by Rose, Alison
Part of him was glad she was in a fighting mood. Another part was pissed at her attitude. He felt his own temper spike. He welcomed it. Anything was better than the awful feeling of dread that had been eating at his stomach since the moment he’d seen Roxanne’s face on the tape.
‘Maybe it’s not your decision,’ he said quietly. He was aware of their parents watching silently. He could feel their disapproval. Dammit, why doesn’t Dad understand? He’s been there! He can’t possibly want to put Alex through that! Unable to look at any of them, he turned and walked out of the room.
‘Paul! Wait,’ Kate followed.
‘Leave it, Kate,’ he snapped, and kept on walking.
She stopped him by simply putting her hand on his arm. The heat of her branded his skin and took away his ability to escape. He couldn’t walk away, but that didn’t mean he had to look at her. He kept his eyes resolutely on the wall, but couldn’t help but be aware of her in his peripheral vision.
‘But you said … You said you would never let me out of your sight again,’ she accused.
‘I made a mistake.’
Kate flinched as though she’d been slapped. For a second he thought she was going to cry, but she blinked a few times, her pretty mouth a firm, thin line as she breathed deeply through her nose. He felt like a heel, but he didn’t, couldn’t move.
‘I see.’
No you don’t. I should have known. I should have stopped it before it was too late. ‘What do you see?’ She shook her head, turning away from him. Paul wanted to reach out, but still he didn’t move. It’s better this way, he told himself. She’ll be safer this way.
‘I thought you were a shallow idiot when I first met you,’ she rounded on him, making him look at her. ‘But over the past few weeks I’ve got to know you better, and sometimes – just sometimes – I get a glimpse of someone …’ She stopped, her voice fading as though her throat was closing up. Once again tears filled her eyes and Paul swayed, reaching for her. But at the last moment she caught herself and pulled back. She swallowed hard, closing her eyes momentarily, lifting her face, staring up at the ceiling as though she couldn’t bear to look at him. He could almost feel her willing herself not to let the tears fall.
‘I get a glimpse of someone,’ she went on, ‘who is smart and clever and talented. Someone I could love. Someone I thought might actually care a little about me.’
‘Kate,’ he breathed, unable to stop himself. ‘I …’
‘Don’t. Don’t you dare tell me you care. I know you feel responsible. You definitely feel lust. I’m guessing because of that you even feel a little guilty. Or maybe it’s just pity!’ She spat the last word as though it tasted bad in her mouth. ‘But don’t you dare talk to me about love, Paul Brand!’
He’d never felt so helpless in his life. Even when Roxanne had attacked him, he’d known what to do, how to protect himself and his friends. It had all happened ten years ago – ten damned years! Why the hell couldn’t he get over it? After the attack he’d simply carried on, refusing offers of shrinks and counsellors, insisting everything was OK. But it wasn’t. Right now he just didn’t know what to do. This woman – this beautiful, beautiful woman – had him tied up in knots. He looked at her and was scared to death. Because there would always be a Roxanne out there.
Kate had almost died once, already. He’d thought he could keep her safe, but right now he felt so weak he wasn’t sure he’d be able to do it. Fear was overwhelming him, and he didn’t know how to stop it.
What the hell is happening to me?
He was silent for a while, the confusion inside his head making him want to throw up. She stood there, waiting, not backing down. He couldn’t handle this right now. He needed to get away and be on his own. For the first time in years, he wanted to give in and howl like a baby.
‘OK,’ he responded quietly, his voice sounding scratchy as he formed words through the tightening of his throat. ‘So I feel responsible because I acted on my lust, and didn’t feel like spilling my guts to you about everything that happened years ago. It was a shit time, so excuse me if I didn’t feel like having “a jolly old chat” about it. Since I met you, I’ve been too busy thinking with my dick than my head, but I don’t suppose you wanna hear that. I guess the fact that you’re a reporter might have kept my lips zipped too, eh, babe?’
