“Ok, I won’t grill you!”
“Do you know who I find really handsome?” She asked as she spread salted creamy butter on a warm baguette. “Etienne.”
I struggled to swallow what I was eating.
“Isn’t he super sexy?” She asked, looking in my eyes.
“Yes, he’s cute…” I said, with some hesitation.
“They say he used to be an incredible womanizer and that he collected girls like stamps! Then, all of a sudden, he stopped. Who knows why…”
Because of Juliette, that’s why!
“Really?” So, the sexy and kind blue-eyed young man had a Don Giovanni past… good to know.
“Maybe he’s just taking a break, but I’m convinced it won’t last long. When you’ve tasted freedom, it’s hard to give it up.”
I didn’t agree with her. Probably, he had found true love, which can deeply change a person, even the most determined bachelor.
“I hope he will come back around and choose me to be one of the stamps in his collection!” She laughed.
“Yes, I’m sure. Nobody could resist you!” I threw a little piece of bread at her, and we continued to laugh.
*
At evening Paris becomes even more magical. I came back on the metro from Montmartre and decided to take a walk around the neighbourhood. I wandered up to the splendid Place des Vosges and drifted in the central garden that is closed to visitors at night. The streets were almost deserted and I could hear the night owls steps echoing under the arcades.
Everything was so perfect: work, city, friendships… the only thing missing was love.
I thought of Cristian. I wondered what he was doing, who he was with, and under what sky. I would still love to see him again. A tiny melancholy thought crawled into my mind and my soul. I tried to push it away with some other happy thought. Paris wasn’t the right city to lose myself to nostalgia in. I turned and headed toward home.
*
On Monday morning I found Etienne waiting for me at my desk, drinking his inevitable espresso. He seemed in a good mood.
“I knew you would be in early. You are always the first to arrive.”
I put my handbag on the desk and wondered aloud, “why are you here?” I was perplexed.
“I want to take you out for a special visit of Paris. I would like to show to you a few places that make this city magical. Are you free?”
I still had my coat and hat on. I was ready to go.
“Sure! Let’s go…”
While driving out of the city, I asked, “So, what’s the first important landmark?”
“You’ll see. It’s a surprise.” He sounded mysterious.
I began to observe him more closely. I noticed his beautiful hands, and that he didn’t wear a watch. I recalled Elodie’s words about his past as a womanizer. I tried to imagine him seducing some woman he’d just met. Somehow he just didn’t seem to be that kind of guy. He was always a total gentleman. Maybe at times he delighted and confused me with his compliments, but he had never really come on to me since I first met and got to know him. Perhaps true love really had made him into a completely different person.
I saw a sign for Versailles. “Are we going to the Royal Palace?” I was very excited.
“You got it! Have you ever been there?” he asked, turning to look at me.
“No, but it’s a place I’ve always wanted to visit. My mother had a book about Versailles Gardens, and when I was a child I spent hours looking at the photographs and drawings, dreaming about queens and princesses… I wanted to be a queen when I grew up!”
He laughed, “Ultimately, to be a queen of France didn’t mean a life with a happy ending…”
“I know it! So, a good reason to be glad I was born in a republic.”
He laughed again. “You’re really funny, Coco.” He looked at me for another brief moment and I felt butterflies in my stomach. There was something about this man that really attracted me, almost violently, although I always felt inadequate in his presence. Maybe I just idealized him too much.
*
Etienne got in line to buy the tickets, and I wandered around the forecourt in front of the palace. I always dreamed of visiting this Chateau, its royal apartments and gardens, and now it was actually going to happen. Another dream comes true!
“It’s important to still be able to be surprised by beauty…” I was looking at Etienne who had stopped to admire the bed of Louis XIV, and I added, “I wonder how many risqué adventures this bed has seen!”
“Yes, it looks pretty comfortable. I should make one just like this for my home,” he joked.
When we finished the tour of the palace, we moved to the gardens.
“This is just magnificent!” I said, walking among fountains, statues, and perfectly trimmed box hedges.
“Yes, these gardens are exceptional. And to think that in 1999 a violent storm had destroyed most of this. It was all redone after the damage, and now they are very close to the original landscape design.”
“Did you ever organize any events here? What a unique location.”
“Yes, we have used it for very special occasions. I wanted to show to you this place so you could understand how marvellous our work can be.”
“Thank you! It has been very instructive…” I was ecstatic.
He came over and his warm hand lightly brushed my arm. I felt a tiny electric shock through my clothes. He was staring at me without saying a word. I was paralyzed, feeling my heart racing like crazy.
“Monsieur Etienne!” We heard a voice calling from a distance. We stood there motionless, looking at each other.
A man in a grey suit was swiftly approaching us. He had a moustache and a pocket watch.
“Monsieur Etienne, it’s such a pleasure to see you again! The girls at the ticket office informed me that you were here.”
I thought, perfect timing – thanks a lot mister!
“Jacques, what a surprise! I didn’t know you would be here in Paris.” Etienne said, shaking his hand.
“Rebecca, Jacques is the managing director of events at Versailles Palace. We worked with him several times in the past, and we hope to do so again in the future.”
