise. “Us?”
Collin grinned and nodded.
Annie jumped up and hugged him. She looked down at her watch. It was only 9 a.m. That meant they had six hours to come up with a concept outline before they had to make copies for the meeting. Not a complete design document, Matt had said that himself. All they had to provide was enough information to get the CEO and the department heads excited about the game idea. With Collin’s help, that would be doable.
So screw Matt for his smarter-than-thou attitude.
And screw Dave twice for being the coward that he was.
Annie, however, had been screwed over her last time.
This previously token female member of the creative department planned to be kick-ass ready for her long-awaited breakout debut when four o’clock rolled around.
CHAPTER 2
By noon Matt had counted every tile on his bedroom ceiling. He’d multiplied the tiles. He’d divided the tiles. He’d even devised a ceiling tile game of sorts that involved mentally rearranging all the tiles until they spelled out UGA, the initials of his beloved alma mater.
Dream Guy Page 2