“Morning,” Cade said sleepily, smiling at Kyle. “I had to charge my phone.” He waved it as he spoke, pointing to the plug next to Kyle’s bed.
Kyle cursed his life. There had to be no plugs next to Cade’s bed? What a joke.
He turned away, determined not to see the way Cade’s naked torso brushed against his sheets. He felt a stirring under his towel and was wildly tempted to give his crotch a stern talking-to.
Maybe later, though. Cade might not understand.
“What a beautiful day, eh?” Kyle sang, throwing open the curtains. Rich sunlight flooded the room and he felt a warm happy feeling bloom in his chest at the thought of playing football in a couple of hours.
Cade rolled to his side and smiled, looking at Kyle. “You look good. Have you upped your workouts?”
Kyle felt a blush start somewhere around his chest and rush upwards. Damn damn damn.
“Yeah!” Humor had always been his way out and this was no different. He flexed his biceps, grinned and raised an eyebrow. “I’m out of your league now.”
Cade laughed. He lazily sat, leaning his elbows on his thighs and looking at Kyle. With the sunlight on his face, his hair flopping messily around his head, he looked so damned delicious. Kyle thought briefly about joining him, friendship or no friendship.
“I want to talk to you,” Cade said.
Kyle stiffened, his heart suddenly pounding. Cade looked serious and a little… angry? Oh, God. Had Mason spilled it already?
He nonchalantly walked over to his suitcase, trying hard not to look worried, rummaging for a pair of boxers. “Mmhmm?”
“Mason told me what you were talking about last night.”
Kyle felt his world spin. Surely this had to be a nightmare? He turned around to Cade, feeling suddenly naked, wishing desperately that he was dressed. It felt wrong to have this talk when he wasn’t even wearing underwear, for God’s sake. Well, honestly, he’d never pictured having this talk with Cade. And from yesterday’s drunken blathering to this early morning confrontation… it was all going too fast and, dammit, Mason, why?
He couldn’t get a single word out. He simply stared at Cade, his heartbeat roaring in his ears. His knees were shaking. His entire world had shrunk down to just Cade sitting in front of him. Everything, it seemed, everything hung on this conversation.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Cade asked, shading his eyes from the sunlight so Kyle couldn’t quite tell if he was angry or sad or… God forbid, disgusted.
“C-Cade-” But that was all he could get out. Kyle felt choked. Emotions were rising so fast that he felt weak. He wondered how he’d survive this.
Cade stood, coming over to him. For one mad second, Kyle seriously thought about dashing out the door. But what was he going to do when the journalists found out he’d been running around the hotel in nothing but a towel?
He couldn’t look at Cade. He couldn’t think or breathe. He wasn’t ready. He hadn’t wanted this conversation and Mason had done him wrong by forcing it. He had made Kyle face something he’d been prepared to ignore all his life.
And that wasn’t fair.
Cade was standing too close, now. Kyle wanted desperately to step back, but he was frozen.
“Kyle,” Cade said softly, his hand resting gently on Kyle’s arm.
The touch was like fire and it made Kyle look Cade full in the face. And then something struck him. Cade’s expression was… odd. He didn’t look uncomfortable or shy; he looked concerned.
Oh God, did he pity Kyle?
“It doesn’t matter,” Kyle blurted. “I don’t- I don’t expect anything. I’m happy.”
Well, it wasn’t very articulate, but at least he hadn’t begged or cried. He awarded himself a point.
“But why, Kyle? You could get anyone you wanted.”
Kyle felt his heart squeeze. So it was a no, then. Did Cade think it was that easy? He felt so numb he wanted to sink down to the floor. Why had Mason done this? Kyle had always known that Cade didn’t think that way, but it was easier to have imagined the no without actually getting it.
“I don’t know. I’ve tried moving on.” His voice was dull. He couldn’t meet Cade’s eyes again, humiliation, shame and heartbreak overcoming him.
“Have you tried telling him how you feel?”
Wait. What?
Kyle’s head snapped up. He stared at Cade, who was looking very earnest. “What?” he said stupidly.
“How do you know if you don’t try?”
