by Donna Alward
“All right. Jess, your go.”
Branson didn’t ask questions, just watched as they took turns laying cards and occasionally moved their pegs on the board. Jess’s brow wrinkled each time she considered her play, and he thought she looked adorable. Jeremy sat back in his chair in an indolent posture, very reminiscent of his body language in school. And Tori sat straight and kept an easy expression on her face. He bet she’d be good at poker.
When all the cards had been played, they counted points in some weird format that had something to do with fifteens and runs. Jess had a dozen points, putting her within a few of Tori. There was laughter when Jeremy had four points, keeping him short of the line that had an S beside it. And Tori moved only six. Apparently the four extra cards were hers, too, but to Jess and Jeremy’s glee, contained no points.
“One more hand,” Jess said, “and this time the crib is mine.”
He grabbed a handful of chips and watched.
Jeremy laid a seven after Jess, which gave him two points, putting him one shy of the skunk line. Another round he announced “thirty-one for two” and it put him over, which caused a victorious whoop. “What happens if he doesn’t cross?” Bran asked.
“You lose double,” Tori replied, grinning. “You just snuck over, Jer.”
They continued. Jess played a card and gave a yelp of triumph as she moved three points, so close to Tori and ever closer to the final hole on the board.
At that moment the sound of a baby crying interrupted the game. Jess frowned. “Darn, I’m sorry. I think I woke her.”
“It’s all right. She’ll be fine until we finish this hand.”
But Bran looked at Tori and noticed that her relaxed face now had the shadow of tension around her eyes. Tori played a card, and then it was Jess’s turn; Rose’s crying got louder.
“We can pause the game,” Jeremy said. “It’s no big deal.”
Bran tamped down the apprehension building in his chest and stood. “You guys finish. You’re nearly done. I’ll go get her.”
He walked to the bedroom with heavy steps, totally unsure of himself but knowing he needed to do this sometime. Rose was two months old and he had yet to hold her, even though Jeremy and Tori had named him her godfather. The cries reminded him of a little lamb, bleating with distress. After taking a deep breath, he stepped into the room, went to the bed and scooped her up from the pillow barrier that Tori had set up, even though Rose was nowhere near old enough to roll over yet.
The moment he cradled her against his chest, her cries changed to whimpers. She was so tiny and warm, and he could hear her sucking on her fist as he tucked the light blanket close around her. She smelled like baby lotion and the combination of milk and diapers, and the familiarity of it snuck in and pierced his heart. But there was more than pain there now. There was emptiness but also something more, something warm and glowing that crept in around the corners. Memories that were bitter but also sweet. Her soft, downy head nuzzled into his neck and his throat closed with emotion, tears stinging the backs of his eyes.
“Hello, Rosie. I’m your godfather.” He kept his voice low and soothing, and he rocked back and forth a bit as he used to with Owen when he’d been fussy. The cranky noises eased into something that was half-slurp and half-coo, and he closed his eyes and rested his cheek against her.
“You want your mama, huh? Let’s go find her.”
He reentered the kitchen, and the room suddenly quieted at the sight of him with the baby in his arms. Cards were forgotten in hands as Jeremy’s eyes widened and Tori...ah, damn, Tori gave an emotional sniff, and he found his own emotions raw and hovering right at the surface.
Then Jess was there, getting up from her chair and pasting on a smile. “Oh, there’s my girl! Look at her all sleepy and snuggly.” She went to Bran and didn’t take Rose from him, but put her hand on the baby’s back. “Tori, do you want me to change her?”
Jess’s interference seemed to jolt the others into action, and Tori put down her cards. “Oh, sure, that’d be great! I can get a bottle ready while you do that. Thanks, Jess.”
“It’s okay. I know where your bag is.”
She retrieved a diaper and wipes from the diaper bag in the kitchen, and then motioned for him to follow. He did, following her into the bedroom, where she put down a soft flannel blanket and then took Rose from his arms.
