Barnacle Bill The Spacer and Other Stories

by Barnacle Bill the Spacer

  ‘People are forever being frightened,’ he said. ‘Whether there’s a cause for fear or not. But that’s not my intent.’

  ‘Perhaps not. But you’ve frightened the bejesus out of Bill, and now you’ve frightened a good many others by bringing the Magnificence into the picture.’

  ‘Thirwell’s not my responsibility.’

  ‘The hell he’s not! He’s the walking Book of Samuelson. Every other sentence begins, “Samuelson says…” Give him a pretty smile, and he’ll be your leg-humper for life.’

  ‘Leg-humper?’ Samuelson looked bewildered.

  ‘A little dog,’ I said impatiently. ‘You know the kind. Randy all the time. Jumps up on you and goes to having his honeymoon with your calf.’

  ‘I’ve never heard the term. Not British, is it?’

  ‘American, I think. I heard it somewhere. I don’t know.’

  ‘Marvellous expression. I’ll have to remember it.’

  ‘Remember this, too,’ I said, trying to pick up the beat of my tirade. ‘I’m holding you responsible for any whisper I hear of the Magnificence. Before we had this heart-to-heart I was inclined to believe you had no part in what Thirwell did. Now I’m not altogether sure. I think you’re quite capable of using fear to manipulate the public. I think you may have known something of Thirwell’s history and given him a nudge.’

  ‘Even if that were true,’ he said, ‘I don’t understand the depth of your reaction. We’re a long way from the Magnificence here. A daub of paint or two can’t have much effect.’

  My jaw dropped a fraction on hearing that. ‘You’re not from London. You couldn’t be and still say that.’

  ‘Oh, I’m from London all right,’ he said coldly. ‘And I’m no virgin where the Magnificence is concerned. They left my brother stretched on King’s Road one morning with the Equation of Undying Love scrawled in his own blood on the sidewalk beneath him. They mailed his private parts to his wife in a plastic container. But I’ve come a very long way from those days and those places. I’d be terrified of the Magnificence if they were here. But they’re not here, and I’ll be damned if I’ll treat them like the bogeyman just because some sad little twit with too much brain and the social skills of a ferret paints the Magelantic Exorcism on somebody’s door.’

  His statement rang true, but nevertheless I made a mental note to check on his brother. ‘Wonderful,’ I said. ‘It’s good you’ve come to terms with all that. But not everyone here has managed to put as much distance between themselves and their old fears as you seem to have done.’

  ‘That may be, but I’m…’ He broke off, clicked his tongue against his teeth. ‘All right. I see your point.’ He tapped his fingers on the arm of his chair. ‘Let’s see if we can’t reach an accord. It’s not in my interests at the moment to break off my campaign against Bill, but’—he held up a hand to stop me from interrupting—‘but I will acknowledge that I’ve no real axe to grind where he’s concerned. He’s serving a strictly utilitarian purpose. So here’s what I’ll do. I will not allow him to be shipped back to Earth. At a certain juncture, I’ll defuse the campaign. Perhaps I’ll even make a public apology. That should help return him to grace. In addition, I’ll do what I can to prevent further incidents involving the Magnificence. Frankly I very much doubt there’ll be further problems. If there are, it won’t be because I’m encouraging them.’

  ‘All well and good,’ I said. ‘Very magnanimous, I’m sure. But nothing you’ve promised guarantees Bill’s safety during the interim.’

  ‘You’ll have to be his guarantee. I’ll try to maintain the temper of the station at a simmer. The rest is up to you.’

  ‘Up to me? No, you’re not going to avoid responsibility that way. I’ll do my best to keep him from harm, but if he gets hurt, I’ll hurt you. That much I can guarantee.’

  ‘Then let’s hope that nothing happens to him, shall we? For both our sakes.’ His smile was so thin, such a sideways stretching of the lip muscles, I thought it must be making his gums ache. ‘Funny. I can’t decide whether we’ve established a working relationship or declared war.’

  ‘I don’t think it matters,’ I said.

  ‘No, probably not.’ He stood, straightened the fall of his trousers, and again gave me that bland, beaming, expectant look. ‘Well, I won’t keep you any longer. Do drop around once the dust has settled. We’ll have that chat.’

  ‘About London.’

  ‘Right.’ He moved to the door.

  ‘I don’t know as I’d have very much to say about London,’ I told him. ‘Nothing fit for reminiscence, at any rate.’