I shook his hand, but to be honest, I was not especially happy about his intrusion.
“Are you surveying the gardens for some event?”
“No, I’m just showing the beauty of all this to a colleague. Rebecca has come all the way from Italy.”
“Ah! I see. So, I will let you continue your visit.”
*
On the way back to Paris, we didn’t talk much. Etienne seemed tense.
“Thank you so much for the special tour.” I was trying to appear nonchalant. “It has been a beautiful day.”
“Yes, a perfect day.” he said, as he kept staring at the road.
He parked one block from the office and we went inside.
It was past lunch time, but neither of us seemed to be very hungry.
“Well, I hope you have a nice afternoon at work.” he said, while we were waiting for the elevator.
“Yes, and you too!” I said, pushing the elevator buttons for both of us.
“Okay then, see you tomorrow.” he was almost whispering.
“See you tomorrow…” and I watched as he disappeared into the hallway, before the elevator doors closed.
*
That evening, when I returned home, I made hot tea, waiting for Emma to connect on Skype. I couldn’t wait to update her on my Parisian life.
“How are you? Have you already forgotten about us?” She said, with her sweet smile.
“Not at all! I miss you very much, but I’m doing well…” I was drinking a wonderful tea from the Mariage Freres that I bought in their unbelievable store. I had to remember to buy some tea for Mrs Leoncini. She was the one who told me about the place.
“What’s your news? How is work going?”
“Work is fantastic! The staff are all very nice and I met this girl, a real character,
who takes me out some evenings to show me Paris by night.”
“Elodie. You already told me about her, and I’m starting to feel a little jealous.” She laughed, and brushed some stray hair away from her face. “So… what about men? Do you have someone in mind yet? A knight in shining armour?”
“Hmmm… not exactly sure… maybe someone…” I confessed.
“Oh – oh! Could it be that we have a candidate for our charming Coco! Who is he?”
“Actually no, I don’t think he’s a good candidate. On the contrary, he’s the worst candidate possible! It’s Etienne.”
“Are you talking about the same Etienne that at first you had mistaken for an errand boy? The same Etienne of the infamous love letter?” She sounded perplexed.
“Hmm… yes, that’s the one.”
“Etienne your boss?”
“Right…”
“Jesus! Coco! Etienne who is going to marry Juliette?” Now she was shouting.
“I got it! You don’t need to remind me of the whole story…”
“Ok. So, I will tell you only two things: this man is your boss and he has a fiancée.”
“I know Emma, I know! And it’s exactly because of all these reasons that, even in spite of the wild, overwhelming, violent attraction I feel for him, I’ve decided to resist the temptation.”
“Coco, do whatever feels right, but, please, don’t let him break your heart!”
Emma was my Jiminy Cricket. She always said the right thing.
“I have no intention of going through hell again with a broken heart. I learned the lesson. I don’t want to spend more months on my couch in despair… life is too short to carry love as a burden. I will behave professionally with Etienne, nothing more; I will avoid getting lost in his incredible blue eyes.”
Emma laughed. “You will never change!”
But, actually, I thought that I had changed a lot. Last year had transformed me. I felt more self-confident at work and had finally accepted my body: no more absurd diets or giant scales persecuting me! It seemed that the only drama for me was still love.
I said goodbye to Emma and made a quick dinner. While going through the pages of a magazine, looking for interesting things to do that week, I noticed an advertisement for a theatre performance that looked familiar. Holy shit! It was Cristian’s company! I began to shake with emotion. This meant he was in Paris. We were under the same sky! It had been a while since I had heard from him, so I had no idea where he was these days.
So tomorrow would be the last performance. I definitely had to go. I called Elodie to ask her to come with me, and then I bought the tickets online. I was lucky, a few seats were still available.
Finally, I would see my Prince Charming again! Perhaps Axi’s tarot reading was right after all.
The next morning, I got to the office full of energy. We were just hours away from the beginning of the show. I couldn’t wait to surprise Cristian.
I found Elodie at the vending machines. She looked tired, like someone who has not had a good night’s sleep.
“Were you up late last night?” I thought with horror that I may have sounded like Valentina!
“Oui, I went out with a friend and we stayed up late. Awfully late.”
“Lucky you…”
“It’s a dirty job, but somebody had to do it!” She gave me one of her brightest smiles.
“I got the tickets for tonight.”
“Why do you want to go to the theatre? A need for culture?”
“I hope to see a friend again. He is an actor with the company.”
“Ha, ha! A friend… this is getting more interesting. Is he the kind of friend I imagine?”
“More or less…”
“Well, you were right to invite me. I have plenty of good advice for you!”
“Thank you, but I think I can manage this…” I laughed, pinching her arm.
“But we are in Paris, the city of love. Everything is different here…”
“I promise; I will be very Parisian tonight.”
“Well said, Coco.”
We returned to our desks, but I was very absentminded. I hadn’t seen Cristian for months and felt nervous at the idea of meeting with him again… and in Paris! I dreamed about our encounter after his performance, his surprise and his delight at seeing me. I couldn’t focus on work. Finally, destiny seemed to be on my side.
