“I love you.”
It was exactly the opposite of how Kyle had pictured it. He squeezed his eyes shut, struggling not to cry, throat working painfully. He couldn’t believe that the moment had come from something so ugly, from this terrible instant where Cade was leaving, where Cade was walking away.
“I love you so much,” Cade continued, voice wavering. “But I can’t do this forever. It’s fucking me up, Kyle. I’m going crazy here. Call me when you decide.”
“Or else?”
Cade was silent. “When you decide,” he repeated quietly. And, without another word, he hung up.
Kyle bowed his head and stared at his phone.
Stared until his vision blurred with tears.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Kyle had thought those two weeks after the Championship without Cade had been hard. He’d thought it had toughened him up so he’d never feel that abandoned and rejected again. But he was wrong. It was something like being clobbered, a constant ache in his chest.
The only difference was that, this time, he wasn’t numb. This time he felt the pain. And that was much, much worse. He cried constantly, everywhere. It was humiliating and it took real effort to concentrate in training, real effort to play well, real effort to listen to tactics talk from the coach.
He was aware that his teammates were looking at him askance, wondering if he was going to be the dead weight in the team this year. He couldn’t even make the attempt to be okay, to pretend that he was fine.
Instead, he was robotic, disappearing off into bathrooms to cry and collapsing into bed at night to sleep terribly vivid, awful dreams where he was always either naked or falling off a cliff. He woke up while it was still night out, wide awake, heart aching, eyes always streaming.
It took two or three days before he got angry with himself. The anger was better than the pain, though, and he played better at training, though his tackles were so hard, Rhys had to take him aside and tell him to calm down.
Unlike last time, he gave his phone a wide berth. It got to the point where his assistant finally stomped into the locker room, ignoring the yelps from his teammates and slammed the phone into his hands.
“You’re NOT a regular human being. I have to be able to get in touch with you. Keep your phone with you at all times.”
And with that, she stomped back out.
The entire locker room was stunned into silence, all of them looking at him warily. He’d been particularly aggressive that day, swearing hotly at all of them when his side had lost at their team match.
But, to their surprise, he sat down on the bench and burst into laughter. He laughed so long that his teammates all reluctantly smiled. But Kyle went on and on until they were chuckling too. Finally, it got to the point where someone started imitating her throwing a tantrum and, before long, they were all screaming with laughter.
It was exactly what Kyle needed and he went home feeling a little better. It was as if his assistant’s innocent words had woken up something in his mind that he had kept avoiding. He wasn’t a regular human being.
He was going to have to make a decision.
***
Kyle shuffled down from the shower in his bathrobe to see Cade sitting in the kitchen, eating cereal and Skyping with Sam. He watched the two of them giggle at each other. He loved the warm smile gleaming across Cade’s face.
“Hi,” Cade said, grinning at Kyle with that same smile after blowing Sam a flurry of goodbye kisses.
Kyle blew him a kiss in return. Before he could pour a cup of coffee, his phone buzzed - it was his dad. He took the phone into the living room. He plopped onto the couch and they started chatting about random things, his head against the back.
To his surprise, Cade followed, sitting right next to him on the couch. It was very unlike Cade to not give him privacy during a phone call, and he had a very mischievous look on his face. It was making Kyle a little nervous and distracted.
“What?” he mouthed at Cade.
Cade simply shook his head, putting a finger over his lips as if to shush him. Then very slowly, he put his hand on Kyle’s thigh. Kyle inhaled sharply, mouthing no over and over again. But Cade seemed completely uninterested, simply smiling and inching his fingers upwards.
Kyle could feel himself hardening. Cursing his traitorous body, he tried to concentrate on his father’s words, hoping it would be the thing he needed to calm down. But Cade’s sneaky fingers were slowly pulling his robe apart.
He was on the phone with his dad, for God’s sake. It just wasn’t right.
The momentary lapse in concentration allowed Cade to maneuver him so that he was lying down, Cade half on top of him. Smiling roguishly, Cade’s fingers trailed down Kyle’s abs towards his crotch. Kyle swallowed, trying frantically to send an SOS signal to Cade with his stare.
