by Kathy Kacer
Mère Supérieure unfolded herself from her chair and came around to stand in front of Helen. “Everything you need to know will be explained to you in due time. I just want you to be prepared.”
Helen felt hot tears gather behind her eyes, and she blinked furiously. “My parents?”
Mère Supérieure leaned down to take Helen’s hands in hers. “I will try to get word to your mother,” she said.
Was there a chance that her mother might arrive to rescue her and Henry before they were sent away? For a second, Helen had that fleeting and desperate thought. But a moment later, Mère Supérieure added, “But I can’t promise.”
Helen nodded as the tears finally began to stream down her cheeks. She glanced up at the painting of Jesus. Then, releasing Mère Supérieure’s hands, she stood and ran from the office.
CHAPTER 25
Henry
Henry was writing in his code book again. When Albert had given it back to him after the raid, he had grabbed it gratefully and clutched it to his chest. It was like being reunited with his best friend. Now, Henry was making a list of the things he wanted to do when all the troubles were over and he could finally leave the convent:
1. Ride my bicycle.
2. Walk to school.
3. Eat pudding.
Henry paused and looked down at the page. His favorite flavor was chocolate. Papa liked vanilla, but Helen and Maman were also chocolate lovers. Maman would cook up a big batch of chocolate pudding, letting it bubble on the stove until it was thick. Then it had to cool down before she would let him have some. The waiting was the hardest part. But Maman would let him lick the pot, and she didn’t even care when his mouth and nose were covered in a ring of chocolate gooeyness.
Henry flipped back through the pages of his code book, pausing to stare at the Star of David that he had drawn on the first page, and at the words safe and harbor. After those soldiers had come through the convent and taken kind Sister Cecile, he felt less safe than ever. And he was missing his parents more and more. And on top of that, the clown hadn’t come to perform in such a long time.
Something was happening at the convent. The nuns huddled in groups, whispering, and he knew that some of the children were being called in to meet with Mère Supérieure. He didn’t know what that was all about. But it couldn’t be good. He sighed deeply and turned to a clean page in his book. Just then, the door to his room creaked open. It was Helen. She paused behind it, asking, “Can I come in?”
Normally, Henry would have shut his code book tightly and shoved it quickly under his blanket as he had always done. But there was no point in hiding it from her now.
Without waiting for a reply, Helen opened the door and walked into Henry’s room. Albert was right behind her. They sat down on his bed, one on either side of him. Helen had that look on her face—not as bad as the look she had had when they were in the store and the Nazi soldiers had come up to him, and not as bad as the look she’d had when the convent was raided, but still pretty serious.
“Is everything okay?” Henry asked. His voice still sounded a bit hoarse, not a surprise since he hadn’t used it in so long.
“We’re going to be leaving the convent, Henry,” Helen said. “A bunch of us have already met with Mère Supérieure. She’s making arrangements to send us to Switzerland. Do you know where that is?”
Of course, he had heard of the country, but he didn’t know much about it. “Why?” he asked.
“She says it isn’t safe here anymore.”
“Is it because the soldiers came here and took Sister Cecile away?”
Helen nodded. “Yes—that, and seeing the Nazis in town. She says that Switzerland is a better place for us right now. I’m not exactly sure how we’re going to get there, and I don’t know when we’re going to leave. But it’s probably going to be soon.” She went on to explain that they would be traveling in small groups and that the hike from southern France to Switzerland would be hard, but they would be together. He was glad to hear that last part.
“No one knows much more than that,” Albert continued. “But there’s something else that we came to talk to you about.”
Henry knew what Albert was going to say and jumped in before the words were out of his mouth.
“It’s my book, isn’t it?”
This was the other thing Henry had been dreading since the terrible raid—the panic he had felt thinking the soldiers might find the book; how he had not known what to do with it or where to hide it; how Albert had shoved it under his shirt. Henry winced as those images flashed through his mind again.
“It’s just too dangerous to keep it here if the soldiers come back to search again,” Helen said.
“But if we’re leaving, then maybe I can take it with me.” Henry couldn’t bear the thought of giving it up.
“I don’t know how much we’ll be able to take with us when we go,” Helen replied. “But I don’t think it will be a good idea to take that book along.”
“But why?”
Helen pointed out the window. “What if we run into somebody out there? It’s too dangerous to have something like this with you.”
Henry understood what that meant. The thought of being stopped by Nazi soldiers while they were on the run was also terrifying. “I don’t want to rip it up,” Henry said sadly. It would be terrible to do that to the writing that meant so much to him.
“That’s what we’ve come to talk to you about,” Albert said. “We have a better idea. We think you should bury it in the courtyard.”
Henry looked at him.
“I told Sister Agnes that I would work in the garden tomorrow,” Helen said. “You’ll come with me and we’ll dig a hole and put your notebook in the ground. That way, you won’t have to destroy it.”
Bury it in the ground? It was a good idea—and maybe the only idea. Burying his code book would keep it safe and whole, even if it wasn’t with him.
After Helen and Albert left him, Henry opened his code book one last time. On a fresh page, he printed his real name in big letters. Underneath it, he wrote, We are leaving.
