Ruthie's Desire - The Esquire Girls Series - Ruthie's Story (Books 1, 2, 3 & 4) - Box Set

by Cassie-Ann L. Miller

  I bury my face in my hands and wail, so overwhelmed by the memories.

  “Ruth?” I can hear the concern in Michael’s voice.

  I sniffle. “Sorry – I just needed a second.” I drag my wrists across my eyes to push away my tears. “When I insisted on going back to school, Sergei handed me back to Vlad. And Vlad was an even bigger son of a bitch now. He beat me. All the time. That’s part of the reason I wore masks during my performances. Because sometimes, he’d beat me so bad, I could hardly recognize my own face.” I stare at the floor unable to meet Michael’s gaze. “Then, one night he attacked me in the employees’ washroom. He wanted sex. I said no. Someone tried to come in to use the washroom. He pushed them out, went to lock the door. I had to think quick. His jacket was on the floor near my feet. I saw his gun in the pocket…And I shot him. One bullet. Right in the back.”

  I’m shaking so hard that I can’t continue my story. Michael sits still, his face betraying no emotion at all. I can’t imagine what he’s thinking right now. But I need to make him understand what I did. I was only protecting myself. I’m not a monster.

  “Some people think that standing trial for murder is scary. But it’s nothing compared to the horror that I was living in that place. It was self-defense. Club Evade was my personal hell. The jury believed me. After I was acquitted, I was constantly looking over my shoulder. I thought that Sergei would find me and kill me…but I’m still alive…somehow, I’m still alive.”

  Tears are pouring down my face.

  “I know – I’m terrible and I’m dirty. I’m so dirty. And nothing can ever make me clean again.” I bury my face in my hands.

  I hear him get up and walk out of the room. I hear a door slam at the end of the hall.

  I don’t look up. I can’t. Although, I know that I’m all wrong for him because I’m poison for his father’s law firm and especially for his political career. Still, I’m devastated that Michael would walk out right now.

  I wish that things could be different. I wish that I was good enough for him. Because I really like this man. He’s kind and funny and easy to be around. Not to mention how absolutely gorgeous he is. And, he’s turning away from me because of my sordid past.

  Suddenly, I feel his arms around me, holding me so close. His lips are warm against my ear. “You’re perfect, Ruth. You didn’t do this deliberately. You had no choice.”

  Stunned, I pull my hands away from my face and look at him. I see a compassion there that I’ve never witnessed before in my life.

  He scoops me up in his arms and carries me to the bathroom where the tub is full of fragrant bubbles. He sets me down in front of him. He slowly pulls my sweatshirt over my head then removes my bra. His fingers graze lightly over my skin as he slips my pants and underwear off of my body.

  He lifts me and carries me over to the tub. The bubbles go all the way to my chin. He kneels down next to the tub with a clean, damp cloth in hand. He wipes it across my tear-stained cheek. I close my eyes and lean into his touch. He kisses my forehead gently before he runs the cloth along my shoulders and down my arms. Our eyes lock as he drags the cloth across my stomach and down between my legs. He drops the cloth and runs his fingers slowly over my clit.

  “No, Michael,” I moan despite the wave of pleasure zinging through my core. It doesn’t feel right to have sex now. Not after the trauma I just relived.

  “I just want you to feel good, Ruth. That’s all,” he whispers against my cheek. I moan again as he strokes me faster. I squeeze my eyes shut and abandon myself to the feeling. He softly kisses my neck in that way that drives me wild. My hips jerk involuntarily and I grab onto the sides of the bathtub as water splashes out onto the floor. With each stroke, I’m getting closer to the point of insanity.

  I feel his teeth graze against the sensitive flesh of my neck and an orgasm explodes from deep at the core of me. “Michael.” His name leaves my lips in frantic rasp as I come.

  He looks at me with a soft smile and whisks my wet hair away from my face. “Now, that’s better.”

  Chapter 3

  I’m sitting on his bed, swathed in a plush, white terrycloth robe. Despite the pleasure I just experienced at his hands, things feel different now. Awkward. I’ve just shared my most private secret with this man that I hardly know. I’m baffled by the fact that he didn’t run away from me. But more importantly, I’m confused about where things between us will go next. Maybe he’ll realize that I’m no good for him and he’ll walk away before I take him down with me.

  I hope, for his sake, that that’s what he does.

  He pads into the room carrying a small bowl of pasta. He hands it to me. “Eat up,” he coaxes softly, sitting next to me. I don’t exactly have an appetite right now, but the look on his face tells me that he won’t back down until I eat.

  I swirl the fork around the plate and come up with a forkful of linguine. It smells divine. And after one bite, I know that it tastes just as delicious as it smells. “Wow – did you make this? What is it?”

  “You like?” he smiles broadly. I nod taking another spicy, garlicky forkful. “It’s Spaghetti aglio e oilo,” he says in a perfect Italian accent.

