Cal turned the keys in the ignition. “Just sometimes? That’s every day for me.” Despite the laughter in Cal’s voice, Mara got the impression he wasn’t joking.
“Aren’t we a pair?”
“Truer words have never been spoken,” Cal said, pulling from the lot. Silence fell between them, and Mara tried clearing her mind. Cal had given her a glimpse into his mind. He hadn’t shown her anything she couldn’t handle. Still, Mara mulled over his confessions for a full ten minutes. She wished she could help. After all, there was nothing she could do for herself. The cemetery came into view, and the familiar weight of her loss landed on her chest. It never got lighter. Nor did she get stronger. Wasn’t one of those things supposed to happen?
Cal opened her door and followed on Mara’s heels. When she reached her family’s vault, he gave her space, but she could still feel his silent strength at her back. Mara traced the letters carved into cold stone. There wasn’t enough self-torment to soothe her. Once she’d touched the only thing she had left of Landon and Early, Mara retreated to a nearby bench where she could see their names.
Cal sat down beside her. “Early and Landon Kincaid. I’m guessing, since you said your mother was your only family, that they’re friends of yours.”
Mara nodded, trying hard not to cry. She was so damn tired of tears. “They were my security team before you.”
From the corner of her eye, she saw Cal nod. “I could see you hiring a husband and wife team.”
A smile tugged at Mara’s lips. “They weren’t married when I hired them. Have you ever loved anyone?” Mara asked without thought.
“I thought I did once,” Cal said, sounding as cold as ever.
Mara couldn’t tear her gaze away from their names. The stone etchings were the only thing that made their deaths real. “What happened?” she asked absently.
Cal didn’t respond.
His silence made her want to fill it with confessions. Landon and Early were gone. It no longer mattered what anyone knew. Maybe if someone knew, they’d be real to her again. “I hired Early first. She was this tiny thing with blonde curls and big blue eyes. Her looks were deceptive. She also had a black belt and was fearless. I’d had a woman try to take pictures of me in a public restroom. The incident highlighted a huge gap in my security. So I hired a woman who could go everywhere with me.”
“Sounds like you made a good move.”
Mara nodded, still staring at the tomb. “You’d think. The studio I worked with back then required I have two full-time guards at all times. Early said she knew an out-of-work stuntman who would be perfect as my second guard. I hired him sight unseen. That’s how much I trusted her.” Mara took a deep breath. There wasn’t a clear starting point in her mind. Maybe she’d been in love from the beginning. When she looked back on her life, she couldn’t remember who’d started things. Only who’d ended them. “There were so many heated glances and accidental brushing of skin.”
“With Landon or Early?”
Cal’s question startled her a bit. She’d nearly forgotten he was there. Cal was strong and steady, but—in her moment of weakness—Mara might’ve confessed her sins to anyone. “Both,” she admitted without an ounce of shame. She’d kissed her pride goodbye long ago. “By six months in, I didn’t know who I was any longer. Two years in, I thought I knew exactly what we were. I thought we were these three pieces of the same soul, fitting together and sharing a life.” In fact, those were the words she used to describe them to anyone who knew of their relationship. The joke had always been on her, it seemed. “Landon never really liked being just a guard after having spent some time in the limelight. Acting is an addiction. One I understand, so I pulled some strings and got him a small gig on a limited series shot in New Orleans. Immediately, it felt a lot like we were headed in different directions and I hated it.” She’d hated herself too, but that was still true.
“He didn’t move out. I took it as a sign that he wanted to be there, and I let that nagging feeling go. But there was another thing tickling at the back of my mind, and I couldn’t ignore that. I didn’t want to hide.” Mara finally glanced over and met Cal’s gaze. “I stopped caring what the world thinks. That isn’t something I thought I’d ever achieve, but I did—for them.”
Cal motioned toward the stone wall. “How did they end up here?”
