He chuckled. “Gonna have my wife scalping me if you don’t watch it.”
“And where is she?” Sarah demanded, stepping back. “I haven’t seen her in at least three months.”
“I’ve been keeping her busy taking care of me since we got married.” He nodded and shook Justin’s hand. “She’s playing with Mickie. Here are some deviled eggs,” he said, handing Sarah a platter covered with foil. “I’ll be right back with the ham.”
He paused at the door and winked. “I just might have an announcement later that you’ll be interested in. Come on, Justin, say hi to Marcy while I get the ham.”
Justin followed him out. Sarah was relieved. She put the platter on the counter next to the potato salad and went to the sink to wash her hands. The door whooshed back open. “Just place the ham on the counter, Bill, and I’ll let Justin cut it up.”
“Unfortunately, I’m not Bill.”
Sarah whirled, slinging water over the countertop. She grabbed a towel to wipe her hands and mop up the mess, remembering to turn off the water as she did. Only a moment of silence lingered before Justin sauntered over and leaned against the counter near her.
“Why do I have a feeling you’d be more comfortable if I were Bill?”
“That’s not true,” she said, but didn’t lift her eyes.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” he said softly.
“No!” she denied quickly.
“Yes,” he countered quietly.
She shrugged, not liking the look in his eyes. Oh, why had she avoided him and let the unknown build between them? She didn’t like confrontations anymore. Not with him. Justin always won.
“Does this have to do with the other night?”
“No,” she denied again, lifting her chin and meeting his eyes.
A gleam appeared in his eyes at her challenging stance. “Yes,” he whispered.
“If you have all the answers, why ask?” she demanded, disagreeably.
“I have a feeling this has to do with that guilt thing again,” he said, stepping closer.
He was right. How did he know she was feeling guilty for practically attacking him on his own doorstep? She refused to answer, mutely staring at him.
“Tic tac toe?” he said, turning to where his hip was leaning against the counter. He dropped his arms, allowing his right elbow to rest on the counter. “Three no’s in a row?”
With his left hand, he reached out and snagged her elbow to keep her from backing any farther away. “You’ve nothing to feel guilty about unless you were only kissing me out of obligation.”
Sarah saw the sudden watchful gaze in his eyes and realized he really didn’t know how she felt. Though she wouldn’t enlighten him on the latter, she would put his mind at ease on the former. “No,” she whispered, aching at the thought of ever intentionally hurting this man’s feelings again.
“Good,” he said, and satisfaction shone in his eyes. Before she knew what he was doing, he grabbed both her arms and pulled her forward. “Because I’ve wanted to do this again since that night.”
He lowered his head and pressed his lips to hers.
He felt so good. His arms slid around her and his head turned, slanting gently across her mouth as he expertly showed her exactly how much he enjoyed sharing this kiss.
Sarah trembled even as she held on to handfuls of his sweater and returned the kiss. This felt so good, so right. He was gentle, tender, demanding, patient. He was perfect.
“Ahem.”
Sarah pushed back and dazedly glanced toward the source of the noise. She immediately flushed when she saw Bill standing there, nonchalantly leaning against the counter near the door. “Excuse me,” she said. She grabbed the potato salad and headed into the other room.
The door swished shut behind her. The silence was thick for a moment before Bill finally asked, “Did I see what I thought I saw?”
“You saw a kiss,” Justin replied.
“Oh, yeah, Justin. I saw a kiss…and much more. The look on your face is more than just a kiss.”
Justin stiffened, but Bill held up a hand. “Hey, I think it’s great. But she is living here.”
Justin sighed and ran a weary hand through his hair. “I agree this isn’t the best situation. I know it’s important to avoid all appearance of impropriety. However, I’ve given this over two weeks of thought, Bill.
“Mrs. Winters will be home in another week or two. I talked with her last night. She’s more than willing to come back here on a part-time basis until I can find a new sitter. I have a couple of openings coming up at work, jobs that Sarah is qualified for that will give her enough money to afford a place of her own.”