Kate sucked in an outraged breath. ‘Don’t call me …’
‘But you are a babe. How could I have resisted?’ He shook his head, a rueful smile on his face. ‘Like I said, thinking with my …’
‘Shut up! That’s a horrible thing to say!’
‘Come on, Kate, you didn’t want to know.’
‘Of course I did! I kept asking you to talk to me, to tell me why …’
‘Go figure,’ he taunted. ‘If you really wanted to dig into the past you’d have done your job – the information was out there. You could have found out, Kate, but you didn’t want to know. Instead you wanted to play kissing games and expected me to fall to my knees in gratitude and spill my guts!’
When she said nothing he went on, hating himself for the devastation on her face, the pain in her beautiful eyes.
‘You almost had me, y’know? After we finally did the dirty deed at your mom’s house, I woke up and reached for you. If you’d been there I’d have given you anything you wanted. But you weren’t.’
‘I was! I was there!’ she whispered.
He shook his head, nausea increasing, forcing himself to direct his anger at her. ‘No, Kate. You ran for the phone like it was a life-line, then you couldn’t wait to get me out of there.’
‘No, I …’
‘Face it, Kate. You were right. I am a shallow idiot. I don’t do love. I don’t spill my guts. I know where I’m going with my life and I want to go it alone. But you?’
He couldn’t stop himself reaching out and running a gentle finger down her face. She closed her eyes. When she would have leaned into his hand like she usually did, he withdrew as though he’d been stung. He turned away, unable to look at her any longer.
‘But you, you don’t know what you want, do you, Kate? You’ve been playing at being an ace reporter, but you don’t have the killer instincts. You’re too much your parents’ daughter. You’re sweet and trusting. You’re being eaten alive, and instead of doing something about it, you’re hanging around hoping for the best.’
For what seemed like an eternity, she said nothing. He didn’t dare look at her, but he was aware that she was crying silently. He concentrated fiercely on the view from the window, wondering bleakly how the scene should look so peaceful when his whole world was crumbling around him.
‘You’re right.’
He frowned at her dull tone, but didn’t look round.
‘I suppose I should thank you for that frank assessment of my life, Mr Brand. I’m a lousy journalist, and a pathetic judge of character. After all, I never pegged you for such a coward.’
He flinched, feeling her words cut through him like a knife. But he didn’t turn round.
‘But if you’re going to live the rest of your life in fear of the Roxannes of this world, that’s your choice. I can’t and won’t accept that. I refuse to let fear stop me from living my life to the full. OK, I’m a useless journalist. But at least I tried. I didn’t let fear of failure stop me. But you are letting fear cripple you, Paul. So, bad things happen. But so do good things! If you don’t rejoice in those, then the bad just takes over. You’ve let Roxanne win. You’re locked up as tight as she’ll ever be.
‘I should be angry with you, but you know what? I’m not. I just feel … such … pity for you! You’re not living, Paul. There’s a beautiful world out there, with beautiful people in it. But all you allow yourself to see is the darkness. Don’t you realise, you’re showing classic symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder? You need to get help. Please, Paul. Not for me, but for yourself.’
Paul could barely breathe. When at last he dragged some air into his lungs and turned to confr
ont her, she was gone.
Kate wanted to leave the hotel and get as far away from Paul and anything to do with the JBB, but she knew that it wasn’t possible until someone worked out their next move. With Roxanne still at large she would be a fool to go out alone. And that made her so angry she could scream!
Unable to face anyone, she made her way to the hotel’s indoor pool and tried to work off her tension swimming lap after lap, not allowing herself to stop, punishing herself for her foolish dreams. While the activity kept her body occupied it couldn’t stop her mind going over everything that had happened, everything they’d said, and she wept as she swam.
Chapter Thirty-three
‘Darling, I’m worried about you.’
‘I’m OK, Mum.’
