J x
He drifted off to sleep quickly and was soon in the midst of another dream about Stevie…
She stood before him on the riverbank beside his cabin. She wore a loose white cotton dress, and the hazy sunshine shone through it, causing her naked body underneath to be clearly visible. Her nipples protruded through the fabric, and he instantly wanted her. Suddenly, she was running away from him in slow motion, and her musical laughter filled the air as she ran. Her auburn hair floated behind her and fluttered across her face each time she looked over her shoulder towards him. It was reminiscent of one of the photos on his old pin board. He was trying to run faster to catch her, but he too was running in slow motion like a clip from a romantic movie.
A sense of panic took over him and he reached out, grabbed her arm, pulled her into his bare chest and immediately devoured her mouth with his own. They tumbled to the soft, mossy ground, and she wrapped her legs around him as the neckline of her dress slipped to reveal the creamy coloured flesh of a perfect breast. He took her nipple into his mouth and savoured it, loving how she arched and moaned beneath him. He fumbled to free his arousal so that he could sink inside of her, but suddenly she was free from his grasp and running again. This time she was crying as she ran. He tried to shout after her but no sound would come. He tried to climb to his feet, but he felt paralysed, rooted to the spot by his knees. Why was she crying? He reached out to her, but she had travelled too far. He could hear her calling his name. She was looking for him. ‘I’m right here!’ He wanted to shout. ‘Come back!’ But again the words wouldn’t form in his mouth.
‘Jason! Jason, no! Don’t leave me!’ she called.
He awoke with a start covered in sweat and breathing erratically. His heart pounded in his chest, and his mouth was dry. He sat up and reached over to a jug beside the bed. Removing the small glass resting over the top he filled it to the brim with water and downed it in one gulp. Slightly different from the dream he usually had where she was leaving him, this time she was searching for him. Why was it different this time? What the hell does it all mean?
Chapter Seven
Stevie clutched the phone to her ear, listening intently.
‘And he said he’s out of the country but has things to sort out.’ Dorcas sounded as confused as Stevie felt at hearing this news.
‘What did he mean he’s out of the country? Out of the country where? Where the hell is he? And why?’ Unless that’s where his illegitimate child and it’s mother are living. Bitch.
Dorcas sighed. ‘Search me. Is he on holiday? Is he visiting friends? Who knows? I sure as hell don’t.’
‘Did…did he mention me at all?’ Stevie asked hopefully.
Dorcas paused before replying. ‘I’m so sorry, Stevie, but even though I mentioned you in my voicemail, he didn’t mention you in his text.’
Her heart sank. ‘Oh…right…I see. And he hinted that he’d be back with you soon?’
‘Yes.’
‘Okay, thanks. I think I’m getting the message loud and clear…for the second time. Thanks, Dorcas.’
‘Hey, I’ll let you know if I hear anything else.’
‘No, it’s okay. I need to move on now. You don’t need to give me any more updates. I think he’s made things quite clear, don’t you?’ Stevie’s voice wavered and her heart ached.
Dorcas didn’t reply straight away. ‘Okay. If you’re sure. I mean, I don’t know…I mean…I have no idea what’s going on or what he’s thinking. But I’ll leave you to it. If you want to know anything, just call. If I have news, I’ll share it. B-bye then.’
‘Thanks, Dorcas. Bye.’
Stevie hung up the call as the tears began to flow. She cried for a solid twenty minutes until she felt that she must have no tears left. Once she had calmed down, she called Dillon and told him that she still had no news. He had also heard nothing.
‘Shall I come round? I could bring some beers…or…or wine maybe? You sound like you could use the company.’ Dillon sounded hopeful.
‘Sure, why not. Although I’m not sure I’ll be very good company.’
‘It’s okay. We don’t need to talk. It’s sometimes good to just…be with someone.’
‘Very true, Dillon. Very true.’
Thirty minutes later, Stevie opened her front door to Dillon. He stood there in his fitted black T-shirt and low-slung jeans. His mousey brown hair styled in its trendy crop. He was a handsome man, tanned and well toned with the same dark chocolate brown eyes as Jason.
