‘I’m so pleased,’ I said, ‘you’ve been able to access my computer once again. I know the childlike joy it brings you. And I’m quite sure Ernesto is absolutely thrilled at having a peek.’
‘Practice makes perfect.’
‘Any further conclusions you’ve drawn from poking around in my personal files?’
‘You got one helluva fantasy life. Or else that Arlie, man, she’s about half some kind of beast. How come you write all that sex stuff down?’
‘Prurience,’ I said. ‘Damn! I don’t know why I put up with this shit from you.’
‘Well, I do. I’m the luckiest Chief of Security in the system, see, ’cause I’ve got me a big, bad dog who’s smart and loyal, and’—he lifted one finger of his gauntleted hand to signify that this was key—‘who has no ambition to take my job.’
‘Don’t be too sure.’
‘No, man, you don’t want my job. I mean, you’d accept it if it was handed to you, but you like things the way they are. You always running wild and me trying to cover your ass.’
‘I hope you’re not suggesting that I’m irresponsible.’
‘You’re responsible, all right. You just wouldn’t want the kind of responsibility I’ve got. It’d interfere with your style. The way you move around the station, talking bullshit to the people, everything’s smooth, then all of a sudden you go Bam! Bam! and take somebody down, then the next second you’re talking about Degas or some shit, and then, Bam! somebody else on the floor, you say, Oops, shit, I guess I messed up, will you please forgive me, did I ever tell you ’bout Paris in the springtime when all the poets turn into cherryblossoms, Bam! It’s fucking beautiful, man. You got half the people so scared they crawl under the damn rug when they see you coming, and the other half loves you to death, and most all of ’em would swear you’re some kind of Robin Hood, you whip ’em ’cause you love ’em and it’s your duty, and you only use your powers for goodness and truth. They don’t understand you like I do. They don’t see you’re just a dangerous, amoral son of a bitch.’
‘Is this the sort of babble that goes into your personnel reports?’
‘Not hardly. I present you as a real citizen. A model of integrity and courage and resourcefulness.’
‘Thanks for that,’ I said coldly.
‘Just don’t ever change, man. Don’t ever change.’
The sleds that had lifted from the station had all disappeared, but others were materializing from the blackness, tiny points of silver and light coming home from the assembly platforms, looking no more substantial than the clouds of barnacles. Finally Gerald said, ‘I got things to take care of.’ He waved at the barnacles. ‘Leave this shit alone, will you? After everything else gets settled, maybe then we’ll look into it. Right now all you doing is wasting my fucking time.’
I watched him moving off along the curve of the module toward the airlock, feeling somewhat put off by his brusque reaction and his analysis. I respected him a great deal as a professional, and his clinical assessment of my abilities made me doubt that his respect for me was so unqualified.
There was a faint click against the side of my helmet. I reached up and plucked off a barnacle. Lying in the palm of my gauntlet, its plates closed, its olive surface threaded with gold and crimson, it seemed cryptic, magical, rare, like something one would find after a search lasting half a lifetime, a relic buried with a wizard king, lying in his ribcage in place of a heart. I had shifted my position so that the light from the port behind me cast my shadow over the surface, and, a neurological change having been triggered by the shift in light intensity, some of the barnacles in the shadow were opening their plates and probing the vacuum with stubby grey ‘tongues’, trying to feed. It was an uncanny sight, the way their ‘tongues’ moved, stiffly, jerkily, like bad animation, like creatures in a grotesque garden hallucinated by Hawthorne or Baudelaire, and standing there among them, with the technological hodgepodge of the station stretching away in every direction, I felt as if I were stranded in a pool of primitive time, looking out onto the future. It was, I realized, a feeling akin to that I’d had in London whenever I thought about the space colonies, the outposts strung across the system.
Gnawing bones.
As my old Classics professor would have said, Gerald’s metaphor was ‘a happy choice’.
And now I had time to consider, I realized that Gerald was right: after all the years on Solitaire, I would be ill-suited for life in London, my instincts rusty, incapable of readjusting to the city’s rabid intensity. But I did not believe he was right to wait for Samuelson to move against us. Once the Magnificence set their sights on a goal, they were not inclined to use half-measures. I was too disciplined to break ranks with Gerald, but there was nothing to prevent me from preparing myself for the day of judgement. Samuelson might bring us down, I told myself, but I would see to it that he would not outlive us. I was not aware, however, that judgement day was almost at hand.