It had been three days since their visit to the police station. Jake had suggested that it would be best if Kate and Alexandra were moved to a different location. If they weren’t travelling with the band they would be safer, and it would make it more difficult for Roxanne. Johnson had kicked up, wanting to keep her mother with him, but Paul and Kate had been silent. In fact, Kate suspected Paul had been relieved at the thought of her leaving. He might even have suggested it to Jake in the first place.
She’d expected to be angry at that, but even now she felt nothing. She’d cried and swum herself to exhaustion and would have carried on, if not for the welcome numbness that had finally wrapped itself round her like a protective blanket.
So when Jake had come up with a plan to guard her and her mother away from the band, she had agreed without argument. And three days later she still felt numb.
‘But Kate, you’re barely eating.’
‘Now there’s a pot calling a kettle black!’
Her mother looked outraged. ‘How can I eat when you’re so unhappy?’
For the first time in days Kate felt a genuine smile force its way through the fog in her brain. ‘I’m OK, Mum, really. I’ve just got some stuff to work through, that’s all.’
‘About Paul?’
‘Oh no, that’s all perfectly clear.’
‘Are you sure? I thought the two of you …’
‘So did I for a while,’ she shrugged. ‘But it was a bad idea.’
‘But Kate, he’s not happy.’
Kate sighed. ‘And no doubt you’re telling Johnson the same thing about me,’ she guessed.
Alexandra studied her daughter’s face, her worry evident. ‘You’re our children, and we love you.’
‘And you’re hoping that we’ll all live happily ever after,’ she muttered, shaking her head. ‘Sorry, Mum. It’s not going to happen. The tour moves to Europe next week, and I’m staying put.’
‘But Kate, you can’t! Until Roxanne is found it’s too dangerous to leave you alone.’
‘Well that answers my next question,’ she responded wryly. ‘You’ll be going with Johnson, won’t you?’
Alexandra blinked, as though realising the same thing for the first time. ‘Well yes. I … I’d like to. Is that all right with you, Katie?’
Is it? Am I ready to see my mother go off around the world with a man who isn’t my father? Am I so selfish that I’d contemplate arguing against it, when it’s clear they love each other? Am I so stupid that I want to cry all over again because she’ll see Paul, and I won’t?
‘Are you sure it’s what you want, Mum? You’ve lost your home and life has been pretty weird these past few weeks. When it all calms down, will you still feel the same?’ Her mother was silent for a moment.
‘You’ve made a good point, darling,’ she said eventually. ‘But I think that what Johnson and I feel for each other will survive. And unless I go and find out, I’ll never know for sure, will I?’
‘So you’re prepared to take the risk?’
She smiled. ‘Yes. I am. I think he’s worth it, don’t you?’
Kate nodded, knowing that for her mother this was the right decision.
‘Yeah, he’s a nice man,’ she agreed. ‘Mind you, he’d better make an honest woman of you after all this!’
Her mother blushed, and Kate knew. ‘He’s already asked you, hasn’t he?’
‘Yes.’
‘And you’ve accepted.’
‘Not yet.’
‘Why not?’
‘I wanted to talk to you about it first. But with the fire, and you falling out with Paul … are you sure you two can’t work out your differences?’
‘Oh, Mum!’ She felt awful. ‘I’m sorry, I’ve been so wrapped up in my own stupid dramas, I should have …’
‘No, Kate. You’ve nothing to be sorry about. It’s been hard for us all.’
‘Yes, and the last thing you need to spoil your happiness is having to put up with Paul and I fighting.’ She paused, not sure how to go on. She wanted to make it right for her mum, but she knew in her heart that unless Paul could accept help to deal with the demons that Roxanne stirred up in his life, then they had no chance of any sort of a relationship.
‘I don’t think Paul and I will ever be close now, but I’m sure we can get on well enough. You can’t let us stop you, Mum. I want you to be happy, and I know Paul wants the same for his dad.’
Alex smiled. ‘Bless you, darling, I know you will. We just hoped … well, we want our children to be as happy as we are. Don’t worry. Johnson and I have waited so long to be together. A few more days aren’t going to hurt. Besides, we agreed that we need to be patient and make sure this business with Roxanne is settled before we make any public announcement.’
