by AJ Nuest
Working the snug strap under her chin, she loosened the ends and pried her helmet off her head. Doing so had been childish. Selfish and mean. And if she honestly wanted him to see her as an adult, the mature thing would’ve been to think twice before pulling a bunch of crap on him like some bratty kid.
God knew, if he’d done the same to her, she would’ve been more than just mad, she would’ve been hurt. Deeply hurt by his betrayal. Then she probably would’ve tossed something in his face about how, despite their differences, they were still part of the same team. Both fighting for what they believed in. How he had no right to work Trey’s case without consulting her first and she’d never trust him again.
In all fairness, if she wanted to live up to the Dirty Deeds code of ethics, the right thing to do would be to offer him the chance to get even. Or, at the very least, hear him out without blowing her stack. If she could just keep her anger in check, maybe they could finally get past this wrinkle, and partnering with Ben on the case would provide a prime opportunity to iron out whatever problems remained between them.
It wasn’t like the alternative had gotten them anywhere, and she was so completely over fighting with the guy, she was more than ready to give anything else that might work a shot.
He rounded the back of his truck and she frowned as he reached for the passenger side handle, swung open the door and jerked his head toward the seat.
No way. Her shoulders fell. Had he seriously just gotten out of his vehicle to open the door for her? Well, hot damn. No question about it, she couldn’t name a single time anyone had ever done something so… God, knight in shining armor for her?
Adrenaline jabbed the middle of her stomach.
Not. Good.
Sizing him up in her peripheral vision, she stashed her helmet in one of her saddle bags. He should’ve been pissed, coming at her with both barrels blazing. For him to be acting so polite threw her completely out of whack.
Doing her best to keep her face a mask of polite indifference, she strode up beside him and turned toward the vehicle. Oh, no. She snapped her eyes to his. Flowers? The man had gone out and gotten her flowers?
She took a second survey of the seat. And not just one or two Daisies as some small token at trying to smooth things over, but a big-ass bouquet of flawless white tulips, nestled between leafy green ferns and delicate baby’s breath, all accented by gobs of deep violet hyacinths that filled his truck with a scent that came down just shy of heaven.
Clearing his throat, he dipped his chin in a brusque nod. “The woman at the shop said those are the ones that represent an apology or whatever. Seemed appropriate.”
An apology? Tanner squinted at the thick bristle riding the sharp line of his jaw. Gee, thanks. And way to make her feel like a Class A bitch in the process.
“Hell, I don’t know.” He tossed his hand in the air before scratching the back of his head. “She was yammering a lot so I didn’t really listen.”
Better. That sounded like the Ben she knew.
“So, thank you, I guess?” Or maybe that wasn’t the right thing to say. “That was very…thoughtful…of you?” Not to mention, damn tricky on his part. Doing something so out of character, she wouldn’t know which approach to take once he had her alone in his truck.
Cellophane crinkled in the dry air as she collected the bouquet and settled it in the crook of her arm. She climbed inside and the heat from the dash warmed her legs as Ben slammed the door.
Keeping her eyes glued to his long-legged stride as he skirted the hood, she pursed her lips, mind racing, even though she was doing her damndest to reserve judgment until whatever he was up to had played out from start to finish.
From any other guy, she would’ve thought the gesture sweet—totally not Ben. She might’ve even gone so far as to say inventively romantic—again, nowhere near his usual MO. And she wasn’t dumb enough to believe this awkward, albeit generous, attempt at asking for her forgiveness meant he was about to change.
A blast of cold air whipped a few strands against her cheek as he opened the driver’s side door, and Tanner hooked them behind her ear before stealing the chance to bury her face in the bouquet. Whether he’d figured it out on his own or had stumbled upon the flowers by sheer dumb luck, there was no denying tulips had always been her favorite. Maybe because they were the perfect reminder Spring was never that far away.
“You warm enough?” He tapped the dome light, leaned forward and twisted the temp control a few degrees into the red, and Tanner wiggled her toes inside her boots even as she slanted her legs away from the heat.
Warmth equaled pain in her book. Was a constant reminder of that long difficult stay in a Cook County hospital she would’ve much rather forgotten.
Though she wasn’t about to admit that to him. Or anyone else for that matter.
“Yep, all good.” She shot a smile across the center console and then quickly jerked her focus toward the deepening hues of the winter sky outside the windshield.
Right. That expression just felt plain odd on her face. Especially directed at Ben Archer. And even weirder, now that the two of them were confined in such a small space, she honestly had no clue what to say. Her mind was a blank, her tongue twisted, and the tender way he’d come at her wasn’t helping.
When they fought, she understood what she was up against. Had clear boundaries in place. This…eye of the hurricane calm that had descended out of nowhere only heightened her anxiety over what kind of sucking vortex might show up next.
God, she hated that. Over everything else, she hated the constant strain that always simmered between them. And at the same time, she didn’t want to do or say anything that would pigeonhole either of them in the weaker position.
They were equals, dammit. It drove her nuts the man consistently failed to treat her that way. As if she were some precious commodity and her age dictated she’d be better off taking a back seat.
