“I am always near you.” He whispered on the air, “I could let you be, but I find it impossible.”
A secret smile spread across my lips as I turned in another slow circle. “You do?”
“Yes. You are my life. You are my death. You are my fate.”
How could I say anything after that? What else was there to say? I closed my eyes and gave myself over to the sensation of Alastor surrounding me. I felt the room growing brighter, but I waited, savoring the closeness of him.
I waited as long as I dared before pulling away and going downstairs, surprised to feel him still with me on the staircase. In the back of my mind, I half expected him to stay behind in my room. Instead, he remained by my side as I moved through the house.
The kitchen was empty and bathed in misty light. Dad left a box of cereal next to the empty bowl and spoon that he set out for me. I went to the refrigerator to get the milk and when I turned back to the table, there sat Alastor. Before I could stop myself, I let out a scream.
“Are you alright?” He asked with a teasing smile.
He was very solid, so much so that he was even casting a faint shadow on the table. The sun coming through the window behind him created a pale copper halo around his head as it shone through his phantom hair. More impressive was the way his blue eyes caught the light and followed me as I moved back to the table. He seemed so real. I could even hear a slight noise as he drummed his fingers.
“You just startled me.” I replied with a shaky laugh, trying not to let on how badly he frightened me.
“I do apologize.” He said as I sat down across from him. He watched my every move, making me shift in my chair nervously.
“What?” I demanded, squirming under his gaze.
“It is nothing. I simply enjoy watching you.”
I ate my cereal, but hated how loud my chewing sounded. He kept gazing at me, the amused smile never leaving his lips.
“What?” I finally asked, feeling the hot blood in my cheeks.
Alastor narrowed his eyes, “I was just curious why you would worry about making noise while you eat?”
I was a little taken back. It was one thing to have him reading my dad’s thoughts; it was something else to have him inside my head. “You know, that’s really annoying.”
“What is?”
“The way that you can read my mind and I have no say in it.”
He smiled wider, “Why should that bother you?”
“It’s really not fair.” I complained.
He shrugged and began to fade away. “I never meant to offend you.”
“Well don’t go.” I whined.
“I am always here.” He whispered within the walls of my head. “And now you best hurry or you will be late for school.”
It was uncommonly cooler outside. There was no trace of the miserable heat of the weekend. I walked along, feeling Alastor swirling around me. I had to smile at the idea of having a real invisible friend right there with me as I walked down the sidewalk.
“Do you mind if I stay with you?” He asked in a soft murmur as if he was speaking directly in my ear.
I stopped in my tracks, grateful the sidewalks were empty. Alastor was really asking me what I wanted—I could send him away, as if I would.
“I’d like it if you’d stay.” I mumbled, moving my lips as little as possible. The last thing that I wanted was for someone to see me and think that I was talking to myself. Something like that would make the incident at the quarry seem insignificant.
“Then I shall stay.”
I began walking again, sensing him spreading out around me. He stayed close to my side as I stepped up to the front entrance of the school. I felt like I should say something else to him, but it was too late, we were too close to other people.
“Your friend Ally is waiting for you.” Alastor said in a secret whisper inside my head.
Sure enough, up ahead, Ally stood by the door waiting. She stretched her neck from side to side as she searched through the sea of approaching students for me.
What does she want? I asked in my own hidden voice, more to myself than to him.
“She’s worried. You never telephoned her after the accident.” His silent voice answered in an odd cadence.
It struck me as odd that a ghost from the time of the civil War was aware of things such as a telephone. How could he know of such things? When I asked, what he said was more of a riddle than an answer.
“It was in her mind and then I knew of it.” He said, telling me nothing.
I called out to Ally once I was only a few feet from her. “Hey Ally, what’s up?”
“There you are!” Ally replied with her usual exuberance. “You didn’t call me back.”
“Sorry.”
She danced around me, “It’s okay. I was just worried. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Seriously,” she said as she stepped in front of me and put her hands on my shoulders. “You almost died. Did you see a white light or anything?”
How could I explain to her what had happened? I barely understood what happened myself.
Unfortunately, Ally wasn’t the only one curious about my accident. It seemed I was the center of attention for most of the day. Everyone wanted to know the details and exactly what it was like to almost die.
Billie and Ally, of course, focused on the fact it was Jonah that pulled me from the water. At lunch, it was all the two of them could talk about. They just kept going on and on about how romantic it was.
