Ben tried not to let his thoughts go any farther than that. Three years ago, when he had fallen in love with Charlotte, he had watched her pine after Abram, though she hadn’t realized that’s what she was doing at first. The same thing happened two years later with Elizabeth and Jude. Was it the same with Emmy? Was she falling in love with Adam and still in denial?
Ben was a fool to let himself have feelings for another woman who was out of reach.
Emmy moved about the schoolhouse silently, but she stopped before extinguishing the last lantern. “Are you ready?” she asked softly.
Ben closed the door of the stove and it squeaked in protest. “I am.”
She cupped her hand behind the lantern’s chimney and blew out the light.
The schoolhouse became dark and Ben walked up the aisle toward the cloakroom where their coats were waiting.
He reached for her coat and held it out for her.
“Thank you,” she said as she slipped her arms inside and then took a step away from him to button it.
They worked in silence as they put on their scarves, mittens and caps.
Emmy opened the door and stepped out into the starry darkness. Ben followed, surprised to find the temperature had risen since they went inside. His breath still billowed out in a cloud, but the air no longer bit at his skin.
He heard her sigh of wonder as she paused on the top step, her gaze lifted to the sky.
Ben also looked up, his breath hitching at the glorious sight above them.
Millions of stars sparkled overhead, their brilliance giving glory to their Creator. Tiny pinpricks of light, winking at them as if they held a secret they wouldn’t share.
“Why does the sky look so much brighter in the winter when I’m less likely to sit outside and enjoy it?” she mused.
“I suppose it’s one of the great injustices of the ages,” he teased.
She took her key out of her reticule and inserted it into the lock. With a quick twist, she secured the door, and then put the key back into her bag. “Shall we?” she asked as she stepped down the stairs, not waiting for his assistance.
They walked in silence over the icy boardwalks and snow-covered streets.
“I’ve been meaning to show you something,” he said tentatively. “Maybe it will make up for all the blunders I’ve made this week.”
“Ben.” She stopped and looked up at him.
He lifted his hand and shook his head. “Let’s leave it all behind us. I want to take you somewhere special.”
She studied him for a moment and then finally nodded. “All right.”
Stepping off the boardwalk, he offered his arm to her. “It’s this way.”
There were people out this evening, some coming and going from the Northern Hotel, others on their way to the saloon, no doubt. Since the vigilance committee had routed out the desperadoes from town the year before, there had been relative peace in Little Falls. Ben was still cautious, but he wasn’t as concerned about their safety as he would have been a year ago.
“Where are you taking me?” Emmy asked, her hand secure around his arm as they walked west on Broadway.
“It’s a surprise.”
She didn’t ask any more questions as they made their way toward the Mississippi.
Though it was cold, the water still flowed in the center of the river. Ice ran along the edges and would soon cover the expanse completely. The river wasn’t very wide there. If the sound of the rushing water wasn’t so loud, he could probably scream across and be heard on the opposite bank.
Ben directed her to take a left onto Wood Street and they descended a slope. The stars offered enough light for them to see their way as he brought her to the waterfalls that gave the town its name.
Under the stars, the river took on a dreamlike state. The water rushed over the rock outcropping, crashing down in a tumultuous dance, tossing and turning on its journey south.
“It’s beautiful,” she said on a feather-like breath, the roar of the waterfalls almost drowning the sound.
“The Chippewa Indians called this place KaKaBikans, which means ‘the little squarely cutoff rock,’” Ben said, his voice lowered, almost in reverence for this place his ancestors had respected and honored for so many generations. “It is one of only four waterfalls on the Mississippi, and the largest source of power north of St. Anthony Falls near St. Paul.”
A sawmill and gristmill were now crowding the banks of the river, and a log boom and millpond hindered its original beauty, but it was still a sight to behold.
“Thank you for bringing me here,” Emmy said to Ben.
Ben looked down at her, loving how the starlight reflected in her eyes. He took a step back, forcing himself to put space between them. “Are you ready to go home?”
She shivered, but shook her head. “Not yet.”
He wanted to put his arm around her, to offer warmth, but he refrained. The cold meant little to him as he stood so close to her. Nothing seemed to bother him when Emmy was near—nothing, but Adam Russell.
The reminder of their earlier trouble returned to Ben.
“I’ll speak to Mr. Samuelson tomorrow,” Ben said. “It’s not right that he is slandering your name.”
Emmy closed her eyes briefly. “It’s unfortunate that he arrived when he did—both times. It’s almost as if he’s watching and waiting to catch me doing something wrong.”
“What was Adam doing there?”
“He stopped by to see if I needed help. I invited him in to warm his hands before sending him on his way.”
“That’s all that happened?”
Emmy turned to face Ben, an injured look on her face. “Do you doubt my integrity, as well?”
“Of course not,” he said quickly. “I just need to make sure I know exactly what occurred when I speak to Dennis.”
Her shoulders relaxed and she nodded in understanding.
The soft breeze played with the curls around her face as she shivered again.