  “Spaghetti aggy holy?” I try to imitate his pronunciation but fail miserably.

  He throws his head back and laughs. “You can just call it ‘midnight pasta’. My aunt taught me how to make it when I was a kid. Whenever we’d sleep over at her house, I’d wake up hungry in the middle of the night. She taught me how to make this so that she wouldn’t have to get out of bed to feed me.”

  I bring my fingers to my lips and giggle. “You were a voracious eater.”

  “I was a little pig,” he laughs. “I was chubby and greedy. But, at least today, I know how to cook while my siblings can’t even make a decent cup of tea.”

  “Well, it’s delicious,” I say quietly as I work my way through the pasta.

  He sits there in silence for a long moment, staring at me.

  “What?” I say, feeling self-conscious.

  He affectionately pushes a damp lock of hair from my face. “You should stay,” he says quietly.

  I look up at him startled, trying desperately to read his expression. I see nothing but calm on his face. “I should stay the night?”

  He smiles at me. “The night. The weekend. The month. Whatever you need…it’s up to you.”

  I sigh heavily as I put my empty plate on the bedside table. “Michael, just an hour ago, I confessed to you that I killed a man…and now you want me to stay with you…indefinitely.”

  “It was a mistake, Ruth. You regret it. I can see it in your eyes. You regret having to kill that man. He attacked you. You were defending yourself.” His voice is soft and understanding. He edges close to me and presses his lips into mine.

  But I wish that he would just run. I wish that he would run away from me and my baggage.

  I press my palms into his chest. “Stay away from me…I’ll mess up your life.” I say the words although I know he won’t heed my pleas.

  “I won’t. I can’t.” And then, his lips are on mine again. “There’s just something about you. Something that fills me up. Makes me feel full of life. I won’t let that go just because you made a mistake in the past.”

  I sigh heavily and pull my hands through my hair. “Michael, you’re running for office. Imagine what associating with me could do to your career.”

  He shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly. “I can handle that. I’m one of the country’s top entertainment lawyers. My team handles PR crises everyday.”

  “This is serious, Michael. I can’t let my past be an obstacle to your future.” I ease off the edge of the bed and face him hoping that by putting a bit of physical distance between us, he’ll start thinking clearly.

  He stands, too. He puts his hands on my shoulders and looks me deep in the eyes. “Ruth, you want me. I see it in your eyes, I hear it in the way you say my name. Tell me that’s not true.”

  I can’t. I can’t tell him that�
��s not true. Because I want him desperately. Every part of me wants him. Still, I say, “What I want isn’t important.”

  He kisses my forehead lightly. “What you want is everything.” His breath courses hot over my lips before he kisses me yet again. Soft. Languorous. Beautiful. “I don’t want you worrying about this. I’ll take care of you. Everything will be fine.”

  I’ll take care of you.

  That’s a promise I’ve learned not to depend on. I take care of myself.

  So, why is it that when Michael utters those words, I’m tempted to believe him?

  Chapter 4

  “Well, hello stranger.” Hailey peers up at me from her bowl of cereal at 7:15 on Monday morning.

  I shut the front door quickly. “Hey,” I say quietly trying to make it to my room before she can drag me into a conversation.

  I’m not so lucky.

  “I was starting to worry about you,” she says picking up her bowl, following me down the hallway. When I don’t answer, she says, “You spent the whole weekend at Michael’s?”

  The question is rhetorical. She already knows the answer since I texted her on Friday night to tell her that I wouldn’t be home for a few days. “Yes,” I say, hoping to get her off my back. I know that she’s judging me. She’s trying to play it cool, but she’s judging me. Because that’s just the way that my conservative roommate is.

  “So, things are heating up between the two of you,” she says casually as she leans against my doorjamb.

  I rummage through my drawers looking for clean underwear and then grab a fresh towel from the top of my closet. “You could say so.”

  “Hmm. A bit quick. Don’t you think?” I can see the genuine concern on her face.

  I push a sigh past my lips. “Look Hailey, I don’t have the time for this. I’m gonna be late for work.”

  She’s not giving up, though. “Ruthie, y’know I’m only meddlin’ cause I care.” Her deep Texan accent rears its head in full force.

  “I’m a big girl. I can handle it,” I insist.

  “Think about your career. Think about your reputation. You don’t wanna be that girl who’s sleeping with the boss.”

  Hailey’s words anger me. Not because she’s wrong. But because there’s a part of me whispering those exact words to me. Still, the larger part of me feels differently about the situation now after the weekend that Michael and I spent together. Hailey has no idea about the intensity of what I shared with this beautiful man. She doesn’t know the secret I shared with him and she doesn’t know the way he reacted, how safe he made me feel. After the way we bonded, the way he was there for me this weekend, I feel like Michael isn’t just into me for sex. A small part of me thinks, hopes, that he might actually care about me…I know that it seems premature and Hailey would never understand, but I think that Michael might care about me.

