“Let’s not talk about it now,” Henley begged as he straddled Kieran’s hips.
Kieran stared up at him, willing to give him anything. “Whatever you want. I can iron out the details of your retirement first thing in the morning,” Kieran added, because he was still in charge and they would talk about this.
Henley’s smile said he wasn’t bothered. “You just couldn’t let that pass. Could you?”
“You should’ve seen it coming.”
“I really should have,” Henley admitted, leaning down and touching his lips to Kieran’s. Kieran’s heart soared. Honestly, it didn’t matter what happened tomorrow with Henley’s career. Whatever came next, they were in it together.
Cal’s house was a lot nicer than Mara imagined. It wasn’t that she’d thought he lived in a dive somewhere. Cal was a single guy. She’d expected a bachelor pad. His house was gorgeous. It wasn’t huge. From the quick tour he’d given her, she knew he had four bedrooms, one he used as an office, and another as a home gym. She didn’t try staying in the spare, and Cal didn’t try making her.
“Would you like something to drink?”
Mara shook her head at Cal’s questions. “I think I just want to go to bed. It’s been a day.”
Cal’s expression remained solemn as he nodded. “My room is down here.”
Mara followed him down the hall. Even through his t-shirt, she could see the way his muscles moved. Her mouth went dry. Maybe she should’ve taken that drink after all. There was no chance they’d be doing anything other than sleeping. Cal had made his position clear. He worked for her. That was a line he wouldn’t cross. All the knowledge and good sense in the world didn’t stop her from wanting to run her palm up his back and feel those muscles that were teasing her. It had been so damn long since she’d really touched anyone. Mara wasn’t sure she still had it in her. Maybe she would destroy Cal if she tried. Maybe that was all she ever did.
They were standing inside a military clean room without Mara’s brain on board. She’d been too busy enjoying the vision of Cal to really inspect the house. She glanced around the room, giving her eyes something else to do. The bed was a queen—like he didn’t share it and never intended to do so. She set her bag in a chair near the bed.
“I need to get ready for bed. If you need this bathroom,” Cal said, motioning toward an open doorway inside the bedroom. “I can use the one down the hall.”
Mara shook her head. “Go ahead. I’m sure all your stuff is in there. I can find the one down the hall if I need it.”
With a nod, Cal headed inside and closed the door between them. While Cal was in the bathroom, Mara undressed and pulled on her gown. The bathroom door opened. Cal stepped out wearing a t-shirt that stretched too tight across his muscles and a pair of pj pants. Mara could barely breathe. Cal put off such a menacing vibe, Mara wasn’t sure anyone looked too closely at him. She did. He was beautiful. Cal always flinched when anyone accidentally brushed against him, or walked too close, for that matter. Mara wanted to run her hands all over him and feel him go hard beneath her touch. She somehow managed to fight the temptation.
Instead, she motioned toward a lamp in the corner. “Is it okay if we leave that light on? I don’t like the dark.”
Cal nodded as he pulled the covers back on the bed without looking at her. “I never turn it off,” he said as he sat on the edge of the mattress with his back to her. “Sorry about this.” Cal removed his prosthetic and set it aside. “I can’t sleep with it on.” He still wasn’t looking at her. It was making Mara a little nuts.
She climbed onto the bed. “Why are you apologizing? I just admitted to a fear of the dark.” She snuggled down beneath the covers. They smelled clean. Crisp—like fresh from the dryer. Mara caught herself snuggling deeper to get a better sniff.
Cal glanced over his shoulder. “There are ghosts in the dark.” He wasn’t teasing her. Cal meant it. “I never sleep with the light off.”
Mara turned on her side, facing him when he finally stretched out beside her. “When Landon and Early died, I started alternating between sleeping with the light on and off. It was an experiment to see which felt emptier. You’d think the dark would hide the emptiness, but it doesn’t. It made me forget I was alone, and that’s worse than having the light on.”
“I have nightmares,” Cal said, sounding ashamed. “That’s why I’m only staying here until you fall asleep. I don’t want to risk accidentally hurting you if I wake up not knowing where I am. Once you’re asleep, I’ll move to the chair.”
