She didn’t answer.
He cracked open the door, just to check. Maybe her nightmare was over and he could sneak back to his room. But he knew that wasn’t true the minute he saw his sister-in-law. She thrashed about in bed, heart-wrenching whimpers escaping her throat. What chilled him the most was the way she tried to hold them back, only allowing them to escape when she gasped for air.
“Sarah?” he said, louder, then glanced toward Mickie’s room. He didn’t want to wake the little girl. No telling how she would react if she saw Sarah like this.
He stepped into the room, pushed the door closed, then hurried to the edge of the bed. She was asleep on top of the covers, fully clothed. A book about child care lay open on the floor. It looked as if she’d fallen asleep reading tonight. “Sarah, honey, come on, wake up. It’s okay.”
She stilled for a moment, then thrashed again. “No, oh, no, please,” she pleaded in a whisper.
He edged onto the side of the bed and raised a hand to her shoulder. Touching it, he shook her. “Come on, honey, wake up. It’s okay.”
The torment he saw on her face tore at his heart. Her eyes opened, but he wasn’t sure if she was seeing him or not. Pain, excruciating and unbearable, filled her gaze.
“There’re no babies. They’re all just out of my reach.”
Alarmed, he cupped her cheek. “Look at me, Sarah. You’re dreaming.” She stared at him and blinked. He could tell she’d finally woken up. “It’s okay,” he soothed her. “You were just dreaming. Something about the babies.”
Her eyes slowly lost their unfocused quality and she gazed at him. “Babies?” she asked, then blinked again. She glanced around wildly before shuttering her gaze. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She was lying. He could see a bleakness, even a shame, in her eyes. What was going on here?
She shuddered from the aftereffects of the dream, he was sure, then she focused her vulnerable gaze on him again.
Maybe it was the abject look of need that made him notice her as a woman, but in that instant he did. He inhaled the perfumed scent of her soap and shampoo. Her skin was velvety soft where he cupped her cheek, her hair like silk. Had he ever noticed that before? Or had he noticed how the slope of her cheekbone and curve of her jaw made her look so feminine? And those eyes. Beautifully blue and so expressive. And staring at him just as intensely as he stared at her.
He cleared his throat, shocked at his attraction to her. Standing, he backed up. “I’m sorry for entering your room at night, Sarah. I promised you privacy. But you were having a bad dream. You had me worried.”
He tried to smile but failed miserably.
She slid up in bed, pulling an afghan up to her armpits he noticed, even though she was fully dressed underneath. Great, she probably thought who knew what, waking up to find a man sitting on the edge of her bed. A dull flush crept up his cheeks. He was thankful for the darkness. He’d been married, had dated for years before that, and yet he’d never found himself in this situation.
“Sometimes, when I’m stressed out, my dreams can take an odd turn.”
She still wasn’t telling him the truth. He could tell by the look in her lovely eyes. But right now, he thought accepting her words was the better part of valor. He didn’t want to stay, knew it wasn’t safe to stay because of his sudden urge to brush the stray strands of hair from her cheek, his impulse to comfort her, to persuade her to trust him.
“If you ever want to talk, I’d be happy to listen. I don’t want you feeling stressed out over this job, Sarah. You’re family.”
Family. He had to remember that.
“Thank you, Justin, but I’m fine now.”
“Well then.” He retreated a couple of steps. “I’ll just leave.
He backed into the wall, hooked the door with a finger and was gone before Sarah could say anything else.
Sarah watched him leave, the remnant of the dream fading and leaving her with only the longing she’d felt when she’d looked into Justin’s eyes. Was she falling in love with him?
She couldn’t feel that way about him. She just couldn’t.
But she did.
She sighed and leaned back against the headboard. And when he’d seen the look in her eye, his distress had been obvious. It was apparent that he didn’t share the same feelings she did. But it had simply been so easy to care for him. He was a good father, a good man from all she could tell. And yes, she admitted, he’d probably been a good man when she’d first met him, too. He had been trying to right what his partner had done.