If he would just lighten up a little, give her even the smallest clue he had one ounce of faith in her abilities, maybe they wouldn’t constantly be at one another’s throats.
“Listen, Ben, I—”
“I shouldn’t have—”
They spoke in unison and traded a glance, and he cocked a brow as her quiet huff filled the cab like pressurized air leaking off a tire gauge. Geez.
Opening his hand over the gear shift, he met her gaze and nodded. “Ladies first. I insist.”
Oh, yay. Despite the heat blasting from the dash, an uneasy chill crept into her bones.
Again with him playing the part of a gentleman. Lucky her.
“Okay, well, for starters, you’re not the only one who needs to apologize.” She shifted around in the seat to better face him, bracing her shoulder blades against the door. “I shouldn’t have gone off with Adder without letting you know what I was doing. Despite my intentions, you’re a part of this case and you deserved to know the truth.”
“Copy that.”
Irritation crackled at the edges of her vision over how he would so quickly agree she’d messed up, but she bit down hard on the snotty comeback threatening to fly off her tongue.
The impenetrable Do Not Cross line she usually found in his eyes softened a smidge. The corner of his lips twitched, and something similar to the ticklish sweep of a feather brushed the center of her belly as what appeared to be a lazy smile creased the shallow dip in his cheek. “And I shouldn’t have asked Xander to spy on you behind your back.”
Holy hell. She blinked. Had the man just admitted what was going on inside his head? Had he actually opened his mouth and spoke without her having to get down on her knees and beg?
She adjusted uncomfortably, the armrest digging into her back. And biblical as that seemed, the fact he’d confessed to making a mistake wasn’t even the most amazing part.
Just that small smile and his whole face had transformed. He’d gone from the gritty, tense, balls-to-the-wall detective she’d always known to a guy. Like a real guy. Who seemed approachabl
e.
Her throat clicked as she forced a swallow. And damn sexy what with the way his defined pecs and abs cut a tight washboard pattern against the front of his shirt.
If she was smart, she’d double down on that not good before it was too late. “And secondly, I feel bad about this morning. Asking Adder to take a look at Trey’s file without checking with you first was a shitty thing to do.”
Ben’s smile grew, and she dug her heels into the rubber floor mats as the chill in her bones was replaced with an unnerving heat. Make that hot holy hell. With a side of mac ‘n’ cheese. She tugged open the zipper on her jacket and resisted the urge to fan her cheeks.
When Ben Archer smiled—like, an authentic, genuine smile free from all the angst—it was time to light the fires and kick the tires, followed closely by lock up your daughters and wives.
Hands down, the man was a danger to every X chromosome in the female reproductive system.
He shrugged. “It was a Dirty Deeds thing to do.”
A soft laugh brushed her ears, and she frowned. Wait, had that come from her? Good Lord, exactly what episode of The Twilight Zone was she starring in?
Didn’t matter. She shook her head. Laugh or no laugh, the important part was they were finally communicating. Without either of them having to cock a loaded semi-automatic. “My training is no excuse. I shouldn’t have done either of those things and I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I get it.” Slanting away from her, he braced his elbow inside the window, fingertips prodding the rubber seam along the top, the unsnapped cuff of his jacket exposing the stack of leather cords tied round his wrist. “I know I’m not what anyone would call easy to work with.”
Another ticklish stroke fluttered low in her belly, and she curled her toes inside her boots. She’d been wrong about Casper cornering the market on sex appeal, and that thought had her questioning what else she may have missed about Ben Archer in the past.
Relaxed in the seat, muscular thighs spread inside those battered blue jeans, he definitely had a more than a little somethin-somethin going on that was all his own.
“I guess the only question left is where we go from here.”
Shit. Rolling her lips, she turned away from him to search the few twinkling stars that had appeared in the sky, drew a deep breath through her nose and slowly exhaled. So much for enjoying the panty-melting view.
“It’s funny you should mention that. Casper and I got a lead this afternoon.” And after she’d left him in the alley, she’d also come to a solid decision about where she wanted to take Trey’s case moving forward. The only hold-up was how she had absolutely no doubts Ben would disagree.
Any casual vibe coming off of him took a powder and, just as she’d expected, the eye of the storm passed over her head and there wasn’t a damn thing she could do to stop it. The tiny scar marring the front of his left eyebrow deepened with his scowl. His jaw clenched to such a cutting angle she could’ve filed her nails on the coarse edge. “You did, huh?”
Really? Frustration sparked in her chest, and she quickly batted at the embers in an effort to get them under submission. He was coming at her with sarcasm before he’d even heard her out? Placing judgment on her progress when he was the one who kept sidestepping the truth?
“I wish to God you’d tell me what’s going on between you two.” As far as she was concerned, Casper had been nothing but cooperative. He’d volunteered to help her run the scheme and had worked the John who’d pulled to the curb with an expertise that made her head spin. “Do you know him? Do you have a history with Casper I should be aware of?”
Ben spun his face forward, but not so much as a grunt, or a sigh, or even a peep left his lips.
Dammit, they’d finally made some headway, and now they’d circled back to this? “I know you may find this hard to believe, but I do know how to keep a secret, Ben.”