I tried to give them what they wanted, but it was Alastor that I remembered, not Jonah. It was Alastor’s face that shone in the murky darkness, but I couldn’t tell them that. So, I smiled and claimed I recalled very little about that night.
“Why are you lying to your friends?” Alastor whispered in my head.
They wouldn’t understand.
“Why not? Everyone is curious. You are like Lazarus.” He teased.
You’re not funny.
“That boy that just passed wants to know if you heard angels singing.”
I don’t care.
I watched Ashley Richardson walk past, I heard her whispering to her friends and saw all of them glance my way at the same time.
What is she saying about me?
Alastor was silent, refusing to answer me. I asked him again in my thoughts, begging him to tell me.
“She doesn’t like you.” He hissed. I could feel the anger radiating from him as he surrounded me. “She told her friends that almost drowning was the only way that you could get any attention.”
I tried to keep my thoughts calm and nonchalant, but something betrayed me because Alastor seemed to grow angrier. He went back to reading the minds of every person that walked by.
It was difficult to carry on a conversation with anyone with Alastor speaking to me in that secret voice at the same time. I caught myself wanting to answer him aloud which made my friends look at me oddly while it made Alastor chuckle inside my brain. By the time lunch was over I had a splitting headache.
“What is wrong my love?” Alastor asked as I walked down the hall to my History class.
I’m just ready for this day to be over.
I felt awful. Was Jonah being pestered for his own version of what happened at the quarry? If people were asking me, the unknown new kid, they must be bugging him to no end. He must hate me for putting him through this.
As usual, I was the first person in the classroom. I took my seat, counted the hours left in the day, and went back to doodling on the cover of my notebook. All day I had been drawing a great swirling pattern over and over, one way that I looked down at it I thought it appeared like the dark water when I was sinking, but then another glance and it seemed to be how I imagined Alastor to look as he was floating around me.
I was keenly aware of Jonah when he entered the room. Looking down, I hoped he would just take his seat and ignore me, but I wasn’t that lucky.
“How are you?” Jonah asked
.
I looked up slowly, knowing how embarrassed I was going to feel about the whole situation as soon as I looked into his handsome face. To make matters worse, Alastor was voicing his opinion at every opportunity.
“I do not like this boy.” Alastor complained inside my head.
I did my best to ignore him. I gave Jonah an anxious smile, “I’m fine.”
Jonah smiled back, confident and sure. “You really gave me quite a scare.”
“Send this boy away.” Alastor demanded.
Hush.
I opened and closed my eyes slowly, concentrating on tuning Alastor out. “Yeah, sorry about that.”
Jonah smiled wider, showing off his beautiful whiter than white teeth. “I’m just glad to see that you’re okay.”
Alastor grumbled in my ear, mostly incoherent, but every now and then I would catch an oath or two.
I looked at Jonah again, shocked as always by his all American good looks. He was such a delicious cliché.
“I guess I have you to thank.” I admitted. “I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t jumped in after me.”
Alastor was irate inside my head, his voice so loud I winced uncontrollably.
“I would NEVER let anything happen to you.” He complained.
I’m just being polite.
If Jonah noticed anything peculiar, he was kind enough not to mention it. Other people came in, staring at us as if we were celebrities. Jonah looked nervously at them. He actually seemed embarrassed by my gratitude, looking grateful when the teacher began class.
I tried to focus on the teacher, but Alastor kept a constant lament inside my head.
“He is just a boy.” He said. “His intensions are not honorable.”
Please, be quiet.
“You are still my wife.”
Well, I don’t remember any of that.
“Deep down you know you remember.”
Just be quiet.
“I will not be silent.” He argued.
Go away and give me some peace.
“As you wish.”
With that, the lights overhead flickered, the chatter in my head stopped, and there was silence.
Chapter 9
Life fell into an unconventional routine. I went to school and tried to keep Alastor at a distance to save my sanity. I did my best to just fit in and appear normal.
Alastor remained with me, my invisible shadow throughout the day. I could sense him hanging in the air around me even if he was silent. I felt him near me, knowing he was there even if I couldn’t hear him or see him.
Unfortunately, when I needed him to be silent the most that was when Alastor would decide to be the most vocal.
“That boy does not deserve so much thought.” Alastor complained when my mind drifted to Jonah. It was impossible to think of clever things to talk about with Jonah when I couldn’t get Alastor out of my head.
