by AJ Nuest
“Oh.” Her shoulders fell for a few tense beats before she sat forward a second time. “Are you coming back?” And third time’s the charm with the doubt in her eyes that made him want to bash his fist against a brick wall.
But at least the way she was looking at him handled any questions over the sleeping arrangements. He’d withstand any torture she could think of to get that haunted expression off her face.
“Don’t do that.” Cupping her chin, he ran his thumb down the side of her cheek. “Give me ten minutes and I’ll be right back.”
She nodded and released him, and yet the way she lowered her lashes told him he’d be wise to have his ass in that bed ASAP. Something was definitely not right. But whether she was pissed he hadn’t joined her in the shower or he’d fouled up somewhere else, he couldn’t say.
Not five minutes after he’d exited the bedroom, he stood dripping in front of the bathroom mirror, brushing his teeth at the same time he wrangled a clean pair of sleeping shorts up his hips. A quick rinse and spit, and he rifled his jeans for his wallet, putting off shaving even as he made the lame excuse his face needed another day to heal.
He turned off the lights as he crossed the living room, double-checking the front door and windows were secure. Relieving his holster and jacket of his sidearm and badge, he neared the bedroom in just under seven minutes flat.
A long stride over the two steps, and Tanner blinked at him in the dim light, hands tucked under the pillows and eyelids heavy, firelight dancing across the side of her bare shoulder and arm.
Problem. He halted near the nightstand and dumped all his shit in the drawer, eying the way she was lying in bed. This set up of her sleeping closest to the door didn’t work for him. On the off-chance someone broke in, she’d be vulnerable. First victim in their line of attack.
That wasn’t happening. Lifting the blankets, he bumped his chin for her to shove over. She grumbled but did as he asked, turning her back to him as he climbed between the sheets.
Silence stretched, and he frowned, studying how she chose to lie on her injured side rather than face him. Jerking a pillow into the crook of his neck, he scoped out the gentle slope of her waist, over her hip and down her legs.
Truth be told, he wasn’t quite convinced that was working for him either. The tension vibrating off of her was so damn dense, he could’ve speared it with a fork and cut into quarter-inch thick strips.
Yep. He’d fucked up, all right. Big-time. The thing he didn’t know was how in the sweet holy hell he was supposed to fix it. Or even why it seemed so damn critical that he did. Only that her cutting off the lines of communication made him itch in places he’d given up scratching five years ago.
Reaching across the bed, he clasped her upper arm, and did not like how cold she was under his palm. “You okay?”
If the folks at NASA were smart, they would’ve checked the sigh she expelled didn’t send a satellite careening into deep space. But she bounced a one-eighty on the mattress, scooting higher until she could look him square in the eye.
Better. He scowled. Christ in Heaven, what had the woman done to him in the course of a week?
“Okay, listen. I wasn’t gonna say anything because I don’t want you to think I told you about my list or the fire so you could feel like you owe me. That wasn’t my intent at all. It’s just…” Her eyes glittered in the firelight. Cheek resting on her hand, she shook her head. “You know what, Ben? Never mind. I’m just really tired, that’s all. Let’s go to sleep.”
Uh, huh. He cocked a brow. Sounded to him like this was that whole tit-for-tat trust thing rearing its ugly head. Deep inside, she hoped sharing her past with him would make him more comfortable sharing some part of his.
But she was missing the point. The reason he held back didn’t have anything to do with how much he did or didn’t trust her. Keeping the hard stuff quiet was the way he’d been raised, and he didn’t see any purpose in miring her down in a bunch of shit that wasn’t ever getting fixed.
A section of her hair slipped forward, crossing her lips like a shiny black ribbon, and he hooked the silky strands on his finger to tuck them behind her ear. That being said, he also liked to think he was sharp enough realize those instances he’d stepped into the middle of a crossroads. And when it came to Tanner, every instinct he owned was rapping a hard finger on his shoulder, shouting he’d been shuffling his feet trying to decide which direction to take too damn long.