Cade wouldn’t be this cheesy about himself, would he? He wouldn’t talk about himself in the third person. He felt his mind reel.
He stared at Cade dumbly, afraid to say anything. He didn’t know what was going on, but a very sane part of his mind was shouting at him to be quiet.
Cade punched him gently in the arm. “You could get anyone you want. You’re Kyle Sorenson!”
Kyle cleared his throat. Enough was enough. “Um, what did Mason tell you, exactly?”
“Don’t worry, he didn’t tell me who, just that, well, you know. But why didn’t you tell me?”
Relief hit Kyle so hard he felt his knees buckle. It warred with fury over Mason opening his big fat mouth in the first place. What had he been thinking? A little heads-up would have been nice. A little text perhaps.
Hey, Kyle, kinda told Cade you were in love with someone. Nbd. See ya tomorrow!
Something like that. That was the right thing to do. Anything was better than this.
He was so overwhelmed with relief that he flashed a brilliant smile. Cade looked a little confused at that so he tried to tamp it down somewhat.
“I’m sorry,” he shook his head. “I just… To be honest, Cade, I’d rather not talk about it.”
Cade looked hurt. Kyle immediately reached for him, regretting his words. “No!” He was touching Cade’s bare skin now and it wasn’t the first time, but a small part of his brain was getting distracted. He’d never get used to this, never. “No, it isn’t that I don’t want to tell you. I… I do. I just need some time.”
Time for what? his mind screamed. He shook his head. Why had he said that? He never wanted to tell Cade, not now, not ever. Why did he get himself in these situations? Cade would have gotten over it if Kyle had just shut up; instead he’d now painted himself into another corner. What was he going to do the next time Cade brought it up?
Cade stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Kyle’s neck, burying his nose into the nest of his shoulder. Kyle instinctively hugged him back, wincing at his burgeoning erection. He hoped to God Cade wasn’t feeling that.
And, really, who cared if he’d gotten himself into another shitty situation?
Because if it meant a shirtless Cade pressed against his naked skin, he was very okay with that.
***
Kyle concentrated hard on getting Mason alone during training. He noticed Mason was cleverly avoiding eye contact and casually putting distance between them every time Kyle tried to approach him. In fact, Mason was shadowing Cade so well that Kyle couldn’t talk to him without Cade overhearing.
Gritting his teeth, he waited for an opportunity. When Mason’s shoelaces came loose and he stopped to tie them, leaving him alone, Kyle pounced.
“You are dead,” he growled.
Mason held up both hands and Kyle was pleased to see that there was a slight note of fear in his eyes. He was sure Mason could beat him up with both hands tied behind his back, but still. It was nice to be awarded that tiny bit of fear.
“I didn’t tell him about you, man!”
“I know that, but why’d you have to say anything in the first place?” Kyle hissed. He noticed Perry and Randy looking over at them.
Mason looked guilty. “I just… lost my temper.”
“What?”
“He was saying something about you having some alone time to think about your ladies. I just… got mad.” Mason was mumbling now. “I just felt it was unfair. I’m sorry.”
Kyle felt a strange wave of a
ffection mixed with irritation. Trust Mason to get angry about the very same thing he’d done to Kyle last night. Impulsively, he kissed Mason’s forehead, slinging a hand around his neck. “Thank you,” he said quietly.
When they went back to training, Randy was making smooching sounds at Perry, while Perry pretended to swoon. So Mason had to sit on them both for payback. It was a wonderful sight.
***
Kyle lingered on the field even after training was over. He told the rest of his teammates he’d join them later and continued practicing free kicks and dribbles. Sometimes he felt like he only existed when the ball was at his feet. It made him free in a way he couldn’t feel anywhere else. Well, except with Cade.
But that was agony, too. This was pure joy. Pure confidence, adrenaline, and elation. So Kyle stayed playing on for another hour, long after all the assistants had left, waving to Kyle one by one.
When his leg muscles started to scream, Kyle stopped, breathless, pouring sweat and feeling like he’d just won a marathon. He trooped back to the locker rooms, tired and happy, a ball under his arm, and was astonished to see Cade waiting.