“Because of me,” Mara answered. The first tear fell. She turned her face away. “They didn’t want to go public about our relationship, and I did, so they left. I was devastated. It was so easy for them to go—like I’d never meant anything.” Mara swallowed. More tears came. “A month later, Early showed up at the clothing store we were at a while ago. We hid in the dressing room and talked. She confessed she’d married Landon over a year before they left. It was one blow too many. I was cold. She wanted to speak her piece. I only wanted to speak mine.” Mara froze inside. She fought the urge to run at the tomb and bang her fists against it at the unfairness of life. Most of all, she wanted to go inside and lie down beside them where she belonged. The tears wouldn’t stop. It made no sense for one person to hurt so much and live.
“Early looked shattered when she walked away from me. I’m ashamed to admit, I got a small sense of satisfaction in that moment. I wanted her to hurt the way she’d hurt me. She went home, shot Landon in the head, set their house on fire, and sat down to die. I’m stuck here, still on the outside.”
Cal couldn’t stop staring at Mara. Everything about this day felt out of his control and wrong. He never stared without permission. Cal definitely never asked questions of anyone. He’d always thought hell would freeze before he offered his opinion without being asked for it. Mara had him stepping over every boundary he’d set for himself. The ones he used to keep himself sane.
“So, that’s who I am,” Mara said with a shrug. “Are you sure you want to keep working for me? I can fall apart without a moment’s notice.”
To Cal’s horror, his thoughts on the matter took life without his permission. It pissed him off Mara cried. “With all due respect, I’ve met a hundred people like the ones you just described. I don’t think they were ever who you remember them being. That’s no reflection on you. I love working for you, and I’m not scared of tears or mental breakdowns.”
“Who were they?” Mara asked, ignoring the rest of his statement. “I think you’re right about me never knowing.” Mara’s words came out in a whisper. She held Cal’s gaze with her heart in her eyes. Cal knew she waited for someone to confirm the truth she already suspected. Cal gave her the honesty she deserved.
“Early sounds like a woman with no self-esteem who fell in love with a man she felt was out of her league. He had aspirations but no way of making his dreams come true. She would’ve done anything to keep him happy.” Cal couldn’t stop. It was like his brain had been hijacked. The cold truth wouldn’t stop rolling off his tongue. “Then you came along. Landon saw you running around the house in cute little pjs all moist from the shower.”
“Don’t say moist.”
Cal blew out a breath. “Would you prefer dewy?”
“Not really, no,” Mara said, sounding pragmatic.
Cal didn’t let it slow him. “Whatever. You looked sexy and lonely. He thought about you more than he should, and he remembered that story Early told him about the time she ate out that girl in college.”
“I doubt she ate anyone out in college.”
Cal ignored her interruption. “The next thing you know, she thinks it’s her idea they lure you to bed. All the while he’s hoping that he’ll whet your appetite for being with them as well as your pussy once you’re all starry-eyed from the dick surprise.”
A burst of laughter escaped Mara. The sound didn’t soften him. Cal had to say his piece because no one should be as broken as him, especially not someone as beautiful as Mara. People needed lovely things to be lovely for no reason at all other than they just were. “Then, he had what he wanted—a meal ticket, you in his bed, and a step up into the caree
r of his dreams. His wife had you, being more of a partner to her than the man she married. That’s who they were. That’s why they couldn’t have to world looking too closely at it. The question is, who were you in that equation?”
Mara tore her gaze away and focused on the vault. “I’m the fool who got her heart broken.” Mara’s mouth lifted in one corner in a sardonic smile. “It’s odd. When they left, I thought that was the worst thing they could possibly do to me. Then Early proved me wrong, and they ended up here.”
Cal stood. Chivalry he hadn’t thought he possessed any longer rose inside him. He helped Mara stand, ready to carry out of there. Even once she was on her feet, Cal didn’t release her hands. It was the second time in one day he hadn’t been able to let her go. Her gaze shot to his. The words came without thought. “You’re not a fool, Mara. Those of us who are weak can’t stop ourselves from destroying good people in the process of ripping ourselves to shreds. That’s not your fault. You’re one of the good ones.”
Mara’s grip tightened on Cal’s hands for a second. Her expression screamed curiosity. He wished he hadn’t said anything. “Is Cal short for Calvin?”
An unexpected smile exploded across his face. Mara truly was like no other. It was no wonder she was famous and irresistible. “No.” Leaving it at that, he picked up her purse. “Are you ready?”
