“Did mama know?”
“Oh, no.” He shook his head. “No, no, no. She wouldn’t have liked that at all. And don’t you dare tell her that I knew. She’ll be all hepped up. That’s the last thing I need to be dealin’ with.”
“Why didn’t you tell her? Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Come here to me.”
I knew this was going to be heartfelt when my dad started it off with an old Irish phrase I’d never understood since you only said it to people that you were already in close proximity with.
“I liked Hayden. He was always a good boy. Not like those eejit Calhoun boys.”
My dad had never been a fan of the Calhoun boys…and he didn’t even know about Bentley getting to second base.
“I figured you could do a lot worse. He never acted a maggot. And I knew how you felt about him. You always had a glad eye for that boy. Plus, you’ve always had a mind of your own. Your mama always wanted to keep you under her thumb, but I trusted you. I knew that you would do what was best for ya.”
“Thank you.” I hugged my dad tightly.
He’d put more trust in me than I did.
Would I do what was best for me?
Did I even know what that was?
Chapter 21
Hayden
“Darkness doesn’t always mean despair.”
~ Nora O’Sullivan
I sat at my desk with my forehead in my hands, my body shaking from the effort it took to keep my emotions in check all night. It wasn’t like me to be pulled so far under, but fuck—that had been brutal. There was no other word for it.
As much as I hated feeling emotions, I hated the idea of people seeing me in the grips of those emotions even more.
Especially Jade.
Showing weakness in front of her was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted her to see me as strong. Indestructible. A protector that she could depend on.
I heard the door to the office open, but I didn’t even bother to look up and see who was entering. I knew who it was. My entire body stood at attention whenever she was within fifty feet of me. But to be fair, she was one of only a handful of people left in the building.
Jade walked over to me and rested her hand on my shoulder, her touch was light and warm. Just that small amount of pressure, that tiny bit of contact was enough to undo me. My breathing sped up and I knew that I was close to having a complete fucking meltdown, right there in front of her.
She was the last person in the entire goddamn world that I wanted to see me like this.
“Are you okay?”
Her voice was soft and tender, and that was the last straw. I couldn’t take it anymore. I turned and wrapped my arms around her waist, pressing my cheek into her warm stomach and holding her tight against me.
She was my anchor, and not just in that moment, or in that room. She’d always been that for me, even when I wouldn’t let myself believe it. There was no one for me but her. It went beyond just wanting to be with her, it was the all-encompassing knowledge that there was no one else in the world that I could ever be with. No one else I could ever love. Only her.
“You were amazing tonight,” she breathed, and there was so much tortured compassion in her voice when she said it. I didn’t know how she felt about me. We hadn’t said those things to each other yet, not in words. But that raw emotion in her voice told me all I needed to know in that moment. My arms tightened around her like I was holding onto her for dear life. Which made sense since that was what it felt like I was doing.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
My throat was constricted with emotion and I couldn’t speak. Instead, I shook my head against her body.
She ran her fingers through my hair, the methodical strokes calming me somewhat, as she whispered over and over again, “It’s okay. I’m here. I’m here.”
Suddenly, the impact of her words hit me. I believed them. Everything was okay, as long as she was here with me. That was the one necessity: her presence.
The slow burning heat that I always felt in Jade’s presence turned into a raging inferno as arousal overtook me. I needed her. Right then and there. I had no control, and I didn’t even care. It was uncharacteristic, that willingness to surrender to my impulses and not care about keeping a hold on myself.
I slid my hands lower on her body, down below the hemline of her dress, and then up her legs, loving the smooth feel of her skin under my palms as they traveled the length of her creamy thighs.
Her legs had always been one of my favorite parts of her body. As my hands passed over them like molding clay, images from our past flashed through my mind of her legs, tan from the summer sun, extending down forever out of the frayed edges of cutoff jeans. Of her strong muscles flexing as she played volleyball at the lake. A million images from our history together. A million moments that kept me believing that this time would finally come.
“I want you, Jade. Now,” I rumbled low in my chest. My voice sounded strange, even to my own ears. It was filled with a sense of urgency that I’d never heard there before, but that fit perfectly with the way I was feeling right then. I was awash in a desperation I’d never experienced.
“Then you should probably take me.” I was relieved not only for the green light, but also that her voice conveyed the same need as mine.
Not wasting any time, I stood and swept her up in my arms. Her eyes widened in surprise and delight, and she hopped up at the same time that I lifted her, wrapping her legs tightly around my waist and resting her hands on my shoulders.
In two, short steps, I’d carried her across the office and pressed her up against the wall. I leaned forward and kissed her eagerly, plunging my tongue into her mouth, loving the hot wetness that I found there.
Kissing her consumed me. I lost myself in kissing her. It was the only thing I was aware of for long moments. Nothing else in the world existed, only the two of us and our mouths meeting in an explosion of passion.
I was aware of every muscle twitch in her body, which was wrapped around mine like a sexy snake. My nerve endings were dialed into her body like a radio to a station, and her signals were coming through loud and clear.
