Jade Elise O’Sullivan. Speechless.
It might be the first time that had ever happened to me.
I tried to swallow but my mouth was dry. Wasn’t the opposite supposed to happen? The man beside me was definitely mouth-wateringly delicious so why wasn’t I salivating?
I realized that it must be nerves. I tried to remember the last time that I’d been nervous around a man. I don’t think I’d ever been. I’d been nervous around a boy once. Back when I finally got up the nerve to ask Hayden if he was ever going to kiss me.
The doors opened, but it didn’t register. I was still mesmerized.
“Is this your floor?”
“Oh, yeah…sorry,” I flustered as I stepped out onto the fifteenth floor and apologized again. “Sorry.”
One sorry would have sufficed.
Hot Tie-Guy’s voice interrupted my internal lecture. “I like your shirt.”
I turned and saw a smile spread on his gorgeous face that could melt a prude’s panties. I glanced down at my shirt to see what I was even wearing and saw that it was my Adult-ish shirt.
“Thanks.” I lifted my head and watched him disappear behind the doors as they slid back together.
The moment they shut I wanted to kick myself. I’d just wasted an entire elevator ride with the man that could be my soulmate thinking about the first time I kissed Hayden.
I didn’t flirt.
I didn’t even introduce myself.
What was wrong with me?
I needed to get over Hayden. I’d spent years trying to do just that and had even convinced myself I had. It wasn’t easy but I’d tricked myself into truly believing that I’d gotten over him. But then one day he showed up at The Tipsy Cow and I realized I’d been fooling myself.
That was a year ago and as much as I wished that I’d spent that time actually getting over him, I hadn’t. I’d spent it avoiding him and denying that he had any power over me.
I pushed open the door to the studio and was more determined than ever to put my past in the past. Hayden Reed might be my first love, but I’d be damned if he’d be my last.
When I entered, Vanessa stood and greeted me with a hug. We said a quick “hello” and then sat down to record. Vanessa liked to save conversation “for the air.”
She was finishing up the Ask Dr. Cupid segment. “Hannah from Claremont asks if she should get a Brazilian wax because her boyfriend is pressuring her to. And Hannah my advice is that you should never do anything that you’re not comfortable with out of a sense of obligation or because your partner is pressuring you to. It’s your body, if it’s not something that you’re comfortable with, don’t do it.”
I could never do Vanessa’s job. My response would’ve been, “If your boyfriend’s such a fan of Brazilian’s he should go get hot wax poured on his balls and taint and get one.”
I put on my headphones and adjusted my chair so that I was situated directly in front of the mic.
“Today we’re back again with Jade, who, as you know, has agreed to a bit of a dating experiment. She’s going on six dates with six different guys over the next six weeks. Half of which she’ll be meeting online and half she’ll be meeting in real life. Today’s she’s here to tell us about date number two. Welcome back, Jade!”
“Thank you. I think I’m starting to get the hang of it now.”
“Dating or recording a podcast?”
“Well, definitely not dating.”
“So, last week your date rated you.”
“Yes. Yes he did.”
“So it was a promising start,” she laughed.
“It was a decent score,” I offered.
“So…bachelor number two.”
“Yes?”
“Is he a fan of the ratings system?”
As I sat there telling Vanessa and her listeners about Sam, who I called G.R. short for golden retriever because he reminded me of a loveable, dumb puppy, and our date, I kept getting the feeling that I was leaving out the most important part. The juicy details. That my ex was there. Sitting at the table beside me.
But, I did tell them that G.R. and I were just not a love connection. That he was sweet, cute but more than likely had the I.Q. of the dog that had inspired his fake name. I even revealed that I’d told my friends all I really wanted was a man that held my door and slapped my ass. And I also shared the conversation that I’d had with Bella in the restroom where I explained that my head was voting to go back to his place, but my vagina voted no.
I said all that but didn’t once mention Hayden’s name. He was my past. I needed to look to the future.
Chapter 6
Hayden
“While keeping your eye on the prize, don’t forget to enjoy the game.”
~ Nora O’Sullivan
The muscles in my back and arms strained as I fisted my hand around the steel handle and pulled up the rolling bay door. I made a mental note to grease the track. When it was halfway up, I heard Ranger’s nails clicking on the concrete floor as he entered the musty building.
I stepped in behind him and a bittersweet melancholy settled in my chest.
During my military career I’d had little overhead. Unlike most of the men and women I served with, I didn’t have a family that I was supporting, so I was able to save. A good portion of my savings went toward purchasing this place.
As I looked around the large, empty space, I wondered how different things would’ve been if I’d made a different choice. What would’ve happened if I’d married Jade? What would’ve happened if I’d tried to make it work? Would we have kids by now? Would we still be together? Or would we be worse off than we were now?
Not that we were in a good place now.
I didn’t blame her. I’d hoped that after all this time she would find it in her heart to forgive me or at the very least that she would’ve moved past her anger. But after a year of counseling I knew her anger was just covering up her pain. I’d caused her that pain. No matter how good my intentions were, no matter how difficult the decision was to make, I hurt her.