Luckily, his father was in the middle of a long story and all Kyle had to do was murmur okay and chuckle at the right pauses. Cade’s fingers wrapped around Kyle’s length and Kyle’s eyes closed, trying desperately not to moan.
“Kyle, you okay? You sound breathless.”
Kyle gritted his teeth. “Go on, Dad.”
“So how’s everything there? Are you excited to go back home?”
Unable to help himself, Kyle said, “Yes,” in a low voice, in almost a whisper, the word soft and erotic, eyes locked on Cade’s, knowing how hot that would be to him.
Sure enough, Cade’s eyes widened, pupils dilating, cheeks flushing. “Fuck,” he murmured so quietly that Kyle could barely hear it. Cade’s hand quickened on Kyle’s cock and Kyle rocked his hips upwards, trying to get more traction, more friction, more sensation.
“Dad, I have to go. The water’s boiling on the stove.”
Water’s boiling on the stove? Well, at least it was somewhat reasonable.
Kyle’s Dad ended the conversation quickly, his goodbyes hurried. Kyle barely even mumbled a response before he tossed the phone onto the nearby couch. Growling, he reached up for Cade and they kissed fiercely, sloppily, teeth grinding against each other.
“You fucker,” Kyle said against Cade’s mouth, still kissing.
Cade didn’t even respond, just pressed himself harder against Kyle, his erection throbbing against Kyle’s thigh. Kyle rocked upwards, moaning into Cade’s mouth. It wasn’t even kissing, just their mouths brushing as they panted. But it was incredibly hot and Cade’s hand felt so good that Kyle wasn’t going to last, he was going to-
And he did. He shot cum all over himself and Cade.
Every single time, it felt like it was better than before, his body shuddering and convulsing in pleasure, his cock spurting over his stomach. He was moaning, eyes closed, and Cade was kissing his neck, stroking slowly.
“What-” Kyle asked conversationally when he'd calmed down a little, “-the fuck was that?”
Cade started laughing. He raised his head from Kyle’s neck and, looking at Kyle’s expression, laughed harder. Kyle pushed at Cade’s chest and Cade rose up willingly, still chuckling.
He stopped short when Kyle dropped to his knees in front of him. Cade swallowed hard. “What’re you doing?”
Kyle settled himself in between Cade’s thighs. He smiled innocently, his hands palming Cade’s very obvious bulge. “Has anyone ever told you, Cade, that revenge is very, very sweet?”
Cade gulped.
***
Kyle didn’t know why the memory had hit him so hard. He remembered that day, the playful hand job from Cade, the longest, slowest blowjob he’d given as punishment for that. And he remembered how it ended, with the two of them kissing and cuddling on the couch.
It was all he could think about. How they’d spent almost the whole day in the afterglow, ordering food, talking for hours, eating chicken salads, holding hands, watching a funny movie cuddled together under one blanket.
It had been a day where they’d acted like a couple. And it had felt right.
Because Kyle hadn’t been scared.
His
fear was cyclical. It wasn’t always there, but it always came back.
He had to admit Cade was right. He had always been afraid that Cade would leave him, that they’d break up, that Kyle would have to deal with a broken heart. But the truth was that those two weeks when Cade hadn’t spoken to him, he’d used it to stoke the flames of his fear higher. He’d used it as an excuse to keep away from Cade.
What Cade had done wasn’t right. He should have texted, should have called. But what Kyle was doing now wasn’t right either. And he had to face that.
He had to stop being afraid. He wanted Cade, and that had to be enough.
Cade had said he loved him. Kyle couldn’t mess this up, couldn’t lose him now, not after that. He couldn’t give up something so incredible just because he was afraid.
Without thinking, he called up his assistant.
“Hi. Do you think you could book me a flight to Versca sometime soon?”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Kyle could hear the crying from outside the door. He prepared to smile politely, fully expecting Andrea to open the door. He was surprised instead to find Cade, frazzled, hair mussed, eyes a little too frantic, rocking a sobbing, hysterical Sam in his arms.
Cade’s eyes widened. “Kyle, Kyle,” he said, over and over again, as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.
