by BT Urruela
“Un momento, babe,” I call out as I flip the laptop open and quickly pull up my final manuscript. I glance over the title—Into the Nothing—a swell of pride coming over me, before I attach it in an email to my publishers. With a steady hand, and a confident heart, I push send… and I tear up the fucking stairs, two at a time, to the enchanting woman who lies naked in my bed, her insatiable body awaiting my touch.
Her broken, beautiful heart, wide open and ready to be loved.
And I’m ready to give it to her.
All of it.
With everything I’ve fucking got.
And I hope beyond hope that this creeping self-doubt—the anxiety that simmers just below the surface—doesn’t, one day, corrode the love I’ve found in Sami.
That couldn’t happen though… could it?
This book was a bittersweet ending to a series that has meant a whole lot to me. It’s hard to communicate just how bad mental illness hits you; how hard it is to fight from beneath its heavy weight. It was my intention to express my own battle with personal demons in this series, through Gavin’s journey. If even one of you can relate to the feelings in this book, then I’ve achieved my goal. I want nothing more than for those who are fighting like me to know you’re not alone, and to know there’s a way through the storm. We fight this together.
I first have to thank Georgia. It’s hard to imagine that I started this series before I met you. It feels like I’ve known you my whole life. Sami was a cardboard cutout before you. You gave her life. You gave this story life. I don’t think I could’ve been as proud as I am of this last book if not for the love I found in you. You make me want to be better every day, to strive for, and believe in, all the love I write about between the covers. You are my permanent heroine… my lifetime muse. I love you, baby, ‘til forever and then some.
Rob and Honey Bear, thank you for being you. In a world full of frauds, it’s people like you I gravitate toward. You make the shitty days better, and the good days great. I appreciate the bond we share and can’t imagine better people to call my best friends.
Pops, Britto, Brad, and my little Zane, what a road we’ve traveled! I love you all so very much. Brad and Britto, I’m so proud of you both and how far you’ve come. You’ve never had it easy, but you never stopped fighting. You’re two of the hardest workers I know. You’ll make such incredible parents. Thank you for my beautiful nephew!
Cara, you have believed in me since day one. You’ve been straight with me, accepted me for my flaws, and encouraged in me a desire to never stop fighting for more, to always work at being better. Without you, there’s no progression in my work. Thanks for always having my back!
Jenn, my incredible editor extraordinaire, I am so very lucky to have you on my team. You have such an incredible way of bringing my words to life, building important scenes to their utmost potential, and treating me with the respect and kindness that is imperative in an author-editor relationship. You mean so much to me. Never stop being you.
Cat, you have done so much in the year plus we’ve worked together. I can’t even tell you what your generosity and kindness means to me. I know you are on to other things in life, but I’m just happy to always be able to call you a friend.
Gwen, you fight like a rock star! If I may say so, I’m incredibly proud of the way you handled such a hard time. You did it all with a smile on your face and a ‘fuck you’ attitude, and I know it inspired many to face their own battles the same way. You’re awesome!
To my book family—Golden, Amy, CJ, Penny, Shauna, Reggie, Matthew, Harper, Felicia—you all mean so much to me. The friendships I’ve built with you will last a lifetime, and seeing you all at events is the highlight of my year. Thanks for being you!
To Mr. Mumford, thank you for speaking to me and so many others through your music. “Timshel” and “Little Lion Man” are absolutely perfect accompaniments to this series. What beautiful, tragic, hopeful words within those songs. You, sir, are a genius.
To my Readers, what can I say? I love you so damn much. You open your hearts and minds up to my books, even if it’s not your usual flavor (ahem…Wicked Little Words, anybody? :P). I can’t thank you enough for believing in me, in my mission, and supporting me through the good times and the bad. On the bleakest of days, it is all of you that bring back the light. You make me feel okay with just being me. Thank you so very much for the love and kindness you’ve shown. It fuels me!
Last, but not least, the Lord is the only reason I’m here. He is the lighthouse, and no matter the squall, His light leads me to shore. I know there is purpose for me in this world and it is only because of Him I was able to find it. I am eternally grateful for this second chance He’s given me, and will always carry His love in my heart.
Photo Credit: CJC Photography
BT Urruela is a combat wounded amputee, purple heart recipient, contemporary author who has written both independent and traditionally published books. He is the co-founder and brand ambassador for VETSports, cover model, photographer and motivational speaker. He currently resides in Tampa, Florida with his dogs, Kiko and Scout.
Other Books
Broken Outlaw Series
Into the Nothing, Book One
Into the Blood, Book Two
Thirty Days: Part One
Thirty Days: Part Two
A Lover’s Lament (co-written with KL Grayson)
Wicked Little Words (co-written with Stevie J. Cole)