He had changed and showered and was sitting on the long bench looking through his phone. “Hey,” he said, smiling.
“Fuck off,” Kyle said. They had played on opposing teams during training and Cade had scored six goals. Six. And done a magnificent dribble that had left Mason on his ass and Oliver sprawled, both looking awed.
Mason deserved every bit of it, though.
Cade grinned. “You scored 3. That isn’t bad.”
“Don’t patronize me.” He peeked at Cade to see if this offended him, but Cade was all dimples and glowing smiles.
“We’ll play some Mario Kart later. Give you a chance to redeem yourself.” The cheekiness of it made Kyle smile. He loved seeing Cade like this.
“Nah, I wouldn’t want to embarrass you. I’ve gotten really good.” He stripped his jersey off, trying to ignore the blush that always came when he changed around Cade. It always felt sexual, somehow.
Cade snorted. He was back on his phone now, looking at pictures of his baby son, Sam.
“Show me.”
Cade smiled. He loved talking about Sam. And Kyle loved hearing him talk. His eyes always became soft and excited, and he spoke eagerly and quickly. It was clear that Sam was his everything, and he liked seeing that kind of joy in Cade. It was a little painful, too, since he knew that love and joy would never be for him. With him.
“Take a shower first,” Cade said. “You stink.”
“Wanna join me? You can see how good I really look. I’m fitter everywhere.”
Kyle ducked the shoe Cade tossed at his head and went into the showers, laughing.
***
That night, the team sat down to dinner together. It was a tradition they had started during the last summer at the World Cup. It seemed to work. Not only did it make them feel less lonely and isolated from their families, but somehow their friendship off the pitch bound them all so much closer on it, improving their play and knitting their passes even more fluidly.
Kyle couldn’t get a seat near Cade, but he managed to sit diagonally opposite. Cade was flanked by both Perry and Aiden. Kyle wondered irritably if they even knew who Cade’s best friend was.
Well, to be fair, Aiden was a nice guy. He had a wife and a little girl. He was a good guy. It was Perry he didn’t trust. What on earth did he have to keep whispering about to Cade anyway? Why was everything an inside joke? And why did Cade laugh so much?
Kyle stabbed viciously at a piece of lettuce, glaring at it. Stupid diet. He wished he had some steak. There was no fun in stabbing wilted lettuce.
He sighed. He was sitting in between Brendan and Gio and they were both talking to each other as if he wasn’t even there.
He looked over at Mason. He was surprisingly tipsy, having drunk glass after glass of red wine. Kyle grinned. He loved a drunk Mason. Especially when he so rarely drank.
Leaning across the table, he shouted, “Mason!”
“Ay!” Mason yelled back, pumping his fists.
Kyle pumped his fists back. “What’s going on?”
Mason jabbed his finger at Kyle very hard. “You. You tell me.”
“I’m just sitting here, talking to you, Mason. Life’s good.”
“Life is good, Kyle! You remember that!”
Kyle grinned. “I will, Mason. How’re you doing?”
Mason nodded, waggling his finger for emphasis as he chewed on a piece of chicken. “I’ve learned a lot in my life, Kyle. I could teach you a lot.”
Kyle forced himself not to laugh. “Give me a lesson now. I’m ready.”
“You must learn to be happy!” Mason roared, fist coming down hard on the table.
Kyle looked uneasily around, maintaining his smile. Luckily Perry had started wrestling with Hector, who was sitting on his other side, so everyone at the table were busily occupied, cheering on the fight, wild bouts of laughter and bangs on the table ringing out throughout the restaurant.
Kyle turned back to Mason. “Yes.”
Mason looked suddenly sober. “I’m proud of you, Kyle!” He leaned across the table. “You’re fine?”
Kyle nodded. “I’m great!”
“Listen, don’t worry about-” Mason mouthed Cade, and then jerked his head towards him.
Panicked, Kyle looked around the table and was relieved to see no one was watching. They were all still busy with the play wrestling. Food was being tossed all over the table now and the waiters were looking agitated.
Kyle smiled until he looked directly opposite at Cade. And that’s when his heart stopped.