Sam quieted a little at the sight of the visitor, but he was still sniffling, cheeks red and wet.
Kyle peeked behind them and saw that it looked like a tornado had taken apart the house. Clothes were everywhere, toys scattered on the floor, the TV was blaring, and there was the strong smell of something burning.
He looked at Cade closely. He had stains all down his shirt and he looked worn out. Cautiously, Kyle asked, “What’s going on?”
“The nanny’s on vacation, and Sam’s got the flu!” Cade burst out.
Kyle swallowed a laugh, knowing that Cade was on the verge of an explosion. He smiled big at Sam, who was watching the proceedings with interest. He knew Kyle well, had seen him on Skype often enough to recognize him. “Kyle,” he said, eyes wide.
Kyle nodded, holding out his arms and smiling. “Yes! Come here, let’s play!”
Sam, having found a friendly adult, leaned enthusiastically forward, arms outstretched. Kyle scooped him up and walked in, leaving Cade to deal with his suitcases. Cade seemed so stressed out, he didn’t even seem to realize or remember that Kyle had surprised him, that he shouldn’t be here and that they hadn’t been speaking all these days.
Kyle felt the knot inside his chest easing. He’d been expecting tense scenes and ugly confrontations, but, though this wasn’t the best environment, he much preferred it to dramatic altercations. He wiped Sam’s nose, which was leaking, and flew him around the house, balanced on Kyle’s palm, like an airplane.
Sam screamed with joy. Kyle took advantage of the moment to shout to Cade over his shoulder that he’d better check the stove and see if something was burning.
Cade swore and raced to the kitchen. Kyle laughed out loud at that, continuing to play with the baby. Sam enjoyed the roughhousing for a little while, though Kyle was gentle with him. But, soon, the baby started to get cranky again, the sickness catching up to him.
Kyle rocked him gently. He returned to the kitchen to find Cade sitting at the table, head buried in his arms. Kyle felt a wave of tenderness rise inside him. The baby was snuffling against him, head in Kyle’s shoulder, his cold wet nose pressed right against Kyle’s neck.
Kyle winced a little, but rubbed the baby’s back. He leaned down and pressed a kiss impulsively to the top of Cade’s head. Cade lifted his head wearily, eyes red-rimmed and exhausted. “The milk, it…” he said tiredly, gesturing to the microwave.
Kyle noticed something yellow and unidentifiable spilt all over the stove and tried not to make a face. “I’ll get it. Just sit.”
Balancing the baby expertly in his arms, he pulled out some formula and mixed it with warm water. He shook the bottle, then tested the temperature by shaking a few drops onto his arm. Sam was starting to get drowsy, but still whimpering a little.
Kyle made soft nonsensical soothing sounds, rocking the baby gently. He adjusted the nipple on the bottle, hoping it was clean and handed the bottle to the baby, who promptly popped it into his mouth. He glanced up to find Cade watching them both, blinking slowly.
“I have to give him his medicine and he won’t take it,” Cade said quietly, looking at Kyle desperately.
“I’ll do it,” Kyle said. He’d had experience with all his siblings and his own son and knew exactly what to do with a sick kid. Cade, on the other hand, had only had one younger sibling and she’d been much younger. He’d been spoilt, what with Andrea being so good with Sam and the nanny too. He’d probably never been alone with Sam when he was sick before.
He sat on the stool opposite Cade, cradling the baby as he drank slowly from the bottle. His nose was still leaking and Kyle wiped it carefully, tossing the tissue aside. He ran his fingers through Sam’s hair over and over again, and, sure enough, the baby’s eyelids started to droop.
When Sam’s mouth stopped moving, Kyle popped the half-finished bottle out of his mouth. He looked up at Cade who was still watching them blearily. “Get the medicine.”
Cade walked groggily, almost drunkenly, towards the kitchen counter and came back with a dark bottle. He poured half a capful of the pinkish liquid and pushed it towards Kyle.
Kyle angled the baby up, cradling his head in one hand, and gently murmured Sam’s name. The baby’s eyes opened sleepily and Kyle didn’t waste a second, tipping the entire cap into his mouth. Before the baby could cough it up, Kyle slipped the bottle back into his protesting mouth and Sam started sucking out of reflex. Smiling in triumph, he looked up at Cade.