But what was there to love about her? She had tried to take his child; she had most probably assisted in the problems in his marriage because she hadn’t come to visit her sister. And now she had lost his child today. Not to mention that she had her own dark secret.
She remembered Stephanie Williams’s scrutiny when she’d gone to get Mickie, the way the woman had studied her, then lifted a haughty eyebrow, as if she found Sarah wanting. It had angered Sarah just a bit, but also made her nervous. Stephanie evidently knew Justin well enough to feel free to pick up his child. Sarah had wondered if Stephanie might just have a right to be angry that Sarah had forgotten Mickie. Was Justin interested in Stephanie?
Still, she refused to rise to the bait and argue it with anyone but Justin. She might be wrong, but it was Justin’s place to reprimand her, not some strange woman’s.
Stiffening, she had gathered Mickie and her things and had come home.
She’d expected to be fired.
But she had received forgiveness, instead.
Something she had deserved termination for was not going to endear her to a man she’d already hurt. Still, he had forgiven her.
She shook her head in disbelief at where her thoughts were leading. Justin could never have feelings for her. He had loved Amy. He couldn’t be interested in her. He certainly wouldn’t be interested in her if he found out her secret, the secret she’d been dreaming about.
Tears filled her eyes. No, Justin was too good a father not to want more children one day. He’d even told her so, that day they’d played with Mickie. So no matter how she felt, she knew those feelings would never be returned.
* * *
Sarah was just finishing up breakfast when Justin came in from running. She jumped when the back door opened.
He stopped short when he saw her. He looked great. Wearing gray jogging pants and a T-shirt that was now soaked with sweat, his hair in disarray from the wind, he still was handsome enough to make any woman take second notice. She hadn’t been surprised when she’d first found out Justin ran. She’d guessed he exercised regularly to stay in such good shape.
“Sorry,” he muttered. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“I just thought I was the first one up,” she replied, pouring him a glass of juice. “I didn’t realize you’d gone out already.”
He nodded his thanks. “Mickie should be down soon.” Nervously, he glanced at the wall clock. “I think she’ll have something to say to you.”
Sarah pushed at a stray piece of hair, feeling a smudge of flour on her face. She’d gotten out the cookbook, intent on making pancakes this morning for Justin and Mickie to try to make amends for the disaster yesterday. At his words, she paused in her actions. “Oh, Justin, you didn’t yell at her over what happened, did you? I told you it was my fault.”
Justin finished his juice, then placed the empty glass in the sink. “Let’s just say I explained to Mickie that friend or not, she should never, ever get into someone else’s car. I explained how it had scared both of us.”
Sarah relaxed. “Oh.” She turned her back on him and stirred the batter. “That’s fine. I just didn’t want her to be in trouble for my mistake.”
She heard the squeak of his running shoes as he slowly crossed the floor. Tension crawled up her spine when she realized he was right behind her.
“I think we need to have a talk about this ‘forgive and forget’ thing.”
&n
bsp; His words sent a shiver racing along her spine. She sensed his closeness, felt his concern for her, and his sensitivity to her feelings as well as Mickie’s. She realized how much she would love to go on experiencing that every day.
“What do you mean?” she asked, breathless. Her cheeks pinkened over her thoughts. She wanted to keep her back to him, afraid he might read the need of companionship in her eyes.
He wouldn’t let her. He gently clasped her left shoulder and turned her until she faced him.
Her gaze rested on his chest. She couldn’t look above that, until he put a hand under her chin and lifted it. When her eyes met his, she saw tenderness and understanding.
“You don’t have to earn forgiveness, Sarah. Not for what happened yesterday or for what happened last night. Or even before that.”
“Nothing happened last night,” she argued.
He smiled, a small tilting of the corners of his mouth that said he thought different. “Stop trying to earn forgiveness and just accept your place here as family.”