“Unless you want to do the honors?” she asked.
“I, uh...”
She looked up at him, a blinking Rose in her arms. “Baby steps?”
He nodded, unable to say anything more. But he watched as she deftly undid Rose’s soft pajamas, changed her diaper and dressed her again, talking softly to the baby the whole time.
“You’re very good with her,” he observed, his emotions once again riding very close to the surface.
“I like babies.” She picked up Rose and set her on her arm. “Isn’t that right, sweetie?” And then she met Bran’s eyes. “I’d like to have my own someday. But that option hasn’t really presented itself. And I’m not at the point where I’m prepared to take things into my own hands.”
“You’d like a family, then.”
She nodded. “I would. Figuring out how that would fit into my life is another story.”
With Rose tidied and dressed, there was no reason to linger, and Jess headed back to the kitchen. But Bran hesitated a moment.
She wanted a family. Babies of her own. If he’d ever thought that this could work between them at all, the idea just died a quick death. He never wanted to do that again. No matter how sweet Rose was. Or how adorable Jess’s children would be, with their sunrise hair and blue-green eyes, and a healthy dose of freckles.
Back in the kitchen, he watched while Jess, Jeremy and Tori played out their final hand. Jeremy was over the skunk line, and Jess gave Tori a run for her money, but Tori won by three small points. Rose was in Tori’s arms, the bottle braced up so she could eat, and Jeremy pegged the last points for his wife.
“Well,” Tori said, sitting back. “That was fun. You’re a fast learner, Jess.”
“You’re a good teacher. Another drink? Anyone want more snacks?”
“We should probably be going,” Jeremy said, looking at Bran briefly.
Bran wanted to say that there was no need, that he hadn’t come for a specific reason, but the truth was, he had. To test the waters, so to speak. Hoping that Jess’s silence wasn’t her being angry at him. That she’d been just as busy as he had.
“Yes, and once Rose is fed, she’ll go back to sleep. If I can put her in her crib for the night, I might get some good sleep, too.”
“Or, you know. Pay attention to your husband.”
“Or that.” Her grin was teasing but their gazes held, and Bran knew that look. They were so in love. Despite having a baby, they were still in the stage of not getting enough of each other.
He looked at Jess, whose cheeks had gone pink as she picked up dirty glasses from the table.
A few minutes later, Tori and Jeremy said their goodbyes and the house was quiet again. Bran cleared his throat. “I’m sorry I interrupted tonight. I should have called first.”
Jess put the glasses in the small dishwasher and shrugged. “It’s fine. We were just playing some cards. Tori hasn’t gotten out a lot since Rose was born, and doesn’t want to leave her with a sitter yet. I think Jeremy was getting a little worried.”
She closed the dishwasher and turned to face him. “Was Jennie like that? How old was Owen before you got a sitter?”
He frowned and turned away. “Don’t ask me things like that.”
But she stepped forward. “Was tonight the first time you held Rose?”
“Jess. Stop.” His voice was firm. “I didn’t come over to talk about babies, okay? I just... I realized that it’s been three days and I didn’t call, and I was feeling like a heel about i
t.”
She stopped and stared at him, angling her head a bit as if trying to puzzle him out. “I didn’t call you, either.”
“Why?”
She looked over at her small living room and then back at him. “To be honest, I needed some time to think. And I’ve been painting. A lot.”
He let out a breath and some of the tension tightening his body. “I’ve been writing, too.”
“I guess our trip was inspiring.” Her eyes lit with a bit of the fire he loved, and he was transported back to the hotel room. The way she looked, tasted, sounded.
“So...”
“So I’m not the kind of woman who has to be called hours after being dropped off. I’m not that insecure, Bran. And we both agreed this is not...a real relationship. We want different things. Besides, I have no claim on you or your time. I told myself I was just going to enjoy what time we had.”