That knowledge ate me alive.
I shook my head. There was nothing that I could do about that right now, but I could do something about this place.
“We’ve got a lot of work to do, Ranger.” I ruffled the top of his head.
His tail wagged and thumped against the floor.
Several trips to the rented dumpster later, I was finally making a dent in the piles of debris that were littered about. It was mindless work, which meant it gave my mind a lot of time to wander. And it did. To Jade.
When I made the decision to move home, I knew that things would be different. You can’t leave a town for close to fifteen years and expect time to stand still. But, for the most part, it had. Besides some new paint on a few buildings and a few new houses, it was almost as if it’d been frozen in time.
There were a few more gray hairs, a few more wrinkles, and all of my peers could now buy alcohol legally, but other than that, everyone was still the same. So, it was strange that this place didn’t feel like home anymore. I eventually realized that the thing that changed was me.
I was different.
What I’d seen and experienced had changed me. But there was one thing that remained constant in my life. One unchangeable thing. Jade and my feelings for her.
I loved her then and I still loved her now. That was the one thing that time, distance, and experience couldn’t change.
In the Army, we had a homing device that would guide us to a rendezvous point. Our touchstone should we get separated or our mission go wrong. That was what Jade was to me. She was my touchstone. Even if she wasn’t speaking to me at the moment.
Sweat dripped down my forehead and I pulled the handkerchief that I always kept in my back pocket out and wiped it. My muscles burned and my mind was tired of running in circles.
I pulled out my phone and connected it to the BeatBox that I’d brought so that I could listen to music while I worked.
A j
ingle played through the speaker and then a woman’s voice came on. “Welcome to Wrap It Up with Dr. Cupid. I’m Vanessa Cupid, and today we’re going to be answering your questions about love, dating, and sex.”
I continued working and only half-listened as she answered listeners’ questions. It was strange to me the questions that people would ask a complete stranger. Did they actually think that someone on a talk show could solve their problems without ever meeting them?
One listener wrote in asking what the signs were of her partner cheating. She confessed to snooping on her boyfriend’s phone and reading all of his text messages, and following him from time to time to make sure he was going where he said he was. I was no relationship expert, but if you don’t trust the person that you’re with, what’s the point of being with them?
Another listener asked for advice because his girlfriend would only have sex with him immediately after he took a shower. He resented it because he wanted more spontaneity. Again, I was no expert but if your lady doesn’t want to be with you when your balls are sweaty, I didn’t see the harm in rinsing off.
I began to zone out but immediately tuned back in when I heard Jade’s voice.
She talked about her Trivia Night date and referred to her date as a Golden Retriever, which was a pretty spot on reference. There was no mention of me. I’m not sure why she would, but for some reason I kept waiting for it.
“So I’m going to take a shot in the dark and guess that this was not a love connection,” the host chuckled.
“No. It wasn’t. He was a great person, though. He was a gentleman, perfectly attentive and sweet, but not for me.”
I already knew that was the case since I’d had a front row seat to their date and overheard the conversation she’d had with Bella, that she’d shared on the podcast, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t nice to hear it directly from her.
“For those of you keeping score that is strike two for online dating.”
“Hello?!” I heard a familiar voice and turned to see my mom standing beneath the bay door.
I quickly shut off the podcast. The last thing I needed was questions about why I was listening to it.
My mom had been trying, unsuccessfully, to set me up since I’d been back home and if she got a whiff that I might be interested in Jade, she’d launch a full on campaign to get the two of us together. If she knew the truth, that I’d loved her for half of my life and that I knew she was the only woman I would ever love, she’d set a wedding date and start naming her grandchildren.
“Back here!” I called out.
Ranger barked in greeting and ran to her.
She reached into her purse and pulled out a treat.
“You’re going to spoil him.” I took off my work gloves as I approached them.
“He’s my granddog, of course I’m going to spoil him.” My mom leaned down and kissed the top of Ranger’s head. “If I had real grandbabies to spoil maybe I wouldn’t have to spoil him.”
Ever since my oldest brother Hudson had tied the knot with Coop’s baby sister Harmony my mom had hopped on the baby fever train. All she talked about was becoming a grandmother. Having grandbabies and spoiling them rotten.
I wondered how she’d feel if she knew that she’d almost become a grandma fourteen years ago. That Jade had been pregnant. That she lost the baby. Every time my mom brought up wanting a grandchild I thought about hearing the doctor telling Jade that the pregnancy wasn’t viable. I thought about how different things would’ve been if it had been.
I would be a father.
“I stopped by because you left these at the house and I thought you might need them.” She handed me a pair of work gloves that I’d used when I’d helped my dad repair his fence.
“Thanks. I could’ve swung by and picked them up.”
“I also wanted to see if you were free for dinner tonight?”
I’d planned on working through dinner, but a homemade meal was too good to pass up. “Sure.”
“Great! The O’Sullivan’s will be so happy.”
“The O’Sullivan’s?” Why would Jade and Bryson’s parents be happy that I was having dinner with my parents?
“Yes! Nora has been trying to get together with us since you got back home, but with your father’s schedule it hasn’t worked out.”