Alastor…Don’t start…
“You belong to me.” He whispered on the air. “The boy is nothing.”
I know, but he saved my life. I can’t not talk to him. I won’t be rude to him just to make you happy.
Every day Jonah would walk into History class with his dazzling smile and say something witty and charming. I would try to have a normal conversation, but I would fail miserably.
“Am I bothering you?” Jonah asked when all I could do was stammer a short “hi” after his greeting.
I could almost feel Alastor’s breath on my neck as I tried to think of something normal to say. Part of me was still infatuated, but another part felt guilty for thinking that way about anyone, but Alastor.
“Of course you’re not bothering me.” I finally said as Alastor shifted around me. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”
Jonah smiled wider, flashing his even white teeth. “Really? Like what?”
“Just school and stuff.” I lied as Alastor began swirling between us, creating an ice cold breeze I was sure even Jonah could feel.
Something must have changed in my expression because the smile faded from his face.
“I see.” He said as he turned away.
Not sure exactly what it was I did wrong, all that I could do was analyze every detail of our conversation while the teacher tried to explain the process of state succession, a topic Alastor took very personally and added his own opinions to the lecture.
“Damn rebels!” He complained inside my head. “If they hadn’t left the Union, things could have been so very different. They ruined everything just so they could keep their slaves.”
I ignored him and tried to concentrate, but my mind kept drifting back to Jonah.
Alastor’s icy phantom touch tingled the skin of my throat, “You waste too much thought on the boy. Always remember that it is I that loves you.”
I know that you love me.
“But it is still not enough.” He said with a ghostly sigh.
A few people turned and looked back towards me as if they actually heard Alastor’s breath, but it was only a brief glance. Perhaps they were only checking the time on the clock over my head.
How was I supposed to have any semblance of normalcy with Alastor whispering inside my head? No matter how predictable my odd little routine was, I felt like I was floundering. Time and Time again, a lost, tight feeling clamped down on my chest. I was sinking quickly and I didn’t know how to stop.
The problem was I wanted Alastor near me. It wasn’t just the thrill of an invisible friend that could read everyone’s minds, it went deeper than that. Every time I felt him churning around me, I was overcome with memories and a sense of him that at times was so powerful it would leave me breathless. I loved him plain and simple.
My friends noticed changes in me. All too often I would make plans and cancel or just avoid them all together.
“I don’t really feel like shopping today.” I told Ally when she called one weekend.
Never one to take no for an answer, she of course pressed me on the issue.
“Why not?” She whined. “Billie is coming and we’re going for pizza later. We might even go see a movie.”
Alastor was circling me, touching me with invisible fingers. How could I ever leave this sort of tortured bliss?
“I’m just not really feeling up to it.” I said as a tingling sensation swept up the side of my face.
“Well, suite yourself.” She said, obviously disappointed.
I came up on them one day on the sidewalk after school. I was still in the shadows of the crape myrtle trees outside the science labs, unnoticed by them. I stopped short when I realized I was the topic of their conversation.
“Do you think she’s actually coming this time?” Ally asked Billie as she shifted her weight from foot to foot.
Billie stood there in all of her model without make-up beauty. She was calm and unmoving. “At lunch she said we’d all hang out after school. She’ll be here.”
“What’s been going on with her?” Ally wondered.
Always the voice of fairness and reason, Billie just shrugged. “Who knows? New in town, new school, I’m sure it’s all still a little overwhelming.”
“That doesn’t explain why she’s been acting so weird.”
“It explains why Becca is acting weird, but what’s your excuse?” Billie teased.
Even though we hadn’t been friends that long, they knew something was up. I saw it in the way that they looked at me. How could I keep them as friends and explain what was happening? No one in their right mind would believe me.
My evenings at home were no better; Dad also seemed to sense something was wrong. He was more talkative, asking all sorts of questions about my day and my friends. His newfound concern made me miss the days when my Mom was alive and Dad never got home until after I was in bed.
“When are you and your friends going out again?” He asked for the third time in a week.
“I don’t know.”
He was clearing the dishes after dinner when he brought it up again.
“You could have the girls over here anytime you want.” He said with a smile as he scraped the remains of my plate to his before stacking them together. “I promise to stay out of the way.”
“I know.”
“Maybe you all could do something this weekend?”
Spiritus, a Paranormal Romance (Spiritus Series, Book #1) Page 11