The next day, clutching the code book to his chest, Henry left his dorm room and joined Helen and Albert in the courtyard.
“Bring your book over to that flower bed,” Helen said, pointing to a bright corner of the garden. “The earth is softer there and you can dig a deep hole.”
Henry walked to the flower bed and chose a spot between patches of red and yellow flowers. He fell to his knees and began to dig, pulling up mounds of soil with his hands and piling them to one side, over and over until he had created a hill of dirt next to a hole in the ground that was as deep as the length of his arm, and just as wide. He didn’t want Albert or Helen to help him. He had to do this on his own. Finally, he took his code book in his hands and stared at it one last time. Then he gently placed it in the ground, covering it with the dirt he had set aside. He patted the mound with both hands before standing up.
The flowers on either side of the mound looked nice, and their smell reminded him of the perfume Maman used to wear.
Helen walked up to stand next to him. “You’ll make other books in the future, Henry.”
“And it’ll be here for you if you ever come back to this place,” added Albert.
Henry looked up at the convent walls. He didn’t know if he’d ever be back here and he wasn’t sure he wanted to return. Besides, he had found his voice again, and he knew that he didn’t need the writing, at least for now.
Finally, he wiped his hands on his trousers, looked up at Helen, and said, “I’m ready to go.”
CHAPTER 26
Helen
Helen knelt in the chapel, staring up at the statue of Jesus Christ as the church service neared completion. Normally, Helen went through the motions of praying without feeling anything inside of her. She always reminded herself that she was Jewish and this was not her house of worship. This
was all just pretend, a way of surviving—it didn’t mean anything more to her. But not lately. Lately, the church services had become more of a refuge for Helen—a place where she could close her eyes and have a real conversation with God.
She reached into her pocket and pulled out two photographs, glancing around to make sure no one was watching her. Then, she smoothed them out and held them in front of her. They were pictures of her mother and father. Maman had included them in the letter she had sent to Helen. She had returned her letter to Mère Supérieure just as she’d been instructed. But she had kept these photographs, telling no one about them, not even Albert or Michelle. She touched the faces of her parents, first one and then the other, running her finger across their eyes, noses, and down to their mouths. Where were they? she wondered for what felt like the millionth time. When would she see them again? With the pictures clasped tightly in her hands, she turned her eyes toward the front of the chapel.
It’s me, Helen, she whispered softly. I’m going to use my real name so that you know who’s talking to you, even though everyone around here keeps calling me by that other name. She took a breath. Please make sure Papa is okay, and please try to have Maman come back to get us. She paused and glanced down at her photographs again, thinking about the next part of her prayer before continuing. The nuns are going to send us away from here. They say it’s to a safer place. There’s probably nothing you can do about it. She took another deep breath. But maybe if you could just look after us—especially Henry. Just please try to keep us safe.
Then, for good measure, she whispered a Hebrew prayer. It was one that Papa had always recited aloud over her and Henry on the Sabbath, and it began with the words May God bless you and watch over you. She figured it would also be good for her parents. Finally, she slipped the photographs back into her pocket, crossed herself as she had been taught, and stood up as the service came to an end. Mère Supérieure stopped her as she left the chapel.
“It’s time,” the head nun said.
So soon! Helen gulped and nodded. It’s not that she wasn’t expecting this. Several children had already left the convent, disappearing in the middle of the night. Their empty beds in the morning were a stark reminder that her day was coming. Still, hearing those words coming out of Mère Supérieure’s mouth made Helen’s head spin. She reached out to one of the pews to steady herself.
“After dinner this evening, you and Henry must pack a few articles of clothing into a backpack that you’ll be given,” Mère Supérieure said. “Take only those items that are essential. Then come to the dining hall. You’ll leave after dark.”
Helen still had so many questions. How long would they be traveling for? In what direction? How difficult would the journey be? And perhaps most importantly, who would be taking them? But when she opened her mouth to ask, Mère Supérieure stopped her with a hand on her arm.
“Everything you need to know will be explained to you once you are on your way.”
“Our mother?” Helen squeaked this out.
Mère Supérieure looked at her and then simply shook her head.
Helen knew it was a desperate wish that Maman might return for them before they had to leave. Now the clock had wound down, and no one was coming to their rescue.
CHAPTER 27
Helen
Helen went through the rest of her day in a daze, moving from chores to classes and then to meals. After dinner, she retreated to her dorm room to pack her things into the backpack that one of the nuns had given her. The other girls stared at her with expressions of compassion mixed with fear. Some gave her quick hugs, muttering words of support: “Good luck.” “Everything will be okay.” “We’ll miss you.” Some avoided her completely. Perhaps they could think of nothing to say that might help. Perhaps they wondered and worried when their own departure day would come.
It was just as well. She was so scared; she didn’t really want to talk to anyone, for fear of breaking down. Maybe Henry had figured that out already, she thought. Perhaps at times, silence was better than talking.
But, of course, she couldn’t hide any of her feelings from Michelle. Helen had avoided her friend for most of the day, unsure of how they would be able to say good-bye to one another. But now, it was Michelle who sat with her as she packed.