She pulled back then, and gasped, “Lock the door.”
Shit. I’d forgotten that the event cleanup crew was still here.
My cock twitched in anticipation at her words, because even though it was a simple, three-word command, it implied every obscene thing that we were about to do to each other in this office.
The sound of the lock mechanism snapping into place echoed through the room, and as soon as it did, she disentangled her legs from around me and dropped her feet to the floor. She wasted no time in pulling her dress over her head, revealing a sexy, sheer bra and panty set underneath.
I had to take a step back just to admire the gorgeous picture in front of me. She looked like a pinup girl in that beautiful lingerie, high heels, and a smile.
“Damn, you look like an angel,” I breathed through a throat tightened by lust.
She gave me a wicked little smile. “Lucky for you, I don’t act like one,” she said.
I chuckled. She was adorable, and everything about her made me smile.
I stepped back up to her and I paused. I wanted to use my hands to explore every peak and valley of her amazing body, and I wanted to have a good view of it while I did so.
I extended my hand and ran my fingertips down the warm, smooth expanse of her belly. Her skin was taut, like canvas stretched over a wood frame, and just as beautiful as the most exquisite painting, too. In my humble opinion, her body was the most beautiful work of art in the world, and as far as I was concerned, Art Appreciation Class was now in session.
When my caress reached the top of her panties, I slid my hands around her waist and made the return trip upward with my palms pressed completely against her warm, creamy skin.
Fuck, there was nothing as sweet as feeling her sensual flesh under my hands. I couldn’t get enough. The heat that p
ulsed from her body to mine, the way that her muscles trembled under my touch. All of these things conspired to send jolts of pure adrenaline flooding through my bloodstream.
I’d never had much of an addictive personality, but Jade’s body was the one thing I could see myself developing a real habit of jonesing for. I was already dreading the withdrawals that would torture me if I couldn’t make it work between us. I’d survived them once before, but it had been a living hell.
That thought was like a punch in the gut, so I did what any good addict would do: I numbed the bad feelings with a little hair of the dog.
In one, smooth motion, I moved my hands all the way around her back so that I could unclasp her bra, which I did with one flick, then slid it down her arms and threw it over my shoulder.
My eyes widened, taking in the sight of her newly-exposed flesh, and the sight went straight to my hard dick, causing it to throb and twitch. Her breasts were plump and ripe, topped with dark pink nipples that showed me how excited she was with their hard prominence.
There was nothing I wanted more than to have them in my mouth at that moment, so I followed my instincts and dipped my head to envelop first one and then the other between my hungry lips.
I rubbed the sandpaper flat of my tongue over the hard, sensitive nubs and she cried out at the friction. Her fingers knotted in my hair and a small jolt skittered over my skin at the twinge that they caused to ripple over my scalp and pressed me tighter against her.
Jade took control of things and that was true between the sheets more than anywhere—even though there were no sheets to be found here, and I loved it.
I lifted my head and looked into her eyes, drinking up the fire that was burning inside them. That fire was raging for me, and I found it every bit as erotic as her naked body. I took it in, how turned on I was making her, and I let it be fuel for my own furnace of arousal. More than anything, more than I even wanted to feel pleasure myself, I wanted to bring her pleasure and make her forget herself. Make her forget everything else in the world except me and the things I was making her body feel right now.
“Do you have any idea what I’m going to do to you?” I asked, my voice so low and intense that if her ear hadn’t been just millimeters away from my lips, she likely wouldn’t have been able to hear me.
“Why don’t you tell me?” she whispered back, her fingers trailing down out of my hair and caressing the sensitive skin at the back of my neck.
I grinned and took her breast in my hand, my palm becoming wet with saliva from where my mouth had just been. “Don’t you remember,” I growled. “I’m a show-not-tell kinda guy?”
Chapter 22
Jade
“Trying to control love is about as easy as catching a greased pig.”
~ Nora O’Sullivan
When Hayden’s fingers touched my skin, every inhibition inside me melted away. There was nothing that I wouldn’t do for him. Or to him for that matter.
The man had always made me crazy and reckless, no matter the circumstances, and there was no exception to that rule when my clothes were off.
There was no denying it anymore. I knew it, maybe I’d always known it. Hayden was it. He was my fish. The Clyde to my Bonnie. My soulmate. I didn’t know what the future held, if we would end up together or if our lives would take us off on different paths again.
But to my heart, it didn’t matter. My heart, I realized now, didn’t know the difference between us being together or apart when it came to how hard I loved him. It only knew the difference in pain. It only knew if it was whole or broken. But when it came to love? No. I would never love anyone the same way I loved him.
The truth that I’d been running from and not willing to admit was that there was a good chance I would never love anyone else at all. Hayden and his strong, broody silences had very likely ruined me for all other men.