“I should get you back home,” he said begrudgingly. “But, before we go—” He paused, unsure how to tell her what he wanted to say. “I’d like to start over.”
“Start over?” She looked up at him, confusion wedged into her brow.
“The past couple of days have been awkward, and we’d both be lying if we denied it.”
She lowered her gaze. “People don’t speak of such things, Ben.”
“Why not?” He shook his head, not wanting anything between them left unspoken. “Life is too short for pretenses, isn’t that what I told you when you first came to town?” His voice teased. “You agreed with me then.”
Her lips turned up in a charming smile. “I suppose I did agree with you.”
“Does that mean you’re willing to start fresh and put everything behind us?”
She played with her mitted hands, still not meeting his gaze. “I don’t know if we can start over.”
Regret stabbed at his insides. “Why not?”
“I told you that I am devoted to my teaching and nothing else.”
“And?”
She finally looked up at him. “I’ve never told you why.”
“So tell me now.” He put his hand on her arm, hoping he wouldn’t scare her away, but allow her to trust him. “I value your friendship and I want to do everything in my power to help you find happiness.”
Her gaze caressed his face and she offered him a sweet smile.
Another breath of wind blew against them, and she wrapped her arms around her waist.
He took his hand away from her arm, giving her space to tell her story.
“I was engaged five years ago to a man named William Harrison,” she said. “We had known each other for years and our love had grown slowly, but deeply.”
The realization that she had given her heart to another man hurt him in ways it shouldn’t, yet he held no claim on her now, or in the past.
“We had such plans.” She shook her head, a smile on her lips, but tears in her voice. “We were going to go west. First to St. Louis and then on to California. I was teaching to earn money, and he was working even harder at the blacksmith where he was an apprentice. As soon as he was ready to strike out on his own, we would get married. My hope chest was bursting with all the things I would need to start a home.” She paused and looked back at Ben. “We set our wedding date and I had two days left to teach school before we would be married and start west. I was in the middle of an arithmetic lesson when the door banged open and my father stood on the threshold. William had been shoeing a horse and it had kicked him in the head. He was asking for me, so my father had come—but by the time I got to him, he was gone.”
She looked away, nibbling on her lip as a tear slipped from her eye. “I didn’t get to say goodbye, and in one day all my dreams had died.”
Ben wanted to pull her close and offer comfort, but would she let him? He put his arms around her to protect her from the memories that brought her such pain. She shivered in his embrace, but didn’t pull away. Instead, she leaned into him and he rubbed his hands up and down her back to warm her.
“I fell into a dark hole inside,” she said against his chest. “And it took years for me to climb out. There were days I didn’t think I would survive the devastation, but slowly, with God’s help, I did survive.” She pulled back to look at him, though she didn’t pull away completely. “And I promised myself I would never fall in love again, Ben. It’s a promise I aim to keep because I’m afraid that if I was forced to endure the same kind of pain, I would sink back into that hole and never climb out again.”
They looked at one another for a few heartbeats. “I’m sorry, Emmy.”
She wiped at her cheeks. “I’m sorry, too, Ben. I care about you, very much, but I think it’s time I start looking for another place to live.”
Her words were both surprising and exactly what he had suspected she’d say. “I wish it could be different.”
“So do I.”
Without another word, he led her away from the river, past Abram and Charlotte’s home, and up the old wagon road toward the parsonage where he would soon be alone once again.
Chapter Thirteen
On Monday morning, Emmy sat behind her desk and quietly observed each of her students as they worked. She had given them some free time to catch up on their lessons, or work quietly in groups of two or three, if they needed help. It gave the older children the opportunity to help the younger children and freed Emmy up for some one-on-one time with those who needed a little extra attention.
Today, however, no one needed her, which she was thankful for. She had asked Mr. Samuelson to meet with her during the children’s recess time, and she could hardly think straight beyond what she needed to say to him. The memory of standing with Ben at the waterfall, knowing she was too weak to say no forever, prompted her to make a decision she didn’t want to make.
She was leaving the parsonage, and she needed Mr. Samuelson’s help finding somewhere else to live.
Her gaze wandered to the front row where Levi and Zeb sat. She would miss eating meals with them and playing games in the evenings, tucking them into bed at night and hearing their prayers, and then waking up to the sound of them whispering in their bedroom in the mornings. Most of all, she’d miss their sweet laughter.
Emmy swallowed back a rush of emotions she didn’t expect and bit her bottom lip to prevent herself from exhibiting her pain in front of her student.
Sunshine poured in through the side windows, shining bright on the five first-year students sitting in the front row next to Levi and Zeb. The twins sat side by side in the middle, with Brett Morgan next to Zeb and little Maggie Ritters on the other side of Levi.
As Levi worked alone on his sums, Brett was helping Zeb. Brett and Zeb’s friendship had grown over the past few weeks, and Emmy had been happy to see Zeb reaching out to other classmates.
Levi, on the other hand, had not made a single friend. He was very intelligent and caught on to his lessons quickly. He had moved ahead of Zeb at a steady pace and didn’t struggle like Zeb to understand.