Considering his headaches, Mara was horrified by the thought of him sleeping sitting up. “No. You’re staying put. If anyone needs to sleep in the chair, I’ll do it.”
To her surprise, Cal chuckled. It was low, deep, and oh so fucking hot. “It’s not like I don’t have another bed. I want to watch over you.”
“You’re not doing it from the chair,” Mara said, digging her heels in. “I swear you won’t hurt me.”
Cal shook his head, but he was still smiling. “You can’t promise that.”
Stubbornness Mara hadn’t experienced in a long time set in. “I can promise any damn thing I like. You’re not sleeping in the chair. If you have a nightmare, I’ll take care of you. Understood?”
Laughter danced in Cal’s eyes, making him look ten years younger. “Yes, ma’am.”
“How old are you?” Even Mara didn’t know where the question came from. She simply wanted to know everything about him.
“Thirty-four. It’s legal for you to be in bed with me,” he added with laughter lacing his words.
Without thought, she punched him in the arm. She half expected he’d transform into the version of himself everyone else saw the moment her fist connected with his arm. Instead, his smile grew and he rubbed the spot where she’d hit him. Her chest warmed. She closed her eyes against the sight of him before she did something stupid. “Smart ass,” she grumbled to herself. “I’m thirty-two, by the way,” she said when it occurred to her she hadn’t given him the same information he’d given her.
“I know,” he said quietly, as if trying to soothe her into sleeping. “Before my first day, I researched you.” He brushed her hair away from her face. Mara fought the urge to open her eyes and stare at him some more. His fingertips skimmed her jaw. Her nipples hardened. She wanted to crawl across the bed and straddle his body—test his control. But Cal was right; she’d couldn’t do those things as long as he worked for her. Landon and Early had scarred her. If she touched him, and he let her, she’d always wonder if he used her for some gain. She’d always worry it was a game. Mara needed someone who didn’t depend on her. She wanted someone who wanted her for her and not what she could do for them.
It hadn’t been Cal’s intention to ever touch her. Lusting from afar was more his thing. Mara closed her eyes, leaving Cal free to stare at her without judgment or witnesses. So he did. She looked young, alone, and vulnerable. There was nothing tainted about her despite her beliefs to the contrary. Mara hurt but kept on living—just like him. She was so goddamn beautiful, and she smelled like heaven. An itch started at the back of his brain. Mara was the only person whose touch didn’t hurt. A question nagged at his gut. What would happen if he kissed her? He needed to know.
“Mara.”
“Yes?” She was sweet and trusting. Her eyes never opened—like she was safe with him. She wasn’t.
“I know you still need me to keep you in contract for the final weeks of filming. For that reason, I’ll keep going with you to the set, but I quit.”
A line appeared between her eyes a half second before they flew open. “What? Why?”
Cal shifted onto his elbow, hovering over her. “It’s not personal,” he promised. “I’m about to cross a line,” he said before covering her mouth with his. Mara didn’t push him away or tense. Still, he only pressed his lips to hers and waited. Cal didn’t know if he expected a nightmare would claim him and rip him away from the moment or if he thought Mara would hit him, but
he couldn’t move. He was frozen with his lips clinging to hers. Fear and uncertainty owned him. It had been seven years since he’d kissed anyone. That was a hell of a statistic to pull from his brain at that exact moment. The shaking in his gut could’ve been fear or lust. He no longer knew.
Mara opened her mouth and sucked his bottom lip between her teeth and tugged. Lust won. His body didn’t need his brain’s permission any longer. Without thought, he delved inside, licking the edge of Mara’s tongue. His weight shifted until Cal found himself cradled between Mara’s thighs. As their tongues clashed, Cal’s hips moved. His erection ground against her mound. Their clothes irritated his skin. A thin layer of sweat broke out across his body. His fingers found the edge of her gown and pushed it higher. He needed to feel her perfection. She was as unblemished as he was scarred. The more of her he bared, the more Cal wanted. He kept dragging the material higher until Mara let him pull it up and over her head. He tossed it aside and reclaimed her mouth. It might’ve been seven years, but he hadn’t forgotten what he liked. Cal nibbled on Mara’s lips as he toyed with her bare breasts. He wanted to taste her. All of her. He shifted lower. His teeth scraped her throat as headed south. The tiny sounds escaping Mara drove him. He needed those whimpers to turn to moans. Cal nipped at her collarbone before moving to her breasts. He took turns lapping at her nipples. His dick leaked in his underwear. He ignored it. By now, his cock should be used to neglect. Mara was the exception to every rule he’d set for himself. Masturbation meant letting go—feeling. Cal didn’t like to feel. Mara had his body on fire. He felt everything, except the pain he expected. Even his thoughts seemed to belong to her. Nothing touched him except her.