I didn’t want to think about that at that moment, though. All I wanted to focus on was the delicious way that his tongue flicked my nipple, or the way his fingers cupped my ass, or the way his lips devoured mine in a passionate kiss.
There was only one thing missing, and I was about to remedy it.
“We need to get these clothes off of you,” I said through shallow breaths as my fingers nimbly unfastened the buttons on his shirt, scrambling to remove the barriers to his naked flesh.
Hayden assisted me in taking off his clothes, our fingers fumbling a bit against each other in the rush to get him just as naked as I was, and as fast as possible. Or better yet, even more naked than I was.
Finally, after a fair bit of shuffling with buckles and buttons and rustling of fabric, he stood in front of me, naked as the day he was born. Not one stitch of clothing blocked my view of his gorgeous, Adonis-like bod.
“Mmmm…”
I wanted to be more articulate, but that wordless hum was all I could manage.
My eyes alighted on his face and the cocky grin I saw there told me that he wasn’t too distressed by my lack of eloquence.
“You got some new ink since I’ve seen you naked last.”
Across his sculpted chest there was an eagle with its wings extended and in the claws it held dog tags with Corey’s name on it. Below that, on his sternum, was a Celtic cross. I had a Celtic cross that was passed down from my grandparents to me, and my parents had them all around the house, but I’d never known of Hayden having one. Until now. The tattoo was an exact replica of mine.
Reaching out, I traced my finger along the outline. “Is that?”
“Yes,” he confirmed my unspoken suspicion.
His heart was pounding beneath my touch and I lifted my eyes to his. “When did you get it?”
“The day I sent my last letter to you.”
So many emotions warred inside of me but the main one was guilt. I’d never read a single letter he’d sent to me. I kept them all, but I never read them. He was gone and in my mind there was nothing he could say that would change that.
“Do you see what it says?”
“What it says?” My eyes shot down and as I stared at it, I saw my name was woven into the knots. It was like one of those magic eye puzzles. “It says Jade?”
Even as I said the words out loud, I couldn’t quite believe it.
He placed his hand over mine. “Yes. That way I could always keep you close to my heart.”
I sniffed as tears began to fill my eyes. Emotions were crashing into me in tsunami-sized waves. I hooked my thumbs in the waistband of my panties and slid them down over my hips. I took a step closer to him, stopping when we were standing so near each other that I could feel the heat radiating from his body in waves. I tilted my chin up so that we were face to face.
Without a word, I reached out and wrapped my hand around his stiff dick, sliding it up and down slowly. He gave no reaction save for the flash of intense heat that lit up his eyes like Fourth of July fireworks.
He bent down toward me. I thought he was going to kiss me, but he did something that I liked hell of a lot better. He slipped his fingers in between my legs and traced the outline of my lips pushing them between my soft folds a little deeper with every new millimeter that his rough pads traveled.
“God, that feels good,” I gasped.
“This is just the beginning,” he murmured. “It’s about to feel a hell of a lot better.”
I groaned at the promise, mostly because I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was going to keep it.
As his fingers picked up the pace of their back and forth motion along my slit, my hand matched his speed as it moved up and down his hard shaft.
I felt so connected to him. Not only was he sending amazing sensations rushing up and down every part of my flesh, but I was giving him pleasure in return at the same time. We never broke eye contact. The powerful energy flowing back and forth between us was expressed in the seemingly synchronized gasps we let out, the synced up rhythm of the moans and cries that escaped from each of us, and the speed at which we moved our hands.
A flood of juices gushed between my legs, coating his hand. With his thumb, he made small, insistent circles on my clit, giving me floods of pleasure from two distinct sources at the same time. The electric shocks and waves of sensation rushed through my muscles, and I knew I couldn’t hold out much longer. The combination of my emotions and my pleasure was simply too potent.
“Oh yes! It feels so good!” I cried out, the words seemingly ripped from me against my will.
That was another way I knew I was getting close, and that there would be no turning back the tide once it started to crest. My conscious mind was being bypassed completely.
“Yes, baby, fuck. That’s what I want. I want you to feel so damn good,” Hayden grunted, and my body immediately acquiesced to his desire. The waves of climax claimed me with their strength, sweeping me away whether I wanted to go with them or not.
I refused to let up on the strokes I was performing with my hand, my feverish rhythm never abating, not even for a second. I wanted us to stay just as connected as we had been this whole time.
That was more important to me even than taking my own pleasure—which made it pretty damn important, because there wasn’t much in the world that would’ve taken precedence over my pleasure in that moment.
As my brain exploded in glittering particles behind my eyes, white lights exploding like flashbulbs, I surrendered myself, body and soul.
I forgot that there were still people in the building as a cry tore from my throat. Hayden pressed his mouth to mine to cover up the noise, and I was grateful. He could always be counted on to keep some shred of a cool head about him, even when I lost all control.
As my bone-crushing climax came to a close I opened my eyes, my breath still coming in feverish pants. “Wow.”
Hayden took a step back and grinned. “That was a nice warm up.”
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