She’d proven as much less than two hours ago. Keeping her mouth shut about her idea even though she’d wanted to share it with Casper. Saying nothing of the bull-headed detective she’d spotted on the roof out of deference to Ben. And this was what she got for her efforts.
Silence. Silence and a pile of unanswered questions that had her wanting to tear his stupid flowers to shreds.
His eyes slipped closed. A beat passed before his chest deflated with a tired sighed. “It’s not you I don’t trust, it’s him.”
They’d already covered that. The same exasperating anger she always experienced in his presence punched through her resolve like a sweltering back draft. And the way he would grab onto that ridiculous cliché was such bullshit, she wanted to ball up her hand and sock him right in the jaw. “Thanks for that. In case you didn’t notice, I’m not a sixteen year old asking for the car keys so I can go out and cruise the strip with my friends.”
“I never said you were.” Placing his hands on the wheel, he curled his fingers at ten and two, the knuckles whitening until they threatened to pop through his skin. “Quit putting words in my mouth.”
Putting words in his—dear God, where did she start? “I would give my eye teeth to put words in your mouth. That’s exactly what I’m talking about.” The guy was so bound up in his own stupid crap, he wasn’t seeing the big picture. Sitting forward, she aimed a sharp finger at his face. “This isn’t about you, Ben. Can’t you see that? This is about Trey. About doing what’s best for a little boy who’s lost everything.” Exactly the same as she had when she was only a few years older than him at thirteen. “If you insist on working the case without telling me what you’re hiding, it’s like you’re setting us up to fail.”
“I can’t!” His roar made her stiffen in the seat, and in the deafening silence that followed, whatever small crack had appeared in the wall between them slammed shut.
Done. There was no arguing with the man, and she was done. “Well, until you can, you’re really not leaving me much choice.” Strange, how those words seemed to douse her anger like a bucket of ice water, leaving nothing but a depressing hole filled with the ashes of sorrow and regret.
No. She wasn’t the dummy he thought she was. Whether he believed it or not, she’d been around the block enough times she’d learned the hard way that wouldn’t and couldn’t meant two different things.
But he’d still made his decision. Without one thought to how it might affect her. Holding back, the same as she’d done with him.
“This case is important to me. In ways you can’t imagine.” A painful knot built at the base of her throat. Her eyes stung, and a pragmatic breath left her lips. Wonderful. It was the second time today being around him had brought her near tears. “If you can’t find it in yourself to help me, then I suggest you get out of my way.”
Swiveling his head, he scanned her face with a narrow-eyed squint. “What are you planning to do?”
Unreal. The man had a way with double-standards that was beyond defining. “If I tell you, you’ll just get pissed. And, frankly, I don’t have the energy to fight with you right now.” Or ever, since it didn’t seem to serve any purpose.
Gathering the flowers off her lap, she set them on the dash and grabbed the door handle. She didn’t want them anymore. Having them in her apartment would only be a harsh reminder and, inside, she was already burned to a crisp.
Shoving the door open, she hopped to the curb.
“Tanner, hold on.”
She turned back toward the truck and then had to fumble her hand along the side of the door for support. Under the dim interior of the dome, she could’ve sworn the desperate shine in his eyes was tinged with fear.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell, I just…” Ben flicked his gaze from her to the dash. “Take the flowers. I got them for you.”
“No, Ben. You don’t need to apologize.” Not anymore. Whatever was eating away at him, she now knew the truth without him ever having to say a word.
He didn’t want to come clean because he was too afraid she’d do something stupid to jeopardize her safety.
/> Too bad that wasn’t his choice to make.
“I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at the situation.” And tired. So sick and tired of trying to meet some unachievable standard he’d set in his head. “Since you can’t tell me what’s going on, I’ll leave you to figure out the issue on your own. In return, I ask that you leave me to figure out mine.”
She slammed the door and strode toward the side of her building, up the rickety wooden stairs to the third floor. A tear tumbled onto her cheek as she keyed the lock and stepped inside her apartment. “Hey, good talk.”
And she was sorry, too.
Chapter 6
Swirling the ice in his glass, Ben stared at the finger of Glenfiddich he’d ordered, weathering the same grating urge he’d had all night to toss the brain grenade down his throat so he could slam-dunk two more.
The drink was only one of several pretenses he’d been required to maintain, and the knowledge he’d had to fake it like everything was fine had him sicker than shit.
A rowdy cheer broke through the pumping music, and he glanced over his shoulder before straightening from his hunch on the bar. The box of hand-rolled Cubans he’d offered around the limo and satisfying meal they’d all enjoyed at a classy steak joint had been his idea for Kelly’s bachelor party.
This suggestion they stop off at a not-so-classy strip club right after had come from Kelly’s older brother, Sean.
Turning the rest of the way toward the stage, Ben collected his drink and perched the tip of his elbow on the tacky ridge bisecting his back.
If first impressions counted for anything, he’d hit the nail on the head sticking the oldest Riordan kid in the belligerent douche bag column. Sean had been such a pain in the ass about Kelly reaping the benefits of his last night of freedom, everyone who’d come along for the night had finally agreed to fork over the cover charge just so he’d shut the hell up.