“Yes,” he exhaled on a gust of relief.
Since we were confiding in each other, I told him, “Wu explained the mating urge is all instinct for charun, that biology determines whether a pair stays together or switches partners.” I held my breath. “He claims charun don’t love the way humans do.”
“He’s right,” Miller agreed, cracking my heart. “Charun are more primal than humans. We don’t process emotion in the same range they do. Love is . . . complex. I don’t fully understand its scope.” He hesitated. “That doesn’t mean we don’t have an equivalent.”
Behind my ribs, my heart gave a painful lurch. “Is it more or less?”
“More,” he said without hesitation. “We are longer-lived, and we enter into bonds mindful that we’re choosing life partners for the mortal equivalent of eternity. There is no greater honor than to bond with a mate, and there is no breaking one after it’s set. Even if you fall out of . . . love . . . it remains.”
A sick feeling twisted my gut. “Are Cole and I . . . ?”
“Ask him.” Miller softened his voice. “When you’re ready to understand, ask him.”
I rubbed the skin above my breastbone. “What if I don’t want to know?”
“You do.” He brushed his knuckle down my cheek. “Or you wouldn’t have brought it up.”
“Damn logic.” I forced a laugh.
“Luce.” He hesitated before saying, “He was never this way with her.”
Tears sprang to my eyes, and I blinked them away. “Thanks.”
“You deserve to know that he sees you for who you are and not what you once were.”
I reached over and squeezed his hand, marveling at the comfort in that small touch. “I know all of Maggie’s favorite movies. I might be persuaded to provide a list if you help me out with a problem.”
Miller ducked his head, pink creeping up his throat before he cleared it. “How can I be of assistance?”
CHAPTER THREE
I was curled up on the couch, typing up a report for Kapoor on our initial findings, when the TV clicked on. I started at the sound but then smiled as Cole sank down beside me. He pulled my legs onto his lap then coasted his fingers down the grooves pressed into my boots. I had the oddest impression he was subconsciously mimicking Miller, layering his scent over the other male’s, and it turned the center of my chest to warm goo.
“There’s something you ought to see.” He turned up the volume. “The local news just caught wind of it.”
An anchorwoman onscreen stood outside the local hospital, her face grave. “ . . . Jay Lambert was discovered foaming at the mouth and mumbling incoherently. If you think his name sounds familiar, it’s because he was the boy who heroically dove into the Mississippi River, only to realize the woman he meant to save had already drowned.”
“Your informant has the inside track on this?”
“According to her, six other local teens have also suffered epileptic fits. All friends of his.”
“I’ve got to call Wu, see if he’s heard.” I rubbed my face. “This kind of heat is just what we don’t need.”
Laugh at zombie viruses, eh? He wouldn’t be grinning after he heard this news.
“I’ve got Santiago researching who discovered the previous victims and who they interacted with afterward. We ought to have an idea if this is an isolated incident soon.”
“With our luck?” I laughed. “What are the odds?”
Cole awarded me the point then went quiet. “I bumped into Santiago and Portia at the Mesa Grill.”
Mmm. I could go for some steak and chicken fajitas right about now. A sizzling platter of onions and peppers, fresh pico de gallo and sour cream with fresh tortillas to wrap it all up in. “You met your contact at a restaurant?”
“You expected a back alley?”
Honestly? “Yes.”
“We operate a legit business. There’s no reason for cloak and dagger.” He shrugged. “Most of the time.”
Forcing my growly stomach on the backburner, I zeroed in on the topic change. “Was Maggie enjoying herself?”
“She wasn’t present. That’s why I mentioned it. The girls are getting better at trading off so they both enjoy new experiences, but that didn’t happen here.” He squeezed my ankles. “Santiago intimidates her. I’m sure the way Portia acts around him doesn’t help matters. When they’re alone with him, she sleeps.”
“Maggie prefers Miller.”
“Yes,” he said, looking at me. “Most females do.”