Perhaps it was the trouble of those days that brought Arlie and me closer together, that reawakened us to the sweetness of our bodies and the sharp mesh of our souls, to all those things we had come to take for granted. And perhaps Bill had something to do with it. As dismal an item as he was, it may be his presence served—as Arlie had suggested—to supply us with some missing essential of warmth or heart. But whatever the cause, it was a great good time for us, and I came once again to perceive her not merely as someone who could cure a hurt or make me stop thinking for a while, but as the embodiment of my hopes. After everything I had witnessed, all the shabby, bloody evidence I had been presented of our kind’s pettiness and greed, that I could feel anything so pure for another human being…Christ, it astounded me! And if that much could happen, then why not the fulfilment of other, more improbable hopes? For instance, suppose a ship were to return with news of a habitable world. I pictured the two of us boarding, flying away, landing, being washed clean in the struggle of a stern and simple life. Foolishness, I told myself. Wild ignorance. Yet each time I fell into bed with Arlie, though the darkness that covered us seemed always imbued with a touch of black satin, with the sickly patina of the Strange Magnificence, I would sense in the back of my mind that in touching her I was flying away again, and in entering her I was making landfall on some perfect blue-green sphere. There came a night, however, when to entertain such thoughts seemed not mere folly but the height of indulgence.
It was close upon half-eleven, and the three of us, Bill, Arlie, and I, were sitting in the living room, the walls playing a holographic scenario of a white-capped sea and Alps of towering cumulus, with whales breeching and a three-masted schooner coasting on the wind, vanishing whenever it reached a corner, then reappearing on the adjoining wall. Bill and Arlie were on the sofa, and she was telling him stories about Earth, lies about the wonderful animals that lived there, trying to distract him from his obsessive nattering about the barnacles. I had just brought out several of the packet charges that Gerald and I had hidden away, and I was working at reshaping them into smaller units, a project that had occupied me for several nights. Bill had previously seemed frightened by them and had never mentioned them. That night, however, he pointed at the charges and said, ‘’Splosives?’
‘Very good,’ I said. ‘The ones we found, you and I. The ones I was working with yesterday. Remember?’
‘Uh-huh.’ He watched me re-insert a timer into one of the charges and then asked what I was doing.
‘Making some presents,’ I told him.
‘Birthday presents?’
‘More like Guy Fawkes Day presents.’
He had no clue as to the identity of Guy Fawkes, but he nodded sagely as though he had. ‘Is one for Gerald?’
‘You might say they’re all for Gerald.’
He watched me a while longer, then said, ‘Why is it presents? Don’t ’splosives hurt?’
‘’E’s just havin’ a joke,’ Arlie said.
Bill sat quietly for a minute or so, his eyes tracking my fingers, a
nd at last he said, ‘Why won’t you talk to Gerald about the barnacles? You should tell him it’s important.’
‘Give it a rest, Billy,’ Arlie said, patting his arm.
‘What do you expect Gerald to do?’ I said. ‘Even if he agreed with you, there’s nothing to be done.’
‘Leave,’ he said. ‘Like the barnacles.’
‘What a marvellous idea! We’ll just pick up and abandon the place.’
‘No, no!’ he shrilled. ‘CPC! CPC!’
‘Listen ’ere,’ said Arlie. ‘There’s not a chance in ’ell the corporation’s goin’ to authorize usin’ the CPC for somethin’ loike that. So put it from mind, dear, won’t you?’
‘Don’t need the corporation,’ Bill said in a whiny tone.
‘He’s got the CPC on the brain,’ I said. ‘Every night I come in here and find him running the file.’
Arlie shushed me and asked, ‘What’s that you said, Bill?’
He clamped his lips together, leaned back against the wall, his head making a dark, ominous-looking interruption in the path of the schooner; a wave of bright water appeared to crash over him, sending up a white spray.
‘You ’ave somethin’ to tell us, dear?’
‘Be grateful for the silence,’ I said.
A few seconds later Bill began to weep, to wail that it wasn’t fair, that everyone hated him.