*
Once I got home, I started to think about what to wear. I wanted to leave Cristian breathless.
I chose a black sheath dress with long sleeves and a deep V neck. I put on my pearls and dressy high heels. My make-up was especially provoking this evening. I sprayed myself all over with Chanel No 5, put on my black coat, and went out to look for a taxi.
Elodie was waiting for me in front of the theatre. She wore a pink dress with ballet flats, and her hair was up in a ponytail.
I admired the simplicity of her look and I said: “You’re very understated…”
“I wanted to make sure you looked the best. Tonight is your night; you must be the sexiest.” She took my hand and dragged me in.
“Did you see who’s here?” Elodie whispered in my ear, pointing to the bar.
I looked over there and saw Etienne in an elegant dark jacket, drinking champagne in the company of a beautiful, slender woman. Was she the famous Juliette? She looked bored. At some point she whispered something to him and left.
“Do you think we should go and say hello?” Elodie asked.
I wasn’t sure, but I didn’t want him to see us and think we were avoiding him.
“I guess so,” and we struggled through the crowd towards the counter, where he was now alone. Etienne’s gaze crossed mine, and for a moment we stared at each other motionless, then he cordially smiled.
“Rebecca! Elodie! What a surprise. Are you theatre lovers too?” He looked slightly nervous and kept looking over our shoulders, probably waiting for his friend to return.
“It happens that a dear friend of mine is acting in this show tonight, and I came mostly to see him.” I answered.
“A friend?” He seemed curious.
“Right… umm… an acquaintance.” Why did I feel the need to justify myself? Really, it was none of his business…
The sound of a bell signalled the beginning of the show.
“Let’s go find our seats,” said Elodie, nodding to Etienne and leaving.
“It’s great to see you, Coco.” Etienne said.
I smiled and joined Elodie.
I already had seen Cristian’s show a couple of times before, but I was extremely excited anyway. When he appeared on the stage, he took my breath away. He was so handsome. I couldn’t take my eyes off him.
“Is the guy with dark curly hair your friend?” Elodie asked me. I was staring at the stage completely enchanted.
“Yes! That’s him!”
“Now I understand why you wanted to see him again. A very good choice!”
“I can’t wait to go to the dressing room to hug him…” I was so moved.
*
At the end of the performance, we went backstage. There was already a line of fans, so we waited patiently for our turn. I couldn’t see Cristian, so I asked one of the other actors where he might be. He answered that he had just left the theatre.
Without thinking of Elodie, I rushed out to try and find him. And then I saw him, as beautiful as a Greek god, walking in the dark of the Paris night. I tried to run to catch up with him, but my damn high heels made it impossible! I was going to shout his name, when I saw he was heading towards a woman with long dark hair, who was waiting for him on the other side of the square. He stopped a few steps away, just looking at her. Then he went closer and they embraced each other. They separated slowly, Cristian caressed her face and lifted her chin. They kissed for a long time, passionately.
It felt like my heart stopped beating. I had really fallen hard for him, but there was nothing I could do. He had found his French Rebecca. He didn’t need me any more.
16
Dreams Come True
I cried all night. Honestly, I think I knew deep inside me that we didn’t have any future together. Still, seeing him kissing another woman had devastated me. Maybe it was an act of masochism that made me want to see him again, but Cristian was more than just a flirt. He had been my hope. Hope to find love again, in spite of all my disappointments. Hope to rewrite the ending and have my humiliated heart beating again.
For months I naively believed that Axi’s tarot cards were talking about Cristian, the foreign man of my destiny. That thought had unconsciously kept me going.
I had been very silly to believe in this fairy tale, and even sillier in hoping for him to return. An all-consuming love never comes back. The happy ending exists only in giddy movies. Real life is another story.
At dawn I finally fell asleep. Two hours later my alarm went off and I got out of bed to go to work. My face looked like a battle field. I seemed to have regressed to Niccolò’s time. Men were the cause of these dark circles under my eyes. All my exes deserved a medal from cosmetic companies that sold under-eye concealers!
I took a quick shower and dressed without any motivation. I wore khaki pants and a simple black sweater. I made a super strong coffee and spread some butter on an old piece of bread. I put on my pearls anyway, took a beret, and left the apartment. That morning Paris looked much less magical to me.
As soon as I arrived at the office, I met Elodie in the hallway.
“Last night I lost you! I imagine you found your handsome friend and ran away with him. Did you have a night of hot passion?”
I really didn’t want to talk about it, but I had abruptly left (abandoned) Elodie, so I owed her an explanation. After seeing Cristian kissing that woman, I caught a taxi and rushed home.
“Well… it didn’t go the way I hoped.” I said, yawning. I really began feeling exhausted from lack of sleep.
“Oh… so no getting back together?”
“No way! Unfortunately, my friend had better things to do.”
“Don’t feel bad about it. These things happen. People grow apart with time. It’s physiological. And those who once appeared to be princes, reveal themselves to be just frogs.”
Coco Chanel Saved My Life Page 18