Bronson 3

by Charles Bronson

  BEST, GEORGE (ex-international footballer) – Jailed for drink-driving and has never looked back since … he dare not!

  BOYCOTT, GEOFF (former Test cricketer and commentator) – Geoff Boycott was dropped as a commentator by newspapers and broadcasters following the outcome of a court case in France. He was found guilty of punching Margaret Moore twenty times after an argument in a hotel, in Antibes, in the South of France in October 1996.

  BRAMBELL, WILFRED (actor – deceased) – The co-star of the BBC’s 1970s television series Steptoe and Son was once caught by the police for ‘cottaging’ in public toilets (ironically, near to the BBC studios, in Shepherd’s Bush, London).

  BROWN, JAMES (soul singer) – The Godfather of Soul, the master of … etc! Drug use, gun charges and driving offences, but a great singer in spite of this. South Carolina officials pardoned him for his past crimes in that State. Brown served a two-and-a-half-year prison term after a 1988 arrest on drug and assault charges, and was convicted of a drug-related offence in 1998.

  Now this man is a man after my own heart! He entered an insurance seminar near his office and asked seminar participants if they were using his private restroom … he had a shotgun with him at the time! The police chased Brown for half-an-hour from Augusta, Georgia into South Carolina and back to Georgia. Brown was high on PCP. The only way the police could end the chase was by shooting out his tyres. And this for a man of sixty-four years old means I’m still in with a shout. Wonder if they’ll grant me a pardon?

  BUTT, NICKY (Premiership footballer) – The Manchester United midfield footballer was arrested for alleged assault. A mum of two was punched in the face during a nightclub flare-up, which led police to question Butt who spent two hours at a Cheshire police station. No charges were brought.

  CAPRIATI, JENNIFER (professional tennis player) – With all of her money she had to go and do some shoplifting. What is it with these rich chicks? Then she goes and gets involved in drug-taking … these women are flawed!

  CHARLES, CRAIG (actor and TV presenter) – The star of UK television’s Red Dwarf science-fiction series, presenter of Jailbreak and Robot Wars spent some time on remand in prison while awaiting trial over allegations of rape and sexual assault. And all over a bacon sandwich! Charles and friend, John Peploe, decided on the spur of the moment to pay a visit to a former Soho stripper who was also Charles’s former girlfriend.

  This visit resulted in Charles facing heavy charges when the former Soho stripper accused him of leading a drug-induced gang rape on her for a ‘bacon butty’ breakfast.

  When the case got to court, the comic actor said he visited the flat of the woman, a one-time girlfriend, in the early morning, on the ‘spur of the moment’ hoping that she would rustle up food for him and the coaccused, John Peploe.

  On hearing that Charles planned to marry his then ex-stripper girlfriend, the woman, aged thirty-eight, gave them cocaine and became sexually aggressive, Charles told Southwark Crown Court.

  The woman claimed that Charles arrived at her flat in Clapham, London, with Peploe and a third man called Roger, who has never been traced. She said they then raped and sexually assaulted her.

  As Charles stood in the witness box, his voice frequently came close to breaking as he denied the charge and explained how the woman had ripped off her own shorts and knickers, and then inserted various items inside her body – namely a biro, an olive oil bottle and an orange!

  Charles went on to tell the court, ‘No sex took place with this woman. I have got nothing to hide and he (Peploe) has got nothing to hide.’ He also insisted that there was no third man. ‘Would I have wrecked my life and gone to prison for four months if I had something to hide?’

  The woman making the accusations lived with Charles for about two 5 weeks and after that they saw each other occasionally for about three months, but by then the sexual relationship had then finished and he then dated another woman for about four years.

  The Liverpool-born comic described his alleged victim as ‘weird’ and she appeared to ‘have a thing’ about him.

  The prosecutor, Jeremy Carter-Manning QC, questioned Charles repeatedly about why he had decided to visit this woman for a bacon butty, saying, ‘I suggest there are many places you can get a bacon butty from.’