  ‘Really?’ he said, ushering me out into the corridor. ‘The old girl’s petticoats have gotten a trifle bloody, I’ll admit. Terrible, the things that go on nowadays. The hunting parties, hive systems, knife dances. And of course, the Magnificence. But here, you know’—he patted his chest—‘in her heart, I firmly believe there’s still a bit of all right. Or maybe it’s just I’m the sentimental sort. Like the song says, “call ’er a satan, call ’er a whore, she’ll always be Mother to me”.’

  Unlike Samuelson, I no longer thought of London as mother or home, or in any framework that smacked of the wholesome. Even ‘satan’ would have been a euphemism. London for me was a flurry of night visions: a silhouetted figure standing in the window of a burning building, not waving its arms, not leaning out, but calm, waiting to be taken by the flames; men and women in tight black satin, white silk masks all stamped with the same feral, exultant expression, running through the streets, singing; moonlight painting the eddies of the Thames into silk, water lapping at a stone pier, and floating just beyond the shadow of the pier, the enormous bulk of a man I had shot only a minute before, nearly four hundred pounds of strangler, rapist, cannibal, brought down by a bullet weighing no more than one of his teeth; the flash of a shotgun from around a dark corner, like the flash of heat lightning; the charge of poisonous light flowing along the blade of a bloody macro-knife just removed from the body of a fellow detective; a garbage bag resting on a steel table that contained the neatly butchered remains of seven infants; the facade of St Paul’s dyed into a grooved chaos of vermilion, green, and purple by stone-destroying bacteria released by the artist, Miralda Hate; the wardrobe of clothing sewn of human skin and embroidered in gilt and glitter with verses from William Blake that we found in a vacant Brixton flat; the blind man who begged each evening on St Martin’s Lane, spiders crawling in the hollow globes of his glass eyes; the plague of saints, young men and women afflicted by a drug that bred in them the artificial personalities of Biblical characters and inspired them to martyr themselves during certain phases of the moon; the eyes of wild dogs in Hyde Park gleaming in the beam of my torch like the flat discs of highway reflectors; those and a thousand equally blighted memories, that was my London. Nightmare, grief, and endless fever.

  It was Solitaire that was home and mother to me, and I treated it with the appropriate respect. Though I was an investigative officer, not a section guard, I spent a portion of nearly every day patrolling various areas, searching less for crime than for symptoms of London, incidences of infection that might produce London-like effects. The station was not one place, but many: one hundred and forty-three modules, several of which were larger than any of the Earth orbit stations, connected by corridors encased in pressure shells that could be disengaged by means of the Central Propulsion Control and—as each module was outfitted with engines—moved to a new position in the complex, or even to a new orbit; should the Central Propulsion Control (CPC) be destroyed or severely damaged, disengagement was automatic, and the modules would boost into pre-programmed orbits. I hardly ever bothered to include places such as the labs, tank farms, infirmaries, data management centres, fusion modules, and such on my unofficial rounds; nor did I include the surface of the station, the electronic and solar arrays, radiator panels, communications and tracking equipment; those areas were well maintained and had no need of a watchman. I generally limited myself to entert
ainment and dwelling modules like East Louie, where Bill’s quarters and mine were located, idiosyncratic environments decorated with holographic scenarios so ancient that they had blanked out in patches and you would often see a coded designation or a stretch of metal wall interrupting the pattern of, say, a hieroglyphic mural; and from time to time I also inspected those sections of the station that were rarely visited and were only monitored via recordings several times a day—storage bays and transport hangars and the CPC (the cameras in those areas were supposed to transmit automatic alarms whenever anyone entered, but the alarm system was on the fritz at least half the time, and due to depleted staff and lack of materials, repairs such as that were not a high priority).

  The CPC was an immense, white, portless room situated, as I’ve said, in the module adjoining that which housed Samuelson’s digs and the rest of the corporate dwelling units. The room was segmented by plastic panels into work stations, contained banks of terminals and control panels, and was of little interest to me; but Bill, once he learned its function, was fascinated by the notion that his world could separate into dozens of smaller worlds and arrow off into the nothing, and each time we visited it, he would sit at the main panel and ask questions about its operation. There was never anyone else about, and I saw no harm in answering the questions. Bill did not have sufficient mental capacity to understand the concept of launch codes, let alone to program a computer so it would accept them. Solitaire was the only world he would ever know, and he was eager to accumulate as much knowledge about it as possible. Thus I encouraged his curiosity and showed him how to call up pertinent information on his own computer.

