by Colt, Shyla
“You do that while I clean up and I’ll walk you to your car.”
“You don’t need to do that.”
“Yes, I do.” He walked away.
Symone stared after him, dazed. In a matter of minutes, he’d turned her new life upside down. I cannot do this. If I upset him, it’d mess up everything I’m trying to build here. She pushed her desire down and returned to her computer, saving and closing out the programs. She grabbed her purse, slung it over her shoulder, grabbed her keys from the desk, and headed for the door.
“Trying to leave me?”
The voice made her jump. She spun around and found Monster leaned against the wall opposite her doorway.
She shrugged.
Hurt appeared in his eyes and she instantly regretted her decision. The last thing she wanted to do was cause him pain. “Look, I’m not used to all this.”
“All what?” Monster shook his head.
“Interest.”
The harshness melted from his face. “Then you fucking need to get used to it from me.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Tell me what you need and it's done.”
“If only I knew. This is a completely new way of life for me. There’s so much you don’t know. And when you do…” A lump formed in her throat. She struggled to keep it together, blinking to keep the tears at bay. “Then everything will change.”
“No.”
“Don’t say that when you have no clue what my past is filled with.”
“Why? I don’t give a fuck about then. I care about now.”
She laughed. “So easy to say.”
“Because I mean that shit.”
“Right? You’re a man. If your lips are moving, lies are being told.”
He recoiled as if she slapped him. “That’s not me, Symone.”
“Yeah, we’ll see.”
“Yes, we will. Let’s go before I prove just how wrong you are and how easily I could slip past those high walls you’ve placed up as defense. Newsflash, they won’t work on me.”
“And why not?” she snapped, raising her voice.
“Because I know those tactics and the reasoning behind them. You don’t want to open up because you were hurt. Deep down to the bone and it almost crushed your spirit to smithereens. See, I’m intimately familiar with that expression. I’ve seen it in the mirror every day for longer than I want to remember.”
She closed her eyes. He understands.
“I’m a monster, I recognize and realize this, but even Frankenstein had a bride.
“You’re not a monster.”
“You don’t know the things I’ve done, babe. My hands are covered in blood so red it’ll never wash away. And I see myself in the mirror.”
He looked down and her heart ached. “I thought you said past doesn’t matter.”
“Yours, babe. Mine matters a whole hell of a lot.” He pushed away from the wall. “Let’s get out of here.”
She followed behind him feeling as though she’d damaged something very fragile. Pausing only to kill the lights and lock the front door, they arrived at her car soon after. He reached his hand out for the keys and she placed them in his palm, too tired to fight him about his chivalrous acts. He unlocked the door and rested his arms against the frame as he watched her get in and buckle her seatbelt. Leaning over her in the seat, he put the key in, the ignition and turned it over. He backed out and stopped. “You’re probably right to stay away from me, Symone. I wish I could be a better man and return the favor.” He shut the door and walked over to his bike, leaving her speechless.
The man was a tangled web of emotions, pulling in opposite directions. She wanted to reach out and help him. There was a softness she wanted to nurture and help grow. It amazed her, the way he’d by-passed her defenses like a world-class thief hacking a security system. Knowing he wouldn’t leave until she did, Symone shifted her car into reverse and took off out of the parking lot. Muddled about the man—what he offered and what she wanted. She let her mind go blank and enjoyed the drive. The wheels on the pavement and the music coming through her speakers gave her a place to escape.
* * * *
Stupid, stupid, stupid. He cursed himself out as he paced the length of his room feeling like a caged animal. He’d made a move and she’d balked. And how can I blame her? He’d come on too strong and scared the shit out of her. I knew better. She’s skittish and I’m twice her size. His anger with himself, deepened. This might be my only shot. Negative thoughts whipped around inside his head like a dark tornado. I have to get her off my mind.
He left his room and prowled down the hallway looking for a distraction. The sound of cheers out back drew him to the back door. The semi-circle of people told him they were hosting an impromptu bare-knuckled fight. Now and then, they put together events to earn paper, but this was a way to blow off steam. He pushed his way through the crowd and watched as two of the prospects exchanged blows.
Equally matched, both Taco and Flash had tall, lean builds and stood just under six feet tall. Flash caught Taco with a hard left. Blood flew from his mouth. Taco stumbled back. His eyes glazed. Flash seized the moment and dug into him with a left-right combo. He finished him off with a vicious uppercut that lifted Taco’s body off the ground. The crowd oohed. Taco hit the ground with a thud and lay still.
Loco stepped over his body and grabbed Flash’s wrist. He lifted it up. “And the winner is, Flash.”
Cheers rose up around him. Monster stepped up. “Now, who wants to challenge me?”
Silence fell. He balled his fists, itching to relieve some tension and fight his demons the only way he knew how…with violence. He beat the voices away with his fists to flesh.
“I will.” Rock stepped up. Shaved bald, the brown-skinned brother was named for his solid, six-foot-two inch frame.
“Bring it, brother,” Monster said rolling his shoulders.
Rock tilted his head from one side to the other.