  In answer to this, Charles responded, ‘There are also many places you can get sex from. You don’t have to rape a woman for it. You can try and make me look as guilty as you want, but I am innocent.’

  Surprise, surprise … before the complainant had even signed a police statement, details were released to the press. Charles and his co-accused, after a lengthy trial, were acquitted of all charges.

  CROSBY, DAVID (rocker) – Rocker Crosby is a man who has lived the hard rock life – drugs, guns and served time in prison. A real rocker, not that I’m advocating drug use … a drug mug is always a drug mug.

  DENNING, CHRIS (former Radio One DJ) – Discovered the 1970s pop group the Bay City Rollers, was a good friend of convicted paedophile and pop impresario Jonathan King. Denning served three-and-a-half years in a Czech Republic prison for sexual offences against young boys; he left Prague rather sharpish after a failed attempt to extradite him to Britain.

  Now living in exile, he is wanted for a series of alleged child sex offences in Britain. The name of Jonathan King was mentioned by one of the boys involved in the Czech trial; this prompted the investigation of King by British police.

  DODD, KEN (Diddyman and funny man) – Faced tax evasion charges and was looking at the same sentence as Lester Piggot, but won his case and was acquitted.

  DOWNEY JR, ROBERT (actor) – Another drug mug! Caught red-handed carrying a gun and in possession of drugs (heroin and cocaine) in 1987. He deserved to be locked away because he failed to keep attending rehab.

  ELVIS (singer/actor now deceased) – The Legend. It’s amazing what turns up all these years later! He was arrested for supposedly fighting with two petrol pump attendants in Memphis, Tennessee, in 1956, although he was cleared of all the charges. Rumoured to have been on the payroll of the FBI; not surprising that he got off with the charges.

  GLITTER, GARY (real name Paul Gadd, glam rocker) – Engaged in downloading child pornography, received a short, sharp, four-month prison sentence and went on tour of countries, including those frequented by paedophiles, in his boat. He was acquitted of having underage sex with a teenage fan. Hope the bastard drowns.

  HOPPER, DENNIS (actor) – Arrested for driving offences and, later on, in Canada, for possession of marijuana; the drug charges were later dropped.

  KING, DON (boxing promoter and manager) – Has a rap sheet longer than my arm, a true Teflon Don.

  CAPONE, AL (known as Scarface, gangster, deceased) – Now here was a man with Teflon coating. In the end they couldn’t get him on racketeering charges so they got him on tax evasion! Capone was born on 17 January 1899, in Brooklyn, New York, USA. Before he was fourteen years old, he was a member of two gangs. He received his infamous facial scars and the resulting nickname ‘Scarface’ when was attacked by the brother of a woman he insulted where he was working.

  Capone personified what a gangster was all about and he filled the country with fear. The most notorious killing he was involved in was the St Valentine’s Day Massacre of 1929. Yet, when he finally served his first prison time in May 1929, it was simply for carrying a gun. Soon, he became what was known as ‘Public Enemy Number One.’

  In 1931, the Internal Revenue Service indicted Capone for income tax evasion for the years 1925–29. He was also charged with the misdemeanour of failing to file tax returns for the years 1928–1929. Capone was said to owe $215,080.48 in taxes from his gambling profits. But even after all of this, the jury only managed to find Capone guilty on five charges out of the original twenty-three counts. For this, he was sentenced to a total of ten years in federal prison and one year in the county jail.

  During his imprisonment, Capone was still able to run his crime organisation from his prison
cell, but his timing was off. Prison wardens everywhere were being asked to recommend their most troublesome inmates for transfer to the not yet notorious Alcatraz. Capone was ghosted out.

  Alcatraz, the Rock, proved to be an impenetrable place for Capone and he lost touch with the outside world. The only way out for Capone was if he earned time off for good behaviour, so he decided to be a model prisoner, even refusing to become involved in prisoner rebellions or strikes.

  Although Capone was working towards legal escape, he could not escape the ravages of syphilitic dementia; the rest of Capone’s sentence was spent in the prison hospital.

