by Freya Barker
“Okay,” I agree, sounding much more flippant than I feel. I turn back to the cutting board and tackle the next onion, trying hard to ignore the footsteps that eventually come my way.
“You know what the final straw was?” he asks from right behind me. It doesn’t really require an answer. “She said it had been the only way to survive her nightmare of a life.” His laugh is low and lacking any humor. “I’m surrounded by women, who crawl on hands and knees through hell and still come out fighting for another go, and she thinks her life is a nightmare? She gave up before she even started, Ruby. Had a guy who would do everything for her, two amazing kids, a decent life. You didn’t even know a life like hers could exist, but you fought for it anyway. So did Syd, and Viv. Not Jeannie. She never had it in her. And I was too stupid to see.”
I finally turn around and simply wrap my arms around his big body. It takes a minute, but then his big arms close around me.
“Everything okay?” Gunnar’s voice sounds from the doorway. I drop my arms immediately but Dino takes his time letting go.
“S’all good,” Dino mutters, going back to his steaks without even looking at Gunnar.
I put on my best smile, and look a concerned Gunnar straight in the eyes. “Everything’s fine,” I assure him, and I watch him grant Dino one more look before he gives me one back.
“I hear congratulations are in order,” he says, as he walks over and gives me a hug. “Tim is a lucky man.”
All I can do is nod my thanks as he gives me a little pat on my shoulder before leaving the kitchen.
By the time Tim comes to pick me up, I’m dead on my feet and therefore emotional. Today turned out much better than I thought. I’m sad Dino is hurting, but I know he deserves much better than what he’s endured. I’m grateful I was able to be a friend to him, like he’s been to me so many times now.
“Want to have a drink or go straight home?” he asks.
“Home,” I echo him, still getting a little thrill each time I use that word.
Tim
When I get to the warehouse, Dad and Mark are already hard at it. A decent stack of the special design trays are stacked on a trolley. Mark actually surprised me in the last few weeks. For a guy who never showed much interest in woodworking, not like Dad or me, he seems to know what he’s doing with the new planer. All the trays are perfectly smooth and level, ready for the custom brand.
“Good work,” I compliment him before turning to Dad. “How many did you get done?”
“Seventy five yesterday and almost fifty today,” he says, a big grin on his face. The old man is having fun, but I don’t want him to overdo it.
“Awesome. And it’s just three o’clock now. Why don’t you head home, Dad? I’m staying until I have to pick Ruby up from work. If I can keep at the rate you guys are pumping them out, we can probably get an even hundred done.” I mentally calculate how long the whole process will take and realize it might give me just enough time to get that special project I have in mind for Nina done.
“Let me finish up the full fifty, Son, and I’ll go see what your mother’s been up to all day without me keeping her in check,” he says with a twinkle in his eye.
Mark snorts. “You sure it’s not the other way around?” he teases Dad, who looks at him with squinted eyes.
“Guess you already forgot that heavy-assed tank you returned to the rental place yesterday, didn’t you? Fucking helium balloons. Half the time I don’t know what that woman’s thinking,” he mutters, making it sound like doesn’t enjoy my mother’s brand of crazy, when we all know he’d be bored without her. My guess is that’s why their marriage survived. They would miss the bickering and the crazy antics; it keeps life interesting.
Dad leaves as agreed when he’s fulfilled his self-imposed quota, but Mark stays and we work well together in silence for a few hours. I’m surprised to find it’s already seven.
“Are you not hungry?” I ask him. He’s been here all day. “You should head out, get some rest. Between yesterday and today, we’ve got well over half done.”
“Nah. Nothing waiting but an empty house. I’ll stick it out here, but call for pizza,” he answers with a wink before bending back to his work. I hear a wistfulness in his voice I’m not used to. Not like my cocky brother.