Mara released a heavy sigh. “As ready as I’ll ever be, Callum.”
Cal couldn’t stop smiling. “Nope. Nice try, but you’re still wrong.”
“Dang,” Mara cursed as she headed for the SUV. “I’ll figure this out eventually. Mark my words.”
Cal kept smiling, because he couldn’t seem to stop in Mara’s presence, but he hoped like hell she never figured out his name. Right now, he got to pretend he was someone else. Once she knew who he was, he’d still be the fucked-up mess he was every day before they’d met, but she’d know it. He’d only given her the bare bones of his story earlier. With his name, she’d know it all, and he’d become less in her eyes.
Chapter Five
If there was a sexier man on the planet than Henley, Kieran would challenge anyone to prove it. He couldn’t stop staring at his sexy husband. He knew the man would have to leave soon, and he wouldn’t get to kiss every inch of Henley the way he wanted, but still. Kieran couldn’t stop staring. A soft knock landed on his office door, making Kieran bite back a groan. He was sick of everyone and their interruptions today. He was still half hard underneath his desk where Henley’s friend, Gavin, had broken up their mid-day fun.
“Come,” Kieran growled at the door, not bothering to hide his temper.
The small guy who worked for Mara poked his head inside. “Am I disturbing you? Your maid said I’d find you in here.”
Kieran bit back his irritation and waved the man inside. “Mike, what brings you by?”
Michael stepped inside the office and held out a bottle of wine with a bow on it. “It’s Michael, actually,” he said as he crossed the room. “Mara sent me with a gift as a thank you for finding Cal for her.” Michael stumbled over the final word as his gaze slid to the side of the room where Henley sat—shirtless and lacing up his shoes.
“Sorry again, Gavin,” Henley said, oblivious to the eye fucking he was getting from Michael. Henley’s practice partner, Gavin, wasn’t as clueless. He eyed Michael with the same intensity, looking as if he’d seen a ghost.
“No problem,” Gavin said absently.
Henley shook his head. “It’s not like me to be late.”
“Did Mara have a message for me, Mike?” Kieran said, snapping his fingers and getting a sick sense of satisfaction from watching Michael cringe at the intentional misuse of his name. Really, though, that was what the man got for eyeballing someone else’s husband without permission.
Michael focused on Kieran, looking stunned. “Yeah, sorry. She said thank you for Cal. He’s been a treasure and she’ll see you tomorrow night at the first game of the season.”
“Thank you. I’ll see her then. You can go.”
Michael’s gaze slid Henley’s way once more. Henley stood. Finally, he pulled his shirt over his head. His muscles flexed and rolled as he did. Michael didn’t look away or move. Kieran set the bottle of wine on the desk with more force than necessary, making Michael jump.
He cast a quick glance Kieran’s way. “Have a good day,” Michael said before scurrying away.
Gavin headed for the door behind him, speaking over his shoulder as he went. “I’ll wait outside for you, Hen, and let you say your goodbyes.”
Kieran’s ire slipped away the moment they were alone. The way Henley watched him with hunger reminded Kieran of why Henley hadn’t been ready to go when Gavin had arrived for their scheduled practice time. The tails of Kieran’s untucked dress shirt hid the wet spot on his pants where Henley had his dick leaking in his underwear. Henley crossed the room. Kieran’s cock stirred once more. Henley’s mouth covered his the instant the distance disappeared between them. He massaged Kieran’s erection through his pants, as if he wasn’t leaving.
With unmatched skill, Henley quickly unbuttoned and unzipped Kieran’s pants, freeing Kieran’s cock. “I can’t leave you hanging all day,” Henley said as he changed angles and deepened their kiss. He jacked Kieran’s dick without mercy. The man knew Kieran too well. He knew exactly how to make Kieran come fast. Even though Kieran didn’t have time to savor the building pressure before exploding, he orgasmed hard. It stole his breath and left him gasping.
Henley chuckled against his lips. “Goddamn, baby. That was a good one.”
Kieran couldn’t speak. He was too busy trying to recover.