Her words should have made him feel better, as they essentially let him off the hook. But somehow they didn’t, and he couldn’t pinpoint why.
“Had,” he said quietly. “Past tense?”
“That’s up to you.” She moved forward. “It got to be too much for you, didn’t it?”
“I don’t know.” He paused and ran his hand through his hair. “It’s just a lot. I’m dealing with a lot. You’re the first woman I’ve been with since Jennie. And yeah, tonight was the first time I’ve held Rose. I’m moving back into the world of the living, but it’s hard. I’m not sure I have it in me to navigate...nuance. With a relationship.”
She nodded as if she understood completely, but how could she?
“Would it help if we set ground rules?”
He gestured to the small table and chairs. “Can we sit to discuss this? I feel weird standing here, as if we’re facing off.”
She obliged him by taking a seat, but angled her chair so that their knees bumped slightly. It helped that she was touching him, actually. Like an anchor to keep him grounded, when he could very easily be overwhelmed.
He could still smell the scent of baby, and his brain remembered a past life he couldn’t access anymore. And never would again.
If anything, the past month had taught him that he could move forward without them.
“We both agreed this is a summer thing. That I’ll be going back to Chicago and my own life, and you’ll be here or wherever else you call home.” She folded her hands in her lap. “And since we really do like each other, I think we also agree that there might be a little bit of fear that we’ll get too attached to each other.”
“Like?” He lifted an eyebrow.
She smiled gently. “Okay, more than like. I care about you, Bran, and I think you care about me. And neither of us wants to get hurt, or be responsible for hurting the other person.”
“True.”
“So, ground rules. I’ll go first. No more overnights.”
He blinked. He’d thought she was going to say no sex, but she’d said no staying over. He nodded, thinking of how the intimacy of waking up together made things so much more complicated. “Agreed.” Then he added a condition of his own. “No declarations.”
“Declarations?”
Bran wasn’t sure how to word this one. “I mean, we care about each other. But we both agree that this isn’t going to turn into love. I’m not ready for that and like you said, we want different things. So no declarations of love.”
“Absolutely. No danger there.”
It made him pause for a moment, how quickly she’d said “no danger there.” Again, he knew he should be relieved, so why was there this nagging feeling that something was off?
He pushed the feeling aside and ticked off another one on his fingers. “Space to create, and no getting upset when either of us is unavailable because we’re working.”
She grinned at him. “That’s an easy one.”
“Maybe. But not for a lot of people. Not everyone gets it.”
“Canceling plans is fine, but the courtesy of a call is nonnegotiable. That’s just being polite.”
“Deal. Or at least... I’ll try. I’ve been known to lose track of time. Anything else?”
She studied him for a long moment. “We agree that we can add to the ground rules as needed if and when things come up we didn’t think of tonight.”
It was odd, setting rules for something as simple as a casual relationship, but Bran also knew that setting the rules now meant their relationship would stay casual, which was what he wanted. What they both wanted.
He let out a sigh. “Does this feel weird to you?”
And then she laughed, that light, musical sound that he enjoyed so very much, and he smiled, too. The awkwardness and tension of the evening fell away, and she leaned forward, putting her hand over his. “Of course it does. But we both feel the need to protect ourselves, and Bran, I needed to be honest. The only way this is going to work is if we’re honest with each other.”
Something undefinable flickered behind her eyes, and he briefly wondered what it was, but then she got up from her chair and went to stand in front of him. “And now,” she whispered, “will you please kiss me? Because I’ve been dying for you to for over an hour.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
SETTING GROUND RULES seemed to be working. Jess was an early bird, so she was up early each morning, sketching and painting, and usually touched base with Bran when she broke for lunch. Some days they’d venture into the nearby town for errands; sometimes she drove to his house and they spent the day on the beach below his low cliffs, dipping into the ocean and soaking in the sun.