Cade was looking right at Mason.
And then, very slowly, Cade turned his gaze towards Kyle.
CHAPTER THREE
Kyle didn’t remember much of the rest of the dinner. He smiled, laughed, joked, swore, and shouted with the rest of them, looking everywhere except at the person sitting in front of him, who seemed equally determined not to meet his eyes. But there was a frantic quality about his antics that lent an almost pathetic air across the table.
Nobody else noticed, of course.
Nobody, except perhaps, Cadence Grayson. But Cade knew. This time, there was a certainty about it. Kyle simply knew that Mason had given it away, all while trying to cheer Kyle up. Wasn’t that a joke?
He wanted to run away from the table, away from the hotel, fly home immediately. But that wasn’t an option and he held his chin up high, determined to see this through. It was actually Cade who excused himself first. He smiled at everyone, ruffled Hector’s hair and laughed at a few jokes. But he never looked at Kyle.
Kyle busied himself with his phone. Nobody else seemed to notice the two ignoring each other pointedly and he thanked God for small favors.
He sat at the table long after his meal was over, more subdued now that Cade had left. He still managed to grin and add a few witty comments to the general conversation, but his mind was racing. What would happen when he went back to his hotel room?
Would Cade confront him? Would he ignore it? Kyle didn’t know which was worse.
Mason had excused himself to bed a long time ago, but Kyle didn’t feel any anger towards him. Mason had only been trying to help, and he wasn’t foolish enough to blame him. But that didn’t change the fact that it had happened and he had to face it.
***
Standing outside their room around 2 in the morning, Kyle leaned his head against the door. Please, God, he prayed. He didn’t know what he was actually praying for. A reprieve? Mercy? Amnesia? An asteroid to hit the Earth so he could delay this interaction just a little longer?
Taking a deep shuddering breath, he stuck his room card through the electronic slot and the door clicked open. Knees shaking and heart thumping, he entered the tiny hallway. Lights flickered on automatically. He could see that the room ahead was completely dark.
He closed the door quietly behind him and turned the light off. For a second
he stood in the darkness, listening.
He couldn’t see anything now and he fumbled slowly to his bed. The curtains were heavy and they blocked any bit of light. The dark felt oppressive and suffocating. He sat down quietly, keenly aware that Cade was lying down in the next bed. For a moment, he stayed absolutely still, listening to Cade’s breathing.
It was regular, deep, rhythmic.
Relief swamped Kyle. He carefully shed his shoes, placing them as quietly as he could on the floor. He crawled slowly under the sheets, hoping that the rustling wouldn’t wake Cade. His movements were noisy enough that he couldn’t hear Cade’s breathing anymore and he settled in the bed, hoping Cade was still asleep.
And that was when he realized that the rhythm of the room had changed. Cade’s breaths were shallow now and quicker, irregular.
He’d woken Cade up!
His heart began to pound again, so loud that he wondered insensibly if Cade could hear it. His eyes were wide in the dark. He could see the general shape of things now, but he dared not turn his head to look at Cade, because what if Cade was facing him?
Kyle waited with bated breath for so long that he began to see spots in his vision. He hauled in a breath as noiselessly as he could, but it still sounded harsh and loud in the silence. He wondered if he should say something, but fear kept him frozen.
After what seemed like an eternity, Cade’s breaths deepened again.
Kyle stayed awake for a long time, eyes wide open, a hand on his heart.
***
The next day, Kyle woke to see Cade’s bed empty. He sat up and craned his head to look at the door where Cade kept his training shoes. They weren’t there.
Cade had left without him?
That had never ever happened before. Even when they’d had bitter, vicious arguments, they’d still waited for each other. They’d trooped to the training ground together in angry silence. Cade had never, ever, let Kyle go to training alone.
It was a small matter, but it felt like the worst thing he’d ever gone through. He stared at the empty spot by the door, and the shallow outline of Cade’s shoes in the carpet felt like a large, empty canyon between him and the love of his life. Hysteria bubbled up in his chest.
Unfair Game: A Gay Sports Romance Novel Page 2