‘That’s probably a good idea. Goodness knows what she’d do, if she knew.’
‘Well, only the four of us know at the moment, although I’ve a feeling some of the security team and the band might have guessed.’
It took Kate a moment to realise who ‘the four of us’ were. She’d been used to being part of ‘the three of us’, and then ‘the two of us’. Now she was faced with the reality that Johnson Brand was going to be her stepfather, and his son would be her stepbrother. Her mother was asking for her blessing, and she wanted to give it. But that meant she had to face Paul again, and again, and again. A crack appeared in her protective shell and pain lanced through her. Could she bear it? She closed her eyes.
‘Kate?’ her mother asked her tone gentle, and Kate felt a loving hand touch her shoulder. She opened her eyes, forcing them to smile as she leaned over to hug her.
‘Go for it, Mum! I’m happy for you. Johnson’s lovely.’
‘Thank you, darling!’
‘We just need to find this madwoman. Then you can get on with it.’
She felt her mother shudder. ‘I’m praying for her. She’s so troubled. I’m praying that God will give her peace.’
Kate shook her head. ‘I might have guessed. You’re too nice for your own good sometimes. Just remember, if we come face to face with her, she’s off her head. Don’t go praying over her, just run like hell!’
‘Oh, I’m sure it won’t come to that. After all, the police are looking for her, and Johnson’s security team seem very good.’
‘Mmm.’ She wasn’t so sure. One of the things she had been doing over the past couple of days was to check out the stories from when Roxanne had begun stalking the Brands. She couldn’t help feel that someone in his team must have been feeding information to Roxanne. But of the men who had been with Johnson all those years ago, and were still with him, she couldn’t imagine any of them betraying him like that.
And much as she liked and respected Jake, it looked as though Roxanne was still getting information. Otherwise, how would she have found them in Manchester, or known that Johnson and Alexandra were alone in his hotel suite the next day? Kate wanted to check out a few things from her own notes, but she was beginning to believe the JBB might have a traitor in their midst.
‘Let’s just keep our guards up, OK?’ she urged her mother.
Alex and Kate spent the next week in a quiet boutique hotel in central London, and never went anywhere without bodyguards. It drove b
oth women crazy that they should be so restricted, but they agreed that it was only sensible to keep a low profile. Other than Alexandra’s regular calls to Johnson, they had no contact with friends or colleagues.
It didn’t help that the newspapers picked up the story of the fire and linked it with the kiss pictures. Some enterprising hack had then dug deep enough in the US press to find Roxanne’s stalking trial. He’d then been contacted by ‘someone close to the band’ and put two and two together. Jake kept in touch with the police, and they were beginning to suspect that Roxanne herself might well be feeding information to the press. She’d almost certainly taken the photos of Johnson and Alexandra kissing outside the vicarage and passed them to the tabloids.
‘But why would she do that?’ asked Alex, totally perplexed. ‘Surely that would make it more likely that she’ll be locked up again.’
‘The mind of a psychotic isn’t wired like most minds,’ said Kate. ‘She’s probably using the press as a way of boasting to Johnson about how clever she’s been. It’s a warning that she can get to him through the people he cares about.’
Alex shook her head. ‘You certainly know how to cheer me up. Are we never going to be safe from this woman?’
‘Of course we are, Mum. Johnson won’t let anything happen, and the police have sent her picture and fingerprints all over Europe now. They’ll pick her up soon.’ She stretched. ‘And as soon as this is sorted, I think I’ll write a book about it.’
Her mother regarded her with raised eyebrows.
‘Well why not? What other journalist has a better chance of getting the inside story? I’d be daft to let someone else write some fluff full of rumour and supposition.’
‘Well just clear it with Johnson first, OK?’
‘Of course. He’s my main source of information. I won’t do anything without his cooperation and approval.’
She was fairly confident that Johnson would co-operate. How his son would react was another matter. Kate expected her soon-to-be step-brother would be far from happy.