Michelle bit her lower lip. “I knew this was coming. But now, it’s all happening so fast.”
Michelle had also had her meeting with Mère Supérieure but was still waiting to hear about her departure day. “I wish I was coming with you,” she added.
“Me, too. Mère Supérieure is keeping everything a secret for some reason.”
“Switzerland!” Michelle shook her head. “Do you even know how you’re going to get there?”
“I’m not sure. Mère Supérieure is keeping that a secret, too.” She threw some underwear into the backpack. At that, Michelle stood up.
“Here,” she said. “At least let me help you pack. You’re making a mess of all your things.”
Helen smiled and stepped back to let Michelle fill her backpack with the trousers, shirts, and socks that Mère Supérieure had given her to pack for the journey. Helen didn’t even know where the clothing had come from. Finally, Michelle turned away to her own storage cupboard. She pulled out the green ribbon that she had gotten on her very last outing to town and held it out to Helen. “You never got a special treat when you went to town. You never got anything! So I want you to have this. Maybe you’ll think of me when you wear it.”
Helen took the ribbon and pressed it up to her face. “I don’t need anything to help me remember you,” she said. “But I’ll keep this with me, always. I don’t know what I would have done here without you,” she added, feeling the tears gather behind her eyes. Who would she talk to when Michelle wasn’t around? Who would be her friend out there?
“You’ll be just fine,” Michelle replied. Her voice quivered and she struggled to keep it even. “You can manage anything.”
Helen wiped her eyes. “Just stay out of Sister Agnes’s way,” she said. “You never know when she’ll go back to barking at everyone.”
Michelle laughed softly. “I’ll try!” She finished packing Helen’s bag and pulled the drawstring to tie the opening together. Then she handed the backpack to Helen.
“I don’t want to say good-bye,” Helen cried.
Michelle nodded. “Me neither.”
“I have to believe that I’ll see you again.”
“Me, too.”
Helen grabbed Michelle in a strong hug. “Just stay safe,” she said as the two girls stood back and faced each other again. Then Helen took a deep breath. “Okay, I think I’m ready to go.”
Before collecting Henry and heading down to the dining hall as instructed, Helen searched the halls for Albert. He was nowhere to be found, and Helen’s spirits plummeted. How could she possibly leave without saying good-bye to her friend? But there was nothing she could do about it. They had to get to the dining hall as quickly as possible. Perhaps Mère Supérieure or one of the other nuns would say good-bye for her. It wasn’t what she wanted, but it would have to do.
She went to get Henry, who stood ready in the doorway of his room, looking dwarfed by the backpack he carried. His face was more pale and downcast than she had seen in such a long time. Helen felt just as afraid as Henry looked. Her knees felt wobbly, and she clenched her hands together to try and stop them from shaking.
Mère Supérieure stood in the dining hall with Sister Agnes and all the other nuns—and Marcel! What is he doing here? Helen wondered. He certainly wasn’t here to give a show this late at night! And why was he dressed in black from head to toe? Just then, he looked up and caught Helen’s eye. He walked over to her.
“Tonight, I’m a guide,” he said, pointing to the backpack that he was carrying. “Un passeur.”
Helen glanced over at Henry, whose face brightened immediately when he saw Marcel. But she was s
till puzzled.
“I thought you were a performer,” she said.
Marcel chuckled. “I do many things,” he replied. “But this is perhaps my most important work. I’m the one who’s going to be taking you to the border. And I’ll help you get across to safer territory. Switzerland hasn’t fallen under Hitler’s spell the way other countries have,” he added.
“You’re the one taking us?” The news was making Helen’s head spin. She had only seen Marcel as one thing—an entertainer. Now suddenly, he had become something else—the person who was meant to save them.
“I’ve done this many times,” he said, noting the confusion in Helen’s eyes. “You’ll be safe. I promise.”
Helen wasn’t sure he could make that kind of promise when everything was so unpredictable. What about the Nazis who patrolled in the forests of southern France, looking for Jews? Could anyone protect her from them?
Just then, she felt a gentle tugging on her arm. She looked down and into Henry’s eyes.
“I believe him, Helen,” Henry said. “He can do anything.” He looked up at Marcel. “Can’t you?”
“It won’t be easy,” Marcel replied, choosing his words carefully. “But I’ll be with you every step of the way. I won’t let anything happen to you.” He looked up. “And here’s the third member of the group.”
Just then, Albert walked into the dining room. Helen’s first thought was that he was there to say good-bye to them. But no; he also carried a backpack.
“Are you coming, too?” she asked hopefully.
He smiled. “I am. I guess Mère Supérieure figured we would work well together.”
“I’m so glad!” she said, realizing how much she had come to count on Albert. It was a huge relief to know that he was coming with them.
But she had no time to say anything more. Just then, Sister Agnes walked up to her. She squinted at Helen, running her eyes from the top of her head down to her shoes. Helen stiffened, wondering if the nun would reprimand her one last time for how she was dressed or how she had prepared for her departure.