  Due to Arlie’s sympathetic response, Bill took to sleeping in our front room nearly every night, this in addition to tagging along on my rounds, and therefore it was inevitable that we became closer; however, closeness is not a term I happily apply to the relationship. Suffice it to say that he grew less defiant and petulant, somewhat more open and, as a consequence, more demanding of attention. Because his behaviour had been modified to some degree, I found his demands more tolerable. He continued to cling to the notion that in order to save himself he would have to perform some valuable service to the community, but he never insisted that I help him in this; he appeared satisfied merely to hang about and do things with me. And to my surprise I found there were some things I actually enjoyed doing with him. I took especial pleasure in going outside with him, in accompanying him on his rounds and watching as he cleared barnacles away from communications equipment and other delicate mechanisms.

  Sauter’s Barnacle was, of course, not a true barnacle, yet it possessed certain similarities to its namesake, the most observable of which was a supporting structure that consisted of a hard exoskeleton divided into plates so as to allow movement. They bore a passing resemblance to unopened buds, the largest about the size of a man’s fist, and they were variously coloured, some streaked with metallic shades of red, green, gold, and silver (their coloration depended to a great extent on the nature of the substrate and their nutrient sources), so that when you saw a colony of them from a distance, spreading over the surface of a module—and all the modules were covered by hundreds of thousands of them—they had the look of glittering beds of moss or lichen. I knew almost nothing about them, only that they fed on dust, that they were sensitive to changes in light, that they were not found within the orbit of Mars, and that wherever there was a space station, they were, as my immediate superior, the Chief of Security, Gerald Sessions, put it, ‘thick as flies on shit’. Once it had been learned that they did no harm, that, indeed, their excretions served to strengthen the outer shells of the modules, interest in them had fallen off sharply. There was, I believe, some ongoing research into their physical characteristics, but it was not of high priority.

  Except with Bill.

  To Bill the barnacles were purpose, a reason for being. They were, apart from Mister C, the most important creatures in the universe, and he was obsessive in his attentiveness toward them. Watching him stump about over the skin of the station, huge and clumsy in his pressure suit, a monstrous figure made to appear even more monstrous by the light spraying up around him from this or that port, hosing offending clumps of barnacles with bursts of oxygen from the tank that floated alongside him, sending them drifting up from their perches, I had the impression not of someone performing a menial task, but of a gardener tending his prize roses or—more aptly—a shepherd his flock. And though according to the best information, the barnacles were mindless things, incapable of any activity more sophisticated than obeying the basic urges of feeding and reproduction, it seemed they responded to him; even after he had chased them away they would wobble about him like strange pets, bumping against his faceplate and sometimes settling on him briefly, vivid against the white material of the pressure suit, making it appear that he was wearing jewelled rosettes on his back and shoulders. (I did not understand at the time that these were females which, unable to affect true mobility, had been stimulated to detach from the station by the oxygen and now were unable to reattach to the colony.)

  With Bill’s example before me, I was no longer able to take the barnacles for granted, and I began reading about them whenever I had a spare moment. I discovered that the exoskeleton was an organic-inorganic matrix composed of carbon compounds and silicate minerals, primarily olivine, pyroxene, and magnetite, substances commonly found in meteorites. Changes in light intensity were registered by iridescent photophores that dotted the plates; even the finest spray of dust passing between the barnacle and a light source would trigger neurological activity and stimulate the opening of aperture plates, permitting the egress of what Jacob Sauter (the barnacles’ Linnaeus, an amateur at biology) had called the ‘tongue’, an organ utilized both in feeding and in the transmission of seminal material from the male to the female. I learned that only the males could move about the colony, and that they did so by first attaching to the substrate with their tongues, which were coated with adhesive material, then detaching at one of their upper plate segments, and finally re-attaching to the colony with the stubby segmented stalks that depended from their bottom plates. ‘In effect,’ Sauter had written, ‘they are doing cartwheels.’