He saw tears in Cade’s eyes.
“What?” Kyle asked worriedly.
Cade shook his head. “I was so… I tried so hard. He was burning up. I was so afraid.” His voice was hoarse and exhausted.
“Come here,” Kyle said gently.
Cade shuffled over to him, leaning heavily against the table. With his right hand, Kyle wrapped an arm around Cade’s waist, pulling him close. Kyle’s head came up to his chest. Cade seemed too tired to even hug back properly and Kyle let go of him.
“Go shower,” he said.
Cade nodded. “Are you okay with the baby?” he said hesitantly.
“We’re fine. Go, go.”
Cade left before Kyle could really finish the sentence and Kyle waited a moment before he laughed.
Poor guy.
He waited until he was sure Sam had fallen fast asleep before slowly going up the stairs. He had been to Cade’s house before and knew all the bedrooms well. He made his way to the baby’s bedroom and gently placed him in his bed, making sure to surround him with pillows. The baby stirred but went straight back to sleep and Kyle tiptoed out, closing the door noiselessly behind him.
He rolled up his sleeves and made his way down to the kitchen, thinking he’d better feed Cade before the man collapsed.
He stood at the threshold and sighed. He’d better clean up the damn place first. It took the bulk of his time making the place halfway presentable and when he finally started chopping up vegetables, Cade had emerged from the shower.
He looked fresher, hair wet, but still exhausted. He shuffled into the kitchen silently and watched Kyle for a little while. Kyle smiled at him, but there was no response from Cade.
“Sit,” he said. Cade sat obediently, almost like a child, simply staring at Kyle.
Kyle cooked quickly, not bothering much about making a delicious meal, knowing Cade had a very short time left before he fell asleep right here in the kitchen. By the time the soup was done, Cade had already propped his chin up on his hands, his eyes drowsy.
He poured a steaming bowl of it in front of Cade, plunking a spoon into it. “Eat,” he commanded. “All of it.”
Cade ate ravenously, quickly, and Kyle briefly wond
ered how long it’d been since he’d had a square meal. Who could believe this was a champion? A man who could barely take care of himself and a toddler?
Kyle perched in front of him, watching him eat. When Cade was done, he pushed it back to Kyle, mumbling hoarsely, “More.”
Kyle shook his head. “No, you’ll get sick. Let’s put you to bed.”
Cade frowned. “No, let’s talk. I don’t think I could sleep anyway.”
Kyle stifled a smile. He could barely keep his eyes open. But he knew better than to argue with a cranky, exhausted Grayson. He nodded indulgently. “Why don’t we go to the living room and talk there?”
Cade agreed and they moved to the living room. Kyle lay down on the long velvet couch, gesturing for Cade to do the same. He grinned when Cade did so gratefully, propping his head up on one of the couch’s many cushions.
Cade fixed his eyes on Kyle. “You start.”
Kyle swallowed, his heart beating fast now. “I decided.”
Cade said nothing, simply looked at Kyle. And, suddenly, Kyle felt the incongruity of the situation. Cade wasn’t ready to have this conversation. He was tired, exhausted. But Kyle needed to tell him. He couldn’t wait.
“I’m in.”
Cade’s eyes were a little more alert now. “How in are you?” he said softly.
“A hundred percent,” Kyle replied quietly. He sat up and leaned forward, elbows on his knees “I’m all in.”
Cade’s eyes were unwavering. “You can’t keep changing your mind.”
Kyle shook his head, swallowing. “I won’t.”
That made Cade smile for the first time. “You will,” he said. The words weren’t bitter, just matter-of-fact. “You can’t just wake up and not be scared all of a sudden.”
It stung a little. But it was a fair statement and Kyle had to allow it. He deserved some part of that. “But I don’t want to be without you.”
Cade closed his eyes. “You can’t play games with me. You can’t be passive aggressive.”
Kyle fought not to get angry. He knew he had earned that, but it still pissed him off. “I won’t.”
Unfair Game: A Gay Sports Romance Novel Page 20