We did our best to soothe him, but to no avail. He scrambled to his feet and went to beating his fists against his thighs, hopping up and down, shrieking at the top of his voice, his face gone as red as a squalling infant’s. Then of a sudden he clutched the sides of his head. His legs stiffened, his neck cabled. He fell back on the sofa, twitching, screaming, clawing at the lump behind his ear. Mister C had intervened and was punishing him with electric shocks. It was a hideous thing to see, this enormous, babyish man jolted by internal lightnings, strings of drool braiding his chin, the animation ebbing from his face, his protests growing ever more feeble, until at last he sat staring blankly into nowhere, an ugly, outsized doll in a stained white jumpsuit.
Arlie moved close to him, mopped his face with a tissue. Her mouth thinned; the lines bracketing the corners of her lips deepened. ‘God, ’e’s a disgustin’ object,’ she said. ‘I don’t know what it is about ’im touches me so.’
‘Perhaps he reminds you of your uncle.’
‘I realize this is hard toimes for you, luv,’ she said, continuing to mop Bill’s face. ‘But do you really find it necessary to treat me so sarcastic, loike I was one of your culprits?’
‘Sorry,’ I said.
She gave an almost imperceptible shrug. Something shifted in her face, as if an opaque mask had slid aside, revealing her newly vulnerable. ‘What you fink’s goin’ to ’appen to ’im?’
‘Same as’ll happen to us, probably. It appears our fates have become intertwined.’ I picked up another charge. ‘Anyway, what’s it matter, the poor droob? His best pal is a little black bean that zaps him whenever he throws a wobbler. He’s universally loathed, and his idea of a happy time is to pop a crystal and flog the bishop all night long. As far as I can tell, his fate’s already bottomed out.’
She clicked her tongue against her teeth. ‘Maybe it’s us Oi see in ’im.’
‘You and me? That’s a laugh.’
‘Nao, I mean all of us. Don’t it seem sometimes we’re all ’elpless loike ’im? Just big, loopy animals without a proper sense of things.’
‘I don’t choose to think that way.’
Displeasure came into her face, but before she could voice it, a loud buzzer went off in the bedroom—Gerald’s private alarm, a device he would only use if unable to communicate with me openly. I jumped to my feet and grabbed a hand laser from a drawer in the table beside the sofa.
‘Don’t let anyone in,’ I told Arlie. ‘Not under any circumstances.’
She nodded, gave me a brisk hug. ‘You ’urry back.’
The corridors of East Louie were thronged, hundreds of people milling about the entrances of the common rooms and the commissaries. I smelled hashish, perfume, pheromone sprays. Desperate with worry, I pushed and elbowed my way through the crowds toward Gerald’s quarters, which lay at the opposite end of the module. When I reached his door, I found it partway open and the concerned brown face of Ernesto Carbajal peering out at me. He pulled me into the foyer. The room beyond was dark; a slant of light fell across the carpet from the bedroom door, which was open a foot or so; but I could make out nothing within.
‘Where’s Gerald?’ I asked.
Carbajal’s hands made delicate, ineffectual gestures in the air, as if trying to find a safe hold on something with a lot of sharp edges. ‘I didn’t know what to do,’ he said. ‘I didn’t know…I…’
I watched him flutter and spew. He was Gerald’s man, and Gerald claimed he was trustworthy. For my part, I had never formed an opinion. Now, however, I saw nothing that made me want to turn my back on him. And so, of course, I determined that I would do exactly that as soon as a suitable opportunity presented itself.
‘You gave the alarm?’ I asked him.
‘Yes, I didn’t want anyone to hear…the intercom. You know, it…I…’
‘Yeah, yeah, I know. Calm down!’ I pushed him against the wall, kept my hand flat against his chest. ‘Where’s Gerald?’
His eyes flicked toward the bedroom; for an instant the flesh of his face seemed to sag away from the bone, to lose all its firmness. ‘There,’ he said. ‘Back there. Oh God!’
It was at that moment I knew Gerald was dead, but I refused to let the knowledge affect me. No matter how terrible the scene in the bedroom, Carbajal’s reactions—though nicely done—were too flighty for a professional; even considering his involvement with Gerald, he should have been able to manage a more businesslike façade.
‘Let’s have a look, shall we?’
