She imagined herself at the center of a sea of cats she didn’t know. She shivered.
‘Instead of trying to be like my name in some way, I should probably just be me. It’d make things easier.’
Cloud and Hyrees sat down beside her, and Songbird leaned against Cloud. As they waited by the fire, Ember’s shivering slowed, then stopped altogether. When her fur had dried, Songbird left to help the other hunters prepare for the feast.
“Ember, you know how I wanted to talk with you when you got back?” Cloud asked.
She nodded, too tired to bother speaking.
“Well, I don’t know if we’ll be able to have that just yet. Some things have come up, and well, uh, we probably won’t be able to do it.”
The fur along her back rose. Dark purples filled her head. “What do you mean?”
“Ember,” he said.
She waited for him to finish his sentence, but apparently it was over. “What? What’s wrong? Am I doing something wrong? I mean, I know I messed up, but I don’t understand.”
Out the edge of her vision, she spotted Tainu loping out the eastern entrance. Echo followed moments later. Ember looked around the Glade. Shard was nowhere to be seen. More dreary purple broke through the grey static, along with tiny flickers of oak leaf green and dark orange. She shook her head. The static returned.
“Did you hear anything I just said?” Cloud asked.
Ember’s ears perked up. “Purple! That’s not—oh, er, sorry. No, sorry. What were you saying?”
He sighed, and leaned close enough for his whiskers to brush her ear. “I don’t know when we’ll able to discuss what needs to be discussed, but one of these days we need to have a talk about life, and reality, and not getting distracted by your thoughts, or fears, or those colors of yours.”
“Will it be a good talk?” she asked.
He stared into the fire. “It will make you uncomfortable, that much I know. But sometimes you need to be made uncomfortable. Sometimes you need to know the truth. It’s a part of growing up.”
She rested her ears back in their usual half-cocked positions, and lowered her head closer to the flames. “Yeah.”
He sighed again and leaned closer to her. “Listen, I’ll be having a talk with Aspen when he gets back. I’ll ask him about it again. For now, you take a break. Okay?”
‘Again? Wait, when he gets back?’ she wondered. “Where did he go?”
“To meet that rogue from yesterday,” he replied. “I’m guessing that Eclan cat doesn’t work for Jade after all, but that’s where he went. And oh, there he is now. I’ll go see if I can catch him. You’ll be okay here?”
Aspen walked through the northern entrance, heading toward his den. Ember glanced at her commander and nodded. Cloud got up, then padded after him. She crouched down on her forelegs. The grey haze in her head cleared a little more. Her thoughts drifted back to the flames.
‘I’m glad fire exists.’ A creamy, deja vu gold swirled in her subconscious. ‘Wait a moment. I guess there’s a reason this feels so familiar.’
She leaned back against Hyrees and burst into tiredness-induced giggles. Hyrees chuckled.
“Why are we laughing?” he asked.
“I don’t know why you’re laughing. I’m laughing because I think it’s funny how I’ve been drenched two days in a row. I can’t wait to see what happens tomorrow. Will someone dump a water bowl over my head? That’ll be fun.”
Hyrees curled up beside her, smiling. “Oh, Ember.” He licked her cheek. “You and that mind of yours. Don’t ever become normal. If you do, uhm . . . I’m not sure what I’d do, but I’d have to do something.”
“Sneeze a bee?” Ember suggested, using the first arbitrary thought that came to mind.
He laughed and tapped her nose. “Sure; I’ll sneeze a bee. Which sounds really painful, by the way.”
Ember shook her head in an attempt to rid herself of the itch he’d placed on her nose. She swatted at his whiskers. He closed his eyes and laughed even more, filling her thoughts with the sweet oranges of family.
“Which is why I’ll try not to let it happen,” she mewed, smiling. Just hearing his laugh made all the pain and discomfort of that morning worth it.
As they huddled beside the fire, the ‘fun’ part of the meeting happened around them. Tomcats, and even a few mollies, wrestled in two-cat sparring competitions. Each of the winners would receive extra food, and the cat who won the most matches would get even more food, medicine, or a finely crafted bijou to take home with them.