“Wow,” Bill said, low. “That serious, huh?”
Justin nodded. “I think so.”
“So, what about until then?” he asked.
Justin turned toward the window and stared out. “We’re both adults. We’re both Christian, with moral values. We know how to behave, even though we’re attracted to each other.”
“Said Adam to God just before Eve showed up.”
“Very funny,” Justin said when Bill chuckled.
“I’m sorry,” Bill replied. “Look, I love you both. You’re like a brother and Sarah is like a sister. I’d hate for anything to happen between you that you’d regret later.”
“We have a sitter. Mickie, if you’ve forgotten.”
“Who has an earlier bedtime,” Bill reminded him. “Anyway, if things get too intense, please twist Sarah’s arm to take that garage apartment that’s empty at my house. I’ve told her she’s always welcome. Hey, I’ll admit she wouldn’t take it before, but I just bet she’d let me help her out now.”
Justin turned back to his friend. “Thanks, Bill. I will.”
The door swung open and Sarah warily walked back into the kitchen. “So, do I get to watch the football game here?” Bill asked Justin.
Justin groaned. “As long as it’s Dallas we watch.”
“You know that’s not my team.”
Sarah hurried past, grabbed some other dishes, shot a glance at both men, then gave Bill a dark look. “You wanna eat, help me set the table.” She went back out.
Bill grinned, grabbed some of the dishes and said, “She knows I was reading you the riot act.”
Justin picked up the platter of eggs. “She knows and she doesn’t like anyone interfering in her life.”
“So sue me,” he said, and followed Sarah out the door.
Sarah decided the meal went fine. Thanksgiving was a joyous occasion, she thought, smiling wistfully, especially when it was shared with family and friends. André’s family had been so formal, exchanging only polite talk. Here, there was joking and any subject was open for debate.
And joke telling was the most popular, especially when she and Mickie got into a contest to see who could come up with the corniest jokes.
“Hey, Aunt Sarah, April showers bring May flowers. What do Mayflowers bring?”
Sarah looked stumped.
Everyone else at the table said in unison, “Pilgrims!”
Sarah chuckled. “Please no more, dear. You beat me hands down on the jokes.”
Mickie giggled.
Bill interrupted the gaiety with a big smile. “Well, I can’t think of a better time to tell our news than now, when we’re with our spiritual family, can you, Marcy?”
Sarah was smiling, but at the sudden glow in Marcy’s eyes, Sarah’s smile froze. Bill and Marcy had been married only three months. Surely their news couldn’t be…
“Well, come on,” Justin said. “Don’t keep us in suspense.”
Bill grabbed Marcy’s hand. “Marcy is due the last part of June. We’re gonna have a baby.”
“Congratulations!” Justin exclaimed, jumping up and slapping Bill on the back.
“Congratulations,” Sarah echoed, smiling at Marcy, even though the edge of her vision was turning black.
She hadn’t realized someone else’s news would hurt so much. Of course, it was
the first time she’d been confronted with this since her own news.
“Why do you have to wait till June?” Mickie demanded.
Marcy smiled. “Well, it takes that long for the baby in my tummy to get big enough to be born.”
Mickie immediately jumped up and ran around the table. Looking at her stomach, she studied it a long moment. Finally, she asked, “How’d it get in there?”
Bill laughed.
Marcy turned pink.
“We’ll discuss that later, sweetheart,” Justin said.
“Maybe when I get a brother or sister of my own?” she asked.
It was Justin’s turn to blush.
Sarah felt like throwing up. With as good a smile as she could manage, she stood. “I’ll be right back.”
She headed toward the back of the house for the guest bathroom. But that wasn’t where she was going. She wanted to be alone. After slipping into the darkened study, she softly closed the door behind her.
As soon as she was sure she wouldn’t be overheard, she broke down. Why, God? Why? I don’t begrudge Marcy her child. I’m happy for her and Bill. But I’m jealous too, envious, even hurt. Why won’t I ever have children of my own?