Ahead of him was the same pitted track he’d been traveling since the day he’d become the only surviving member of his squad. Fighting with her. Telling her she was important at the same time he proved himself wrong with his actions and dealt her one hurt after the next. Knowing full well she hadn’t wanted to show him her scars even as she’d reopened those wounds to relive the worst day of her life.
Caring for her. Keeping his distance when he’d somehow wound up lucky enough to have her lying in his bed.
No. He’d never set out to upset her and he wasn’t about to stare into her beautiful blue eyes and continue to do so now. She wasn’t happy where that road had led them and, quite frankly, neither was he.
He pivoted right and looked toward the barren path that stretched on into loneliness. The honorable path. The path that was best for her and took him as far away as humanly possible. He’d crawl out from under the blankets and try nodding off for a few restless hours on the living room floor, successfully shutting down the deep connection he’d been struggling to reconcile ever since she’d shown up out at the preserve.
Chances were one hundred percent and then some that’d be a huge waste of effort on his part. He could no more walk away from her than he could donate every organ in his body to science and expect to go on living. Tomorrow morning, he’d wake up only to find himself in this exact same position, and in the interim he would’ve handed her another offense she didn’t deserve.
He turned left and found Tanner. Just Tanner. Searching for him. Coming to his rescue. Saying she’d missed him and that she needed to see his face.
Jesus. If he held the ability to make her feel better, what kinda asshole would he be to shy away from that responsibility as if it didn’t exist? There was no rule that said he had to drag her through the muck he’d created of his existence, but if sharing one or two things brought her some small comfort, wasn’t getting over himself for one damn night the least he could do?
Hell. Looked as if Kelly had been right at the wedding and Ben had already waded into some serious deep shit. Bruised body, empty soul and what remained of his worthless, broken down heart, denying they all belonged to Tanner would be as useless as saying he didn’t know to the first thing about firing a gun.
No. For as long as she let him, he’d be traveling the same road as her. “My mom died.”
She stiffened so quick the covers jerked across his legs. A soft sigh left her lips, and she unwound her hand from the sheets to let it flop on the bed between them.
He didn’t hesitate. After realizing what she meant to him, he probably never would again. Wrapping her icy fingers in his, he dropped a kiss to her knuckles and tucked the back of her hand against his chest. “Halfway through my senior year of high school, she lost her five-year battle with ovarian cancer and passed away the week before Christmas.”
“Oh, Ben. I’m so sorry.” Her foot inched across the mattress until she’d snagged his ankle. Hitching her hips forward, she tugged him close and twined her leg through his.
He’d been sorry, too. More than words could say. In every way possible, his mother had been the loving glue that had held their family together, and after she’d gone, her absence had left a gaping hole the three remaining members had never quite learned how to fill. “It’s why I enlisted. Or at least, partly why. My dad’s a career man through and through, and after I’d finished my last semester of high school and graduated, he re-upped and got stationed overseas. Since my sister had already moved in with her fiancé and my dad said I’d gotten old enough to look
after myself, he sold the house.”
Ben would’ve been the last to argue his father was a good man, a solid man, but Staff Sergeant Dougray Archer was also devoid of pretty much every emotion except anger, and the strict adherence that any nancy-assed pansy boys stow their tears where they belonged—someplace private.
The few times Ben had gone looking for anything in the way of a reassuring shoulder to lean on, his appeals had been met by an order to keep a stiff upper lip and a stinging cuff to the ear.
Tanner’s brow twitched. “So the decision was made for you at, what? Eighteen?”
His beard rasped the pillowcase as he nodded, but he couldn’t help the contentment that formed right around the same spot he held her hand over his heart. There were too many similarities for her to have missed how anything resembling family had been scattered in the aftermath of his mother’s death. And the way her fingers tightened in his took care of the rest.