In other parts of the Glade, kittens and trainees mimicked the adults’ competitions, chased each other around, or interrogated Easterners. Off to one side, three littermates played with a clay ball their mother had just bought them.
All around the Glade, clayworkers had various items scattered around near their dens. Cats could use work credits or precious tradestones, usually obtained from the East, to get them. Credits and tradestones were mostly for luxury, as the only things they actually bought were accessories, toys, highly-valued clay clawmark tablets, and extra food. Everyone got daily rations to eat, water to drink, and somewhere to live. High-ranks earned more credits than most other cats—three a day—so many of them wore intricately modeled clayvines around their necks or decorated bands around their tails.
Ember closed her eyes. Beside her, Hyrees rolled onto his back and batted at her whiskers. She ignored him. Her temporary giddiness, brought on by her own imagination, was gone.
“Oh, come on, Emmy. You don’t want to play? It’s the meeting,” he said.
“Not really.” She yawned. “I just want to sleep, and play with my dreams, if I have any good ones. Though if I have a really good one, you might be there. I could play with you that way.”
Farlight pranced over to them. “I can play with you, Hyrees. I’m done with all my commander-in-training duties for today. A little sparring contest might be fun, don’t you think? Though as a warning, I’m bigger than you now; I might actually be able to win this time.”
As he passed Ember, he smiled in her direction and nodded his head.
Hyrees chuffed and rolled to his paws. “You probably will, but I won’t be defeated easily. We should probably go have it somewhere away from the fire though.” He nuzzled Ember’s cheek. “And don’t you worry; once I’m through with him, I’m coming for you. Be ready.”
He licked her muzzle, then trotted away with his brother. Ember licked a paw and tried to groom away the wet patch he’d given her.
“Rough day?”
Ember looked up to find Kivyress standing in front of her. She sighed and let herself go limp, Her head flopped against her forelegs. “Everything hurts.”
Kivyress moved to lay beside her. “At least you’ve got tomorrow.”
“Assuming I don’t die between now and tomorrow. But in truth, I’m starting to worry tomorrow won’t be much better. Apparently Dad wants to talk to me about something important, but he’s not able to for some reason. I’m not sure I want to know the whats or whys. The way he keeps talking about it is making me see-feel silver, so it probably won’t be anything good.”
“Maybe he’s trying to pretend it’s something serious so you’ll be relieved when it’s something little. Messing with your expectations. If it makes you feel any better, I don’t know of anything anyone might be trying to hide from you specifically, so it’ll probably just be some boring lecture.”
Ember groomed her sister’s neck. She almost laughed. There wasn’t much in the Glade she didn’t know about. The only benefits to having insomnia and hearing everything was how many secrets she’d picked up. She knew hidden things about cats whose names she couldn’t even remember. “You may be right. Or at least partially right. I hope you are.”
“Yeah.” Kivyress purred softly. She leaned over to return the favor, grooming Ember’s side. “Oh, you weren’t here when it happened, but the meeting today was really weird. I don’t really remember the spring meeting well enough to compar
e, so this could be normal, but the Easterners seemed really tense when they were talking. I don’t think Commander Jade likes Commander Aspen very much.”
“If you consider what he did to them, that sounds normal,” Ember said.
“I guess so, but it seemed like a lot more than just Jade disliking him. She looked like she wanted to hurt him, and he looked really scared when he walked back in here earlier. I’m kind of starting to worry.”
“I’ll try find out what’s going on tomorrow. I’m too tired to worry about the commanders right now. Besides, the meetings exist to keep the peace. If there were any real problems between our colonies, Dad would know about them and figure out how to fix them before anyone got hurt.”
Rays of sunlight broke through the clouds. They formed soft beams caught in the ever-shifting smoke that filled the air.
Kivyress sighed. “I guess you’re right. Everything’ll work out eventually. Hey, look, even the sun’s come back, and the sky is pretty again.”