The sound of crackling bones broke the hush. Boots stomped on the ground. Roars of approval came from their brethren.
The prospect had been around about a year and was now on the verge of being patched in. He was steady like his name. Dependable in a pinch and pretty mellow in temperament, he was the kind of person you were happy to have at your back.
“Holy shit boys. We got ourselves a real battle. Get your money ready,” Loco yelled.
A few prospects ran out, helped Taco up, and led him away, effectively clearing the ring.
“Bump fists gentlemen. You know the rules. No below the belt,” Loco advised.
They bumped fists, and Monster lifted his hands to his face. They began a dance as old as time, circling one another. He shifted his weight, keeping his body loose, the way his father taught him.
Rock’s fist flew out and clipped his chin.
He’s fast. Monster countered with two blows to the body.
They jumped apart and circled once more.
Rock threw a punch and Monster stepped into it, relishing the feel of a fist meeting the bones of his face as he began to pummel Rock’s body. Break down the body, bring down the man. It’s not like my face can get any worse. Rock hit him with an upper cut that rattled his brain. He stumbled back. Rock lunged forward, but the movement was sloppy. Monster stepped to the left. When Rock turned back around, he was ready for him. Monster worked his body again. Ignoring the blows raining down around his ears, he delivered another rapid succession of hits to his stomach.
They continued their back and forth.
His right eye swelled. Blood dripped from his split lip.
Rock was looking ragged too. His lip was puffy along with his left eye and Rock spit out blood.
Monster grinned. Hungry for release, he stalked toward Rock, ready to unleash his reserves. He hit Rock with a wicked right hook. The giant faltered and he went in on the attack, like a shark that’d scented blood in the water. Rock threw a few half-hearted punches. Monster swatted them away like flies
. With his rage unbridled, he was a beast.
A few minutes later, Rock fell to his knees.
Monster put a vise grip on the angry creature inside him, and let Loco call it.
“Winner and undefeated champion, Monster.”
“Monster, Monster, Monster.” The crowd chanted his name.
It was an empty victory, yet it appeased his anger. His bloodlust was sated, but he found no relief in their adoration. He shuffled toward the entrance and froze.
Two sets of eyes were glued to his. One a fathomless blue, and the other a hazel-colored pair, wide with what looked like fear.
His stomach lurched. Fuck, what is she doing here? Things were going from bad to worse. “Enjoy the fight?” Monster asked.
“Looked like you made out better than Rock,” Chase replied.
“That’s the point, to be the last man standing,” he answered Chase’s question, but his gaze remained locked with Symone’s.
“Why?” Symone whispered.
“Sometimes, a man has to work things out.”
“Yeah, it’s called talking. You should try it sometime. It’s a lot less painful,” Chase quipped.
“Women talk, men use their fists.” Monster shrugged. “The way of shit.”
“Uh-huh.”
“You come here to bust my chops?”
“You wish I cared that much about you?” Chase shot back.
He smirked. The girl always gave as good as she got. He’d give her that.
“I wanted to see you,” Symone said.
“You did?” he asked.
“I…” She glanced around.
“You want to talk somewhere more private?” Monster prompted. He searched her face for signs of fear or discomfort.
She nodded.
“Alright, my room is this way.” He took her hand and began to lead her away. “Alright, Chase, we’ll meet up with you in a few.”
The blonde opened her mouth and closed it. She turned on her heels and walked away.
They reached his room and he opened the door, allowing her to enter first. “I would’ve straightened up if I knew you’d be in here.”
“It’s okay. I—I won’t take up too much of your time.”
“Why did you come? You made it pretty clear I wasn’t welcome earlier.” He leaned back against his door and studied her.
“I—I wanted to apologize.”
“For?”
“I said things that were out of line.”
“No, you spoke your mind. Don’t apologize for that. I don’t want blind obedience and submission.”
“What do you want?”
“I thought I made that clear. You…any way I can have you.”
“You said something that didn’t’ sit well with me. You said you were a monster. I didn’t mean to make you feel like that. It’s not a problem. I’m fucking terrified of the way you make me feel, and nothing about that feeling is—monstrous.”
He ducked down to meet her gaze. “You’re not afraid of me?”
“Not in the way you’re thinking. I haven’t known a lot of kindness from men. What you offer and make me feel. It’s new and I don’t—I can’t trust it.”
“I don’t hear you denying it.”
“No, I’m not the type of woman who believes in living in denial. It never changes the truth.”
“I don’t want you to fear me, babe. We can take it slow. I told you that.”
She glanced up at him. “I don’t know how to be what you want. I—I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
“Then we can find out together.”
She laughed. “This is crazy.”
“What’s crazy?”
“You, this.” She gestured with her hands.
“Why?”
“Because it’s not anything I would’ve expected. How can you be so, so...?”
He arched an eyebrow.
“Unpredictable.”
“Sure, let’s go for that. I mean, it’s not exactly the persona you portray.”
“Babe, this is only because of you. For you. I see something I want for the first time in years and I’m dead set on getting it.”