Deep racking sobs shook her body and she cried out all her pain and rage. It doesn’t seem fair. I love children. I’ve always wanted children. Why?
She ranted and raved within as she reached out to heaven in beseeching appeal. Finally, a peace settled into her heart and she knew that no matter what, she would serve God. Sometimes, she wouldn’t know the reasons here on Earth, but one day, in heaven, she’d know, and understand why the doctor had this diagnosis.
She found the box of tissues, blew her nose and tried to repair her makeup. She knew she’d been gone too long but hoped she’d have time to sneak upstairs and cover her blotchy red face before anyone found her.
However, even that small peace was denied her as the door opened behind her. She could only hope it was Mickie.
“Sarah?”
It just had to be Justin.
“Um-hmm?” she answered, afraid her voice would give away her crying jag.
The door shut behind him. “What’s the matter? I could tell something troubled you at the table.”
She kept her head down as Justin approached. When he placed his hand under her chin and urged her to look up, she resisted. But she could tell he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.
Slowly, she allowed him to lift her face to his scrutiny. “Oh, Sarah,” he said, concern etching his voice. “What happened to cause this?”
She shrugged, his compassion nearly releasing a fresh flood of tears.
“When Marcy announced—”
He got no further. She stiffened.
“What?” he asked determinedly, though he said it with a gentle insistence.
“Nothing.”
“Is it Marcy or maybe Bill?” His eyes widened. “Surely you’re not jealous that Bill is married and having a baby.”
“No!” she denied, but could tell he was still suspicious that he’d found the answer. “Honestly,” she said, because now it was true. She had been jealous and envious for a moment. But now she was just sad, aching for something she would never have.
He wasn’t going to believe her unless she told him the truth. She could already see him mentally pulling away. She should let him. It would be best for both of them. No, it would be best for her. It would hurt him unnecessarily. “I just want kids and don’t have any,” she finally admitted, feeling fresh tears in her eyes.
“Oh, Sarah,” he murmured, and pulled her into his arms.
This time she couldn’t control the tears that wet the front of his shirt as he stroked her back and her hair over and over, murmuring and praying as she cried her heart out anew.
Slowly, her tears subsided. Justin continued to hold her. Lifting her tear-drenched face, she whispered rawly, “I’m so sorry you saw me this way.”
Tenderly, he shook his head. “Never, ever apologize for your pain, Sarah. We all have pain and it hurts us to hold it in, especially as painful as yours seems to be. God put us on this Earth and told us to bear one another’s burdens. I’m here for you. Bill is, too. And Marcy. As is my pastor, who happens to adore you, you know. Never, ever think you have to hold such a load by yourself.”
He stroked her cheek and she was so thankful for the man she’d come to work for. He was more than just a brother-in-law, much more than she’d thought he was back when she’d first met him. He was the man she loved.
Her heart flip-flopped at the realization.
She loved him.
And she was infertile.
That could have easily brought on a new round of crying if he hadn’t chosen that moment to lower his head and kiss her. He feathered his mouth over hers, then over her eyes, her cheeks and finally her mouth again.
What he gave her in his kiss felt like life-giving nectar for a starving soul.
“Bill told me I could come check on you.”
Mickie’s small voice at the door caused them both to break apart. Once again Sarah was mortified, until she heard Justin’s dark reply, “Thank you, Bill.”
A giggle escaped her. Justin sighed and abruptly sat down on the couch. His reaction pulled another, then another, giggle out of her.
Soon Justin’s strained chuckle joined her voice and the tension was relieved.
But Sarah knew, deep down, the problems had just begun.
Chapter Fourteen
At the sound of the doorbell, Sarah came jogging down the stairs. “That’s probably the lady with the pattern for your outfit, Mickie,” Sarah said as Mickie dashed from the kitchen. “The president of the PTA promised to have someone bring it to me today, even if it is the day after Thanksgiving.”