I order us some pizzas and grab a pencil and my sketchpad, while Mark finishes running the last of the trays through the big machine. I’m so engrossed in my design, I don’t notice he’s done until the cavernous space is suddenly plunged in silence. Mark hurries to the door, where a disgruntled pizza delivery kid appears to have been banging on the door for a while. Shit. Mark grabs the boxes and the bag of drinks and I quickly pay the boy, and give him a tip for his trouble. Need to get a loud bell or something installed. I leave the door open. It’s not too cool out, and a light breeze blows in the smells and sounds from the bay. Mark’s hoists himself up on a stack of lumber and I follow suit, grabbing one of the boxes on my lap.
“Hope you tipped him well. You should know there’s little more important to keep a good relationship with the pizza delivery boy,” Mark jokes, but it tells me a bit about where his head’s at.
“Course I did. Was single for forty-three years, remember?”
“Yeah.” Suddenly he gives my shoulder a shove and smiles. “Mom went nuts, didn’t she?” he chuckles.
“With the balloons? You’re not kidding. Ninety-five fucking balloons,” I shake my head.
“That too, but I mean when she finally clued in that she’d not only gained a daughter but a granddaughter too. Thought for sure she was gonna break that poor girl’s bones.”
I smile thinking about Nina’s face while Mom was assaulting her. Poor girl had been shocked as shit at first, but ended up patting Mom on the back a bit awkwardly, in an attempt to get her to stop wailing. She can’t have had much physical love, growing up in an orphanage. Something Ruby already started making up for. I’m being a bit more cautious, for obvious reasons, letting it all come from her.
“Are you ever scared?” Mark, who’s been eating quietly beside me suddenly asks. This time I instinctively know what he’s asking.
“Often,” I answer honestly. “I’ll lie awake at night, listening to Ruby breathing, and I realize how fucking much I have to lose now. It’s terrifying. But then she shifts against me, and I realize she has even more to lose. Yet there she is, deep asleep and at peace as long as she has me to hang on to.”
“I thought I had that once,” he says. “But I can see now it wasn’t even in the ballpark. I don’t know, man,” he says, biting off half a slice of pizza, but chewing doesn’t seem to interfere with talking. “Been keeping myself pretty unavailable, but recently I’ve been wondering...”
“Scary as shit, and not always easy, but worth every fucking second.” I pause for a minute before I ask. “Who’s she?” His head swings around.
“What?”
“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter.” I smile when he rolls his eyes.
“Claudia. Talked to her a few times, she’s nice,” he says, shrugging his shoulders.
“The doc? Yeah. She’s nice. I’ve got a great recipe for Chiles Renellos you can impress her with,” I tease him, as I jump down and wipe my hands on my jeans and down the last of my drink. “Don’t try and find the safest way first—just jump.” He watches me for a second before he nods. “Alright, enough of this fucking girl talk. Let me show you something I want to work on for a few hours.” I grab the sketchpad and show him the design.
-
“Home,” she says with a little smile on her pretty mouth. No way I can ignore the invitation, so I lower my head and kiss those lips, sliding my tongue between them for a taste.
“Say goodbye, then,” I prompt her, pulling back a little before giving her another hard, closemouthed kiss.
We’re home fifteen minutes later. Ruby goes straight for the kitchen to grab us drinks, and I flick on a few lights, making myself comfortable on the couch, feet up on the coffee tabl
e. I watch her walk in, a bottle of water and a beer in her hands. I lift my arm in invitation and she settles herself beside me on the couch, handing me my drink before she pulls my arm around her and snuggles in.
“Dino’s wife left,” she quietly says. “I knew something was off and he finally told me. He’s so sad. I don’t think he’s told anybody yet, although everyone knows something is up with him.”
I feel for the big guy. I’d only met his wife a few times, and she seemed unnaturally quiet. Not at all what I would’ve expected for him. Nothing I can say, so I squeeze Ruby’s shoulder. “Mark is lonely,” I confide to her. “Did you know he was married before? Long time ago—he was still young—but it left a mark.”
“That’s sad too,” Ruby muses.
“Yeah. He asked me tonight if I was scared.” Ruby tilts her head back to find my eyes on her.
“What did you tell him?” She seems to understand the question instinctively as well.
“The truth,” I explain to her with a smile. “I’m terrified. Afraid to lose this.” I emphasize my words with a kiss on the tip of her nose. “But with you in my arms, I’m more afraid of not having it at all.” Ruby tilts her head up to press a kiss to my lips.