Ember smiled and half-closed her eyes. ‘Well, if today’s been anything to go by, I might never become a historian, forever crushing my one and only current ambition. I’ve also finally decided I really should end that tongue-biting habit. But all things considered, it wasn’t terrible. Or maybe it was. At least after the feast I might actually be able to get a decent night of sleep. If I can, it’ll be close enough to decent. Maybe even a success.’
“What do you think, Kivy?” Ember asked.
Kivyress hesitated for a moment, then smiled. “That we should catch up with Hyrees and Far.”
‘Might as well try to make it enjoyable.’ She got to her paws and shook herself off. “I concur. Enough grey for today. Let’s go!”
Chapter 6
Cloud
“Commander Aspen,” Cloud said, “you wanted to speak with me?”
“Hmm?” Aspen asked. He sat on the rocky rise over his den, watching the more frivolous side of the meeting unfold.
Cloud straightened himself up, careful to look his commander in the face but not the eyes. He focused on Aspen’s still-twitching right ear.
“You wanted to have a word with me about Ember?”
“Ah, yes, the talk,” Aspen said, never taking his gaze off of his colony. “Today has been rather . . . eventful. It can wait.”
“Oh. Okay. So can I tell her the truth, then? She deserves to know.”
Aspen flicked his ears intentionally. “No.” He slow-blinked. “I already told you my stance on this, and I stand by my word. Besides, she looks like she’s finally enjoying herself. I’d hate for you to spoil the mood.”
Cloud growled under his breath and looked over his shoulder to where Hyrees, Farlight, and Kivyress assaulted a squirming, flailing Ember. He breathed out slowly. It was just a play fight, yes, but she could do better. She wasn’t even trying to fight back. At least she seemed to be having fun.
“Cloud,” Aspen said. “Come up here, would you, son?”
‘Son?’ Cloud snapped to attention. ‘Did you just call me ‘son’? You’ve never called me ‘son.’ Not even once until now. What’s bothering you, Aspen? Because something has definitely been bothering you.’
“Yes, sir,” he said.
He ascended the hill, then sat by Aspen’s side. “Is there something wrong? I know it didn’t go as smoothly as you’d hoped, but I’m not sure there’s much we can do at this point. Aside from keeping everyone from killing each other, of course. But I think we can straighten everything out in the spring.”
“Have you ever felt as though you aren’t ready for something, and no matter how long or hard you try to prepare for it, you will never be ready?”
Cloud’s eyes narrowed. A sinking feeling snagged in his chest. “Uhm, yeah, yes sir. I think everyone has at some point in their lives. Commander, is there something wrong?” he asked.
Aspen closed his eyes and swallowed, ear twitching more violently. “I’m afraid so, son. I fear I may die soon.”
The fur along Cloud’s spine rose. “Sir . . .”
His mind traveled winters into the past. He was a kitten again, helpless as his father went off to fight a war he would never win. Though his father hadn’t been the most fatherly of fathers, he was the only dad he’d ever had. He’d pleaded over and over for him to stay as the adults prepared for that fateful battle. Every time, he’d been shaken off, shoved away, and told to go play like all the other kittens. He never saw him again.
He shook the memory away. “Wait, sir, are you sure? How do you know? Are you sick?”
“No. But I have feeling somewhere inside me that my past crimes may get punished soon,” Aspen replied.
“With all due respect, sir, a feeling is not enough evidence to convince me you’re about to die.”
“Cloud,” Aspen said. “I don’t expect you to believe me, but there are forces at work right now that are beyond the control of any of us. Forces you, and I, and everyone else here cannot stop. If you try to stop them, or save me, you will only be putting yourself, and the Western Colony, in danger. I want you to listen closely, son. If I die before Farlight can finish his training, I’ve already told Lupine he will command until Farlight is ready.”
Cloud’s eyes narrowed in rancor. ‘Oh. Yes. Lupine, of course. Not the one who’s put in any actual effort to keep these cats alive. I had to work to get this rank, and what did he do? Get born a few moments after you? We’ll see how that works out.’
“If that happens,” Aspen continued, “You will finish Farlight’s training, and be an advisor to my brother. Keep them both safe, Farlight especially. Defend them with your life, if you must. Don’t let the forces of shadow take them.”