‘No, I don’t want to go back in there!’
‘All right, then,’ I said. ‘You wait here.’
I crossed to the bedroom, keeping an ear out for movement behind me. I swallowed, held my breath. The surface of the door seemed hot to the touch, and when I slid it open, I had the thought that the heat must be real, that all the glare off the slick red surfaces within had permeated the metal. Gerald was lying on the bed, the great crimson hollow of his stomach and chest exposed and empty, unbelievably empty, cave empty, with things like glistening, pulpy red fruit resting by his head, hands and feet; but I did not admit to the sight, I kept a distant focus. I heard a step behind me and turned, throwing up my guard as Carbajal, his face distorted by a grimace, struck at me with a knife. I caught his knife arm, bent the elbow backward against the doorframe; I heard it crack as he screamed and shoved him back into the living room. He staggered off-balance, but did not fall. He righted himself, began to move in a stealthy crouch, keeping his shattered elbow toward me, willing to accept more pain in order to protect his good left hand. Disabled or not, he was still very fast, dangerous with his kicks. But I knew I had him so long as I was careful, and I chose to play him rather than end it with the laser. The more I punished him, I thought, the less resistant he would be to interrogation. I feinted, and when he jumped back, I saw him wince. A chalky wash spread across his skin. Every move he made was going to hurt him.
‘You might as well hazard it all on one throw, Ernesto,’ I told him. ‘If you don’t, you’re probably going to fall over before I knock you down.’
He continued to circle me, unwilling to waste energy on a response; his eyes looked all dark, brimming with concentrated rage. Passing through the spill of light from the bedroom, he seemed ablaze with fury, a slim little devil with a crooked arm.
‘It’s not your karate let you down, Ernesto. It’s that ridiculous drama-queen style of acting. Absolutely vile! I thought you might start beating your breast and crying out to Jesus for succour. Of course that’s the weakness all you yobbos in the Magnificence seem to have. You’re so damned arrogant, you think you can fool everyone with th
e most rudimentary tactics. I wonder why that is. Never mind. In a moment I’m going to let you tell me all about it.’
I gave him an opening, a good angle of attack. I’m certain he knew it was a trap, but he was in so much pain, so eager to stop the pain, that his body reacted toward the opening before his mind could cancel the order. He swung his right leg in a vicious arc, I stepped inside the kick, executed a hip throw; as he flew into the air and down, I wrenched his good arm out of the socket with a quick twist. He gave a cry, but wriggled out of my reach and bridged to his feet, both arms dangling. I took him back down with a leg sweep and smashed his right kneecap with my heel. Once his screaming had subsided I sat down on the edge of a coffee table and showed him the laser.
‘Now we can talk undisturbed,’ I said brightly. ‘I hope you feel like talking, because otherwise…’
He cursed in Spanish, spat toward me.
‘I can see there’s no fooling you, Ernesto. You obviously know you’re not leaving here alive, not after what you’ve done. But you do have one life choice remaining that might be of some interest. Quickly’—I flourished the laser—‘or slowly. What’s your pleasure?’
He lay without moving, his chest heaving, blinking from time to time, a neutral expression on his face, perhaps trying to think of something he could tell me that would raise the stakes. His breath whistled in his throat; sweat beaded his forehead. My thoughts kept pulling me back into that red room, and as I sat there the pull became irresistible. I saw it clearly this time. The heart lying on the pillow above Gerald’s head, the other organs arranged neatly beside his hands and feet; the darkly crimson hollow with its pale flaps. Things written in blood on the wall. It made me weary to see it, and the most wearisome thing of all was the fact that I was numb, that I felt almost nothing. I knew I would have to rouse myself from this spiritual malaise and go after Samuelson. I could trust no one to help me wage a campaign—quick retaliation was the best chance I had. Perhaps the only chance. The Magnificence had a number of shortcomings. Their arrogance, a crudeness of tactics, an infrastructure that allowed unstable personalities to rise to power. To be truthful, the fear and ignorance of their victims was their greatest strength. But their most pertinent flaw was that they tended to give their subordinates too little autonomy. With Samuelson out of the picture, the rest might very well scatter. And then I realized there was something I could do that would leave nothing to chance.
Barnacle Bill The Spacer and Other Stories Page 7