He held out a small bouquet of roses. ‘Hi…I got you these… Thought you might need cheering up.’
Feeling the sting of tears again, she cleared her throat. ‘Oh, you’re so sweet. Come on in.’
Once inside, the two friends chatted and made small talk whilst drinking the wine that Dillon had brought. Once that bottle was polished off, Stevie opened a second.
The wine was starting to have the desired numbing effect. ‘I don’t get it, Dillon. Why would he just disappear again? He promised there would be no more running.’
‘I know. I know. I’m guessing he had good reason. Judging by the last time it happened, it seems that he does this over major stuff.’
‘I can’t keep going through it, though. My heart won’t take it.’ She rubbed at her sore eyes.
He sat beside her and slipped his arm around her shoulders. ‘Hey…hey come on.’
She glanced up at his understanding expression. ‘I can’t keep letting him in only to be let down. I’ve lost him, and I need to deal with it and move on. Don’t you think?’
Leaning forward, he kissed her forehead lightly. ‘I think it may be best. I hate to see you like this.’ His words slurred a little as he rested his forehead on hers. Spending time with him felt familiar and comfortable. Her head spun a little as she looked into his eyes. He rubbed his nose along hers, and his hand slid from her shoulder up into her hair. ‘You should be happy. You deserve to be happy. You should be with someone who loves you and stays regardless of the shit they’re going through.’ His jaw clenched as his eyes remained fixed on hers. ‘I could be that person, Stevie. If you’d let me.’
Confusion and alcohol fogged Stevie’s mind, and she thought perhaps she’d misheard. ‘I’m sorry. What?’
He pulled away and looked at her mouth longingly. Before she could protest, he pressed his mouth against hers. His lips were soft, but unfamiliar and wrong. He flicked his tongue out trying to coax her to open for him. She froze. Shiiit!
Suddenly she felt very sober.
He stopped and stood quickly, opening and closing his mouth as if searching for the right words to save the crazy situation he had placed them in. Pacing around the room, he glared at her with panic in his eyes. ‘Oh fuck…I’m an idiot…a fucking idiot. How to misread signals in one easy step.’ He laughed derisively at himself, ran his hands through his hair, and then covered his face. ‘Stevie, please forgive me. That was stupid. So, so stupid.’
She stood to grab his arm and stop him. ‘Hey, will you please stop for a second?’
He did as she requested and finally made eye contact. His face was flushed and his breathing ragged.
‘Dillon…I do love you but only as a brother. I’m so sorry. I’m not looking for a Jason replacement. All I want is… I want to stop hurting. Please don’t be upset.’
‘No, no I’m sorry. It was a stupid thing to do. I can’t believe I did it. Can we…can we put it down to the alcohol?’
She smiled. ‘Of course. Wine will do strange things to a person.’
He snorted. ‘Yeah but that was way beyond strange.’
She held up her hands. ‘It’s forgotten.’
‘Thank you. God, if Jason knew, he’d kill me.’
‘He won’t find out, and he’s not my keeper. He has no claim over me. But I don’t see you that way.’
‘No, I know. If I’m honest, and I may as well be, I’ve had a crush on you for years.’ He flushed again as he made the admission. ‘I always dreamed tha
t one day you’d realise you were in love with me instead of my idiot of a brother, but I know it’s stupid. And fuck, I did not need to tell you that.’ He shook his head as his cheeks coloured an even brighter red.
She touched his cheek. ‘I think it’s sweet. And I don’t want you to feel awkward around me.’
‘No…no… But I think I need to go. Maybe I need to look after my bruised ego for a few days. Don’t be upset if you don’t hear from me, okay?’
Stevie’s heart ached at his words. ‘Dillon, please, it’s fine.’
He grabbed his coat and walked to the door. ‘Take care, okay? I’ll call if I hear anything. Please do the same.’
‘I will, but I’m not holding my breath.’ She hugged him, but he stiffened as she did, and so with a little sadness, she released him and smiled. ‘We’re okay, aren’t we, Dillon?’ But he smiled weakly and stepped out of the front door. She watched as he walked off up the road without looking back.