“I’m the housekeeper,” she whispered.
He smiled that smile again. “You take care of the house, but you’re more than just the housekeeper,” he said, his brown eyes tenderly perusing her reaction to his words.
She tried not to show him any emotion, but with him holding her chin, it was impossible for him not to glean some hint of what she felt. She swallowed then nodded. “Fine.”
His index finger stroked under her chin, then he released her and stepped back. “Good.”
She thought she was off the hook when he headed for the living room. But he stopped just short of the room and spun back around. “If you’re not doing anything after breakfast, would you like to go to church with Mickie and me?”
Sarah stilled. He’d noticed she hadn’t attended last week? She hadn’t told him, or mentioned her reason. It was just so hard to go to the church that André’s father went to and see him sitting there, looking through her as if she never existed.
She missed church dreadfully.
Maybe this was the opening of another door she should go through. She had intended to pull out a telephone book and start searching the directory after breakfast. But this would be so much better. She’d be going to a church where she knew at least two people. Granted, only one would be with her during the service, the very one who made her heart race every time he looked at her.
But wouldn’t that be better than going into a church alone? And if she liked the church, then possibly her search for a new place would be over.
What would it hurt?
Coming to a decision, she turned to Justin and smiled at him. “I’d love to.”
His eyes flared briefly. “Great. We leave here at nine-thirty to get there on time. I’ll make sure Mickie is up and see you when breakfast is ready.”
She nodded.
“Oh, and Sarah?”
She turned back. “Yes?”
“Just to give you a little extra time this morning, Mickie and I will load the dishwasher while you change.”
“Oh, you don’t—”
“Don’t argue,” he admonished. “We’ll be down in a bit.”
And he was gone, just like that, leaving Sarah standing alone in the kitchen. But the loneliness no longer bothered her. Sarah suddenly felt better than she had in months. She realized it was because she was looking forward to going to church with no worries over what she wore or how she looked. What an eye-opening revelation, she thought, stunned. She’d always felt pressured to dress for André’s father. But Justin wouldn’t care if her dress was simple or elegant, if she wore her hair in a French braid instead of a French twist. She had a feeling Justin was the type who enjoyed going to church simply to worship. And she was looking forward to that, indeed.
With a sense of freedom, she whispered another small prayer. Thank You, Father, that You led me here. I have a feeling I was in a bigger slump than I realized. Realizing how much I had dreaded going to church only goes to show me how out of line my priorities had gotten. Thank You for the joy You’ve restored and the forgiveness I saw in Justin’s eyes. And most especially, Father, thank You that I’m once again going to be back in church with someone who evidently shares the excitement of going.
She smiled and, with renewed energy, whipped the batter for her pancakes, thinking she’d better hurry or she’d end up making them all late.
Chapter Nine
She’d been right.
Justin took one glance at her simple drop-waist, floral dress and smiled. “You look great,” he murmured, and held the door open for her as she climbed into the sleek Mercedes he’d been allowing her to drive.
He slid into the driver’s seat. “Fasten your seat belt,” he said to Mickie, glancing in the rearview mirror.
Sarah fastened her own, watching as Justin stretched to reach his belt and clasp it. In his charcoal gray suit, he, too, looked great. She had to grin over his tie, though.
“What has you smiling?”
She met his amused gaze. “Cartoon characters?” she asked, motioning to the brightly colored tie.
“I got to pick it out,” Mickie said from the back seat. “I gave it to him for his birthday last year.”
She tried not to laugh. “I see.”
He lifted it and waved the end at Sarah, daring her to say anything. “I think it’s great,” he said, grinning, his eyes twinkling. “Mickie has wonderful taste, don’t you think?”
“Uh-huh. A great artistic eye.”
She relaxed in the seat as Justin drove them to the service. When they got out of the car, Mickie ran ahead of them. Sarah started to call her back, but Justin forestalled her.