“I’m not an it.”
“No, babe, you’re everything.”
“You don’t even know the can of worms you’re opening with me,” she whispered. “I’m two steps away from insane.”
“I like crazy.” Sensing her imminent surrender, he pushed away from the door and stepped in her space to cup the back of her head. “You’re not going to dissuade me, Symone. You and I are going to happen, babe. It’s just a matter of time. You want that, don’t you?”
She tilted her head back and peered up at him. “I want it.”
“Then, that’s what you’ll get.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I need to take a shower babe.”
“No.” She gripped his cut. “Not yet.”
He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her body to his. He inhaled her sweet tropical scent. She was curvy and soft in all the right places. The contrast felt right. This was a miniscule move toward where he wanted to be with her, but he knew damn well every journey started with a single step.
Symone cleared her throat as her body began to stiffen.
He loosened his hold, allowing his arms to fall to his sides.
“God, I don’t know why I did that.”
“Don’t…” He shook his head.
“Don’t what?”
“Cheapen what happened by taking it back.” She’d given him the world, showing up like this. Having her deny him once more would be a harsh blow to his already battered psyche.
She smoothed back her hair with her hand and remained silent.
Monster snatched up the small victory like a greedy child and held it close to his chest. “Why don’t you take a seat while I shower and change?”
She gestured toward the door. “Chase is waiting. I should join her.”
“Chase is under protection. You don’t go wandering the club alone, you understand? Misunderstandings happen fast and I’d hate to have to crush a motherfucker’s skull over it.”
Her jaw dropped.
“You feel me?” he asked.
“Y-yeah, I feel you.”
“Good. The remote to the television is in the nightstand.” He walked to his closet, grabbed a change of clothes and continued into the bathroom with more confidence than he felt. The authority she responded to was an act. She made him grasp at straws and struggle to remember the dominant alpha male he’d once been. The pain, scars, self-loathing, stares, and unveiled disgust from women had put a stranglehold on the confident, cocky teenager he’d once been. Every time he fought to form a connection between him and Symone, he battled his instincts. Being invisible had become something he was damn good at. For Symone, he’d make himself seen and heard. There was no happiness in this life without pain and sacrifice. A lesson he’d learned over the years. It was a matter of what meant more. She was the light at the end of a dark tunnel. He wouldn’t give her up without one hell of a fight.
Clean and freshly clothed, he re-entered the room.
Symone sat perched on the edge of the bed.
A smile pulled the corners of his lips upward. “Something good on?”
She jumped. “Oh, I guess. The TV is watching me more than I’m watching it.”
He snickered. “You ready to go out and mingle?”
“Whatever you want to do.” She placed her hands in her lap and bowed her head.
He watched her retreat into her shell. “Fuck that, babe. It’s about what you want.” He stalked over to the bed and kneeled down. “You don’t have to do anything to please me. Here, you do what you want.”
She shifted her weight on the bed.
He gripped her chin and forced her to look at him. “Who did this to you?”
“It took a lot of someone’s, Monster. I wanted to wait to tell you, because it’s going to kill me to watch the light drain from your eyes when you learn the truth.”
“I was a whore for hire. From the time I was sixteen, I worked in the most exclusive chattel in my neighborhood. It’s all I’ve ever known, and for the most part, I liked it. I played a role, provided a service and in exchange, I was well taken care of. Then one of the girls left and I started to want more. Gia and I, we—we plotted, planned, and waited for our chance to escape. When it came, we took it. She got away and I didn’t. Our madam, Mylandra, never let me forget that.” She touched her face. “These were a permanent reminder of my greatest failing. I’ve prayed many times over for death since that day, but it never came. We come here and I see Gia thriving, happy, and so fucking beautiful it makes my heart break. I love her and hate her at the same time. It fucks with my head daily. This is the first time I’ve ever been on my own. I don’t know what I’m doing. W-Who I am, or how I should feel. So, you can understand why I don’t think I can be the woman you need.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. You already are.”
“You don’t even know me,” she hissed.
“I know enough. Your story makes me want you more. You’re a survivor like me. You know what pain and loss are. I’m a broken man, but for you, I’ll try. See, I have a bad track record. People who depend on me get hurt. The way I look is my reminder of how much I failed my mother, my father, and my brother. I got him out that night and I let my mother burn. I knew this was my punishment, and I accepted that and all that came with it…until you.” He swallowed down the lump in his throat, relieved to voice the words out loud for the first time. The Dueling Devils didn’t exactly do the shrink thing.
Symone gasped. “How old were you?”
“Thirteen,” he whispered.
“Then you have to know none of that was your fault.”
Her eyes blazed with an emotion he couldn’t get a handle on. She cupped his face between her hands and he soaked up her gentleness. “Did you start the fire?”
“No.”
“Then why are you placing the blame on your shoulders?”
“Because I should’ve been faster and stronger, dammit. It was drilled in my head for as long as I can remember to protect my mother and keep my brother safe. I failed.” His voice shook. He closed his mouth and shook his head, unwilling to speak any more on the touchy subject.