Jason had been staying with his new family for almost a month, a lot longer than he had originally intended. His employees were being so understanding and were doing a great job of handling the corporate events during the latter part of the school summer holidays. He had texted Dorcas every so often but never mentioned where he was or why he had run. He hadn’t contacted Dillon or Stevie, and the longer he left it, the harder it became to contemplate them forgiving him for his actions again.
Josh had taken him for a walk, and they had ended up on the shore of the nearby lake drinking soda and bonding.
‘So how are you coping with all of this…with me?’ Jason asked as he looked out over the water, watching the sunlight dance on the surface.
‘It’s kind of strange…having a big brother. I’ve always been the big brother, you know?’
‘Yeah, I’m sorry, Josh. I guess I’ve mucked your life up in a pretty big way, eh?’
‘No, Jason. No you haven’t. I didn’t mean that at all. Please don’t feel that way. I think it’s cool actually. Now I have someone to look up to.’
He laughed. ‘You have your dad for that, don’t you?’
‘Yeah, and he’s great and all, but he’s an old guy. You’re…you know, more my age. I think it’ll be cool to talk things through with you…if I need to. You know about girls and shit.’
‘Girls and shit, eh? So is there a girl in your life?’
‘Yeah, there is.’ Josh blushed.
Jason nudged him. ‘Yeah? Come on then, little bro. Spill.’
‘Weeeell. She’s called Cassie. She’s beautiful. Long dark hair and bright blue eyes. She’s in a few of my classes in college. We spend every possible minute together when we’re not in school. I think…I think she’s the one.’
Jason smirked, thinking how Josh sounded like he had when he’d been with Stevie as a teenager. Josh was twenty and seemed like a really switched-on guy. ‘So when you said you’d want to talk things through about girls and shit, you meant one girl, eh?’
Josh smirked and nodded. ‘Yeah, pretty much.’
‘I’ll make you a deal. You call me before you make any major decisions, okay? And I’ll do the big brother thing and share my words of wisdom.’
Josh nodded enthusiastically. ‘Deal.’ They shook hands.
It was the day before he was due to fly home. Jason finished off the last of the homemade pancakes whilst Hannah sat opposite him drinking coffee. The boys had gone fishing with friends, and Oliver had been called into the hospital to help with an emergency. It felt good to chat to Hannah. She was an excellent listener, and he desperately wanted a female perspective on the whole ridiculous situation he found himself in.
Once he had stopped telling his side of the story, he waited whilst she pondered his words for a few moments.
Eventually she looked him in the eye. ‘Dillon may struggle to come to terms with what you have to tell him, but he’ll need you so much. If he knows that you’re still there for him, to support him, then he will get through it. You’ll have to be patient. I can imagine he’ll be very angry, and you must be prepared for some backlash. Partly because he’s about to discover he’s been living a lie his whole life, and partly…and please don’t take this the wrong way…but he may be angry with you for leaving before you told him.’
She took a deep breath, and Jason’s heart sank when he realised she was correct. There was going to be blame flying around again. ‘And as for Stevie, if you love her, you need to try one last time to make things work. But if things are beyond that and you truly believe that they are, then you have to decide what’s right for you. You can’t base your most important life’s decisions on what someone else wants if it will make you unhappy.’
He shook his head. ‘I really do think it’s over this time. There’s no way she’ll forgive me for running again.’
‘But you haven’t given her a chance. You haven’t even spoken to her about these recent events. It may completely change things. You can’t possibly know what her reaction will be. You can guess but where’s the good in that?’
‘I know. I don’t have a clue what to say to her though.’
She patted his arm. ‘Start with ‘I’m sorry for running away, Stevie’ and then tell her why you did it.’
‘Yeah, I should, shouldn’t I?’ He nodded his head, feeling firmly resolved to at least try to make amends. ‘I think that when I land tomorrow I need to go straight around to her house. I think I’m hoping for too much but…you never know.’