Cal’s lips kept moving lower. He had to know. He couldn’t recall the last time he’d been filled with such an insatiable need to fucking know how every inch of someone tasted. Mara’s body had been teasing him for months, no matter how hard he tried not to see her. Mara was all he ever saw. Even when his eyes were closed.
His fingers grasped the edge of her panties as his tongue circled her navel. Her hips lifted, giving him all the permission he needed to slip them down. He shifted onto his knees long enough to slide her underwear off and toss them aside. As much as he wanted to stay in that position, eating her alive with his gaze, Cal’s tongue demanded he get back to work. Memorizing the taste of her body was a job that wouldn’t do itself. For a half second, before his lips collided with her skin, the flush covering her body fascinated him. She was turned on. It struck him as odd. He’d been so focused on what he wanted, he’d stopped considering her reactions. Cal needed this. He needed her.
Without preamble, he tossed her leg over his shoulder and opened his mouth over her pussy. His eyes fell closed as he tongued her hole and slit. He licked and nipped with no real goal in mind beyond savoring his meal. Mara moved against his mouth. A loud moan filled the room, penetrating his haze. His purpose shifted. He needed her to make that sound again. Cal found her clit and sucked. Mara’s fingers found his hair and tugged. A smile curled his lips. He circled the tiny bud with his tongue. She whimpered. He wanted her to scream. Cal flattened his tongue against her clit and lapped at it without mercy. Every sound she made had him craving another, until she writhed beneath him. Her muscles tensed. He doubled his efforts, delving his fingers inside, mimicking the way he’d fuck her. His name left her lips as her channel pulsed around his fingers. Air left his lungs like he’d been running a marathon as he kissed his way back up her body. His stomach shook as their lips met. The inside of his underwear was soaked, but he already knew he wouldn’t find relief. He’d gone farther tonight than he had in years. His neck ached and his head pounded from holding back the floodgates. Hot tears pressed at the backs of his eyes, making him feel weak. This woman letting him touch her was beautiful inside and out. He wasn’t. Cal was horribly scarred beneath his clothes. Under his skin, he was irreparable.
Mara’s tongue brushed his sweetly, accepting her own juices. Damn, everything about her got to him. Her hand slid lower, finding the edge of his pants. He covered her hand with his, stopping her before she delved inside. He dragged her hand higher, bringing it to his lips as he rolled to his side, putting his weight on his hip so he wouldn’t squash Mara.
Cal took his time, kissing each knuckle. He kept his eyes pressed tightly closed. If Mara was disappointed in him, he couldn’t see it. Everything felt ready to break. “Thank you,” he whispered, holding her hand to his mouth. Even if this was the worst sexual encounter of Mara’s life, he needed her to know she’d given him more than he’d thought to ever have again. He’d thought any sense of intimacy was lost to him forever. Even if Mara never spoke to him again, once filming ended, he’d think about her for the rest of life.
Mara came awake with a start. She glanced at the clock. Barely two hours had passed, but she hadn’t realized she’d fallen asleep. The bed beside her was empty. Her gaze shot toward the chair. It was empty as well. After finding her gown, she went in search of Cal. She poked her head in each room she passed, barely sparing them a glance each time she didn’t find Cal. Finally, she found him working out in the home gym. Her feet froze to the floor at the first sight of him. He wore only shorts. Sweat glistened on his hard body. The power he showed had her sitting on the floor near the door, hoping not to get caught watching. Each pull up Cal did was done with ease—like a machine, perfectly timing each lift. Mara was mesmerized. Cal’s body was scarred in a way she couldn’t have imagined. Deep lines and ragged marks marred his back. It looked as if chunks had been cut from his flesh and left to heal with no medical treatment. Her heart broke for the pain he must’ve endured. Her body ached to feel him pressing against her once more. Scars were nothing. Cal was fucking sexy as sin. Strength oozed from his pores, making her long to lick him just to get a taste. She pressed her knees together to ease the building ache.