Cloud’s tail flicked. Below them, Farlight and Kivyress continued wrestling while Ember and Hyrees cuddled together once again by the fire.
“I will protect him, sir. I’ll protect both of them. But hopefully we won’t have to worry about any of this.” He flattened his ears. ‘Because you’re being delusional,’ he mentally added.
Aspen smiled. “Hopefully not, but ever since Stone Ridge, I . . . I like to plan ahead. We must make sure the colony gets cared for, no matter what happens. You never know what the future hides. Do you?”
“With all due respect, sir, I’m not sure how to answer that question,” Cloud said.
Aspen pawed Cloud’s side, tousling his fur in the process. It was the same way his father used to do it on those rare occasions Cloud managed to impress him. Though it’d only happened twice, he remembered it as if it were a daily routine.
“Stop being so formal,” Aspen said. He chuckled. “Don’t worry about me. Go enjoy yourself for a change. Your kittens aren’t the only ones who need a break.”
“Are you sure? I can stay if you need my help.”
“No, you go on. I only told you about all this because I know I can’t hide these things from you. I don’t need or want your sympathy. I also don’t want you telling anyone about this. No need to cause a panic, especially if it turns out to be over nothing. What I do want is to sit here, and watch my colony enjoying itself; all of it, which includes you.”
“If you’re sure you’ll be okay. I am worried about you.”
Aspen groomed him behind an ear. “I’ll be as fine as I can be. Now go on, son. You deserve to have some fun.”
Cloud dipped his head. “Thank you, sir.”
He climbed down the hill. When he reached the bottom, he looked back at Aspen, who flicked his muzzle toward the Glade, urging him on.
‘I guess the stress finally broke him. He’s becoming paranoid, isn’t he? He’s still got ten or so more winters to live. I don’t know what kind of feeling he’s feeling, but it must be fairly significant if he thinks he’ll only get to live half of his life.’
He pushed through the cats around him as if they were mere objects obstructing his path. They glared at him in disgust, but he ignored their looks and growls.
‘If, on the off-chance he does die, and Farlight becomes Commander,
it would be hard, leaving this behind. It would also be one less thing holding me down. I can work with that. Even if the circumstances wouldn’t be ideal, but fox it—if he dies, they might need me more. Why did I let myself get here? I should’ve said no when he offered me a place on the council. Now, if I leave for four days with the council to visit the East, everything nearly falls apart.’
“I guess I should find Wren, now. Looks like we’ll be able to do something together after all,” he muttered to himself.
Cloud padded out of the Glade. Wren always hid in the pine grove during meetings to avoid the glares of his condescending kin. When he reached the grove, instead of calling out Wren’s name, he sniffed the air.
‘Come on, pick it up for once,’ he thought.
His nose refused to isolate Wren’s scent. The ever-shifting wind only made the task harder. He growled at himself. ‘Useless little—’
He pressed his head against a pine, then clawed at it as if it had personally offended him.
“I never liked that tree much, either.”
Cloud whirled around to find Wren standing behind him. “Oh, there you are. Did you want to do something? We’re waiting until tomorrow to have the talk. Everyone’s too exhausted to take in anything else,” he said.
Wren hesitated, then sighed. “I’m afraid I can’t think of anythin’ at the moment. A walk, perhaps?”
“A walk?” Cloud asked. ‘Why am I hiding out here? I could be doing something actually useful right now. I can’t afford to waste my time meandering around the forest.’
“Unless you have a better idea, of course,” Wren said, smiling bittersweetly.
Cloud turned back toward the Glade. “Yes, I do. I could go help prepare for the feast. I need to make sure Aspen’s paranoia doesn’t ruin the meeting any more than it’s already been ruined.”
“Wait, I thought you wanted to do something together. It has been a while.”
Cloud ignored him. Work—he needed to work. There was no enjoyment to be found in kittens’ games or aimless strolls.
‘When I get back, I’ll have to have a word with Fern. We’ll need a cure before his worrying escalates and he becomes too paranoid to function. I can find a cure, I just need enough time.’
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