  My roommate doesn’t understand that. To her, Michael is just the guy I dragged home on my birthday who turned out to be my boss. She doesn’t understand all that has transpired between us since then.

  And I know that she means well but I don’t owe her and explanation. I look her dead in the eyes. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. Back off!” I push past her and storm into the bathroom.

  Chapter 5

  It’s lunchtime and almost everybody at the office is gone to grab a bite but I don’t have time to eat. Instead, I’m sitting at my desk hurrying to wrap up a client memo. I have class in an hour.

  I feel eyes on me. I know it’s him before I even look up.

  “Do you know how beautiful you are?” Michael asks leaning over the edge of my cubicle.

  I feel my cheeks heat up as I look up at him. I lick my lips and feel the nerves in my stomach tie into a knot. “Hi,” I say coyly.

  “I was thinking – our last date didn’t quite go as planned –“ Well, that’s the understatement of the century. My stomach roils at the memory of our catastrophic Friday night. “—So, how about we try again?”

  A cold chill runs through me. “Michael, I’m trying to keep a low profile. The last thing I want is to walk the red carpet.”

  He smiles warmly at me. “I understand. We can skip the red carpet. How about dinner and a movie at my place tomorrow night? Sounds good?” He looks down at me, those irresistible dimples on full display.

  “Sounds good,” I say unable to suppress the smile creeping across my face.

  “Perfect,” he says in a quiet voice. He leans over the partition and presses his lips to mine.

  I pull back brusquely and glance around. “Somebody might see us,” I say hoarsely in a panic.

  He puts his hand on my shoulder. “Relax, Ruth. Stop worrying.” With that, he runs his finger softly down the side of my face.

  My anxiety melts under his touch and my face instinctively leans into his hand.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow night,” he says before turning to continue towards the elevator. I nod, already feeling bereft of his presence.

  In a dreamlike state, I get up from my desk to pick up the memo from the printer. I can feel a smile pulling at my lips. I can’t believe that I’m allowing myself to fall for this guy. I’m breaking all of my rules. But I don’t seem to care.

  I snatch my papers from the printer and turn back towards my seat. Just then, my eyes meet with those of that mousy little brunette. The one that grovels at Michael’s feet. Liz, I think is her name. She’s lurking behind the water dispenser at the end of the hallway.

  The icy look she gives me sends a chill down my spine. She spins on her heel and stomps down the hallway.

  Chapter 6

  “C’mon, Hails, you can do it!” She’s covered in sweat as she lowers slowly into another squat.

  “I can’t,” she whines, “I can’t do it.”

  “Yes, you can. Three more. C’mon!” I prod as I pull up the zipper on my sweatshirt. It’s cold this evening. I can see my breath fogging in the air as I coach my reluctant roommate through her exercise routine here at Bryant Park.

  “Fuck it – I’m taking a break,” she announces defiantly as she collapses onto the grass.

  I sigh in frustration as I drop myself down next to her. “You were so close,” I complain as I take a swig of from my water bottle.

  “You say that every time,” Hailey says rolling her eyes at me as she drags a small towel across her forehead.

  “Because it’s true! You always give up right when you’re so damn close to the finish line.” I lie back on the grass and watch the colorful leaves as they fall off of the trees and meander lazily to the ground.

  Fall is here.

  That makes me smile. Pumpkin pies and Halloween parties and Thanksgiving turkey dinners are a few of my favorite things. When I close my eyes, I can almost smell warm cinnamon wafting through the air and taste spiced apple cider.

  “Ruthie – aren’t you gonna get that?” Hailey nudges me in the ribs with her elbow.

  “Ouch!” It’s only then that I realize that my cellphone is ringing in the pocket of my sweatshirt. I fish it out and peek at the caller id.

  Fuck – it’s Sergei.

  He hasn’t called me in a while and I had almost forgotten all about him. This phone call is a very unwelcomed reminder.

  Hailey glances over at me with a cocked eyebrow as I let the call ring through to voicemail. She doesn’t say anything, though.

  The phone immediately starts ringing again. And, I ignore it once more, my stomach churning at the knowledge that, once we get home, I’ll have to go through my voice messages and hear Sergei repulsive voice.

  “Trouble in paradise?” Hailey asks, her curiosity getting the best of her. “Ignoring Michael’s calls?”

  I gaze off into the distance. “It’s not Michael.”

  Hailey pushes up onto her elbows and stares at me. “So, who is it, then?”

  I’m definitely not about to divulge that piece of information to Hailey. She knows nothing about my past and I intend to keep it that way. I haven’t eve
n told Michael that Sergei’s been calling me. I don’t want to make a big deal about it. Sergei’s my past. He’s just having a hard time accepting that.