“Me too,” she admits, snuggling back into my shoulder. “It’s a bit of a rude awakening to discover the world keeps on turning around us. Things happen we have no control over and leave a mark, but if at the end of the day, I can come home to you, I can handle whatever comes my way.”
“Ditto,” I mutter with my face pressed in her hair.
Ruby
“Are you ready?”
Tim sticks his head around the bedroom door. Today we can go pick up Nina at the shelter, and I want to make sure her room is perfect. Oh, she’s come shopping—there wasn’t a chance in hell Jane would not drag her new granddaughter with her—but she’s not seen it all put together. That’s something Tim and I wanted to do ourselves. Jane was not pleased, but Tim put his foot down and told her she was welcome to organize any shopping with me, but the first one to see the room finished would be Nina.
It’s been two weeks since Tim gave me something I’d never really had a chance to miss. A little family of my own—forged by fire. Sure, I know it won’t be smooth riding from here on in, and not just because Nina has a lot of work left to do. I do too. There are days where I’m so overwhelmed with everything that’s going on in my life, I become paralyzed with fear something bad will happen to take it all away. All normal according to Pam, who had me sit in on a few sessions with Viv’s anxiety group.
We’ve been busy. Finding time between my shifts at The Skipper and Tim’s business to work on Nina’s room had been a challenge. We managed though, with a bit of help from Mark, finishing the drywall and putting a proper floor down and door in. It had been my first time painting, and I found to my surprise, I have a knack for it. I already warned Tim that once Nina moved in, I might tackle our bedroom. Tim just chuckled and told me to have at it.
I take one last look around the bright, sunflower yellow room, Nina’s favorite color. The crowning touch is the beautiful last minute addition Tim brought home last night. The one he spent until two in the morning putting together. I close the door and grab the hand he holds out to me.
Tim
“I’m gonna miss you.”
Pam folds Nina in a hug, the slight girl disappearing in the statuesque woman’s arms. I swear I see a glint of tears in her eyes, but when Pam notices me watching, she throws me a dirty look. She’s a ball-buster, but with the way she cares for my girls, damn if I haven’t grown to love that woman too.
“I’ll miss you too, baby.” Pam softly strokes Nina’s curls from her face. “But we’ll hang out once a week as promised, and you can always call me. Day or night.”
“I know.” Nina snuggles into Pam one last time before letting go.
“Ready, Nina-girl?” I ask her, holding the door open. Ruby’s already in the truck, fighting a losing battle with the tears that have been brimming in her eyes from the moment we started loading up Nina’s sparse belongings.
“Ready.” The smile she sends me, full of hopeful trust, knocks the air from my lungs. Fuck me. Two women now who can bring me to my knees.
Nina climbs up in the truck, and as I close the door behind her, I notice Ruby and Pam sharing a long look through the passenger side window. Pam is the first to turn away. Instead of getting in the truck and driving off with just a wave, I walk straight up to her and pull her into a hug. She holds her body rigid at first but slowly relaxes.
“Thank you,” I whisper for her ears only. “For loving my girls back on their feet and trusting them to me.” Her shoulders shake a few times under my arms before she pushes back, furiously wiping at the stray tears running down her face.
“Pain in my luscious black behind, you are,” she snaps, only serving to make me grin. “Better forget you ever saw a tear on me, you hear? Or I’ll make you sorry,” she threatens, her finger poking my chest. “I’ve got ways.” I’m full out laughing now. For all her bluster, Pam is one of the most soft-hearted women I know. Ignoring her sputtering, I hook an arm around her neck and kiss her cheek with a loud smack.
“Love ya, Pam,” I voice to her with a wink before letting her go. I’m halfway around the truck when I hear her call my name.
“Take care o’my girls.”
“With my life, Pam,” I call back without turning. “With my life,” I repeat softly.
-
“Keep your eyes closed, cariño, okay?” Ruby’s buzzing with excitement, and fuck if I’m not a bit jittery myself.