“Don’t worry. This is a small church. Everyone knows everyone else. And the kids run in a gang until church starts.”
Sure enough, two little boys and three other young girls met Mickie at the door, then in unison they turned and headed inside the church.
“The congregation of the church I went to numbered almost one thousand.”
“I like the smaller church better. More intimate.”
“Well, hello, Justin.”
Sarah knew that voice—unfortunately. Turning, she saw she was right. Stephanie Williams, dressed in a fashionable, expensive-looking suit came forward. Her hair was perfectly styled in a sleek, chin-length cut and she brushed a stray lock aside with a flick of one manicured finger. Sarah looked down at her housework-chafed hands and felt positively dowdy.
She noticed Justin had a smile pasted on his face. But it was different from the smile she’d witnessed at home. It was what she thought of as his practiced business smile.
“Hello, Stephanie. You’ve met Sarah, haven’t you?”
Stephanie ran her gaze over Sarah’s dress and hairdo, then turned back to Justin, dismissing her. “Why, yes, I have. Tell me, has Mickie gotten over her little trauma? The poor dear was inconsolable when I found her.”
Sarah flushed but didn’t comment.
“She’s just fine,” Justin replied.
“That’s good,” Stephanie cooed. “You’ll have to come over someday soon for dinner, Justin. Bring Mickie. She always has so much fun with my daughter. I’m sure your housekeeper wouldn’t mind a day off.”
“My sister-in-law knows she can have a day off whenever she wants,” Justin said.
Well, Sarah was thankful for that. She’d felt Stephanie’s animosity and didn’t understand it. But that line about coming over for dinner had made the woman’s intentions perfectly clear. Stephanie had her eyes set on Justin.
“Oh, my, of course. I had forgotten she was your sister-in-law. Anyway, think about it. Maybe next Saturday or Sunday.”
“We’ll see,” he said noncommittally. Then, dismissing Stephanie by turning to Sarah, he said, “We need to find a seat before the service starts. Have a nice day, Stephanie.”
Taking Sarah’s elbow, he led her off, leaving Stephanie standing in the foyer. Sarah raised an eyebrow. “Using me as a convenient excuse
?”
“The woman is, ah, interested in getting better acquainted,” he said.
“I hadn’t noticed,” Sarah remarked dryly.
“Go ahead, laugh. She’s just about relentless. Won’t take no for an answer. Mickie said she insisted she get in the car and discouraged her from calling, saying she could phone when they got to her house.”
Sarah frowned. “That’s awful.”
“Yeah, well, I told Mickie if that ever happened again to find the nearest teacher and hug her legs until she got her attention. She’s not to go anywhere with anyone, no matter how insistent the person is. I told her the teacher would understand if she got out of line to tell her what was happening.”
“How can you still talk to Stephanie after that?”
Justin shrugged. “I’m polite only because if I really said what I was feeling, I’d be at the altar praying for the next week or two. When I calm down enough to discuss it without saying anything in anger, I’ll tell Stephanie not to try that again. I’ve already spoken to the principal. She assured me there would be no repeat performance. That’s the important thing.”
Sarah seated herself on the pew and watched as family after family came in, greeting others, laughing, talking, sharing what had happened during the week, before finally finding their seats. Several people stopped by and Justin introduced them to her. All were friendly, open and so kind. Justin was right. A small church was much nicer. Sarah had never attended a really small church of a hundred or so, which was what she estimated this group to be.
The music started and she stood. The songs were a lot like her old church’s: upbeat, fast. Then the tempo slowed and became more worshipful, the songs talking about simple things—loving the Lord, praising Him for what He had done.
Peace flooded Sarah’s soul as the congregation sang and offered a special prayer for the sick and needy. They mentioned a family who needed help with their house. A recent storm had torn up one corner of the roof and the pastor called for volunteers to help rebuild it.
The Best Christmas Ever Page 8