The day Jason had been dreading arrived too quickly. They headed for the airport and sat in contemplative silence. Once they arrived, they walked through the terminal, and Jason checked in for his flight. So many thoughts were going through his mind. Fear of going back, excitement at the same thing, sadness at leaving, plus what felt like a million other emotions all vying for the surface. The anticipation of what awaited him back in the UK filled him with dread, whilst leaving his new family made his heart ache.
The goodbyes at the airport were emotional. Oliver clung to his newfound son, and Jason clung back just as fiercely. Regardless of the short amount of time they had been aware of each other, the bond was made and it was getting stronger.
‘You call me as soon as you land, son. And make sure to come back soon, okay?’ The older man seemed to be struggling to keep his voice on a level.
Jason nodded, unable to do much else. Next he stepped before Hannah. ‘Thank you, Hannah. And I mean for everything. You’ve made me feel like I actually belong with you all. I can’t tell you how wonderful that feels.’
She touched his cheek affectionately. ‘That’s because you do.’ She hugged him, and he kissed her cheek.
Next Josh and Elliot pulled him into a group hug. ‘Make you sure you email plenty, okay?’ Josh insisted.
Jason managed a smile. ‘I will. And make sure you take care of yourselves and each other. I haven’t known you for long, but we’re brothers, so if you need anything you pick up the phone or email or whatever, okay?’
Elliot slapped him on the back. ‘Yeah, and someday soon we’re gonna come over and stay at your camp, man. It sounds awesome. In fact, I’ve been saying to Mom and Dad that I think I’d like to spend a year in Scotland when I’m done with college.’
‘You’d be more than welcome, buddy. You could come and work for me.’ Jason liked that idea but wondered if maybe it was too soon to suggest such a massive step.
‘Whoa, that’d be cool, bro.’ Elliot’s face lit up with a wide grin. Clearly, he had no misgivings about the prospect.
Once Jason had hugged his brothers tightly again, he slowly walked towards the gate as the final call for his flight to Heathrow came over the loudspeaker. Oliver put his arms around his remaining family, pulling them close.
Suddenly, with a heart beating like a locomotive engine, Jason stopped and turned around. ‘Ol…Oliver…’ he called.
Oliver stepped away from his family and jogged towards him with a frown. ‘Yes, Jason? What is it, son?’
‘I wante
d to say…it’s been so good meeting you. You’ve been so understanding and kind. You all have. I’m very much aware that things could’ve gone a lot differently for me here and you made this all so easy. I still can’t quite get my head around how easy this has all been. I’m so grateful. I can’t really express what I want to say…except to say…thanks…Dad.’
Oliver’s lip trembled as he pulled Jason into another hug and shuddered in his arms as he sobbed into his shoulder. ‘You’ve made my day, Jason. Thank you.’ He held his face in his hands, tilted his head forward, and planted a kiss on his forehead. ‘Thank you, son.’
Jason’s eyes clouded over and his throat tightened, rendering further words completely impossible. He smiled, turned, and walked through the gate.
Stevie sat in the pub opposite David, drinking Jack Daniels and wondering what the hell she was doing there. She wore her best jeans and a plain black, scoop-necked T-shirt. Her intention was not to be noticed.
David, her work colleague, had talked pretty much none stop since they arrived, and Stevie was feeling comfortably numb as she listened to him waffle on about whatever. Well, she wasn’t really listening.
‘I must admit, Stevie, I was surprised when you called. I’m glad you did though. And I know I’ve said it about twenty times tonight, but you really do look gorgeous.’
Stevie glanced down at her plain attire and forced a smile. ‘Thanks, David. But I’m not intending to lead you on in any way. This,’ she said as she gestured between them, ‘is purely platonic. I needed some company, and I had to get out of the house. And typically everyone seems to be on holiday with the love of their lives.’ Her thoughts skipped to Mollie and her latest man.
David frowned. ‘I know…I know. A guy can hope though, eh?’ He leaned across the table to make himself heard now that the pub was getting busier. ‘So you’re telling me he up and left again?’
Reasons to Stay Page 6