It had taken my father to put his foot down to prevent Mom from turning this into an all out family event, bringing Nina home. She’d been planning another one of her surprise parties, but Ruby and I decided we want one day of just the three of us to get settled before we let Mom loose with a full on celebration. Dad’s suggestion of having Sunday family dinner at our house for a change went a long way to smooth her ruffled feathers. “As long as I’m cooking,” she snapped. No one dared argue that and we’d left her free reign in the planning of Nina’s welcome home party, which resulted in her inviting a lot of our friends. “The more the merrier,” she claimed. It was all good by me, as long as we had one day to ourselves.
Nina is descending the stairs behind me, keeping her hands on my shoulders because Ruby doesn’t want her to look until she’s actually in the room. I don’t even try to understand the difference, I just go with it. When we reach the bottom of the stairs, Ruby scoots around to open the door and I lead Nina right in.
“Stop here, but don’t open them yet.” Ruby leads Nina to exactly where she wants her before rushing back to where I’m waiting by the door. Her eyes are shining and I can’t resist pressing a quick kiss to her smiling lips. With my arm draped over her shoulder and hers tight around my waist, she tells Nina; “You can open your eyes, Nina.”
For a minute, she just stands there, not moving, not speaking, not making a sound, and it’s making me nervous. Ruby put her right at the foot end of the large, rustic-looking canopy bed I built my girl, so it would be the first thing she sees.
“Oh my God!” With an ear piercing, very girly scream, Nina flings herself forward, landing in the middle of the mattress. The breath I discover I’m holding, explodes from my lungs as I watch her roll around the bed, giggling and crying. As is Ruby, who can’t quite contain herself any more and rushes toward the bed, tugging me along behind her. Nina is looking at us, just beaming.
“Hop on,” she says, making room and patting the mattress. Ruby gives me a little shove to go first and I crawl up beside Nina, who doesn’t hesitate even for a second to snuggle up against me. When my Boop scoots close on my other side, my heart feels close to bursting from my chest.
“Did you make this?” Nina asks, her head on my shoulder.
“I did,” I confirm.
“It’s perfect,” she says, snuggling her head under my chin. “It’s my dream come tru
e.”
I press a kiss on her curls before turning to Ruby, who looks like she’s as close to bursting as I am. “No, baby,” I say to Nina, but never losing eye contact with my Boop. “This here? This is my dream come true.”
EPILOGUE
Ruby
“Mami! We need you for the pictures.”
I shrug an apology to Pam, who was in the middle of a sentence, and turn to look for the source of my summons. My eyes scan the crowd, a collection of friends and family, who’ve been here for every major and even minor event since my life started for real. Barbecues, birthdays, holidays, and my simple—but beautifully perfect—wedding day in this same backyard only three years ago. Gunnar and Syd are sitting in the grass, watching their youngest, Caden, playing ball with Dexter, while their daughter Emmy is distracted by her phone. Viv is trying to wipe the chocolate from three-year old Francessca’s cheeks, while the little girl struggles in Ike’s arms. Dino, leaning against the railing of the deck, his arm around his daughter and is smiling in our direction—a much happier man these days. Jane and Arthur, the parents I never knew I so desperately needed in my life, are bickering as usual. Beside them; a very happy Mark, his arm possessively around Claudia, both are laughing out loud at his parents’ antics. Finally, in the shade of the old tree beside the garage, I spot Tim smiling behind our beautiful daughter.
I raise my hand in acknowledgement and excuse myself to Pam before making my way over.
“Mike says we should both grab our certificates,” Nina says when I’m within earshot.
Mike Carmello had also become a dear friend to all three of us. In the months following the discovery of Nina in that warehouse, he’d been in touch on a regular basis to check up on both of us. The first time, he asked for my help with a young girl again, Tim wasn’t too happy. He didn’t want me drawn back into that part of my life. But I was able to convince him that I really wanted to give some meaning to the thirty years I’d lost. Making sure others like me would get the same opportunities that I was given, without judgment. There have been a few more occasions where Mike has asked me to help. Although gut-wrenching at times, I never failed to walk away feeling a tremendous amount of satisfaction.