  Having completed the ten-year tax evasion sentence, Capone was transferred, on 6 January 1939, to Terminal Island, a Federal Correctional Institution in California, to serve his one-year misdemeanour sentence.

  After his release, his mind and body continued to deteriorate and, on 21 January 1947, he had an apoplectic stroke and died from cardiac arrest.

  COLEMAN, GARY (actor turned security guard) – Played Arnold in the US soap Diff’rent Strokes. Sentenced to ninety days in a California jail after pleading no contest in a case where he was accused of assaulting a female autograph-hunter. This hard-as-nails (not) geezer who is 4ft 7in tall hung his head and wept as his lawyer plea-bargained with the judge. He was also ordered to attend anger management classes.

  DICKINSON, DAVID (raconteur, antiques dealer and presenter of BBC’s Bargain Hunt) – In the early 1960s, the ‘cheap as chips’ TV presenter set up a fraudulent company, Deansgate Mail Order, with his business associates. The scam involved buying goods on credit, selling them at a slight loss and recycling the money back into the business to gain a better credit rating. This resulted in David serving four years in good old Strangeways Prison, in Manchester.

  DIDDY, P (formally known as Puff Daddy, real name Sean Combs, rapper) – The allegation was that after a rival ‘dissed’ him by throwing money in his face, the millionaire rapper pulled a gun out in a crowded nightclub and opened fire. Puff, who was with his then girlfriend, Jennifer Lopez, was said to have blindly fired a single shot into the ceiling of a New York rap venue. After a lengthy trial, the rapper was found ‘not guilty’ on charges.

  DIOUF, EL-HADJI (Premiership footballer) – Liverpool footballer El-Hadji Diouf was fined £5,000 for assaulting a Celtic fan by spitting on him during a UEFA Cup match. Diouf pleaded guilty at Glasgow Sheriff Court to assault under provocation. Diouf said that it was like fighting at the Battle of Britain; he can spray that again.

  ELECTRA, CARMEN (real name Tara Leigh Patrick, Baywatch star) – Was arrested in 1999 on assault charges after she had a fight with her formerhusband. Neither wanted to press charges, and both were released on $2,500 bail; the judge ordered that the two should stay at least 500ft from one another.

  EMINEM (Real name Marshall Mathers III, rapper) – The Grammy-winning rapper was given two years’ probation for carrying a concealed weapon. Further weapons charges resulted in the rapper being sentenced to a further year of probation to run concurrently with the first probation order imposed.

  FONDA, JANE (actress) – You have probably seen the tabloid photos of Britney Spears spilling the contents of her bag across the floor of a UK airport; slimming tablets are supposed to have been part of the contents. Nothing wrong with this, but a similar incident occurred in which the contents of a handbag nearly ended up with Ms Fonda being charged with drug smuggling! In 1970, Ms Fonda was discovered to have some dodgy-looking pills in her bag at Cleveland Airport, USA, but the charges were dropped when the pills turned out to be nothing more sinister than vitamins.

  GRAMMER, KELSEY (US TV sar) – The star of Frasier was jailed in 1990 for cocaine possession but escaped a second prison term for drink-driving after agreeing to go into a rehabilitation clinic

  GRANT, HUGH (actor) – Tuesday, 27 June 1995, at 1.45am, Hugh Grant, 34, arrested in Hollywood and booked ‘on suspicion of lewd conduct in a public place’ after being caught having his knob end polished by a prostitute, Stella Marie Thompson (AKA Divine Brown), 25, in a rented white BMW convertible. Tuesday, 11 July, Grant pleads ‘no contest’ to a charge of having sex with a Hollywood prostitute and is fined $1,180 (£800), given two years’ probation, and ordered to submit to an AIDS test.

  GRANTHAM, LESLIE (actor) – Jailed in the 1970s for killing a German taxi driver in a bungled robbery attempt, consequently served twelve years.

  HALLIWELL, GERI (ex-Spice girl) – At 17, she was convicted of theft, shoplifting and handling stolen goods.