“I’ll get it!” Mickie cried, grabbing the door even as Justin came out of the kitchen, where he and Mickie had been making cookies.
Sarah slowed her sprint to a sedate walk, not wanting to be caught running down the stairs.
Justin grinned and smiled giving her a “I know that bad habit from Mickie and you can’t trick me” look.
She reached the front door just as Mickie swung it open. And Sarah wished she’d stayed upstairs and let Justin handle it.
“Come on in, Miss Stephanie.”
Stephanie smiled her saccharine-sweet smile and maneuvered her way inside. “Why, hello, Sarah. I bet you didn’t expect it to be me who brought this by, but I told Mary Ann that I just lived right around the corner practically and knew you wouldn’t want to get out—well, hi, Justin,” she said, feigning shock. “What are you doing home today?”
Sarah sighed and took the pattern Stephanie thrust in her hands as she walked past.
“It is the day after Thanksgiving, Mrs.—Stephanie,” he said.
As if the woman hadn’t known he’d be here, Sarah thought, disgusted.
“Well, Mary Ann told me Sarah had called with concerns about the outfit for Mickie and I just had to come over to make sure Mickie was going to get what she needed. It’s such a shame she doesn’t have someone who can sew and do all those little things for her. Isn’t that right, sweetheart?” Stephanie cooed to Mickie, who had come over to get the pattern and look at it.
Sarah wanted to hug Mickie when she said, “Oh, Aunt Sarah will take care of everything,” and then beamed up at her.
Stephanie only looked disconcerted for a moment before turning back to Justin. “I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving. Though my husband is dead, I make sure to cook a fresh turkey every year with all the trimmings. I feel it’s important for the children to experience traditions, not the store-bought things so many people are serving up these days.”
Did the woman have a spy watching their every move? Sarah wondered with displeasure. Stephanie could make her feel a failure faster than any other woman she knew. And Justin just stood there and smiled politely. It was really nauseating.
“We had friends over,” Justin said.
“You had frien
ds over? I’m sure they appreciated your housekeeper’s cooking, then.”
Justin, thankfully, didn’t rise to the bait. He smiled. “We had an enjoyable time.”
“I must say, the house has stood up tolerably well, considering poor little Mickie has only had a string of sitters. You’ve done an admirable job. You should also be very proud of the part she got in the play. Not all the little girls are getting to be a front-row angel.”
Sarah rolled her eyes. This cooing over Justin was going to go on forever. And she refused to stand here and listen to it while being purposely ignored by the woman. With a smile, she said, “Excuse me. I have some chores to take care of.”
Justin narrowed his eyes slightly, but Stephanie looked smug. Sarah merely smiled sweetly, patted Mickie as she walked past where she clung to her daddy’s leg and headed up the stairs.
Sarah did have work to do. Maybe it was wrong to leave the way she had, but she didn’t like standing there watching another woman coo over Justin.
Mickie said it was tradition to get down the Christmas ornaments the day after Thanksgiving and she’d looked so wistful that Sarah hadn’t been able to resist. Since Justin had offered to make cutout cookies with Mickie—something Sarah had never done before—Sarah had decided to explore the attic and surprise Mickie with the ornaments. She had just pulled down the ladder to the attic that was located at the end of the hallway near Justin’s room, when the doorbell had rung.
She’d rather be searching for ornaments than listening to Stephanie.
She climbed up the attic and moved boxes around until she found one labeled “Christmas.” With a sigh she pulled it out. Just as she was about to open it, she found a smaller one, farther back, covered in dust and spider webs. She supposed as housekeeper, cleaning the attic would fall to her, too. It certainly needed it. This one said “X-mas” on it. But this one, unlike the other one, was labeled in Amy’s handwriting.
Sarah pulled it out and opened it.
Well, she’d found the ornaments. Fond memories assailed her as she pulled them out. Each girl had her own collection of ornaments as they’d grown up. Their mother had said it was a tradition they should keep and that when they married, their first tree would have memories on it.
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