“In retrospect, enlisting was a good move on my part. The armed services are in my genes, and basic training went a long way toward helping me focus. After I’d shipped out to Afghanistan, those eighteen months boots-on-ground provided a whopping dose of perspective I hadn’t considered before. Up ʼtil then, I’d never known the rampant poverty of a war-torn city, and there’s nothing like a night raid to make a guy appreciate the sunrise or be thankful for everything he had before it was lost.”
She hummed. “Been there. But the way you explain it?” Her smile came and went, and he crammed his hand under her pillow to tug her within easy reach of his lips. “I like the sound of your voice.”
He’d never been much of a cuddler. Had never really seen the point. But the way Tanner fit against him seemed effortless. Instinctive. A glove-in-hand thing he didn’t need to force or fake.
Flattening her palm on his chest, he pressed it in place so she’d keep it there and cinched his arm around her waist. He brought her flush against his body and she lifted her head to comb her hair back from her cheek, shoving her pillow aside so she could use his bicep instead.
“Okay, I’m set.” She wiggled her shoulders. “Keep going.”
“Glad you’re comfortable.” The odd thing was, so was he. “Once I’d returned state’s side, I was approached by my CO to step up as a ranger. Exemplary performance in the field, I think he said. But I deferred the paperwork for a while. My sister was getting hitched and, after a year and a half of nothing but desert, desert and sand, I needed shade.” And time to think. To reevaluate what he wanted without jumping to obey whatever orders were barked in his ear. “I stuck around afterward and helped her move into the house she bought with her new husband. Did some maintenance work on a few things they wanted repaired.”
Tanner’s focus flicked to his mouth and back up. “Was the adjustment hard?”
“A little.” But those occasional nights he’d sprung out of bed sweaty and trembling, stalking around his apartment as imaginary bullets flew and shrapnel threatened to lodge in his head, had nothing on the brutal one-two punch of reality that came next. “Two months into my leave, my sister was driving home from work and got side-swiped by a semi. She was declared DOA by the first paramedics on the scene.”
Tanner shot off the bed and his arms were suddenly empty. Leaving him—well, shit—suddenly sick. Goddamn it, this was exactly what he didn’t want. What he’d been trying to avoid since the day the woman had shown up and thrown his ordered world completely out of whack.
“Oh, my God.” Arms trembling, she pressed her palm to her chest. “That’s why, isn’t it?” She spun to the side and he pushed to sitting, placing his hand on her lower back. “That’s why.”
Why he couldn’t stand the thought of losing her? Why his fight to keep her safe would never change?
“Yes.” But the loss of the two most important women in his life at such a young age wasn’t the only reason.
“My God.” Tanner stared into his eyes. In that way she had of burrowing down so deep the darkness had nowhere to hide.
Dammit, she’d seen it. His jaw firmed as a tear formed and spilled over her lashes. Even though that was the last place he’d hoped to take her. Even though he wasn’t the least bit surprised she’d recognized his pain.
“There’s more, isn’t there?” She gripped his shoulder. “You lost someone else.”
Sliding his palm up her back, he forked his fingers into her hair and brought her forehead to his lips. Christ knew, if there was one thing he’d been able to count on, there was always more. There was always someone else.
“Not tonight.” Hopefully, not ever. “Now, come on.” He urged her back to the bed and held her close, tucking the blankets around her shoulders so she’d be snug and warm. “Let’s go to sleep.”
“I’m glad you told me, Ben.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed. “I know it wasn’t easy for you but, my God, everything finally makes sense. I’m so glad you told me.”
Yap, yap, yap… “Sh-h-h.” Closing his eyes, he combed his fingers through her hair. No question about it, those strands had to be the softest thing God had ever created. “No more talking.”
“Fine, but don’t think I’m about to forget where we left off.”
He huffed. That had to be the first time in he couldn’t remember how long those words hadn’t come off like a threat. “Woman, I plan on reminding you exactly where we were first thing in the morning.”
A sexy little gasp caught in her throat, and he smirked. Good. Message received. “But we’ll never get there unless you shut it down and go—to—sleep.”