Cal dropped from the bar and turned. Their gazes collided and he froze. His lips parted in surprise. Mara’s gaze slid down his body. His front was every bit as scarred as the back. Those abs, though. Mara’s mouth watered. Cal reached for his shirt. Mara moved to her feet and closed the distance between them before Cal could cover himself. She didn’t want him to hide. Not from her.
She grabbed his shirt, intent on tossing it away. A slight tug of war ensued before Cal finally let her have it. The wary look in his eyes made her chest hurt. She couldn’t let this go on. Uncaring of the sweat coating his skin, Mara invaded his space. Her fingers skimmed his chest, his sides, and his abs.
She kissed the spot between his pecs where a long, jagged scar ran the length of his torso. “I woke up alone,” she said against his skin, trying to keep the accusation from her voice.
His fingers found her hair. She felt the lightest brush through her curls. “I couldn’t sleep.”
“You should’ve woke me. I would’ve kept you company.” Mara couldn’t stop touching him as she made the claim.
“I thought you said no health nuts on your watch,” Cal said with laughter lacing his words.
Mara took a step back and looked up at the bar Cal had been using moments earlier. “Who knows. I might not be too bad at this.” She jumped, snagging the bar and pulling herself up. A laugh escaped her as her gown rose a little too high and she realized she’d forgotten her panties. Now she had to try to get back down with her dignity intact.
Cal’s hands moved up the backs of her thighs as he moved in and urged her legs around his waist. He encircled her hips and she let go, trusting he wouldn’t let her fall. Mara automatically wrapped her arms around his neck and held on. Up close, Cal’s light blue eyes were even more amazing. Mara couldn’t look away.
“I need a shower.”
Mara didn’t release him. “Are you running away?”
Cal licked his lips, drawing Mara’s gaze their way. Damn, she wanted to taste them again, but she had to stop Cal from getting away. He didn’t respond to her question. Mara found the curls at his nape and toyed with them, refusing to
move from his hold.
“Talk to me, Cal. What’s the worst that could happen if you stayed like this just a few moments longer?”
“I could decide I love you a half second before I watch your expression turn to hate when you realize I’m way more fucked up than you believe.” Every word Cal spoke punched Mara in the chest. Not because Cal believed they were true, but because Mara wanted him to love her. A sardonic smile touched Cal’s lips. “I can see it in your eyes that you know I’m right.”
Mara shook her head. “That’s not what you’re seeing.”
“What am I seeing?” Cal asked quietly, as if scared of spooking her.
“Longing.” The word barely died on her lips before Cal’s mouth met hers. It was an explosion of heat. Cal’s tongue filled her mouth. She sucked, needing all of him. His kiss gentled, so did Mara. He led her every move. She let it happen. The way he licked the edge of her tongue was everything. Mara never wanted it to end. She tried touching every inch of him she could reach. Cal did something for her she’d never thought to have again. He kissed her like she mattered.
Cal pulled away. “There isn’t a single condom in this house.”
Mara shook her head. “That’s not what I’m after.”
His gaze never wavered from hers. “What are you after?”
“This,” Mara admitted. “Just this.”
One of Cal’s knees hit the floor, followed by the other. He held tightly to her body until he could gently lower her onto her back. The way he held her stare as he covered her body with his had Mara breathless. She hadn’t lied. This was all she wanted. She didn’t want to push Cal. He needed patience and time. Cal deserved someone with a beautiful soul. Someone who could heal him.
“You deserve someone better than me,” Mara said, clinging tightly to Cal despite her claim.
Cal’s mouth lifted in one corner. “What would I do with someone untouched by life? They’d never understand me. Not like you do,” Cal said before capturing her lips once more. This time, it was different. He was soft. Mara couldn’t think any longer. All she could do was feel. She had time later to remind herself of all the ways she could fail him.
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