They made love on a blanket in the sand, and in his enormous bed. One evening there was a thunderstorm and the power went out, and so they gathered all the candles he had and put them around the bedroom, making love to the sound of the rain.
She loved his house. Even though it was big, it wasn’t cold. No expense had been spared, and sometimes they cooked dinner together in his vast kitchen, which was much better equipped than the boathouse. One afternoon he wrote in his den, and she pulled a book out of his bookcases and read. And because that first day she’d mentioned the Jacuzzi, she arrived one evening to find a bath drawn and a glass of wine waiting from the bottle she’d gifted him, so she could soak and watch the ocean through the windows. It had felt incredibly extravagant and surreal. Even more surreal when he’d held her towel when she got out...
But she didn’t stay over, and he didn’t stay at the boathouse, either.
It should have been absolutely perfect.
Bran and Jeremy’s friend Cole came to town and stayed at Bran’s, which put a bit of a kink into their social plans. And yet Jess thought it lovely when she saw the two of them together. Cole was tall and fair, with a magnetic personality and an energy that was contagious—something that had a positive effect on Bran. He smiled more and laughed often, and Jess got a glimpse of the man he used to be. She already thought him pretty amazing. But this...it was different. For a little while, it seemed as if the weight of the world was off his shoulders, particularly when he, Cole and Jeremy were all together. She remembered what he’d said—that they were family.
Today they were all going to an island offshore to look at property. The whole island, in fact, with the exception of ten acres that was owned by someone else. Cole was considering buying it and turning the mansion into a corporate retreat that he could use for business. Jess tried not to be awestruck when she realized that she was accompanying three billionaires on a shopping spree worth what they were calling a steal—nearly seven million dollars.
The five of them were making a day of it, or at least the better part of a day. Tori’s mother was coming to stay with the baby, and it was Tori’s first day away from Rose for more than an hour. As she and Bran met the others at the wharf, Jess could tell that Tori was both excited to be going along, and anxious about leaving Rose. She put an arm a
round Tori’s shoulders and gave her a squeeze. “It’ll be all right, Mama,” she said with a smile. “Grandmas need a chance to spoil babies anyway.”
Tori smiled back. “I know. It’s just first time nerves. I’ve got to do it sometime.”
Cole had rented a boat for his stay, a fast and luxurious Boston Whaler docked at a nearby marina. The island itself wasn’t far outside the bay, but it was only accessible by boat or, Cole explained, by the helipad on-site. Tori looked at Jess and shook her head. Neither of them was used to such luxury, and Jess grinned up at Bran as he sat beside her. “Helipad, huh? Does Cole have his own helicopter?”
Bran shook his head. “Naw. He just charters when he needs to.”
Jess’s and Bran’s definition of need seemed to vary, but today she didn’t care. Today she was free and ready for fun. How often did one get to visit a private island, anyway?
Cole piloted the boat, and it wasn’t long before they were at the island. Instead of docking right away, Cole took them all the way around. Jess got a glimpse of an enormous house with well-trimmed grounds sloping toward the water; the west side had more of a rocky shoreline but the east side had a beautiful sandy beach, similar to the one at Jeremy’s, and what looked to be white, soft sand like that by the Sandpiper Resort. The dock was at the southern tip of the island. An ancient fishing boat was already docked, as well as a smaller craft.
Jeremy got off first, and held out his hand to help Tori and then Jess, with Bran and Cole following. “The other Realtor will be at the house. But there should be a golf cart up there—” he pointed to a garage-type structure at the top of the path “—that we can use to get to the main house.”
Jess followed the direction of his finger and noticed not only the garage, but a large house behind it. “That’s not the main house, is it?”
He shook his head. “Nope. There’s about ten acres that’s owned by another party. The house is hers. The rest of the island, about eighty acres or so, is what’s for sale.”
Interesting. Jess hung back and waited for Bran, and together they walked side by side behind the others. “Your friend is seriously going to buy his own island,” she said incredulously.