My dad had just been elected Sheriff of Clover County for a fifth term. The past year had been an election year so his schedule had been extra crazy.
“He’s off tonight, exhausted but off, and I said I would check with you.” She beamed. “And you’re free. We’re expected at the O’Sullivan’s at six sharp.”
I was tempted to ask if Jade was going to be there, but decided to try an indirect approach.
“Is Bryson coming?”
“Not sure.” My mom shook her head.
Well, that got me nowhere.
“See you at six, honey.”
After a quick hug and another treat for Ranger, my mom was gone. I stood in the warehouse and watched her drive away and I felt like something was shifting.
It was as if I’d been in a holding pattern. Not just in the years that I’d been gone, but even in the one since coming home. But that was changing.
It was time. Time to move forward. Time to reconcile my past. Time to find out if Jade and I had any hope for a future.
If not, it was time to admit I might’ve sacrificed the only thing that’d ever really mattered to me, by trying to do the right thing…
Chapter 7
Jade
“It’s when you think you know someone, that they surprise you.”
~ Nora O’Sullivan
“The numbers are up?” I repeated.
“Yep. By ten percent, which means that people are sharing the first episode and telling their friends about it.”
I couldn’t believe what Vanessa was telling me as I reached up and wrapped my fingers around the wooden fencing. I grunted as I climbed over the barrier at the edge of my parents’ land and had to catch the earbud that slipped out as I hopped down onto their field.
“Jade? Are you okay?” I heard as soon as I slipped it back in place.
“Yeah, just lost you for a minute.” There was a gate on the other side of the property but the straightest shot from my house was across the field and over the fence. “I’m headed to my folks for dinner.”
I was running late because of a last minute call from a potential client. I’d texted my mom to let her know that she should start without me. I crossed the field just as the sun was setting behind our farmhouse. The sky was a brilliant shade of purple, orange, and yellow. I’d always loved sunsets and sunrises but there was something special about watching them from my childhood home. It held an extra layer of nostalgia.
“I won’t keep you, I just wanted to let you know that listeners are loving your segments and, not only that, we’ve had a bunch of guys submitting themselves as potential dates. There was even one marriage proposal.”
“But they don’t even know what I look like.” I realized how shallow I sounded as soon as the statement left my mouth.
“Maybe not, but they like what they hear. They think you’re funny and real and they’re up for the challenge of holding your door open and slapping your ass.”
I hadn’t meant to say that on air. It had just slipped out. I’d never had much of a filter, or any filter at all, and that trait was coming back to bite me, or I guess in this case slap me in the ass.
“Do you want me to pass along the messages?”
“No, that’s okay.” I had no plans on taking any of the men up on their offer. Unless it was Hot Tie-Guy, because holy moly was he hotness personified. He was also a missed opportunity. Something I didn’t plan on repeating if I got another chance at someone like that.
“And the listeners aren’t the only ones that are happy. Brent, who owns Crackle suggested that we make you a permanent addition. I know that our agreement was only for six weeks, but it would be great if we could make it a regular
thing. Maybe not every week, but maybe once a month like in college.”
“Umm…” I hesitated. As much as I loved doing the podcast, I didn’t really want to make it a permanent thing.
I had thought that meeting new people might help me stop thinking about Hayden so much, but the opposite was true. It seemed like all I was doing was thinking about him.
He was everything I’d ever wanted in a man. He was a man’s man that was good with his hands (in more ways than one!). He could fix anything. Build anything. He wasn’t afraid to get down and dirty but he cleaned up nice, too. He was sensitive and caring, but still all-Alpha. He kept me on my toes and unlike every other guy I’d dated, he didn’t let me have my way all the time. Being able to schmooze people was great for my career but in my personal life I didn’t want to be with someone that I could bulldoze or manipulate. Even when I’d tried not to, it was just too easy.
And he could kiss. His kisses were the kind that people wrote songs about. They made time stand still. They could make me forget any problem, any sadness, any pain. When Hayden kissed me, nothing else existed except the sensation of his lips and the salty-sweet taste of his tongue. I was convinced that it was the closest thing to heaven there was on earth.
That was the bar that had been set and no man had ever come close to reaching it. I was beginning to think that no one ever would and I was scared if I continued doing the podcast my worst fear would come true and I’d realize that no one would ever live up to Hayden. Maybe I just needed to take some time to myself. “I’m not sure…”
“Just think about it.”
“I will and thanks. I’m glad that the numbers are up.”
“Of course. And I suspect that they will continue to rise. Is this speed dating week?”
“Nope, that’s next week. This week is the Fishing for Love app. And from what I’ve heard it’s filled with douchebags, so I’m sure that I’ll have plenty of material for next week’s show.”
Vanessa chuckled but then grew serious. “I know that you’re just doing this for the advertising but I have to admit that I’m kind of hoping you find someone, Jade. You’ve made it clear that you’ve never wanted the traditional white picket fence, husband, kids, and a dog. But that doesn’t mean that you have to go through this life alone. Relationships don’t have to be traditional to be fulfilling.”
Unwrapping Jade Page 4