  The most profound thing I discovered, however, had nothing to do with the barnacles, or rather had only peripherally to do with them, and was essentially a rediscovery, a reawakening of my wonderment at the bleak majesty surrounding us. The cold diamond chaos of the stars, shining so brightly they might have just been finished that day; the sun, an old god grown small and tolerable to the naked eye; the surreal brilliance and solidity that even the most mundane object acquired against the backdrop of that black, unvarying distance; that blackness itself, somehow managing to seem both ominous and serene, absence and presence, metal-hard and soft as illusion, like a fold in God’s magisterial robe; the station with its spidery complexes of interconnecting corridors and modules, all coated with the rainbow swirls and streaks of the barnacles’ glittering colours, and beams of light spearing out from it at every angle, like some mad, gay, rickety toy, the sight of which made me expect to hear calliope music; the Earth transport vessels, grey and bulky as whales, berthed in the geometric webs of their docks; the remote white islands of the assembly platforms, and still more remote, made visible by setting one’s faceplate for maximum visual enhancement, the tiny silver needle we were soon to hurl into the haystack of the unknown. It was glorious, that vista. It made a comprehensible map of our endeavours and led me to understand that we had not botched it completely. Not yet. I had seen it all before, but Bill’s devotion to the barnacles had rekindled the embers of my soul, my cognizance of the scope of our adventure, and looking out over the station, I would think I could feel the entire blast and spin of creation inside my head, the flood of particles from a trillion suns, the crackling conversations of electric clouds to whom the frozen seas of ammonia above which they drifted were repositories of nostalgia, the endless fall of matter through the less-
than-nothing of a pure anomaly, the white face of Christ blurred and streaming within the frost-coloured fire of a comet’s head, the quasars not yet congealed into dragons and their centuries, the unerring persistence of meteors that travel for uncounted millennia through the zero dark to scoot and burn across the skies onto the exposure plates of mild astronomers and populate the legends of a summer night and tumble into cinders over the ghosted peaks of the Karakorum and then are blown onto the back porches of men who have never turned their faces to the sky and into the dreams of children. I would have a plunderous sense of my own destiny, and would imagine myself hurling through the plenum at the speed of thought, of wish, accumulating a momentum that was in itself a charge to go, to witness, to take, and I was so enlivened I would believe for an instant that, like a hero returning from war, I could lift my hand and let shine a blessing down upon everyone around me, enabling them to see and feel all I had seen and felt, to know as I knew that despite everything we were closer to heaven than we had ever been before.

  It was difficult for me to regain my ordinary take on life following these excursions, but after the departure of the lightship Sojourner, an event that Bill and I observed together from a catwalk atop the solar array in East Louie, it was thrust hard upon me that I had best set a limit on my woolgathering and concentrate on the matters at hand, for it was coming more and more to look as if the Strange Magnificence had gained a foothold on Solitaire. Scraps of black satin had been found tied to several crates in one of the storage bays, one of them containing drugs; copies of The Book of Inexhaustible Delirium began turning up; and while I was on rounds with Bill one day, I discovered a cache of packet charges in the magnetism lab, each about half the size of a flattened soccer ball, any one of which would have been sufficient to destroy a module. Gerald Sessions and I divided them up and stored them in our apartments, not trusting our staff with the knowledge of their existence. Perhaps the most troubling thing of all, the basic question of whether or not the Magnificence had the common good to heart was being debated in every quarter of the station, an argument inspired by fear and fear alone, and leading to bloody fights and an increase in racial tension and perversion of every sort. The power of the Strange Magnificence, you see, lay in the subversive nihilism of their doctrine, which put forward the idea that it was man’s duty to express all his urges, no matter how dark or violent, and that from the universal exorcism of these black secrets would ultimately derive a pure consensus, a vast averaging of all possible behaviours that would in turn reveal the true character of God and the manifest destiny of the race. Thus the leaders of the Magnificence saw nothing contradictory in funding a group in York, say, devoted to the expulsion of Pakistanis from Britain by whatever means necessary while simultaneously supporting a Sufi cult. They had no moral or philosophical problem with anything because according to them the ultimate morality was a work-in-progress. Their tracts were utter tripe, quasi-intellectual homilies dressed up in the kind of adjective-heavy, gothic prose once used to give weight to stories of ghosts and ancient evil; their anthems were even less artful, but the style suited the product, and the product was an easy sell to the disenfranchised, the desperate and the mad, categories into one of which almost everyone alive would fit to some extent, and definitely were one or another descriptive of everyone on Solitaire. As I had promised him, once these symptoms started to manifest, I approached Samuelson again, but he gave every evidence of being as concerned about the Magnificence as was I, and though I was not certain I believed his pose, I was too busy with my official duties and my unofficial one—protecting Bill, who had become the target of increased abuse—to devote much time to him. Then came the day of the launch.