“Miller is good friend material.” I held out my hand, still amazed when he meshed our fingers. “Besides, if I can stomach your clandestine meetings at Mesa Grill with a hot charuness, then you can deal with Miller being my friend.”
“How do you know Lorelei is hot?”
“Ugh. Even her name is sexy.” I flicked a hand to encompass the room. “I have yet to meet an unattractive charun. Some have made poor host choices, true, but otherwise . . . I’m thinking you guys are vain.”
“And you?” His gaze slid over my face. “What about your beauty?”
“I can’t remember wishing myself like this, if that’s what you mean.” I flushed to the tips of my toes. “I was a kid. Who can even tell then? I was all elbows and knees with twigs and mud in my hair.”
Vanity might be encoded in charun DNA. Pretty sure made life easier. That was an ugly fact. But I had avoided mirrors and reflected surfaces all my life. The disconnect between what I saw and who I was had lessened with the understanding that dissociative wasn’t a strong enough word for my condition. Two fully realized people shared this body, and neither of them wanted to let go of the wheel.
“The first time I saw your chosen form,” he said gruffly, “I knew you would only grow lovelier with age. I hadn’t doubted it. Beauty is a weapon, and Conquest wields it mercilessly, but watching you mature into the woman you are now was . . . ” An expression that never settled into one emotion flittered across his face. “I wasn’t prepared for the experience.”
“You watched me grow up.” All those years I could have known him, known them, wasted. Except that might have cost me my aunt and uncle even sooner, injured my father worse, lost me Rixton and my job before I learned either of them well. No, I couldn’t regret keeping the two halves of my life separate for as long as it lasted.
“You’re allowed to have mixed feelings about that.”
“All I have are mixed feelings.”
About me. That’s what he meant, and who could blame him?
“I should shower.” I tugged on my legs, but he refused to let go. “I smell like morgue.”
“I hurt you.” He cradled the side of my face in his palm. “It’s not my intention.”
“I know.” I gripped his bare wrist, and the metal warmed beneath my palm. “I don’t hold it against you.”
A shuddering exhale tripped over his lips when I caressed the scar tissue with my thumb. “Luce . . . ”
The door swung open so hard it smacked the wall and bounced. Cole and I broke apart, and this time he let me put my feet on the floor.
“We’re back,” Portia called, arms spread wide, shopping bags hanging from her wrists. “Today was perfect, so perfect I bought everyone gifts.” She plopped down between Cole and me. “Here’s one for you.” She passed him a box of condoms. “And one for you.” She winked as she passed me a handful of fabric. “I would ask you to model, but Cole gets so territorial. It’s hot—don’t get me wrong—but I doubt he wants the guys to get an eyeful of your assets.”
A strangled noise caught in my throat as I detangled my gift. “Dental floss. You shouldn’t have.”
Portia lifted the black lace teddy by its gossamer straps and held it aloft for all to admire.
It was beautiful, and it was highly inappropriate. No wonder she liked it.
“Oh, come on.” She elbowed Cole in the side. “It’s only a matter of time, and we all know it.” She wrinkled her nose then hooked her thumb in his direction. “Has anyone e
ver told you—?”
“Yes.” I groaned, covering my face with my hands since the teddy was no help. “You can all smell my dirty thoughts. I got it. You really don’t have to keep reminding me.”
“Well, yes.” She snorted. “But I was going to ask—Has anyone ever told you how he smells around you?”
Cole released a warning rumble that Portia was quick to ignore.
“No.” I slowly peeked at her through my fingers.
“He gave you his room at the bunkhouse, Luce. He wants you in his bed. That’s why he put you there.”
I opened my mouth to point out there wasn’t a sixth bedroom, and his was the largest.
Almost like they had built it expecting us to share.
Oh.
Oh.
“He’s kicking out possessive pheromones that make the guys’ eyes water.” She batted her lashes at Cole. “It’s enough to make a girl go into heat.”
“That’s enough, Portia.”
“She deserves to know where she stands with you,” she protested.