Henley glanced down at himself. Cum coated the shirt he’d just donned. “Lucky thing I have another in my bag.” He wiped his hand on his shirt as he headed for his bag. Kieran braced his palms on his desk and fought for air as he watched Henley change shirts. His husband wasn’t even hard—like their encounter hadn’t affected him at all. Kieran’s body hummed with joy. His heart hurt. Something was wrong between them. It grew every day and Kieran didn’t know what it was or how to fix it. It wasn’t even anything obvious. Kieran simply had a bad feeling in his gut—like something wasn’t right.
With a fresh shirt covering his gorgeous torso, Henley came back to tend to Kieran. He kept his gaze locked on his hands as he unbuttoned Kieran’s shirt. “I love you.”
Kieran’s eyes burned. “I love you too.”
He pushed Kieran’s shirt down his arms, undressing him like a child. “When I get home, we’ll finish this,” Henley said as he used the balled-up material to clean Kieran’s skin.
“I’ll be here.”
At Kieran’s claim, Henley met Kieran’s gaze. “Am I in danger of that ever not being the case?”
Kieran knew it was true then. Henley felt the same uneasiness too—like the calm before the storm. Kieran snagged Henley’s shirt, hauling him forward. “I’m not going anywhere,” Kieran swore before touching his lips to Henley’s. He wanted to bite the man’s lips and stake his claim. Instead, he kissed Henley softly. He needed to know, if he didn’t hold on so tightly, if Henley would pull away. Henley shuffled closer, kissing him back every bit as sweetly. Kieran’s chest ached. He hated this feeling inside him. Henley meant everything. Without him, nothing in Kieran’s life meant a damn thing.
Henley pulled away. He stroked Kieran’s jaw. “I love you, baby. Have a good day.”
Kieran swallowed past the lump in his throat. “I love you too, and you too. Call me if you need me to bring you anything.” It seemed like Henley never remembered to take everything with him to practice.
“I will,” Henley said before pressing another quick kiss to Kieran’s lips. “Bye, baby,” Henley said as he headed for the door.
“Bye,” Kieran said too late for Henley to hear it, since he’d already closed Kieran’s office door behind him. In truth, he’d been scared to say goodbye. Lately, it felt like every time he did, it might be the last.
Si
nce making her confession to Cal over a month ago, Mara had been set free. Having Cal confirm her fears gave her closure. Landon and Early had used her. That stung. Still, she didn’t regret them. Even if they weren’t who she’d wanted them to be, she’d loved them. She knew that had been real on her end. Mara felt lighter than she had in over a year. Even though singing badly at the top of her lungs and dancing like no one was watching had always been ways she combated depression, Mara loved singing other times as well. If she tried, sometimes she could match a pitch to the original singer; she didn’t care that much when she was alone. Acting ridiculous was the whole point.
Mara belted out an old song. She used to dance with her mother to it while they folded clothes on Sunday. It made her smile, remembering those days. Her mom hadn’t dated anyone else after Mara’s dad left. Instead, she focused every ounce of her attention on Mara. Lilly Carmen had been the greatest mother in the world. Mara missed her like crazy. She didn’t feel quite so far away when Mara sang.
“You’re beautiful.”
A startled cry escaped Mara, and she spun. Cal stood in the doorway, looking guilty. She wondered if it was for sneaking up on her, or for his words. He wasn’t one to give his opinion often.
“On the inside,” Cal added, looking horrified—like he couldn’t understand why he kept talking. “Not that you’re not gorgeous on the outside as well, but everyone knows that.” Cal shrugged. “You’re beautiful on the inside,” Cal finished, sounding defeated.
Strangely, it was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to her. Mostly because it was Cal. He didn’t speak unnecessarily, so Mara felt like—when he did—he meant his words more than other people.
“You too,” Mara said, because she believed it was true, and she knew it would make him smile.
Cal’s mouth lifted in one corner, as if he fought his smile. “It would be rude to call you a liar.”
“Among other things,” Mara agreed. “So,” she said, moving on before she made Cal uncomfortable. “New Orleans is playing Phoenix tonight. It’s a home game. I have tickets. Would you like to go with me?”
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