And holy shit. He blinked into the dim glow of the fire and then grinned. Damned if she didn’t let out one more peep.
Chapter 14
A muffled scrape dragged across the roof, and Tanner’s eyes popped open at the same time one hundred and ninety-five pounds of rock-solid male flipped her onto her back.
She grunted and Ben clamped his hand over her mouth, shaking his head as silence reigned.
Shit, what was that?
Eyes locked on hers, he released her face to hold his finger in front of his lips, stretched his arm toward the nightstand and eased open the drawer to retrieve his Glock.
But nothing came. No wind sighing through the trees or snow gusting against the cabin. No footsteps, or voices, or creaking boards. She shifted her focus to the high bedroom window and the gray dawn hinting outside the panes. Not even the distant drone of an engine disrupted the quiet.
What the hell?
Another alien scrape from overhead, and she tensed, fingers splayed across the dense muscle bunched between Ben’s shoulder blades. A heavy wall of white powder sheeted off the porch overhang, and he slumped against her as it hit the ground with a muted thump.
Oh, for God’s sake. Her soft laugh filled the room as he face-planted the pillow, and she cradled the back of his head as he fumbled his gun back into the drawer and slid it shut.
“Jesus, I thought someone had busted through the front door.” And his first instinct had been to protect her. Why was she not surprised? The dark-blond scruff shadowing his face scratched the pillowcase as he turned his head. “Heart attack compliments of the steep pitch in the roof, but I should go double-check the perimeter just to be sure.”
His gravelly voice coasted across the sensitive skin under her ear, and she shivered, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and burying her fingers in his hair. Yeah, he could. But if her vote counted for anything, he’d stay right where he was.
No one looking to surprise them would show up only to wake her and Ben from dead sleep by making such a racket. Even if she discounted how Xander had monitored their escape, then that overkill of a blizzard pretty much guaranteed they were every bit as safe as they’d been last night.
Ben knew that or he never would’ve stashed his gun back inside the nightstand. And besides, the way his long, lean body trapped her against the mattress was perfect. Warm and weighted. His skin a tempting combination of soap and linen and sleepy, red-b
looded male that drove her insane.
“I could put more wood on the fire.” He grew hard against her stomach and a breath parted her lips as he rose to his elbows, forearms bracketing her face and his hips aligned with hers.
Sure, sure. Except cold was the last word she would’ve used to describe the heated tingles skipping down her legs, and based on how his pupils had dilated to greedy and crave, he wasn’t really interested in tending the fire, either.
Opening her thighs, she seated his thick length along the pulse point of her sex, and he cursed, low and guttural, as she ran the arch of her foot up and down his calf.
His murmur went from drowsy to a feral growl. His body bowed into hers, and she met the slow grind of his hips as he leaned down to flick his tongue, quick and light, along the fleshy part of her top lip.
Holy shit. She squeezed her eyes closed as flutters tightened her core, her folds already needy and aching. Curling his thumb and fingers around her jaw, he tilted her head, and she held her breath as he swept a rough kiss up and down her neck. She’d had plenty of sex before, but she’d never been this turned on ten seconds in.
“You’re a dangerous distraction, you know that?” The sharp edge of his teeth nipped her ear lobe, and he eased back with a tight squint. His calloused thumb scuffed her jaw line, and she shuddered as he angled his hips, pushing deeper. “I should be making sure the cabin’s secure, not thinking about how hard I plan on making you come.”
Oh, shit. A thrill exploded through her belly. Her breathing grew labored, and she squirmed. Working her hand under the elastic of his sleeping shorts, she skated her palm down and clamped onto the firm, round clench of his ass.
If anyone was gonna pull off that miracle, she didn’t hold a single doubt that man would be Ben. “I cannot even begin to tell you how pissed I am you didn’t start talking to me a lot sooner.”
His brow twitched. One side of his face creased in a lop-sided grin, and her mouth dropped open as his rich, hearty laugh traveled up her stomach and into her chest on a delicious wave of cut muscle.