“It’s all right.” I stood and stretched. “I know where I stand with him.”
Her eyes rounded. “You do?”
His narrowed. “You do?”
“Yes,” I told them. “Anywhere he wants me.”
The shocked expression wreathing her face was worth it. I turned on my heel and sauntered into the bedroom I had claimed with the expectation Cole would share it with me. I went to the bathroom and cranked up the hot water. When I reentered the bedroom to root through my luggage for pajamas, I bounced off his chest.
“Oof.”
He caught me by my upper arms and swept his hands down to capture mine. “You deserve more.”
“I don’t deserve what I have,” I said truthfully. How he stomached touching me at all was a miracle given all that Conquest had done to him. “I’ll take what I can get.”
His fingers traced my knuckles. “It’s not right.”
A vice clamped over my heart, twisting closed until the pinch was unbearable.
“I didn’t date much, and only part of that was because I was a curiosity and not a real person to most guys. But the other reason is I never wanted them. There was no spark, no desire. I figured I was too broken by the events that left me in the swamp to have those urges.”
“And then you met me,” he supplied with a hint of a smile.
“I met you,” I agreed, “and I realized it wasn’t that I didn’t have those same desires. I just wanted . . . ”
“Me.”
“You,” I rasped.
He nodded as if it made perfect sense to him that I would only want him to the exclusion of everyone else, and that worried me. There were ties between us I kept tripping over, but he wasn’t in any rush to point out how those strings connected.
Ask him.
Ask why wanting him hurts so damn much.
But I was terrified what our connection meant about the one he shared with Conquest.
Bawk-bawk.
Guess Santiago wasn’t the only chicken in our coterie.
After casting me a lingering glance over his shoulder, he left. As much as I wanted to invite him to join me, I didn’t. I wasn’t sure he would say yes, and with my heart still tender, I couldn’t handle him saying no.
CHAPTER FOUR
Wu was waiting for me on my bed when I stepped out of the shower. That was my first hint Cole had left the building. Otherwise, my partner wouldn’t have looked quite so chill where he sat beside my clothes. Kissing my me time goodbye, I gathered my pajamas and hit the bathroom to make myself comfortable.
Once I had detangled my hair, I squared off against Wu. “We need to visit Jay Lambert in the hospital.”
Wu bestowed a patient look on me. “No.”
Winding up for the fight, I growled, “He had some type of reaction—”
“Do you have access to his medical records?”
“No.” I bit out my answer.
“Then how can you know the boy hasn’t suffered a seizure like this before?”
“I don’t know that. That’s why we should visit him, chat up his doctor, and find out.”
“Under what pretext?” Wu lounged on the mattress, legs crossed, files spread across his lap. “A follow-up to his heroic efforts to save a dead woman from drowning?”
“Sure, if that gets us in.” It even skated the edge of truth. “I don’t get it. Why are you fighting me?”
Santiago entered the room with a tablet balanced on one palm and a small kit tucked under his arm.
“Your focus is in the wrong place.” He tapped the display, grunted at what it showed him, then pinched the screen. “You’re bristling at a potential threat to a single human boy while your partner here is thinking globally.”
“Six other local teens have been affected,” I protested. “Cole’s informant passed it on.”
Santiago paused before shaking off his hesitation. “You’re still using the wrong scale.”
“I’m doing what I was brought here to do. I’m working the case I was given.” I palmed a case file then shook it until all the papers slid across the floor. “Hmm. That’s weird.”
“You acting one apple short of a cobbler?” Santiago snorted. “Not all that weird.”
“No,” I said flatly, nudging the papers with my toe. “I don’t see a passport. All I see is a receipt for a hotel in Vicksburg, Mississippi. It’s almost like our case is here, and not out there.”
The world could wait. This couldn’t. Better to investigate a potentially infectious charun-borne disease now than let it blossom into a full-blown epidemic later.