Emmy sighed as she put her chin in her hand and watched Levi scowl at Zeb and Brett out of the corner of his eye. It was evident that he was jealous of Zeb’s friendships, and Emmy suspected that Levi wanted to reach out to the other children, too, he just didn’t know how.
“Levi.” Maggie tugged on the sleeve of the new shirt Mrs. Carver had sewn for him, her brown ringlets bouncing with the effort. “Would you like to play tag during recess?”
Levi’s frown deepened and he shook his head. “I don’t like tag.”
“What about hide-and-seek?”
He shook his head again, not bothering to look at her. “No.”
Maggie’s mouth turned down. “What do you like to play?”
“Nothing with you.”
The pain on Maggie’s face almost broke Emmy’s heart—yet she knew Levi hadn’t meant to be hurtful. His own pain was making him unhappy.
Emmy straightened in her seat. “Levi, would you please come to my desk?”
Levi looked up quickly, his green eyes going round at being summoned by the teacher. He stood and set his slate on the seat, and then he turned and walked to Emmy slowly.
Empathy and compassion for him and Zeb had always filled her heart. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like to lose a mother and then be dropped off at a stranger’s house by an aunt who didn’t want you. She was proud of all that Ben was doing for the boys, but she long suspected they also needed the soft touch of feminine love, so she had showered it upon them as best as she could, while keeping their relationship at arm’s length because she was first and foremost their teacher.
Levi blinked at Emmy, his almond-shaped eyes filled with uncertainty at what she planned to say or do.
Emmy wanted to pull him into her arms and comfort him, yet she knew he also needed some discipline. She had him come close and spoke quietly, so only he could hear.
“I heard what you just said to Maggie.”
His facial expression did not change as he watched Emmy.
“Was that kind?” she asked.
“No, Miss Wilkes.”
“Then why did you say it?”
“’Cause I don’t like playing with girls.”
“If you don’t want to play, simply say ‘no, thank you.’” She tried to make her voice sound as kind as possible. “You wouldn’t like someone to tell you what you just told Maggie, would you?”
Tears gathered in Levi’s eyes and he tried so hard to blink them away. “They do.”
“People say they don’t want to play with you?”
He nodded and sniffed hard. “Nobody likes me.”
“That’s not true.” Yet, she hadn’t noticed anyone reach out to Levi until today when Maggie asked him to play.
“It is true. They say they don’t like me. I don’t have any friends.”
Emmy sighed and noticed Mr. Samuelson walking toward the school. It must be time to dismiss the children for recess, but she didn’t want Levi to feel as if she was dismissing him and his problem. She looked him in the eyes. “Levi, do you know how to make friends?”
He wiped at his nose and shook his head.
“If you want to make a friend, you must be a friend. Do the things you think a friend would do. Ask people questions, find out what they like, let them go first.” These were all things she had noticed Levi struggled with. “But, above all, be kind and treat others well.”
He nodded, his eyes solemn.
“You are a good, loving and fun little boy.” She smiled and all
the love she had for him welled up within her and brought tears to her eyes. “You will make a wonderful friend. I just know it.”
Levi took a step toward her and put his arms around her neck. “I like how you treat me,” he whispered into her ear.
She didn’t make it a habit to show affection to her students during school hours, since it was her job to be the disciplinarian—but she couldn’t stop herself from wrapping her arms around this little boy. “And I like how you treat me, too.”
The door opened and Emmy pulled away from Levi. “Now,” she said with a smile in her voice, “go sit and wait to be excused for recess.”
“Yes, Miss Wilkes.” He turned and walked back to his desk with a skip in his step.
Emmy stood and rapped her ruler against her desk. “Everyone is dismissed for recess. I’ll call you inside in fifteen minutes.”
The children stood and filed into the cloakroom in a double row. They went to the hooks and put on their outer gear while Mr. Samuelson made his way to the front of the classroom where Emmy stood waiting.
“Miss Wilkes,” he said with a curt nod.
“Mr. Samuelson, won’t you have a seat?” She motioned to a chair she had pulled from the corner of the room and set next to her desk.
He removed his cap and waited for her to take her seat before he took his.
Emmy clasped her hands on the desktop and waited until the last child had gone outside before addressing the superintendent.
“Thank you for coming.” She didn’t want to reveal her tumultuous emotions, so she tried to control her voice. “I have a request I’d like to present to you.”
“Before you continue, I’d like you to know that Reverend Lahaye came to me on your behalf.”
Emmy knew Ben had gone to speak to Mr. Samuelson on Saturday, but she and Ben had barely spoken since then, so she didn’t know how it had gone.
“He spoke on your behalf concerning the incident with Mr. Russell and I’ll tell you what I told him.” Mr. Samuelson’s mustache twitched as he spoke to her. “I will overlook this incident, just as I did the first one, but I am warning you that I will not overlook it again. The next time I catch you alone with a man, you will be immediately terminated.”
The Gift of Twins Page 13