  HUCKNALL, MICK (singer) – Simply Red singer Mick Hucknall was cleared of rape allegations within 24 hours of being detained and interviewed by the police.

  JONES, DAVID (football manager) – The former manager of Southampton football club, David Jones, was cleared of care-home child abuse when his trial collapsed amongst other unsatisfactory evidence. An alleged victim refused to give evidence. The judge made clear that David Jones left court without a stain on his character.

  KEACH, STACEY (actor) – Arrested and jailed in England for cocaine smuggling.

  KELLY, R (R&B singer) – Arrested in 2002 on twenty-one counts of child pornography. The arrest was based on a videotape. He is denying all charges.

  KING, JONATHAN (pop impresario) – Given a seven-year prison sentence for four indecent assaults on teenage boys throughout the 1980s.

  KING, LARRY (US talk-show host) – Arrested for larceny on 20 December 1971, but the charges were dropped.

  LEE, TOMMY (heavy-metal drummer) – All minor charges, not a true rocker. Given a six-month prison sentence for assaulting his then wife, Pamela Anderson. Was also given a thirty-day prison sentence to run concurrently for assaulting a bouncer at a rock concert.

  LEWIS, JERRY LEE (rock singer) – Once showed up at Elvis’s house drunk and started waving gun around and was arrested several times throughout his musical career.

  LESLIE, JOHN (TV presenter) – The former Blue Peter and ITV presenter who was cleared of allegations of sexual assault is still suffering at the hands of the media moguls as he waits in the wings for a TV comeback. Some say that there is more chance of Michael Barrymore making a comeback than Leslie.

  The prosecution at Southwark Crown Court, London, said no further action would be taken against him and offered no evidence, adding that it had ‘come into possession of further material that has led to the charges against the defendant being reviewed.’

  Why shouldn’t Leslie be given another chance? He’s been cleared of all charges and therefore his slate should be wiped clean.

  LONGMUIR, DEREK (band member) – Admitted possessing child pornography, but unlike Gary Glitter, he was spared from going to jail. Why? A founding member of 1970s Scottish teeny band The Bay City Rollers, Longmuir, the former drummer, was sentenced to 300 hours community service for possessing indecent films, videos and photographs at his house. In defence, Longmuir told the court that although the material was in his possession, it belonged to an American friend.

  LOPEZ, JENNIFER (singer) – Was arrested along with her then boyfriend Sean ‘Puffy’ Combs, for criminal possession of an unlicensed and stolen gun. The charges against Lopez were dismissed.

  LUALUA, LOMANA (Premiership footballer) – The £2.25m striker admitted the devastating charge of not having a TV licence and was fined £175.

  MARSH, TERRY (World Champion boxer) – Arrested, tried and acquitted of the 1989 shooting of boxing promoter Frank Warren.

  MICHAEL, GEORGE (singer) – Arrested for ‘lewd’ behaviour in a public lavatory, in Will Rogers Memorial Park, in Beverly Hills, USA. Temporarily restarted the crooner’s career.

  MOORE, DUDLEY (actor – deceased) – Arrested on domestic violence charges against his girlfriend who later retracted her claim and went on to marry the actor.

  MORRISON, JIM (rock ’n’ roller – deceased) – Arrested after a concert in Miami, Florida, for exposing himself to the audience and using profanity. He was sentenced to eight months in prison.
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  MORRISON, MARK (R&B singer) – Earned two jail terms in just a few months – sentenced to a year in prison after using a body ‘double’ to dodge a community service order for his part in a street brawl which left a student dead. Just three months into that sentence and he was sentenced to a further eighteen months for his involvement in a nightclub fracas. Arrested on further charges in 2002.

  NEVILLE, RITCHIE (real name Richard Dobson, band member) – Ordered to give £3,000 to charity after he admitted breaching the peace to a Dublin court after pleading guilty to being drunk and disorderly at a public bar. This means that the pop star gets no conviction, unless further crimes are committed.