“I won’t fight you on this.” Wu ignored both the mess and the mess-maker. “The corpse brought us here, not the boy. Or his friends. We’re leaving tomorrow. There’s nothing to do but wait until another body is discovered. We have other pressing matters in need of our attention.”
Teeth grinding, I forced out, “Such as?”
“Sariah is asking for you.” He had baited his line well and hooked me in one. “We believe she’s ready to cut a deal.”
War’s firstborn, my niece, and the architect of my uncle’s demise. Sariah wasn’t my favorite person. The only cuts I wanted to deal her involved a knife at her throat.
Huh. I couldn’t tell if the thought belonged to me or Conquest.
That was probably not a great sign.
“Where is she being held?” I hadn’t asked, and I didn’t particularly want to know now.
“A secure facility,” Wu said, and Santiago snickered behind him.
Intel on the cadre I expected to be doled out on an as-needed basis, so smacking face-first into this wall didn’t bother me. “Is this the same secure facility where Famine is contained?”
“I’m not at liberty to divulge that information.”
“You’re a dirty liar, Wu.” I jabbed him in the chest with my finger. “Who do you report to? Who is above you?”
Jaw flexing, he offered me no answers, and that was answer enough.
“You can show yourself out.” I left the papers where they had fallen. “I’ll pick this up tomorrow.”
Wu rose stiffly, smoothed his clothes, and exited the room without another word.
“Here you go.” Santiago plopped down next to me and offered his tablet. “Lambert’s medical records.”
“You are something else,” I told him, eagerly scanning the history of an otherwise healthy young man. “I’m glad you’re on my team.”
“Stop it,” he drawled. “I’m blushing.”
“Lambert is clean.” Vindication had me grinning like a fiend. “You know what that means?”
“Hmm. Let me guess.” He reclaimed his tablet and wiped off my fingerprints. “We’re paying him a visit.”
“Got it in one.”
“There’s something else.” He hit YouTube and cued up a video. “This went live ten minutes ago.”
Already having a hunch what to expect, I wasn’t shocked to learn one o
f the teens had filmed what they thought was a heroic rescue at the time. The clip cut out halfway through, but I didn’t need to see more. “Your feed is stuck.”
“No, it’s not.” He huffed in affront. “It’s been erased.”
“How did you erase it when I was sitting right here beside you the whole time?”
“Magic,” he deadpanned. “The hard part will be rooting out all the copies. Social media is a plague, and teens spread it like fleas on rats.”
“You can contain the situation?” Lambert and his cohorts had no chance of survival otherwise.
“Yeah, yeah,” he grumped. “We caught it early. I can fix this.”
Left unsaid was the real threat that if he hadn’t been so damn good at what he does, it might have been unfixable. “Thanks.”
“Let me put on shoes.” Ignoring my appreciation, he stood. “I’ll give Cole a heads-up.”
Asking where Cole was still lit a fire under Santiago, though less now than in the beginning. I suspected he had given up on the inevitability of Cole and me, and he was tired of enforcing rules we were hellbent on breaking. Too bad neither of them had handed me a copy. I might not be so hot to smash them if I had an idea of why they existed in the first place. But Santiago would donate a kidney—if he had one—before giving me his reasons.
“Give me ten.” Goodbye, pajamas. After I dressed, I cleaned up my mess. After all, it wasn’t the paperwork’s fault that Wu was an asshat. Santiago returned, tossing his keys then plucking them out of the air. “You’re in a good mood.”
“Wu doesn’t want you to visit the hospital.” He shrugged. “That means I think it’s a dandy idea.”
“Simple as that, huh?” We didn’t pass anyone in the halls or on the elevator ride down. The rest of the coterie was still out and about on their individual business. Wu might have retreated to his room, but I doubted it. “Did you and Portia have a good time?”
He grunted rather than admit he enjoyed her company. “Maggie chose not to be present.”
Thinking on what Cole said, I offered, “Maybe you intimidate her.”
“Maybe.” He cut his eyes toward me as we hit the parking lot. “Or maybe she was pouting because Miller didn’t go.”
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